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I've fallen...but can I get back up...?

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Ugh. This isn't my first time at the rodeo, I keep coming back to the starting line, trying (seemingly in vain) to lose the weight I desperately need to lose.

I am 42 years and 5.5 months old as of today, I am married without children, and I am struggling. Mentally and Physically.

Dealing with depression and anxiety (finally got some medication today, hopefully in a few weeks or so I'll start to feel it kick in), but the biggest obstacle I have right now is physical. My knees are so bad that they are swollen constantly, as are my calves/shins, ankles and feet; they are sore and burning from being so swollen all the time. I'm hoping X-rays and some blood work will rule out anything major (my fear is congestive heart failure), my blood pressure is high which is something I've never had to deal with before.

It seems that my body has given up on me ever losing weight and succumbing to the 'traditional' weight-related illnesses...though, I've managed to elude diabetes (for now).

It makes me sad and worried and scared to death that I may not be able to lose the weight and it will kill me. If I had health insurance I would get gastric bypass (assuming they would operate on someone who may or may not have a heart condition *sigh*).

This sucks. I'm struggling.

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JOANNHUNT 7/16/2013 10:27PM


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PENNYPEARLS 7/16/2013 9:52PM

    Keep trying and never give up hope. It is never too late to make a change for the better. emoticon

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Plugging along

Monday, September 26, 2011

So, I'm doing well with the tracking of food so far, but I'm not as on top of it as I'd like to be so I'm giving myself some more lead up time before I start making more changes to my food/diet.

I'm also ramping up my Google+ account, hoping to switch from Facebook eventually, it's actually a combination of fun and confusing on there, just like on here! LOL But it's coming along. :)

Hubby's on campus studying and then going to class so I'm hanging out with my laptop and the TV, I felt productive today so I don't feel too guilty about the TV/laptop thing. :)

I will say this though - I ate too much for dinner! LOL I made 2 instead of one Hot Pocket like I was going to (I figured 1 Hot Pocket might not be enough so I would have something with it, but then I decided to make and eat both of them anyway, oh well) fuuuullllll! LOL


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BROWNSNAPPER 9/26/2011 11:02PM


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Sunday, September 25, 2011

Umm...yeah...I haven't been on here in over a year and a half. (sheepishly hanging head in shame) But I'm back and I'm trying again. Makes me sad to think that I started this 1 year and 7 months ago, if I had stuck with it where would I be physically by now? Maybe I would be approaching my ultimate weight loss and health goals, but you can't dwell on the past, you have to move on and try for the future! :)

So with that I am starting again! I have gained weight since my first attempt so I'm at a wee bit of a deficit, but I've moved across the country, have access to a great place to walk daily (the entire downtown area of San Jose is at my fingertips and it's all flat which is perfect for a newbie walker like me!), and I am keeping track of my food. For now I am just tracking things and trying to keep a moderately close caloric intake to my goal, I'm taking wee little baby steps here because when I leap or jump I fall flat on my arse within a week or two! So, tracking for now, and walking when the mood strikes or when my hubby is up for it, and then I will ramp things up.

It's like exercising, you do reps of X for a few weeks, then you up the I'm doing 1 rep now, and in a week or so I will do 2 reps, and then 3 and so on until I am watching my calories, watching what kinds of food I eat, exercising nearly daily, tracking my weight and my inches and so forth. Gotta stay positive and little goals are easier to achieve and they make you feel like you're getting somewhere! :)

I am in need of suggestions, though, I am at home 24/7, unemployed and actively searching, but while I'm home I'm SO BORED that I "feel" hungry all the time (or close to it). I should read, or walk (though I will be doing the walking thing soon I hope, once I get my music onto an MP3 player of some sort) but I don't, I sit at my laptop all day and talk on Facebook or surf the news sites and at night I add the TV to my arsenal of boredom. I am not looking for exercise motivation here but a way to combat boredom that will help keep me from grazing all day long! Any suggestions would be most welcome! :)

Thanks and buh-bye for now. ;)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CAGOSSNER 9/26/2011 2:58PM

    Blue42Down - I like the 5-15 minute chores/tasks idea, thanks! Though they will have to include things outside my apartment since where I live is a 12x13 room, so not a lot to clean and straighten up every day, but still love that idea! :)

I know the Guadalupe River Park Trail (haven't used it yet, but am familiar with it), but not the Los Gatos Creek Trail from Campbell Park, I will look into that one, thanks again! :)

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BLUE42DOWN 9/26/2011 1:16PM

    Welcome back - and yes, San Jose is not just flat making walking easy, it's got generally beautiful weather for it. Depending on where you are in San Jose, there's a lot of choices for scenic walks including the Guadalupe River Park or even the Los Gatos Creek Trail from Campbell Park.

As to the boredom - it might help to think of all sorts of 5-15 minute mini-tasks to do any time it strikes. Get your mind and body used to "Oh, you're bored. Time to go sweep the porch." "Oh, bored again? Toilet needs cleaning." Someone in another blog last week mentioned cleaning out junk drawers.


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ACURVYLADY 9/25/2011 9:30PM

    Consistency is the key. No matter how much or how little. Just keep moving and you'll get there. : ) emoticon emoticon

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Slept in today

Monday, February 22, 2010

For some reason when we woke up this morning my hubby and I were still exhausted, unfortunately he had to go to work so he dragged himself out of bed and headed out. I usually get up and stay up, only sleeping when he's home, I feel it's only fair to be up when he's up, but today I saw him off and then went back to bed sleeping another 3 or so hours - until he called to say hello, in fact.

When I told him I'd done that he knew right away I wasn't feeling well, I don't nap unless I have a fever and I don't sleep when he's not home, so he went from his bubbly "Hi honey! I looove yooouuu!" voice to a somber "Are you OK? Do you want to see the doctor?" dripping with concern. I hate making him worry. :(

I finally got up, having missed breakfast, but still hungry for it and for lunch, I had a bigger lunch than usual, even had a little desert, and while I still don't feel like myself I do feel full. LOL Which is always a good thing when you wake up to your tummy grumbling at the top of it's voice. :)

Completely off topic, the BAFTA awards were this weekend and The Hurt Locker won best director and best picture and I'm thrilled beyond took home other awards as well, but that it's rolling along taking the best picture awards almost every time it's nominated is making happier than a pig in slop! :) If you haven't seen it, AMC Theaters is doing a marathon of all 10 nominated movies 5 on 2/27 and the other 5 on 3/6 so that you can see every best picture nominated movie just in time for the awards. And the admission is a steal given the number of films you get to see. I love the idea and can't wait till next year's marathon since I can't make it to this year's. :(

So I end this with a quick note...I drink a lot of water and I tinkle most of it out but my biggest issue is that I live in Philly with some of the worst tasting tap water I've ever had - you can practically chew it - I wish I had the money for the bottled stuff, or for a really nice filter system. :-P


Not feeling too good

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Not sure what's going on with me, but my tummy hasn't been happy the last few days for some reason. Granted I do have acid reflux and a nasty version of IBS (I get lightheaded and dizzy and nearly pass out whenever I have a flare up), but over the last week, or thereabouts, I just have not been feeling well. It doesn't seem to matter what I eat I don't feel right after I've eaten it, nausea is a definite, so is an incredible amount of gas, and I've had some random cramping as well. *sigh*

Anyway...I wanted to talk about the good stuff today! :)

I have been incredibly lucky, all of my life (no exaggeration) I have been overweight or morbidly obese, it made me a social hermit for most of my adult life. I never had a boyfriend until I was 38 (and he married me!! Yay!) and rarely had any friends, but I've had exceptional health - great blood pressure, good cholesterol, good blood sugar levels, etc - until the IBS stuff a few years ago that is.

I've rarely been on unemployment, and when I have it wasn't for very long - until this recession hit and combined with a bad IBS issue that lasted longer than my FMLA did, now I've been unemployed since 8/31/2009 and I haven't had an interview since early November. But my hubby works and between him and my UC we're doing OK.

Hmmm what else...I'm feeling a little lazy with my blog today, seems to be on the odd/random side. LOL


Mostly good health
Incredible husband
Supportive friends
Reading more and more (thank goodness)
Seeing more movies than ever before (aka getting out of the house)
Enjoying playing a modern day Donna Reed-type for my hubby
Planning a move to San Diego (within the next year or so, waiting for a few things to come together first)
Looking to go back to school and complete my bachelor's degree (finally!)
Good cook (if I do say so myself)

I think I'm good for now, maybe I'll post more later, but I'm not feeling awesome so I might go take a nap.

Happy Sunday!

Christine :)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DENRNAJ 2/21/2010 10:15AM

    What a good way to summarize what is happening in your life. I'm taking notes, I tend to be "all or nothing". Your post shows me that there can be ups and downs but there are always things to plan for and be excited about.....
Thank you for your post today.

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