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To indugle...or not to indulge?

Friday, June 22, 2007

I feel like I've become the food nazi, especially when eating out. Tonight is my brother's rehearsal dinner, at a high-end italian place with no nutritional info available (but think full-fat cream, mozzarella, olive oil, etc). Not very diet-friendly. They do have a couple relatively healthy options (think baked chicken and salad with fat-free dressing)...but to be honest, I've had their healthy options in the past, and they're not particularly appetizing. If they weren't so darn healthy, I wouldn't dream of ordering them again. Does that make a meal twice as healthy, if it's good for you AND tastes so gross you only eat half of it? (Just kidding.)

Except I'm not supposed to be dieting anymore...right? I'm supposed to be maintaining. Sure. And that should mean I can indulge once in awhile, especially for a once-in-a-lifetime event (at least, we're hoping it is). But somehow, I'm having a hard time with the fact I might actually order something on the menu that isn't the healthiest option. Doesn't help that all my extended family will be there, no doubt watching every bite I put into my mouth, thinking that if they eat exactly what I do, they'll lose weight too.

So...let's look at it another way. According to my new maintenance-based calorie range (okay, I actually have set my goals as losing 5 pounds between now and October, so it's not truly maintenance) - I can eat about 3100 calories today, consume 225 grams of fat and a whopping 658 carbs - and still be within my calorie/fat/carb ranges for the week. In other words, I normally eat below my new range, or at the very bottom. Over the past 7 months, it's what I've trained myself to do. Just one more little reason that one unhealthy dinner probably won't make me gain back the 66 pounds I've lost overnight...but I'm still not convinced.

My third option, of course, is to eat beforehand and maybe order a salad with no dressing at the restaurant...but I'm almost afraid that will call more attention to me and my food than just ordering the chicken parmesan, or fettucine alfredo, or whatever truly sounds good. The attention should be on my brother and his fiancee, not my meal...but knowing my family and how they've reacted to my weight loss (not entirely positive) my food will likely be the subject of some commentary.

I HAVE to go to this dinner, for obvious, what do I eat?

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HEYCID 6/22/2007 1:39PM

    Eating out is so difficult for me too! I am so temped and I am all about the rich sauces and such. I know that restaurants these days give you a huge portion (generally 3 or 4 portions for each meal). When I go out to eat now it is a huge treat. I make sure I plan ahead of time and watch my calories for the day so I can splurge a bit. I order what I want and I also ask for a to go box. When the meal comes I put 3 of the 4 portions in the box to go. Since you feel your family will be paying close attention to your eating maybe you could just divide it up on your plate and stop when you have had a serving then take the rest home.

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My kitty is back!

Sunday, June 17, 2007

I woke up this morning to some meowing outside....our kitty is back! She was gone for three weeks, and I had almost started to figure she was either dead or taken in by someone else. I'm so happy to have her back!!!!!!!! She's really clingy now too, must've been rough for her.

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The stress is eating me alive...

Friday, June 15, 2007

Seriously, I'm not sure how much longer I can take it.

My family went on vacation for two weeks, and we got home last Tuesday. My brother-in-law was house sitting for us, which involved making sure our dog and cat were fed. That's it. You'd think a grown man could handle something so simple.

Apparently not. We got home, and couldn't find the cat. BIL was nowhere to be found. When he turned up, hours later, I asked about the cat...he told me "I haven't seen the cat since you left. I couldn't even tell you what it looks like." Our cat mostly stays indoors, eats indoors, has a cat box. He didn't think it was important to SEE the cat once in awhile? We called him at least twice while we were gone...and he didn't think it was important to mention the cat was gone? The cat is really my son's pet, and he's am I. I am so mad at my BIL I can't even see straight. Today on my run, my son and I hung up "lost" posters for our kitty...hopefully she's out there somewhere, but I'm not terribly optimistic.

I arrived home on Tuesday to find my mom in the hospital. She's a quadraplegic, and I guess she has some pretty nasty bedsores because she doesn't really move much. She had surgery last night to remove the damaged tissue...and now she's having trouble with her heart. I'm visiting her every day, even snuck my 9-year-old son into the ICU to see her today. I don't say it often, but my mom's condition is the real reason I'm committed to a healthier lifestyle...but it's still super-hard to see her like that. Fortunately, the hospital is only a couple blocks from my office, so I can visit often.

My brother is getting married next week, and last week he moved a couple hours away to go to school. I'm really sad, he's my only sibling and we're very close. It's hard to see him go, and he's really busy with the wedding too. It's a bummer.

My work is busy...and I'm working overtime until the end of the month. With everything else going on, I really wish I wasn't committed to working 10-hour days...but especially with our family vacation (and my husband's lack of paid vacation), we could use the cash. My husband is working 12-hour days as well to make up the difference, so we hardly see each other.

My stomach flu at the end of May turned out to be e. coli from the recalled hamburger...but it's better now. I never did regain any of the weight I lost from being sick, and in fact I've lost a couple more pounds since then. I'm now below my goal of 175...I think the stress helps, I'm having a hard time eating. I'm also not exercising like I should be, but I'm getting back on track. Slowly.

Lastly, we're having trouble with our mortgage since it was bought out by a new company, and the new company is refusing to give us credit for payments we made to the old company...they're even threatening to foreclose, and I simply don't have extra house payments sitting around. I'm sure it will be straightened out, but in the meantime it just adds to the stress.

I guess that's it...doesn't sound like much when I put it down on paper, but it's enough to test my existence. I can feel myself getting depressed, I cry a lot these days, and I don't sleep. I ran today for the first time in weeks, trying to get back on track...but I dunno, it just seems like one thing after another.

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DANCINGPENGUIN 6/17/2007 12:36AM

    Sounds like a lot to me. So sorry about your cat and my goodness that's plenty of reason to be angry at the BIL.

I went through mortgage fights with a company that bought ours, too. Took months and months to get them straightened out. They're apparently the largest bank in the U.S. and I curse them to this day. All I can say is document everything -- who you talked to, what time/date, what number you called -- everything.

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HORNOWL 6/16/2007 9:39AM

    Bonnie, what a week you have had! You may need to talk to a lawyer about the financial problems with your house. But definitely talk to a friend about all the other things going on. The cat, the brother, the long hours ... things will get better.

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I reached my goal! Well....kind of...

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

So today I stepped on the scale, and it read 174! That's a whole pound less than my goal of 175...and although it was great to see that number, I expect it to be a temporary loss. Why? Because I have the stomach flu, and I haven't been able to keep anything down for the past 24 hours. I couldn't have picked a worse time to get stepdaughter graduates from high school tonight, I have a CPR/first aid class tomorrow, and Saturday I leave on vacation for two weeks. I feel a little better today, compared with yesterday...but I'm still hoping that nobody else in my family gets sick!


I'm such a chicken...

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Well, my Avia cross-trainers have served me well as I started the C25K program, but I really need some actual running shoes.

I went to a local store this past weekend. There's no place around that actually fits you for running shoes, so I did a lot of reading online and tried to find a store that had a wide assortment of brands and styles. I went to the store, ready to try on shoes...but when I got there, I was overwhelmed. There were about 10 people trying on running shoes and asking all kinds of questions about the fit, and I felt clueless. The salesguy asked if I needed help, and I told him I was just looking...I felt like a fraud, looking at running shoes as if I was this incredible athlete. For some reason, I was afraid that if I told him I was running, he would laugh at me! It was terrible, and there was a bunch of other people around. I must've looked at the shoes for 30 minutes, and I never got the nerve to try any on.

I think I'm going to try and go back when there's not so many people around...maybe that will help me keep my confidence! Because I really do need the shoes.


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