Wednesday, January 02, 2013
This is not an annual event! It is a daily process!
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Present your bodies a sacrifice living, holy, acceptable to God." That was the daily text for Tuesday, taken from Romans 12:1. The reference material mentioned the importance of keeping your body clean of all defilement, so as to be able to be acceptable to Jehovah. The examples of such defilement included tobacco, illicit drugs, and alcohol abuse.
These vices are not at all attractive to me. I get sick if I even catch a whiff of tobacco smoke. I have no desire at all to do drugs. Alcohol taste horrid to me. No problem. I'm clean!
Or am I?
The reason people smoke tobacco, do illicit drugs, or drink themselves into a comatose state is because they want to avoid their problems. They want to ease their pain of everyday life. They want to make themselves feel better. They feel these avenues are the only way to achieve this calmness.
So how does this apply to me? Well, what do I do to calm myself? In what ways do I deal with my problems? Judging from the size of my clothing, I use food. A lot of food. By eating till my body is so out of control, I am no better, nor acceptable to Jehovah, than the passed out alcoholic on the street.
Another point brought out in the reference material is that "Jesus, while on earth, stressed the importance of praising Jehovah by preaching the good news." Do I follow this example?
While I do go out in the ministry, I have some serious issues with my body image that have a detrimental effect on Jehovah's message. It causes me to be less confident in my speech and my eye contact with the householder than I used to be. I am not able to be bold in my reasonings, nor in my conversation stopper responses. If I am not confident, the message that I deliver suffers. I don't enjoy going to the door because of how people view obese people. If people see me as someone who is not happy in my life, why would they ever listen to me as I tell them I have found the truth that leads to a better life?
I have tried to do better with my emotions in the last month. I am losing some of my girth. But I still need to do better at discerning why I overeat and overcoming those obstacles, so that Jehovah's word can be heard.
I am an addict, and food is my drug. I need to clean up my life so as to be "acceptable to Jehovah."
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Yesterday I volunteered for my son's field trip to the Wonderlab over in Bloomington.
I got up a few minutes early to get my son dressed and ready for the bus. I scrambled his eggs. I started heating the water for my oatmeal. I went to brush out my hair. I washed my face. I came back to the kitchen, set the eggs on the table, and added the water to my oatmeal. I made lunch for the trip. I made sure I had the camera charged, the phone charged, the debt card packed, and the directions to the museum in my purse. I made sure I packed healthy snacks so I wouldn't fail. I kissed my son goodbye, watched him get on the bus, and went to change my clothes.
I drove to school, got instructions on where to meet Mrs. Teacher, then drove over to Bloomington. It was an hour drive. I wasn't halfway there when I was overcome by hunger, so I ate my 10:30am snack at 9:00am. The museum was cool. There were lots of interesting science exhibits. I was still hungry so I ate part of my sandwich at 10:30am. Lunch was at 12:00am. Still hungry. Driving back home at two, I was weak and could not resist the magnetic pull of those Golden Arches. I had failed even though I had prepared and planned.
I came back home feeling guilty for my indiscretions with Ronald. I felt bad that I couldn't control that giant Suburban and MAKE it stay on the highway and not pull into that drive thru.
I started dinner and cleaning the kitchen. And that's when I saw it. My beautiful mug, sitting on the counter, with my grandpa's favorite spoon in it. And in that mug was my oatmeal. Untouched. With the honey still on top. I was so busy running around in the morning that I forgot to eat my oatmeal. What's worse, I didn't even mentally miss the fact that I never ate the meal they call breakfast. All I felt was hunger.
My mother told me this would happen. She said it when I laughed at her as a teenager. She said if I laughed, I would get old and lose my mind, just like she did. I didn't believe her. I told myself I would be smarter than that. I said I would keep my thoughts together no matter how old I was. I was wrong! Chalk one up for Mommy!!!
One positive thing I got from this was the importance of my breakfast. It sets the tone for the whole day. I have better control of my food intake when I start with a good foundation. I just need to keep the mug in my sight, until I actually see the oatmeal is gone.
I wish my daughter would quit laughing at me. I wouldn't want to wish this on her.
Monday, November 05, 2012
The Anytime Fitness in my hometown ran an essay contest and the winner would receive a one year membership to the gym. It was over on October 15th. The following was my entry which I wrote the night before:
I am a procrastinator. I put off unpleasant things I need to do until the last possible minute. I push things back until I am overwhelmed by the enormity of everything. That is the reason I am in the shape I'm in today.
I finally started this essay at 11:00 pm on the night before you said you would choose a winner of your contest. I have put this off because to write these words to you means I have to face the fact that I need serious help with my life, and that I can't fix this on my own. I had already dismissed the thought of writing this because I am scared. Scared of winning. Scared of everyone there in your gym seeing me try to conquer my demons in front of those big picture windows. I was already in bed for the night. But as I laid there thinking, it hit me that that's been my problem all along. I'm scared of people seeing me struggle with my weight. I'm scared of being looked at by people I used to know, because they all seem to have the same surprised look on their faces, and I know they are thinking I'm a failure. But the ones that truly love me have been seeing this struggle go on for years, and yet they still love me.
I have taken care of my family for 23 years. I have cooked and cleaned. I have home schooled my daughter, and helped her to become a responsible adult. I have worked with my son so that he will be a good person able to succeed in life. I have put off taking care of myself for all these years. It's time to start taking care of my body. It's time to start thinking of my future. I would like to still be alive to see my grandchildren. I would like to grow old with my husband.
I would like the opportunity to show the ones I love that happier person they all remember. I'd love to be able to show that energetic mother, the one that I fell guilty for not being, to my 8 year old son. He has never seen her. Most of all, I need to show my 18 year old daughter a more healthier example of how to live a life.
I can not put this off any longer. There may be no future to push this back to. I have to start today. So I am starting at 11:00 on a Sunday night. I am making a commitment to myself to see this to completion tonight. I'd like you to consider me for your winner. I have a long way to go before I get to that place in life I want to be, But I will need your help to get there. Thank you for your consideration.
(By the way I won. I have been going for two weeks. I am seeing several chages already)
Get An Email Alert Each Time CADDYBROWN Posts