Wednesday, August 13, 2014
Good morning! I have not been a very dedicated sparker lately. I have been on here everyday, reading people's blogs and trying to be in touch with my friends. I just haven't taken the time to spark for myself. We have had a ton of stuff going on lately, and I am doing well just to keep up with the normal responsibilities.
First off, the remodel still isn't even close to being done in our bathroom. With work schedules and of course working around a baby's schedule, we really only get time to dedicate to it on the weekends. And, when we have people who decide they want to come visit us on the weekends, well, there goes that time as well. So, we are still using our gym for showers, which is exhausting. By the time I get there, I don't even want to think about using the gym for its real purpose of working out, because I'm so tired from the rest of the day. Plus, I don't usually get over there until 11:00 at night after everything else is done.
On top of the remodel, we still don't have our fence fixed. I had posted a blog about that a few weeks ago, but removed it because it looked like it was going to turn into a legal issue. The guy whose trailer hit it just won't come fix our fence. That is highly maddening and frustrating, but our fault for trusting him.
I haven't been able to exercise in a very long time. That's the other problem I have had lately. I'm not sure as to what extent I have talked about my shoulders here, but for months, I have been going through rigorous chiropractic work trying to fix 10+ years worth of damage that I never noticed as a problem before. I had about 3 injuries around 10 years ago, but at the time, being young, I thought they would heal just fine. And they gave the appearance that they did, until I had my son. Then the pains of yesteryear started kicking in, and I have been in excruciating pain from these old injuries. I was sent to I guess a "specialist" chiropractor to do some muscle testing, because my progress just got to a standstill. I just found out a couple of days ago that due to the trauma in my left shoulder, I have 11 muscles in that shoulder alone not even functioning. That is why I have been having such pain; basically, some of the smaller muscles have been taking over trying to stabilize me and that is the source of the problem. I have to admit, I was a little skeptical going into the therapy for it, but after just reactivating two muscles, I woke up this morning for the first time in months with minimized pain. It was really nice for a change. I'm still cut off from exercise at this point except for walking.
So, those are the stressful points I have been dealing with. Makes me seem a little negative to start off with the negatives, but I needed to get some of that off my chest. On a brighter note, the rest of life is wonderful! We are truly blessed! Clark is about to turn a year old next month. Can you believe it?!
He is growing so fast! But, he brightens every day! Children are such a blessing!
We also have had a very fruitful (or should I say veggie-ful) garden this year. We have cucumbers, squash, and okra growing more quickly than we can harvest. Also have tomatoes on the way that are a little delayed, as well as peppers. We even have a mystery cantaloupe growing! Probably a seed from our compost? I don't care how it got there! LOL! Such a rewarding treat to grow your own foods!
Life is just really great. Justin and I are finally at a place of eating healthy because we want to, not because we feel obligated to. We have been eating some amazing meals lately! Eating healthy, we have found, doesn't have to be boring or dreadful.
Yummy! Those cucumbers are from my garden!
Doesn't that just look super appealing for summer?
We have been eating so many fresh veggies and fruits this summer! The more I eat them, the more I want them, which is an awesome feeling. Each day, through prayer, some help in counseling, and self-reflection, I am overcoming my bad food habits. What an awesome success!
I'm not even touching the scale right now, which is why I opted not to do the BLC again. I still feel that mentally, and emotionally, I wasn't quite ready to embark on another BLC. The scale is a ton of pressure for me. With my history of eating disorders, I know myself and I know when I need to stay away from the scale. In 49 days, if all goes as planned, I will begin my planned 30 day reboot, and I am hoping for some very positive results. Until then, I'm just relearning the joys of simply... God food.
Tuesday, July 15, 2014
Sparkfriends, I need some help, insight, encouragement...whatever you got, I could probably use it right about now.
So, I'm supposed to be in the midst of my plan! Or at least PRE-planning for my ultimate plan in October. As of last week, I had proclaimed that I was done with wheat/gluten foods, and would be working towards elimination of soda for my next step. Friends, with the mess that remodel became (see previous blog for details about that), I totally didn't follow my no soda plan. I did abstain from wheat though, the entire vacation! I was so proud of myself! However, yesterday, stress reared its ugly head again, and I caved....big time.
You would think that the stress of the remodel would have taken me down for the count, but I think the fact that it was focused stress kept me from stumbling. We did eat a lot more convenience foods, but we mostly ate at home, which was my main goal. That was an accomplishment for us! Yesterday, however, was just a bad day from the start. One, it was a typical rushed Monday, with both of us scrambling around, both of us preparing to go to the office, sleep deprivation. Add on that we had the vacation fog, and the extreme remodeling exhaustion, it was just off to a bad start. And, for all these months that I thought Clark was teething and he never was, NOW he is, and has one tooth really causing him pain. So, he's been very cranky due to pain, and won't even really let me console him much when it gets bad enough--that's stressful in itself. My house is a remodel wreck, and I had SOOO much to catch up on at work. What a giant mess. Anyway, all these things led to my total abandon of health and stress stuffing deluxe yesterday. Did I mention that it was also my first day TOM? Yeah....
So the stuffing ensued. I had a reasonable breakfast, but I knew it was too small when I sat down to eat--again, time constraints. I grabbed a couple of snacks on the way out the door, healthy snacks. But, by the time lunch came around, I had had so much to deal with already, I was just in a foul mood, and wanted to eat something quickly. So we grabbed fast food, and part of that was wheat. STUPID STUPID STUPID!!! In the afternoon, I ate potato chips and had a soda. Then, when dinner came around, I was so exhausted and stressed, we just went out again. And of course, I couldn't resist the delectable breads they serve. I thought, "hey, I already had wheat at lunch. What's one......two.......three.......four, five more doses?" I went WAY too overboard with my wheat consumption and I paid for it so big time. I am still paying for it.
Here are some things that happen to me when I eat wheat:
I sneeze constantly and itch all over. Just the way I used to do when I would mow the lawn. Sneeze, itch, sneeze, itch....
Headaches and severe insomnia.
bloating, abdominal cramps, other stomach issues that I don't need to share here, nausea...you get the picture.
Mystery rashes, mainly around my feet and ankles.
Severe flare-ups of arthritis. Today alone, I can barely walk on my pain-stricken feet, my knees keep giving out, pain shooting all through my back, achy shoulders, and my hand arthritis is super painful as well.
So why do I keep doing this to myself? Why can't I just give up these foods once and for all? They do nothing but cause me physical and yes, even emotional pain. Emotional because every time I deal with this, I begin to crave those foods to bring me comfort, eat them, and then feel mad at myself for causing myself the grief of the response to exposure.
I just told Justin last night that I desire so much more than I can describe, to be mindful of the things I eat, but not obsessed with the things I cannot. I want to just be ok with eating natural, whole foods and not imagining that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. Has anyone else ever dealt with this sort of thing? Any insight would be welcome and appreciated. Thanks for hearing my rant!
Saturday, July 12, 2014
This past week, my DH and I took off work for our annual vacation, although this year we decided to stick around and do some much needed remodel. We have been remodeling our home since we got married, and can only work on it gradually as we rebuild funding and time to do it. We hadn't done anything in a year, but that's because we have been having fun else-wise....
So, here we are starting the biggest remodel of the house. Our original thought was, "Yeah! Bathroom remodel time! We have a whole week to focus on that! Woo hoo!" I think a month wouldn't have been sufficient....Let me explain in pictures.
When we started, this was our bathroom...
Not too bad, right? Yeah, it's pretty plain and the tiles needed to be redone, and the floor replaced. The walls were already partially done and the door was previously refinished. No biggie!
We first removed the vanity and sink. Pretty easy!
Then, we removed the laminate flooring. In order that we even things out, Justin felt that it would be best to go ahead and take it down to the sub-flooring, because the stuff in between was pretty old and worn out. When we got to that, some of the sub-flooring came apart too.
This should have been the first sign that things were wrong in our bathroom, but Justin remained positive that this was such an easy fix!
Then, we started taking tiles down from the shower walls! That was fun, but again, the ease of those tiles coming down started to worry us a little.
After those came down, we pulled down the backer boards to find this....
A rotten mess all the way to the framing of the house! Whoever had replaced the tiling before did a shoddy job, and failed to adhere backer boards, or put up a vapor barrier. Thus, rotting wood. This meant that we had to remove a 53 year old cast iron tub, which we intended to keep and refinish...but after a back-breaking move of the thing, we found the floor beneath it completely rotted out, (a piece of it even fell away once the weight of the tub was lifted) and the tub was rusting out like crazy on the bottom.
That was what we found under the tub. Last night we removed all of that rotted flooring, and I haven't taken pics of that yet. So, after an entire week off from work, this is what we are left with. Thankfully we have a gym membership and there are several locations, so we can shower there.
I can't believe how hard the work has been on this bathroom. I mean, honestly we knew it was going to be a task, but really, we weren't expecting it to be this bad. It has been long days of working and feeling like we are getting nowhere. However, I think we now have it to a place where we can start the rebuilding process. It's going to take a while now that we have to go back to work. We will have maybe two hours max to work each night due to Clark's bedtime. Outside of that, it's good-bye weekends for a while. I really am thankful that we chose this time to start it though, because I honestly don't know how much longer that floor under the 300+ lb cast iron tub was going to hold up. What a giant mess that would have been in a cold winter, not to mention the dangers of it. Ugh.... makes me shudder at the thought.
Anyway, so that is what things have been like for me lately. I will still be sparking as much as I am able. I miss everyone tons!
Tuesday, July 01, 2014
For the past several weeks, I have been so busy with so much. Work this time of year is always very crazy for me as it is the end of our fiscal year. That means lots of extra hours (sometimes even at night) and not a lot of time to dedicate to me. Add on that I had company for about two solid weeks, and it has been a pretty crazy month.
I'm very ready to get back to my daily routine again. During this time, I haven't been eating the healthiest, nor have I had the time to exercise the way I would want. I did do well during June about not eating out constantly though. I'm just afraid to step on the scale. I believe I have come up with a plan that will work for me though.
I think one of the reasons I hit a wall with everything is because I tried to take on too much at one time. I felt invincible, and then I hit rock bottom when it all caught up to me. I had this huge realization all at once that there are foods that I just don't need in my life anymore. So, when it caught up to me, I felt helpless, and I turned to all of the foods I knew I didn't need for comfort. Since then, I have gotten back into counseling and that has helped me tremendously. One of the things I have done through that process was sit down and compile a list of memories attached to food to discover the source of my food addiction. Thankfully, it wasn't so much an issue of food attachment, but emotional attachment that just happened to be surrounding food times, so to speak. Once again, my dysfunctional familial relationships are haunting me from afar through another avenue. Ugh. Nonetheless, my counselor said that my seven pages, single-spaced memory recollection that dated back all the way to age 4-ish was remarkable, particularly since it is related to food. She also stated that I was able to do the one thing counselors BEG people with eating disorders to do, which is relate to food situations and recall all environmental factors. I guess I'm closer to healing than I really realized.
All that being said, I have not shared too much publicly about what my future plans are for my journey to total health. I have kicked it around, and for now, I feel like it is mostly a private matter, (although I am willing to answer any questions if my sparkfriends want to know.) I don't want to share for a few reasons; one, my insecurity level right now is through the roof. Here I was at the beginning of the year, doing remarkably well with weight loss and fitness, then BOOM...total fall out. I became depressed, withdrawn, and found myself lacking interest in my health. I haven't mentioned here, but I was so down-trodden for a while, I even kicked around smoking again! Now, that's LOOOOOW. I think I am through that for the most part now though. Another reason I hesitate to fully share my plan also is because it is extreme. I will write a disclaimer and say that I have been given the go-ahead by my doctors, and have also been told that my plan will be fully overseen by them. But, it is extreme, and I know that for it to work for me, I will have to fully trust in God. I know this from my experience of quitting smoking--can't do it without Him.
Once I feel comfortable, I will definitely share my plans here openly. For now, I would really just like to get back on track with everyone here, pick up reading blogs every day, and just checking in with my friends. I hope this blog finds all of you well!
Tuesday, May 27, 2014
Good morning! It's a lovely Tuesday morning after a nice long weekend of MUCH NEEDED rain. It rained off and on all weekend long and it was amazing! We have been in a serious drought for a long time now, and with the threat of wildfires and blazing temperatures in the summers, it's always welcome to rain as much as it wants!
The past week has been amazing for me in every way--physically, mentally, spiritually...just great! I can't believe how much better I have felt just by eating the foods I know will heal me. My joints are starting to not ache as much, my stomach is feeling much better again-no antacids in three days, my allergies are going away again. What a giant relief and when I feel better physically, everything else pretty much falls into place.
One thing I have decided to do for a while is to put the scale away. It is literally under my house. Justin hid it there because he knows the temptation to get on the scale will surpass at the thought of me having to climb in a tiny confined place just to get to it. Could I go weigh myself at the gym? Certainly! But, I usually stay away from other scales because they all vary so much. I know for me personally, weighing on a constant basis is detrimental for my emotional health. So, I'm eating healthy, I'm getting exercise, I'm taking all of my supplements, and I'm in a better place. No needed to make me feel any better.
I also cleaned out my wardrobe this long weekend. I got rid of all the clothes that are much too big for me; as tempting as it is to want to hide underneath loads of fabric, it doesn't help my emotional stability. Additionally, I cleaned out clothes that are much too skinny for me. While I always believed that it was a positive thing to hang on to "goal" clothes, I'm not too sure I feel this way anymore. I really think that wearing clothes on my body the way it is in the present is the healthiest thing for me to do.
Anyway, I hope everyone has an amazing week ahead of them!
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