Tuesday, April 12, 2011
I am LOVING this warm weather, you?
Spring means a lot of things this year. Both my husband I receive our graduate degrees, we find new jobs, and I'm aiming to be both ACE and Zumba certified by mid-June.
If I think back to where I was a year ago I just have to feel really warm and fuzzy inside. A year ago this time exactly I would have been feeling guilty for binges, feeling out of control and never feel like I could exercise enough. I would be all pent up with difficult feelings and would be feeling pretty helpless.
I haven't binged in ages now. I have learned new ways to express my feelings. Is it perfect? Nope. But for right now it's good enough for me :)
Thanks so much Spark!
Tuesday, April 05, 2011
My progress with the stress busting challenge had to go a bit slower the past week as I've been out with strep throat. I thought it was just a sore throat since I had been having a sore throat one and off for the two week before hand. But then I stayed up really late at a friends house, where the whole family had just recovered from strep themselves, and I'm guessing I picked it up. My husband's system seemed to fight it off valiantly, but I woke up three days later after that late night with throat tissue so red and swollen it looked like a giant piece of raw steak was lodged back there or something. My energy overall was fine till I started on the antibiotics and the I guess the recovery process required loads of my energy and I felt wiped. And I just wasn't thinking clearly either.
Yesterday I was finally feeling kinda myself and for some reason the whole incident seemed to throw me off- I was feeling the pull of depression, discouragement, anxiety, etc. I think having the body invaded, unpredictable, was kinda triggering. Feels silly in some ways, even though it makes sense.
Yesterday I almost went into binge mode- I did not follow my meal plan, but it wasn't an utter relapse, so I'm not going to count it :) (I mean, I'm 43 days strong!) I won't count it because 1) I didn't over eat too much 2) I caught myself 3) I feel no guilt today! which means the cycle is broken.
The incident did remind me the need to be regular in practicing stress-reduction techniques so that I naturally use them at ever-higher levels of stress. I hadn't been sick for a while, and I wasn't prepared for it to be such a downer :)-
So for the second week of the stress busting challenge (on my schedule, who says you only need to take a month? Some challenges are harder than others, and may take more time... while at the same time I wouldn't want tot get caught in a mindset of having to do it perfectly, that would defeat the purpose, woudln't it?) these are the goals I have:
1. Use the box system each day for tracking my exchange meal plan (helps clear my brain and stops me from being overly critical of how much I am eating)
2. Do a mood log each day (for real)
3. Continue to take baths as needed to decompress, read a short story
4. Finally order the relaxation tape my counselor recommended (i'm not much into these sorts of things, but she had me try it a couple times in session and it really does work. and only takes 15 minutes. i think i can find fifteen minutes to wind down if I'm getting anxious)
5. follow my wo schedule
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Tomorrow the article is due in for my class- and guess what? I am only MILDLY stressed! Why? Well, first I was reasonable. I figured out that I can skim parts of the 400 page dissertation I was assigned to review in the article last week. I realized that the article is only two pages. And then I realized that it doesn't have to be perfect.
Next- I decided that I am working plenty hard. There is a lot on my plate- and I simply can't give it all my full attention. So just because somethings slide a little does not mean that I am not working hard.
Alright- short blog. Off to write!
Thursday, March 24, 2011
aaaaargh. soo much to do. cant breathe. yikes.
K- so today I did work for both my jobs, plus some reading. Plus our kitchen was a disaster so I swept it. And then I did some cooking and baking.
I dont see how I can do all I need to do. I really dont. I really need to find some more stress-busting techniques.
How on earth do you juggle doing so many things at once? Where none of them can be dropped?
I feel really confused. Either last week I was in complete denial and it was silly to be as cool and calm as I was, or this week I was triggered into freaking out about all I have to do. I am just not sure about how I should feel about all I need to be doing.
Guilty? Calm? Anxious? Frustrated? Single-minded? Busy? Relaxed? I want to feel relaxed, but then someone told me I should be working harder, which means maybe I need to amp it up.... Oh my...
Anyway. Another anti-stress blog that is gonna just be a stress blog.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
I have really enjoyed the official challenges put out by spark- I've already completed two. I have found them to be simple, but compelling and to the point. The sleep challenge really changed my life in some ways- I can no longer have the sleep habits I did before. My body actually became accustomed to 8 hours, and I can't fight that any more. The healthy cooking challenge definitely nurtured some mindfulness and intentionality about cooking well, even when things are stressful or when the budget is tight.
So I am really exciting to do this stress busting challenge. This is really the most daunting one for me since it really will prolly be the hardest- I know I a not the only one addicted to stress, can I hear an amen? As the hardest, I know it will also be VERY very good for me.
I am already trying to learn some of this stress management stuff, but it can be hard, and a short-term guided program with mini-goals will hopefully really propel me into another level of de-stressifying magical zenness abilities.
Right now I am in a time of BIG stress. I have a million forms to send into the grad school before graduations, and yikes! I still havent registered for the comps. I have a dissertation (that weight a couple pounds) to read this week, plus a paper due really soon. And thats just school.
Beyond school I am working two jobs, starting to help with my church more intensively (they found out my masters is in theology :) ), and I am going through therapy (which takes tiiiiime). Also, I am really excited about getting my ace certification, but its going really slowly with all thats going one. I was hoping to have it done before the summer.
My priority is to stay in zen-mind and NOT to panic about all of this. Just one thing at the time. My second priority is to re-focus my sleep habits so that I am in bed earlier and up earlier, since I have been a little lax in when I go to be and wake-up (dont get me wrong, I love setting my own schedule, but sometimes I dont make the wisest choices...). Finally, I want to figure out a plan that will help me do all of this but I am not sure where to start... wish there was a time-management challenge! haha :D
I am not sure how to make this a destressing blog- so maybe it will just have to be a stress blog for now.
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