Saturday, April 21, 2012
Sometimes life seems so uncertain. As I am graduating in a few short weeks, I am looking for full time employment. It is more of a struggle than I thought it would be to find opportunities. It is stressful, but I really believe that everything does happen for a reason. So I have to believe I will find something. Maybe it won't be what I originally started looking for, maybe it won't be exactly what I dreamed of, maybe it won't be glamorous. But it will be a career that I am going to find happiness in.
Stressful times used to cause me to binge. I used to try to eat away the stress. I would use food to comfort me, because I thought that it never would go away and it could never hurt me. But it did. The food and the other unhealthy choices I made did hurt me. They made me terribly unhealthy. Now that I have come to that realization, I don't need the crazy binges and food to comfort me.
My life is very stressful right now, but thanks to the support I have found on SparkPeople and through journaling I have found healthy outlets for the stress. It's amazing what a nice walk can do for your spirits. Yesterday was a quiet day on our bike path, so I decided to take some pictures to remind me how happy I am when I walk. Enjoy life; it's too short not to!
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
I struggle with binging. There will be times where I can't think of anything else. If I am upset, had a stressful day, had my feelings hurt, completely tired or sometimes for no reason at all, I often binge. It feels good while I am binging but after I feel completely disgusted with myself. I get mad at myself for overeating. I get mad that I didn't have more self control to stop it.
But with joining sparkpeople and feeling so highly motivated to lose weight, it made me question why I do this? Why do I do things that I know will sabotage my efforts?
After pondering this for several days, I realized that it was more than just mindless eating. It is eating because I am afraid.
Now I know what someone else reading this may think; afraid...what is there to be afraid of?
I am afraid of letting go of...
- my past
- my shield between the world and me
- my routine
- my comfort (emotional eating)
For so long my weight has been there to stand between me and men. I have wanted to form a relationship with a man, but it hasn't happened for me yet. I often attribute this to my unhealthy weight.
But if I lose weight and still don't have a relationship, then it is no longer a physical appearance issue. Then it is something so much deeper.
So yeah, I binge. But that ends today. I am making a commitment to myself (and to any readers) that I will not do it any more. Not even one more time.
I matter and being afraid is not going to stop me any longer! I refuse to be a scared girl. I refuse to let the unknown of the future, prevent me from having a healthy one.
Food is no longer my comforter. I know it is not going to be easy to stop this awful habit, but I am making the promise to myself.
Friday, April 13, 2012
I am in Culinary school and a part of my curriculum is being a server in our school's restaurant. Well today, I dropped a tray of 3 glasses. Crash, bang and splattered all across the floor. Luckily, I was fortunate enough to only get the drinks on the ground and not on any guests!
This made me think of my weight loss journey. I am going to have bad days where I feel as defeated as I did serving the drinks. I am going to have slip ups where I want to beat myself over mistakes. But like I did in class with the spilled drinks, I have to gather myself together and move forward.
Nothing about life is easy lately, but if I just gather the pieces and pick up into a healthier lifestyle, things will get better.
Saturday, April 07, 2012
Sometimes it seems like I can’t do anything. I have weak moments and feel like giving up on the whole weight loss journey. I look at the scale and get down on myself and think about how far I have to go to reach my ultimate goal.
But then days like today happen and I realize that it has nothing to do with the scale and everything to do with my mindset and being healthy. I had been down on myself this past week. Between school, other crazy scheduling issues and fundraisers at restaurants, I hadn’t eaten properly, worked out enough or slept as long as I should. Then, today I read my quote for the day from “Positive Quotes for Everyday” by Patricia Lorenz. Today’s quote really hit home for me. It read: “I have learned that success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome while trying to succeed.” A quote from Booker T. Washington.
Life isn’t about beating yourself up over a bad couple weight loss days. It’s about looking at how far you’ve come and using that as motivation to get even further. There will be good days and bad days. But I can do anything that I set my mind to. After reading that quote, I decided that I would see if I could use the success I had been having in my workouts to see if I could run a full mile…I know it doesn’t sound like much to many people, but for me it was a big deal. I’ve never been a runner, but today I did just what I set my mind out to do; I ran a full mile. It wasn’t about speed, but more about my motivating myself to keep going. I was going to overcome the obstacles, in the form of excuses, in my mind to finish the mile. And I did!
If someone would have told me a year ago that I would be running, especially where people could see me, I would have laughed in their face. But that’s just it, I did do it, which proves how far I have come.
I’m using my success today to remind myself that I can do anything I put my mind to. I have come a long way and will continue to go even further with strong determination and self motivation!
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