Thursday, May 22, 2008
Even the way you talk to yourself can be hurtful. Instead of saying "I can't," replace it with "I wish." Swap "I'm a failure" with "I didn't succeed this time." Not my thought, i don't know hwo wrote it: but it makes sense.
Well, I checked out the nicer Y a few miles longer away from my home, and it took three times past the site and a few phone calls to figure out where they are. Past a certain road, then look where the white picket fence is, and then turn left. Ok, the sign was beat up and didn't reflect that there was a lane, more like a drive way back to a multimillion dollar facility with swimming hours all day long in an area where I can comfortably be in til 10 pm. I'm not so sure about the curvy road to get there. That will be a challenge.
Food~~ok, got to get focused.
Tomorrow, Sunday, planning ahead for what I'm eating....that's the secret. Yet, eating out and not having to think ahead is a whole lot easier. Back and focus!
Sunday.....a real reflective Sunday, in that I can't change other people.....only myself, and it's a whole lot easier to focus on other's faults rather than my own....... Another thought....yesterday, someone gave some sarcastic remarks to me which were very close to kidding, while I was in the swimming pool.. I didn't even try to comment, just laughted and went on.....it was also the time that I had decided to leave early, so I did. It's always hard for me to leave early from someeplace, but I did. I guess she felt a bit guilty, cause she caught up with me and asked if anything was wrong. I said no, honestly, and said that I had made plans to leave early.....I was able to walk away from a bad scene......I didn't take it....really it happened more by accident, but I got the feeling that it is ok to leave a bad scene.
I joined the 150-ville yesterday as well, and seeing those numbers here at Sparks, I really felt a bit overwhelmed att seeing the numbers, another whole door has opened.
Sunday evening.........I have an 8am job fair.......this was an off day of eating.......should I list the stuff? Actually I stopped before I got to the bottom of the chips and the cheese puffs......
At work, I put my bad attitude on display...
Monday~~joined a job club, went to a job fair, left and ate fast food, was hungry. Went back to the job fair, and have two contacts to make. Listened to a speaker. Slept, now to work. Still didn't get the good groceries.
Monday evening~~looking forward to getting back and eating right.....
Life handed me a WHAMMIE
Well, there is nothing I can do about it this evening....will sleep on it and figure out what I can do about it tomorrow.
Decided that I had to break it down and if I didn't have time for a while to buy a weeks worth of groceries, then I had time to buy a day's worth......same thing happened with the whammie.
Well, I went swimming in the nicer Y and the pool is wider. It also might be longer, in that, I swam and I am tireder.
Tonight I bought a pint of ice cream and ate it. That is probably a result of the whammie. I don't know how to face it and not be afraid.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Well I signed up for the swimsuit challenge team. That should be fun! I did two of the exercises and then went on to take my bath; when I returned, it had played through and I saw that it was only 8 minutes long. I guess the thought of it being long scared me. I'll do more exercises with the tape the next time.
Well, this am, I mixed up the cottage cheese pancakes and put them into the refrig. Then I had a glass of grape juice and then water melon. I bought that mini watermelon, and it was tasty. I love watermelon.
I like the cottage cheeese pancake recipe that I got from Sparks. I wonder if you could put it into a waffle iron, I have one somewhere.
I made one, and it was creamy like a grilled cheese sandwich.
Well, done with the extra job, now I can go back to the one that I had before and will increase the hours. I still n eed to move on though.
Yesterday I took an egg to work and at break, I put broke it and put it, along with one of those half and half coffee creamers. Then I nuked it for a minute, should have been 45 seconds. Yeah, not as healthy as if it wasn't the half and half, but better than spening both the $4 on a tv dinner and the calories in that.
Get to go in a half hour later, and used up that time. Still don't have that chicken baked and thankgoodness I'll have the weekend to tackle that. Also, bummer, someone asked me to switch a day, and instead of working on Sunday, I'll work on Saturday. That takes my swimming time, shucks, watned to swim. Oh well. Soon, soon, swimming.
Starting the Swimsuit challenge, watching the videos and taking a small part in each. It's for a month, they are short, 7-10 minutes long, and I can't get through one all yet.
The job that I'm going back to, is the one where I'm on my feet and there are no set breaks. I have a better idea of what I'll eat during the day, so will be a challenge to get what I eat into their job structure and no set breaks.
----Job 2, season done......back to one job only..........I ate extra over the weekend. Last night went to a Vietamese restruant and ate soup, appetizer and a salad....alone. I learned that peas in a shell with sea salt is a word that begins with an e. Sorry can't spell it. I enjoyed the salad dressing, and the tofu soup was a nice companion to the other things.
Well, I went back to 40 hours of work, and picked up meeting some friends this week, and getting back to the Y. There was a contest there and I put in my 36 times of exercise for a t-shirt and then my name didn't make it to the list. How discouraging. Now I have to go and see the executive director and sh's been out when I've been there. Oh well. My membership is up in a couple of weeks and we have to go from a branch only to a city wide membership.
My eating has been offf. Lunch out one day, and then I didn't pack my lunch when I went out yesterday. So, ate out yesterday. Last evening, my body screamed~~water! I listened. I also have been sleeping more thess past couple of days. Todsy, get back in gear!
My day off, and I made a promise to do something tonight. I should not have made that promise, because I'm not ready, still recouping from all those hours of work. But to renig means hurting a little girl. I need to learn not to open my mouth so quickly.
My gym shoes are in the middle of the kitchen floor and while I was working, I carefully stepped over them to pack my lunches. This week, I've been stumbling over them. Hm.....do you think that''s a hint? Got my Y membership now and it's city wide, watch me go now!
Well, three days of figuring out a direction and tonight it came. Tomorrow, it's a slow crawl to find another job, but hey, it's good for me, right? And the food/exercise thing? Well, I'll have fun visiting the various Y's around the city. I decided not to fuss about the t-shirt......
/In some ways, the 170's and the 160's are about me holding on to the past. The 150's is about me looking ahead........People in the 150's just have to be more active......not an easy thing to accept.
Thursday, May 08, 2008
Well, tomorrow evening I am off.
I made my trail mix of good and crunch thngs that I like, almonds, celery, grapes, mushroom soup. Lol, not all of those things go into the trail mix. Tonight I am going to celebrate my success.
I also want a new pair of tennis shoes, only I want a pair of low heeled shoes like my old keds which are in dire need of retiring to the really dirty job closet. I don't know where to look. My toes are getting breaking out........but my feet have got to feel the earth.
Sunday am, well I woke up at 7 am and felt fine and was up for about a half hour, and then went back to bed. I woke up at 10:30 and don't have an order of how I want to get things done. Seems that along with the cat food and the gas, I also need to havee quarters for the laundry. I still have clean clothes in thee laudry baskets, and that is what is slowing me down now. This past week my body wanted to walk, maybe I'll just do that. I don't feel like doing any of my chores right now. And eating......I am blocked by the dishes in the sink.
I've never smoked, but speaking to some who do, I am finding that after they have quit for a while their body sort of coughs off all sorts of stuff, Does the same thing happen with people who are shortly into new lifestyle changes?
Saturday pm, one job done for the day, one more to go~~tomorrow off.......I need to use that time wisely, cause I paid some consequences in terms of losing hours because I both didn't limit set with someone about how late I could be out last night and in general, I lost time this week because I didn't have cat food and gas in the car. In turn, I cad a car or two in my face and on my head while I was trying to sleep. And that can't be done with a siamese in the household.
/I like the tase of bugying my raisins separate and my almonds seperate, and then mixing them on my own. I also noticed that for my veggies, its a better value in terms of quality of the product to buy the packages separate and mix them on my own. And the corn, I learned this week how to use the microwave and it was really good to have an ear. M.....m....m.
I continue to lose inches in fact if looking at me head on, I have a nice shape, looking sideways is another matter. And the inches losing isn't in cahoots with the lbs, go figure. Oh well... off for 10 minute nap and then onward.
I need to sit when I come home, but think I need to get my lunch packed in the pm, but maybe I just need to veg to sleep as well as I do.
Sunday morning notes~~I ned to remember to save changes, lots was lost here!
Sunday nite--lol, had a chance to spend the day with relatives and I did, now it's 10 pm and I'm just starting to cook my chicken for my lunches. When will I learn?
I bought two pairs of shoes today as well, a reward? Well, I have to retire those keds, not because I want to. And the others I wanted to go with my purple, we called them pedal pushers, not sure what the lenght is now.
I was walking in circles this am and finally left and went to the chilli spaghetti place, yeah, blew it, but that is also where I go when I'm thinking about things that bother me. and I didn't thnk that I was bothered by too much. Anyway, I got the most understanding waitress, and she asked me if I wanted more iced tea, as I was eating the spaghetti. Only she broke my train of thought, and I realized that I was thinking and processing stuff about a relative who is going through a tough time. I paraphrased to the waitress about what I was thinking, and she compared it to some thing of a similiar situation in her life. Hmm, guess no other waitress has asked me if I want a beverage refill at the same precise moment, didn't really realize it.
Well, tomorrow, again, I am aiming for no more than 1550, hm, maybe I'll revise that as well. Maybe I should begin to post when I get to 1550, the time of day. Hm, now that's an interesting self challenge
Monday__Well, I chose an earlier bedtime and didn't turn on my alarm and now my bodygot the sleep that it wanted and I'm headed out the door without stuff being done, in another busy week. 13 hours of work today and tomorrow. Lots of veggies in sacks......bother! Well, yesterday I got my quarters, so that won't put me down for a while when I decide to do the laundry.
Tuesday--another long day ahead, and I'm leaving this morning after not resetting my alarm right. Ugh......no lunch packed, I'm really in a rut for two days, then tomorrow evening i have hopes of getting back in gear, but two days not eating rught ahead of me.....what to do?
Later, well, the project part 1 ended early and I got a few hours off, why do I worry about things. I stopped for ice cream on the way home and then for a salad. There is 117 calories in a scoop of ice cream, and I had two scoops. Sometimes I miss the point. I didn't take the veggies, cause of time. And then at lunch time, they gave us the option of working through it and leaving early, and I took it. So, I was probably hungry, that is simple enough, isn't it? Well, no, for me it wasn't.
Wednesday evening, evening off, to do laundry and bake my chicken. This morning I had a green pepper, bananna, almonds and raisins for breakfast.
lol--someone has the washer and dryer...ugh!
Fast foods? this am, I ate an orange, bananna, green pepper, and a tomato for breakfast. Not much faster than that!
Am break, raisins and almonds
Lunch, vegetables, corn, string beans, etc.
Afternoon, small can of pepsi, hot tea, grapes
Pm, at work, didnt' want pepsi or other soda, just had another cup of tea.
I am so, not hungry and yet, I want to grab something to eat.....unbelievable....oh well!
Friday, May 02, 2008
Firday--I am better at doing things when my life is in full crisis. Now that I'm past that a bit, I'm having to choose what to do with my time. I got out of work tonight and didn't have my gym shoes with me to walk in the nearby park. So I went and had a bananna split and then came home and slept. Now my oven is full of dishes and I can't bake my stuff for my meals and I have no laundry clean for tomorrow. And it's 9pm.
I got chosen for the next project at the temp job, and I'm meeting some really nice people. My director in the last project was a really structured person and a good one to begin with. Only, I didn't realize that she was as structured as she was and how tightly she kept us reigned in. This one is a lot looser and really nice as well. I'm glad that I had the other one first as she really built some great habits to have, and now it's nicer to have this one. I'm also meeting some really, really nice people.
Tonight, I need to be patient with myself and do something, and realize that I won't get it all done tonight. Shucks! That's a bummer! While I'll have to deal with the ice cream, I also need to commend myself for doing the packed lunch thing today, because I really didn't want to, really didn't want to.....I wanted to try the lean cuisine, and my refrig was/is getting bare. I actually think that I have an orange there, it was for the way home. Only I got sidetracked at the ice cream place. Maybe I'll get it out and maybe I'll do a load of laundry, only instead of the small stuff that I don't want to fold, I'll do a blanket or the sheets. Nice big items. Excuse me for a moment, ok?
Ok, washed the sleeping bag and it's in the dryer. I guess my apartment is cold in the wintertime, never thought about it much because I put the sleeping bag on my bed in the fall and it serves as another quilt of sorts. Only now, it's time to give it a thorough washing and I did or rather am. And I got the pan out of the oven and washed it, and now I can make my soup with the left over veggies that are in my refrig. And I cleaned the oven door. Talk about baby steps.......
I guess I can also mail that letter, while I'm waiting for the sleeping bag to finish drying.......a short walk to the postal box might be just the thing for me to do!
Saturday--shorter work week, 52 houea rhis week, and this morning I made my rice soup and did my laundry. Next week, I want to have this done so, I can scoot out to swim. The soup is good.
Mom would have made her soup with tiny diced carrots and little small diced potatoes, lol......that way we ate it. She didn't even fuss if we picked it out.
Only I put mine in chunks, cause I wasn't going to take the time to dice them.
And I put it on the stovetop on lo, electric stove and then went about doing things. Cooler am sso ssoup is good.
I cut up a whole onion as well and dropped it into the pot. Mm.....just covered it all with enough water so that as the rice expanded, it wouldn't stick.
Ok, 40 minutes til I have to get ready for work, and the laundry is done, and the soup is done, and well, exercise time~~I slept through that. And I even just started doing the dishes without complaining and I have lots of those done, some even put away. hey, I'm feeling good!
Ok, 15 minute walk is good.
I wrote this a year ago--II did it, I'm in the 170's hurrah!!!great. wow after one year of being with Sparks.....wow and to think that I had to give up a 200 lb guy to do this, talk about a life style change..I gave him up on President's day 2007, and it's been 11 months now. I'm starting to go to dance lessons. That's ok. I nearly freaked out the first dance I went to, didn't realize that it was a dance night. First time someone danced with me I really thought I was doing something wrong.
Sunday evening~~well, grocery shopping tonight and I've always hated putting the food away. One bad habit that I've stopped doing much of the time is buying something that I have at home. Like oranges. tonight I was in the store and determined that I needed oranges when in fact I knew that I had four of them in my refrig. Then I have this mental fight with myself that says, that somehow I'm going to deteriorate if I don't have more oranges. Lol, as if my body couldn't snack on my hips for a while. Any way, I got past that tonight, and I got some grapejuice, and some watermelon, and some raspberries, and some celery. I also got some cottage cheese. I want to try the pancakes that was on this site with cottage cheese, eggs and flour.
Well at work I started a new project and the lady sitting besides me is an avid walker on the breaks. So, I've joined her, and our building is huge, takes almost he entire break to walk around once. I'm averaging two breaks a day, which is usually lunch and second break to walking outside. So, exercise is coming to me. Wow, talk about being grateful!
I didn't get my chicken baked on Sunday, so didn't have it for most of this week. I also didn't put dry cat food on my list. So, I stopped at a grocery store on my way home, just takes too much time to go into these mega stores for an item or two. And it will be three more days before my day off. So, I stopped, and I also got one of those rotissery chickens..a good buy for me cause it makes many meals. I'll measure out in baggies and ounces in the am. And the carcas, I'll add rice and the veggies from this week. It really has been a struggle for me to get my food in order, and I feel that I am getting control of it, even if this week has been a struggle. Today I took mushroom soup from a can, divided it into two or three styrofoam cups and added water to one of them and put the other in the refrig. I had one of them for my break, it was really good.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Hm....the Jack of Spades,
Saturday night, grocery shopping, got to be to work at 11 am.
Sunday night, got back from my grocery shopping, only I have to clean the oven before I can bake my stuff. Euch!
Sideline......did I do my part to support somone? I don't think so. At work, there are two up and coming people who are trying to become the leaders and they are tring to edge out another long term employee. I hadn't worked the day shift for a while and when I did work there today the climate was different, but I was busy trying to stay in the routine and I had some goof ups this week and I was trying to make a comeback from it. Anyway, I was out of hearing range, when I heard the older employee say in response to one of the wannabe leaders~~the long time employee said a bad word, in fact several, in front of customers. Only the wanabe leader knew what buttons to push. That was my take on it. I didn't have an opening to ask what thee details were of the long term employee, yeah, she should be responsible for herself, yet, being isolated in the work place is no fun. Update, I was wrong, she was really being a pest.
A different kind of reward~~consistency at getting my hair done and waxed~~not in the same places. I have been blessed with lots of hair, enough said. I have had six hair cuts with the same person and she has taken me from permed clown look to a more modern me. And my brows are actualy shapped to my face. It hasn't been a do this and then get this sort of reward.
Ok, cleaned the floor, and put my stuff in a pan on top of the stove. And my celery in a pan in the sink, breaking it apart and cleaning it. And eating it, what a snack!
I had one cup of coffee yesterday and 16 oz of soda today, will be glad to get back to eating healthy tomorrow. I stopped at a chilli place tonight and had a salad and a plate of chilli spaghetti.....I always go there when I'm trying to sort things out.
Remind me to put my remaining potatoes and celery and onions into the crock pot for soup..........It can cook tomorrow.
Rats, I don't like it on a Monday morning when I didn't set the alarm right, rather reset it. Uch!
Tuesday~~uch, my resident manager is wacky, and she does monthy water leak checks. If the owne wasn't on the propertty, I'd be looking for another place. I stay because I like the apartment, and Im' not sure that I can find another that I like as well. Anyway, I called off work to make sure my apartment is clean. I'm angry at myself because I'm reacting to her. She issn't professional. For breakfast~~apple diced, raisins, pecans~~sat down to eat it for a couple of minutes even though I'm surface cleaning, that's it. I like to deep clean, not surface clean. Ok, valuable lesson hre! Guess that falls under "Eating for a purpose".....onward now, rest period over!
I wonder what soy milk tastes like.
My dark chocolate candy bar is a good choice, I'm not abusing it and I'm eating only the squares that I figured for the day. Now, I want to reduce the number of squares by one. To three.
Well, with the temp job, I've been asked to work the next project. I'm glad that I used this project to get my eating into whack. Use to be, that if I packed, it was monotonous and I wasn't able to go the entire week, and this time I have.
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