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SO off track...

Monday, May 26, 2008

Geez, I have never been this off track EVER! I am sorry to everyone that I usually talk to on here but I've been a slacker and not keeping up with my contacting :( I have been really busy but that is no excuse to neglect my health. Looks like my August 1st goal is going to have to be pushed back. I am pretty much where I was at Christmas. I am moving to AZ soon and hopefully will be able to get underway with a good plan soon (in the next 2 weeks). I am really excited. I definitely know that I can make it to 160..I just gotta push it :) That is the weight that my body feels best at so I need to give my body what it deserves :) :) *excited*

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MAINEROCKS 5/27/2008 9:04AM

    Glad you are OK and just busy! Good luck with the move and hope to see you around here more soon. ;-)

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REally...I can do this...I'm stronger than I seem to be...

Friday, May 02, 2008

I'm so frustrated with myself.
I am ashamed that I haven't been as strong as I can be.
Not to be a "glass half empty" sort but I've been neglecting my health much more than one should ever do.
I haven't been working out as much as I could be. I was taking 5 hour long walks a week which was good but not intense. It's like I'm afraid to start jogging even. It's so difficult to incorporate something like that when you are unsure of your abilities. I've never been a runner...but there are many cases that I am aware of where people have gone from non-runners to marathon lovers. I want to be one of those people. Maybe not even marathonish but at least a girl that can go out and run 2 miles each morning. What a great way to start the day! Luckily, I am moving to Arizona soon (anyone in Tucson?) and my boyfriend's mom lives there. She was never a runner until her 20s and now she runs marathons..she'll help me out and get me in the groove. I admit that I am terrified though!!!
I should take up swimming again. Hands down one of the best exercises ever invented. So easy on the joints and all over work out! I am not a great superwoman swimmer but I swam in hs and was in great shape! I'd love to get back to that! I also love spinning..I hope to find a few classes out in AZ :)
I'm mostly just dissapointed because I have maybe lost 5 lbs since Christmas. Size 12s are still just fitting. And they are not loose :( I want to get into a comfortable size 10...can't wait until the 8s are fitting again~ it's been almost 10 years since an 8!!! :(
My goal was to lose 40 lbs. Christmas until August 1st...I am more than halfway there...quite obviously I can not lose 35 lbs in 3 months. If I could just do 15, I'd be happy. Sadly, that will not put me in bikini shape. I was so excited..so was my boyfriend. Unfortunately , he'll just have to settle for a hot, one pieced bathing suit instead. My bikini will be there for me when it's time. It's not going anywhere. :) I can do it!!!

Any motivation/advice is appreciated!!! :)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LOVELYMRSB 6/1/2008 12:28PM

    I know what you mean about wanting to turn from a non-runner into a marathon-runner! It's hard to get out there, though, don't I know it. You can do it though!

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MAINEROCKS 5/4/2008 1:44PM

    First step is believing in yourself. Even if it's just a little, hang onto that and your confidence will grow. Go for a walk today and try jogging just for the length of a couple telephone pole lengths. Then go out to walk again tomorrow and try to go a little farther. Easing into it will help to make sure you don't hurt your muscles (since they are un-used to it) and also will keep you from getting discouraged. Let it even be motivation to get out there every day b/c you are excited to try just a little bit more. It's so fun to see what new things you can teach your body!

Also, I haven't tried the couch to 5K program, but it looks really interesting so it might be worth a try? I think there is a written program and also there is a Spark team for it.

Take that frustration you are feeling and let it drive you to make a change. You can do this! And it feels SO GOOD when you do! Your body will feel lighter, you will have more energy, and you are going to be so proud of what you accomplish!

Maybe sign up for a 5K race now for a few months from now, and then you will REALLY be motivated to work toward it?

I believe in you, now you just need to believe in you too. :-)

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Friday, April 04, 2008

Well, I don't exactly know how to write this..and I am not sure it's so good to write this on a public journal but I am feeling that I need to get my thoughts out. Today I was presented with some very bad news. My neighbor, whom I lived next door to for 20 years, passed away. He was basically the only grandpa that I really ever knew because my dad's father sadly died at a young age and my mom's father lived far away from us. So Clarence, my neighbor, had taken the role of my pseudo grandpa. He was an amazing man who did not really have any family and had very few that he considered close friends. We were definitely the grandkids that he never had and he devoted many hours to us throughout the years. He never did admit it, but I know that he would come outside at the same time every morning so that he could talk to us while we were on our way to the bus stop and sure enough, each day we'd come around the corner to find Clarence waiting for us as we passed by. We lived on a dirt road and he had been one of the few to pave his section of the road, so he had put up a basketball hoop on his garage for us and painted us a hopscotch board. His eyes sparkled when we would meet with him. He was always very active until about 7 or 8 years ago when his health declined. He'd ride his bike (always carrying a fly swatter to keep away the pests), roller blade, ice skate and take walks. He was an avid hunter and outdoor enthusiast. It was hard for him to get older and become more and more dependent on others. He didn't mind having my mother do the shopping for him when we went to town. He hated driving to the "big city" so that was always a treat on Saturday when we'd stop by with his groceries. He shared "birthday week" with our family (everyone's birthday was in the same summer week except mine) and he joined us for dinners at gramma's house. He was part of the clan. Although some looked at him as a hermit in his later years, I looked at him as a hero. Somone who had the greatest capacity to love and recollect on his past. He'd tell us about the Navy as he shared with us his disney movies, favorite game shows, baseball and hockey games while sipping on pepsi in his koolaide man cups. He eagerly displayed the cards that my sister and I made him for every holiday. I feel bad because I missed St. Patty's and Easter this year....but he definitely had thousands from the past. His mantel displayed pictures of my sister and I growing up through the years and he never failed to mention how proud he was to have them there. He always had his small christmas tree lit near them :) Clarence was someone I could go to to relax. He'd throw darts with us almost everytime we left his house but not before handing us some Omaha steak or other various frozen item that he claimed he "didn't like" but I am sure just wanted to share . I will really miss his house and how he had clipped from Sportsmans magazines various pictures of animals and hung them around his house. He'd always poke his head out the window when we'd swim or boat in front of his house and yell "Clarence..look out here at us" while waving our arms, wildly. When we would do housework/yardwork for him, he'd over pay us claiming that our efforts were well worth the money. he'd alwys join us outside, after he couldn't take care of his yard alone, and help anyway he could while we mowed, planted, painted and clipped. i will never never forget him..never ever.

I am writing this because I came to terms with finding out that Clarence had passed away. I realized that he had lived a full life and for the most part, a happy one. This was until I found out what had really happened. Clarence had decided to take his own life. I was shocked and afraid...and ...lost. I never thought that something like this would happen to anyone I knew..let alone someone I loved so much. I am so hurt right now...I don't know what to do with myself. I know that when people have this idea in their minds, it is already made up...I feel bad though because I was going to see him (I live far away at this point) on Tuesday and it happened on Wednesday. I know that it wouldn't have changed anything. I feel horrible though bc the last time I saw him was 3 weeks ago...I just ran out of time on Tuesday. I hope he knows how much he meant to me and I hope he is looking down on me from heaven and watching over me. I also feel sad that I did not tell him that I got into school for nursing. I found out last month and told him about the school before I found out I got in. I know that he knows now and I hope that he is proud. I hope that my mom and gramma can keep him company...my boyfriend says now that he is in heaven he can walk around without a shirt all the time and no one will judge..his house was like an oven and he always always wore his bathing suit no matter what. RIP Clarence...8/1/1925-3/26/2008

Goofy Daddy long legs (he always called me this...and my sister was Short stuff..ha :) )

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHRISSY1293 4/23/2008 11:10AM

    Hey there, I was just checking in on you and read your blog. I am so sorry to hear about Clarence.
Mainerocks couldn't have said it better. ..It sounds like you have some wonderful memories to keep his memory alive in your heart. I also have some "surrogate" grandparents and it's definitely that times you shared that makes the relationship, not the true chemistry
So sorry to hear about your Grandpa!!!

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JPRAHL 4/15/2008 12:20PM

    Oh sweetheart - I'm so sorry. Life's a crazy thing, isn't it? Sending giant hugs your way!

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MAINEROCKS 4/4/2008 2:48PM

    OK, now you've got ME crying. Just reading that I fell in love with Clarence myself and I can absolutely tell how much he loved you. Please don't feel any guilt. Clarence lived a long life. It's hard to understand when someone takes their own life, but with his health declining, it seems he was nearing the end either way. You've already lost two very close family members so it seems particularly sad to me that you've now lost this third. :-( Biological or not, he was your grandfather in your heart and I'm sure you will grieve for some time.

Just reading what you wrote, I can see that you are recalling all the fond memories. Keep doing that. Don't focus on the end - what you didn't tell him, or how it ended. Remember how happy you made each other. The elderly are so frequently forgotten and I think it is truly AMAZING how wonderful your family was to him. He clearly appreciated it, and if you really think about it, you guys changed his life. You made what could have been an old lonely man, a content and well loved man, and for that, I am certain he is smiling down from heaven and thanking you for.

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Still scary but improving...

Monday, March 31, 2008

Well, I am feeling somewhat relieved today...I've been checking my blood pressure daily and it's been at least steady..it isn't getting any higher. I think I know what is influencing it...mainly, my stress these days! My living situation is less than optimal and I am often upset or frustrated. I am going to look into more ways to calm my stress. I've been walking almost daily and trying to eat much better than I was before, so those things shouldn't be raising my BP at all. This concern has become more important than looking good in a bikini. Of course, I still want to lose weight and prance around in the summer, but keeping my heart and body healthy is MUCH more important. Definitely the number one reason to make these changes.

On a good note for today in particular: While trying on shirts (I am not into trying on pants unfortunately) today I didn't criticize my body as much as I normally do. This both surprised me and made me feel proud. I actually could see some improvement, even in the harsh lights of the dressing room!!!! :) I know that my body can do so much more than I have given it credit for in the past. I am so excited to see the changes that I'll be able to make this year and beyond :)

Keep up the great work everyone :)


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HOPE007 4/4/2008 12:26AM

    Hang in there! Stress can really do some damage. I hope your situation improves. Have you tried yoga and meditation?

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MAINEROCKS 3/31/2008 10:19PM

    Having a bad living situation is so bad for the stress level! Try to do what you can to reduce it -- sounds like you are doing pretty well with that.
It's a good reminder that what is truly important is having good health... the bikini can come later as the icing on the cake. Great job so far and keep on going!

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DAISYDIVA 3/31/2008 1:23PM

    Hope your living situation improves - that stinks!!!!! :(

Sounds like you have the right idea about things - yay! And hooray for not thinking negatively!!!

Have a really wonderful day and keep up that spirit! :)

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Yay!!! Good news!

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

I have received such great information. I got into Nursing School. Yay for me!!! :) I am so happy and proud of myself. I've been trying for a year and a half, ever since graduation in 2006...it's about time :) I will be going to Tucson, AZ for a one year accelerated BSN program. It is surely going to be a lot of work but I am well prepared for it. Then I will stay in AZ and work for Tucson Medical Center for two years. I am so ecstatic. My boyfriend has been very supportive and with a job that allows him to travel, I am sure I'll see a lot of him. My family is pumped for me. It's time to start my career :) Yay!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LOVELYMRSB 3/31/2008 9:26PM

    Congratulations!! That's such great news! WAHOO for new phases of life! :-)

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JILLIMARIE 3/23/2008 10:52AM

    That's so exciting :)

One of my friends is going back to grad school in the fall, and I was bemoaning to her how I didn't take enough advantage of the free health center on campus when we were both in undergrad. I fully intend to rectify that when i get to grad school! (pay for a gym membership is pricey!)

Anyway, best of luck and enjoy :)

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DAISYDIVA 3/21/2008 7:49AM

    CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!! This is wonderful news!!!!!!!!

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LINDSVB3 3/20/2008 5:19PM

    Congratulations! It sounds like things are falling into place for you...keep up the good work!


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CHRISSY1293 3/20/2008 11:08AM

    That's awesome!!!

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DRAKE83 3/19/2008 8:16PM


Way to go!!!

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RUNCHOOSE 3/19/2008 4:54PM


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MAINEROCKS 3/19/2008 3:12PM

    congrats! that's awesome!

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EFAKER 3/19/2008 12:28PM

    That is wonderful news! Congratulations and good luck!

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