Sunday, October 24, 2010
It was a slow evening at work when this woman came in. I'd say she was at most mid 20s and was pushing a stroller w/a little boy (her son) in it (I'd estimate his age to be around 16-18 mos.). Anyway, I felt so horrible for this girl, my heart just ached and cried and hurt for her. Now, by no means am I skinny, but this poor girl (woman) was morbidly obese. I just wanted to cry for her, for her son. I sooooooooooooo wanted to Spread the Spark to her, but didn't know how to approach the subject :( I mean, who am I to tell her anything about weight loss? Granted I've lost 40+ from my highest weight ever (which was either 275 or 282, somewhere in that range. Not something I like to keep in the forefront of my mind, if you know what I'm saying). But I'm not thin and I don't always make the best choices/decisions. I've Spread the Spark w/others who've come into my store, but those are people who've mentioned to me that they're trying to lose weight (for upcoming family events, they quit smoking, now they want to lose weight, etc.) and I've Spread the Spark to a couple of my co-workers as well. But never have I met someone who I felt TRULY needed the Spark as much as this poor woman does. Honestly, if she keeps going the way she is, she won't be around to see her little boy grow up to become a man w/a family of his own. And that, more than anything, is what hurt me for her. It is why I know I need to lose weight: so that I can be around to watch my children grow up to become responsible, loving, caring adults w/families of their own.
So here's the question: HOW do you Spread the Spark to someone who TRULY needs it w/out offending that person? Wish I knew. :(
Friday, October 22, 2010
Need to apologize to the girls on the Purple Panthers team, I haven't been doing very well as I should be doing as a co-cappy. From the bottom of my heart, I am sorry if I've let any of you down even 1/4 as much as I've let myself down. It's been the week from h-e-double hockey sticks.
First off, had prep work done for a crown on a molar. In the process of that, the dentist gave me a shot in the roof of my mouth. I've been in pain and have had headaches on and off since Tuesday afternoon (not sure if they're all dental related, but it's been a while since I've had so many headaches in a weeks time). Also found out (am I really at this stage of the game in life?!) when I went in for my eye appt. Tues. morning that I've got the beginnings of cataracts and glaucoma. Oh, well, gee. Thanks for the awesome news, doc! SIGH. At least I now know why I have probs at night (sometimes) w/driving and w/light sensitivity. LOL At least I'm not crazy, right?! (Don't answer that! ROFL).
Wed. we took oldest ds to a specialist who is about an hour away, but specializes in mental health. He could tell, just by the way James was acting/behaving, that he IS ADHD. He also took him off the Methylin (which was 7.5mg, 3x a day) and put him on Strattera, which he takes once a day, at night. The Dr. said it should also help w/James' anxiety probs as well as his ADHD. So, new med while also coming down off of the Methylin. Oh, fun and joy! So, yesterday was not a good day for him at school and I'm worried that today may be bad as well, if not worse. Today is the last day for the 1-on-1 aide he's had for the last 1 1/2-2 yrs, as she's taking time off due to health probs and having surgeries. So, not so sure I wanna ask him how his day was today when he gets home (I will, but I'm dreading the answer!). I did go by the store and got a small floral bouquet for her from our family and brought that back to the school for James to give to her :) Anyway, we go back in Nov (Lord, PLEASE let the roads be as clear in mid-Nov as they were the other day!) for another visit w/this specialist.
As for me, my health (as it were)/weightloss, still stuck at 230. I've decreased my food intake, but need to up my exercise, I think. 3 weeks now at 230 (or is it 4? I've lost count). The stress of everything isn't helping, I know. Not eating dinner until late at night (I've had several mid-shifts at work this week and haven't gotten home until 7:30 or later), then going to bed a few hours later...well, on the one hand, if I'm not awake, then I can't eat. On the other hand, Not enough time for my food to digest or my metabolism to kick it up a notch, I guess :S (Dh has been working late nights, starting at 8:30, 9:00 and not ending until 3, 3:30am.). My 40th (bday) is in exactly 6 mos from today and I sooooooooooooooo desperately want to be in Onederland by that time! 6 mos, 30 lbs...it is SO DAMN DOABLE! I just gotta make time for myself. Now to figure out how...
Monday, October 11, 2010
Spoiler alert: If you have not yet watched last weeks BL, be warned. I'm only going to discuss in here one of the MAJOR topics that was pretty prevalant to that episode. So if ya haven't watched and don't wanna know what that topic was, then stop reading here. 'Cause if ya continue, ya can't say I didn't warn ya
Soooooooooooo...us women need to be selfish. Welp, that's not the way I am. I am one of those who puts EVERYBODY before herself, that's just the way I am. Even now, at 10:37 when my munchkins are all in LaLa Land, I've got the laundry and the dishwasher going so that they can have clean clothes for school and clean dishes to eat out of. I know that if I don't take care of myself, that if I get sick, then who's gonna take care of them is the big argument. Welp, that would be yours truly once again. Even last year when I was still preggers w/our now 11 month old (sheesh! Can't believe he's that old already!) and was supposed to be on bed rest (HA! That's a laugh! Bed rest when you have 3 kids?!) I still put everyone ahead of myself. This is going to sound crazy and maybe more than slightly absurd to some, but I DO NOT KNOW HOW to be selfish! I don't have it in me to be that way! This morning after getting the kids to school and running a couple errands (days off should be just that, days OFF! Otherwise, why not just call them errand days?! LOL), came back home and dh was complaining of being hungry. Now, I'd been looking forward to going on my walk-run, but there was no way I was gonna make dh make his own bfast, not when he also had the lillest one to attend to! So like a good wife, I cooked bfast and ate w/him, rather than going and getting my blood pumping and endorphins rushing. Don't get me wrong, I did get some exercise in today, just not nearly as much as I would've liked.
So if anyone out there can tell me HOW to be selfish, I'm all ears and eyes! Thanks!
Friday, October 08, 2010
Ok, yes, fall IS my fave season, love that it's still warm enough out but that there is that little bit of a bite to the air (not too bad, though!). BUT...it is also the time of year when all my diet/lifestyle resolutions take off running from me :( I don't know what causes this or why it happens, but it does! I'm looking 40 in the eye (just 6 mos and 2 wks away now!) and I SO want to be in ONEderland by then...it will be/would be the GREATEST gift in the UNIVERSE I could give myself. I haven't been in ONEderland since dh flew out to CA to be w/me (we met online at Pogo.com in a blackjack room. Sadly, they have since taken that game off of the site. However, I hope and pray that they bring it back, even if Bucky does say "bust" a little too often for my taste lol). OK, I'm digressing. I was down to the 160's when dh flew out to CA to be w/me. About 6 mos later we found out that we were expecting, so I took on the mindset of "eating for two" (this was over 9 yrs ago).
In that time, I gained over 100 lbs. I KNOW it's going to take some time, and LOTS of work to get it off of me, it's just that w/the seasons changing, for whatever reason, I start doubting myself. I probably shouldn't, heck my oldest ds, God love him, believes in me. However, in one breath he tells me that he knows one day that I'll be on BL (OH don't I wish!) and then the next he's telling me that he doesn't think I'm fat. Then he starts crying because of all complications that can arise from being obese. (Health is a big deal in his school here. Between that and his watching BL, along w/some other shows on FitTV, he worries a LOT about his dad and I.).
Does anyone else go through this or am I alone in this one? I REALLY DON'T want to spend this fall and winter baking up bad-for-me/us sugary sweet baddies (don't wanna call them "goodies" because they ARE NOT good, they're BAD!), but on the other hand...it's how I've ALWAYS spent our falls and winters. I just can't, I WILL NOT, undo all the hard work I've done so far! My heaviest weight ever was 275-282, somewhere in there. This past Monday I was down to 230. My goal is to hit the 220s this next week.
I just don't know how :(
Thursday, September 23, 2010
7 months, sounds like a ways off. 28 weeks, not as long/far off! 28 weeks from today is my 40th birthday. Now some people would look at that as saying that from there on out it would be downhill. Not me! Why? Because I have decided that during these next 28 weeks I'm bound and determined that I WILL lose 56 lbs! I will celebrate my 40th birthday by being the smallest me that I've been in a long, long time. And it will be the beginning of the rest of my life. A beginning that has been a long time coming. And I can't wait to start!
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