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And so it continues..

Thursday, June 07, 2012

Tonight...is one of those nights. A good thing that we don't have much of anything to eat (pay day is tomorrow) because I'd be eating us out of house and home :(

For those of you who don't know, I've been having to deal w/my dh's depression and oldest son's behavior probs. Well, you can now add one more worry to my list: my 5 yr old ds. He, like his older brother, suffers from ADHD as well as PDD (Pervasive Developmental Disorder; for those who don't know, this is on the Autism Spectrum Disorder) (Jakie's is more audio-speech related). Anyway, shortly before the end of the school year, he suffered a seizure at school. So we brought him to Children's Hospital over in Omaha that day (to their ER), and an appt was made for him to have an EEG and MRI. Well, that was done on Tues. Earlier this evening (wouldn't it figure, they'd call 5 mins before I walked in the door!) our son's Dr's office called -- with the news that a further appt., this time at Univ Nebraska Med. Center w/a Neurologist had been made :(

This not knowing what the hell (pardon my French s'il vous plait) is going on is KILLING me! I can't even begin to concentrate on healthy eating, much less exercise. So for now, I go to the side of the road so that I can focus on my mini-me.

To those of you with whom I was participating in the HLC, THANK YOU for understanding! I am sorry that I had to drop out early in it and from the bottom of my heart, a VERY BIG THANK YOU to Audra and Becky for understanding and being there for me -- YOU ROCK!!!!!!!!! Keep up all the AWESOME and HARD work you ladies (and gents!) have been doing! God willing, some day soon I'll be able to re-focus on myself. But for now, it's gotta be my 5 yr old.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DOLPHINNUT 6/13/2012 10:56PM

    So sorry you have to go through all this. Praying for your son and the rest of the family, hope all his test come out ok. Take care and hang in there. emoticon

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BUSY_MOM3 6/8/2012 11:40PM

    Thanks ladies! All prayers are GREATLY appreciated! I'm just soooooooo tired of always playing the waiting game! First we had to wait to get the tests done, then wait for the results. Now it's time to wait for the Neurologist appt. UGH! When does the waiting end?! :(
Oh and as for alone/me time? That happens when I: a) am driving to and from work; b) am at work and c) the few times i get to run errands alone! LOL

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MUSICMOMOF2 6/8/2012 10:16AM

    I'll be praying for you! Still remember that you need to find a little time to focus on yourself so that you are at your best. Hang in there!

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RUNNER4LIFE08 6/8/2012 9:10AM

    Jer, I am very sorry you have to deal with all of this. And I agree.... your family needs you to take care of them but what about you? You need to make sure you are remaining strong to keep up with all of this. Emotionally and physically.

I pray that the tests needed for Jakie all turn out ok. And will be praying for your family.

Great big emoticon and prayers your way!

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Smiles

Monday, May 14, 2012

This is a poem I wrote last month. One of life's little ironies: NOBODY, not even my freakin family, gets it.




She puts on her face

studies it

changes it up a bit

then smiles.

Another day ahead

may be a long one

let's out a sigh

inside, she cries.

Her heart is breaking

her body aching

she yearns for a time

when she wasn't aware.

Strong is what I MUST remain

she reminds herself

can't let anyone down

must remain calm and steady.

She looks in the mirror

and lets out an ironic laugh

oh how she can fool them all

make them believe she's ok.

At work she's all business

talks with her friends

inside she feels like she's dying

can anyone tell?

At home she does it

all over again in reverse

kisses her children and husband good night

then cries silently into the night.

Jerilyn Sigler

4/12/2012

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANGELBETH76 5/20/2012 11:27PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
I could completely relate to the poem and as Stephanie says, I hope you find your peace. As close as my mom and I are, sometimes she doesn't understand what I'm feeling. Be true to yourself!

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RUNNER4LIFE08 5/16/2012 3:40PM

    My question... how can your family not get this? How can they not see you are hurting. Especially when you write it so beautifully might I add in this poem.

I agree with Steph.... rocks do break but then again they are very strong. You can get through all of this. I know you can.

Big emoticon

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BUSY_MOM3 5/14/2012 11:10PM

    Thanks ladies! I forgot to mention that the title of this poem is "Smiles (through the pain)"

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JUST-DUCKY 5/14/2012 4:18PM

    emoticon

Although heartbreaking, that poem is beautiful and I can relate.

Comment edited on: 5/14/2012 4:18:48 PM

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MUSICMOMOF2 5/14/2012 9:06AM

    emoticon emoticon

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FORBANDE 5/14/2012 6:59AM

    emoticon

Aw Jer - I hope you find some peace and happiness in all that you are dealing with. You are a ROCK and even a ROCK can break. Know that I'm praying for you and am here for you.

*really big hugs*

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Before you go reaching into that Easter basket...

Saturday, April 07, 2012

Check out these numbers!

http://www.fitsugar.com/Calories-Easter-
Candy-199012

Made me think twice, lemme tell ya! :S

  


This is turning into "One of Those Weeks"

Thursday, April 05, 2012

ARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That sound?! That, my friends, is the sound of me screaming my lungs out. Screaming until my vocal cords are shredded beyond recognition. Screaming until my throat is so d@mn raw and sore and red that I'm in non-stop tears. Why? you ask. Because this week is quickly becoming The Week From Hell!!!!!!!!!!!!

For those of you who don't know, our 2 oldest boys both suffer from ADHD as well as Autism Spectrum Disorders (oldest ds has ADHD, ODD, OCD and Aspergers. 5 yr old ds has ADHD and PDD. Pretty sure that our 2 yr old also suffers from some sort of ASD as well, and probably ADHD too). And the 3 oldest munchkins (the boys and their 6 yr old sister) are off this week for Easter vacation (I absolutely REFUSE to refer to it as Spring Break! Let's call it what it is, folks!)

Anyway, Monday I was off and I wanted us to do something fun together as a family, as that's not something that happens too often, between the kids' school, the boys' many therapist appts. and my job. Anyway, on that day I counted 5 times that I broke down and cried. That's what happens when I reach my wit's end: not screaming, not yelling, not disciplining (past the point of all of those). Crying. And I ended up having a beer that day, which is not something I do too often (honestly could not tell you the last time I'd had any alcohol before the one I had Monday night).

Tuesday, WIC appt. for the 2 yr old. We had no babysitter for the older 3 kids and it was a certification, so we ALL had to go. Now in order to get my kids to eat more fruits and veggies, I've had to come up w/some pretty creative ways to sneak those into meals so that I KNOW they're getting enough of those two food groups! Well when I mentioned to the dietitian that I make my own pasta sauce and puree up bell peppers and a few other veggies to get those to my kids, she laid into me like nobody's business. "You should NEVER puree foods! The kids will NEVER LEARN what the correct texture and taste is for those foods!" Blah blah blah. On and on and on. It was like listening to the adults talk on those old "Charlie Brown" cartoons. OH! And she was the slooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwest dietitian I've ever had the displeasure of having to deal with as well! Also she made a change to my son's checks that I said I did NOT want changed! She changed it from brown rice to whole wheat bread. It is d@mn hard finding 16oz of whole wheat bread, or any other kind of bread, truth be told! So there was that for Tuesday.

Today, again I had a day off from work. Again, today, I wanted to TRY TO have a nice family day. Well that was ruined when I was awakened at 7am (after having gone to bed around 4am) by a fight between our oldest and dh. Well, not a fight per se, mostly ds yelling obscenities at his father. Calling him names, etc., then him hurting his brothers and sister and making them cry. During the course of the morning he proceeded to hurt, physically, ALL of us (head butting and twisting my arms, kicking, punching, etc.) and having meltdown after meltdown. Of epic proportions. So much so that dh tried calling both his adopted and bio moms (he was adopted by his maternal grandparents at a young age) to see if either one of them was available to baby sit him while the rest of us ran errands over in Omaha that needed to be taken care of. Nobody was available, however, and so he had to come along. However, he soon fell asleep in the car, exhausted by his own meltdowns. So there was that nice, little reprieve. When he woke up a short time later, he was fine. Thank God! However, when we were coming home from Omaha, dh got a phone call from dh's bio mom who said that she was ready to take him for a few days, if need be. Then she said that she had some food to drop off. When we got home, I was FURIOUS!!!!!!!!!!! Dh's adopted mom, the one who told us that if we gave her a key to our apt. that "I won't come in if you guys aren't home!"?! WAS IN OUR APT.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was...fit to be tied. Infuriated. Ready to come into the apt and kick some serious @$$! My blood was beyond boiling and seriously, if my blood pressure would have been taken at that moment, it would have been off the charts, I'm pretty sure! I was ready to go in and rip her a new one, but let dh handle it (oh yeah! Because he's handled these situations SO WELL before in the past! NOT!). I told dh point blank that if there EVER is another time when we come home and she's in the apt., I'm gonna be on the phone to 911 to report a trespasser! Have had it w/her crap!

So here's hoping and praying that the rest of the week is good, because this week has NOT been conducive to my lifestyle change or my goal of wanting to be a size 18 by my 41st bday (which is now just 18 days away!!). All I've been wanting to do is eat and drink and drink and eat. Please, Lord, just let the rest of this week be GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RUNNER4LIFE08 4/6/2012 10:53AM

    Sorry you have had such a rough week so far. I hope the rest of the week looks brighter for you!

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FORBANDE 4/6/2012 9:30AM

    Jer,

Glad it's getting better for you! It's amazing how hard these breaks are!! Becky is right about how much kids love their routines.

I hope you have a great day! Hang in there!! You will be able to get the focus back to you. :)

*really big hugs*

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BUSY_MOM3 4/5/2012 7:25PM

    Thanks all! Today was a MUCH better day (LOL and no, not just because I was at work! ;) )! Ds's therapist upped his morning med another 10mgs and it's made ALL the difference! Ds even said that he felt better today than he has for "a long time" and dh said that there were absolutely NO meltdowns! YAYYYYYYYYYY for meltdown-free days! :) @ Skinny -- And I soooooooooo agree w/the teachers being underpaid and truly under-appreciated. This past Christmas, so that my children's teachers would know how much dh and I truly appreciate all that they do for our 3 older munchkins, not only did we get them each (inc. their music, Spanish and p.e. teachers, as well as their principal) a Christmas present, but I also made a few pounds of goodies for their break room for the last day before they began their Christmas vacay :) @ Kitty -- I hope that your week gets better as well! Will keep you all in our thoughts and prayers that it does :) @ Ducky -- Thank you! I don't mean this the way it's gonna sound, but I think you'll understand when I say it's GOOD to know that someone has been where I am now ;) @ M and Music -- Thank you both for your support, it means SOOOOOOOOOO MUCH! @ Becky -- What can I say? Thank you, you're the BESTEST and love ya too! emoticon to you all! :)

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MUSICMOMOF2 4/5/2012 12:28PM

    Sending prayers your way that the rest of your week will be calm and uneventful. I can't even imagine the stress that you are dealing with. Hang in there and try to find some time for yourself.

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BECKYLIVES 4/5/2012 10:14AM

    Aw Jer I'm so sorry!

I can't imagine what you are going through with the kiddos and all the things that are against them.

All I can tell you is that I'm praying for you and the family.

Have your locks changed and don't give out a new key!

Break times get a little stressful for the parents, yes, but it's cause routines are changed for just a short time. I was one who vehemently refused to believe in structured routine, then realized I had one! Very humbling moment, let me tell ya! emoticon

Anyway, I'm here if you need me. Love ya,
Becky

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MPRILL 4/5/2012 10:13AM

    Hang in there. Only a few more days and they will be back at school and all will be semi-right with the world.

emoticon

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JUST-DUCKY 4/5/2012 9:32AM

    Ugh.

I feel you. My son is now 19 but I totally totally feel you on this. You will get through it!

emoticon

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KITTYKITTEMMING 4/5/2012 9:31AM

    I've also been having a frustrating week with kids and family. Hope yours gets better.

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SKINNYHANDFUL 4/5/2012 7:34AM

    Sorry to hear about the frustrating week. Parents always seem to be unhappy when vacation time arrives :) imagine having a class full of disruptive, finicky kids :) I really think teachers are underpaid when you look at what they deal with every single week :)
When I was a kid, I never understood the lyrics from the holiday song (its beginning to look a lot like christmas) that go 'and mom and dad can hardly wait for school to start again!'

Hope your week gets better.

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HLC Mental Health Challenge Week 2 (OMG did I NEED this one! LOL)

Tuesday, April 03, 2012

This week's Mental Challenge is about remembering your worth. I'm sure that there are a lot of us that struggle with the thought that we're worthy of loving and caring for ourselves - that the time we need to put into being healthy and fit truly is the most important thing we can do so that we can lead full lives and enjoy the family and friends who mean so much to us.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Mental Challenge is a Weekly Requirement

This week, you will earn 50 points for your team for completing the Mental Challenge.
You will record your 50 points on your team's reporting thread.

To earn the 50 points, you need to write down FIVE THINGS to help you remember your worth.

1) I am worth it because:
2) I am worth it because:
3) I am worth it because:
4) I am worth it because:
5) I am worth it because:

To put it in writing, you can write down your worth and post it where you will see if often, or you can share it on your team's chat thread, or you can write about it in a blog.


Ok, sooooooooo...I am worth it because: I need to respect my body and thank it for giving me 4 beautiful, healthy, happy children.

2) I am worth it because: I want to watch my children grow to become loving, well-adjusted adults w/families of their own.

3) I am worth it because: Obviously, God's not done w/me yet. I believe that only when you've fulfilled God's intent for your purpose here on life, then is when you physically cease to exist. Obviously, He has something more in store for me, something that I NEED to do. I can't do that in a sickly body. As such, I need to take better care of the body that He has blessed me with.

4) I am worth it because: I want to grow old w/my dh. Recently I had a pretty major health scare (my first mammo. They found "suspicious looking nodules" and so had to do a second mammo, in less than a week's time!). My dh told me point blank that he WOULD NOT let anything happen to me because he plans on growing old w/me and watching our children grow and leave our house, then watch our grandchildren be born and grow :) I want to someday be able to travel (would LOVE to go to Italy! My paternal grandma is from Italy and she made ALL of her pasta's and sauces FRESH! One of my cousins who grew up near our grandma is supposed to be sending me some of grandma's recipes! Can't wait!) :)

5) I'm worth it because: I honestly don't know what to answer this 5th one. I've already covered growing old w/dh, thanking my body for giving me my children, God not being done w/me yet, and watching my children grow to adulthood and have families of their own. I don't know. Find my inner athlete, maybe? Ok, yeah. We'll go w/that. I'm worth it because I NEED TO FIND MY INNER ATHLETE! Wherever she may be hiding inside of me, I know that she's in there and is fighting her way out of the fat shell she is being hid behind!

So there ya go! 5 reasons why "I'm Worth It" :)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JUST-DUCKY 4/3/2012 10:00AM

    I have to do this today. It's much needed.

Good job. You ARE worth it.

emoticon

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MUSICMOMOF2 4/3/2012 8:25AM

    You can do it!!

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SKINNYHANDFUL 4/3/2012 7:22AM

    where do I sign up for the MHC? I need all the help I can get :)

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1COUNTRY_GAL 4/3/2012 1:53AM

    I need to do that to,thank you for sharing this.THis is a very important challenge to do.Our mindset has to be right to accomplish your goals and you answers were awesome Good luck,best wishes.Spark ON, emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticonDiana

Comment edited on: 4/3/2012 1:53:49 AM

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