Thursday, May 03, 2012
So yesterday I found out that my unemployment was not nearly as much as I thought it was going to be! Like less than 1/2 what I thought I was getting. If that's not bad enough, I found out that Social Security is holding $250 out of my check for the second month in a row! I am obviously not working at the moment, have my daughter and 2 grown grandsons living with me and now I can't pay all my bills!! Since my husband died 8 years ago I have done everything in my power to keep things paid. With my family living with me and not being able to pay the bills I am so stressed that I feel like I have a big weight sitting on my chest and I want to throw up!! I feel lost, confused, scared and a nervous wreck. To add insult to injury, my daughter constantly makes remarks that make me feel like I am asking for her life by expecting her to help me pay for things, or if I expect her to honor my wishes in my own house! Also, she acts as though I was the worse mother in the world and as though she remembers more about her childhood than I do!!
So, while I hate it more than anything, I have called a bankruptcy attorney and will see what they say. In the meantime, I went to my gym and walked a mile. It took me 27 minutes and for the first time ever I put a 1% incline on it!. I know that doesn't sound like much but to me it was a LOT! By the time I got home my back and ankles were absolutely killing me. But I felt better inside.
Today I got up to find that McAfee decided to charge me for a subscription that I never asked for and cancelled last yeat. $95.39 - and when I called they said it would take up to 5 business days to get my refund from them!! NOW I can't pay my water bill! Then my credit union calls me about the payments I am behind with them. So I had to tell them I was meeting with an attorney about bankruptcy. Talk about feeling like a big loser - and I don't mean the losing weight kind - I feel the stress building again!!
However, since I don't go to the gym until tomorrow - I am going to have some quiet time with Jesus. Philippians 4:13 says "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" And I believe that. Also, Psalms 55:17 says "Evening, morning and at noontime, I cry out in my distress and He hears my voice". I believe that too. So, I am going to cry out in my distress and wait for the peace that passes all understanding.