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Talk talk talk talk talk talk

Friday, October 04, 2013

I met with my trainer today to have a "talk", he hasn't been too happy with me shutting him out from all of my issues. So today I tried to let him in on everything happy and he said everything I needed to hear. The fact that he is there in that way is amazing. It is hard to find people, especially trainers, that are willing to take the time (1 hour) to sit and speak with you. Knowing that nothing was getting done, I wasn't paying for him to talk to me, he was letting me vent and get everything out there.

Sometimes you need to let go, you need to focus on those who truly matter in your life. Let everyone else move out of your life and just FOCUS on you. I am kicking people out that are causing me mental harm and only allowing postivity into my life. It isn't an easy task but it is something that needs to be done for my health. One of the best ways to lose weight it to be stress free, or limited.

Meditation and yoga have been key for me the past two days. I find peace just wearing my mala bracelet. Let alone when I sit and just breathe it out. OOOHHHMMMMMMMMMM

Everything will fall into place at some point, I know it will. Whether it be tomorrow or next year my life will work out the way I want it to and that is all that matters.

I am studying to become an RDN (Registered Dietitian Nutritionist) starting in January. I am so excited to start this journey and educate myself and others. My goal is to start changing the USDA/FDA with their food guidelines and help children be better educated regarding their food choices and how it will effect them. I have been working with my own children and it is amazing how well my 8 year old is doing with this. He has been trying to assist his classmates with better food choices. It is making an impact! I actually had a parent yell at me for the fact that her son no longer wants to eat Lunchables and she now has to pack him an actual lunch. I just smiled and said that is amazing! It truly was AMAZING!

One thing that needs to be done is blogging. I need to "write it out" on a daily basis. If I blog twice a day I know it will be worth it. My happiness is the key to my success!

Thank you all for the love and support!!!!
Much love!!!
XOXOXOXOXO
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KAYOTIC 10/5/2013 3:41PM

    Glad the talk went well, it's good to have support you can count on!

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CALLMESALLYG 10/4/2013 12:43AM

    Hahaha, that's awesome! I can only imagine that parents reaction when their child suggested a healthier lunch option, but I'm so thankful for it!

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Stress Relief

Tuesday, October 01, 2013

What is the one thing that helps you get through stress?

It has been eating me alive lately. I am at fault for letting it control me. I haven't been keeping up on here or putting in anything. Which is going to change today. I think I need to "Write It Out" every day to stay insane. I am not sure if I should let my issues out. My trainer asked me to tell him what is wrong with me and I just can't do that. I can't put the stress of me on anyone else. The issues I have are deep seeded and I have had them since I was a little girl. So let's try to get some of this out today.... If you don't want to hear a sob story, I would stop reading now.

I found out a few weeks ago that my Mother basically never wanted me. She said that for the past 26 years of her life she couldn't be herself and it wasn't fair. She always had to be a Mom and nothing else. And now she can be herself and it doesn't matter how I feel. By the way, I am 26. I was lied to about my paternal father and that is killing me in itself. I now talk to him with out prejudice and my Step-Father refuses to talk to me because of it. My Mother thinks I am an idiot for talking to my Dad. He is my Dad, my Father. The man that has always been there for me. She is clearly jealous of the relationship and my Step=Father hates it because he no longer has control over me.

Since I was a little girl I was always told I wouldn't amount to anything. I was called names, pushed off to my other family members and even placed in Foster Care. I was mentally and physically abused. And no one would believe me because my Mother said I was a compulsive liar. When I was 16 my Mom drained my bank account and said that it was payment for taking care of me since I was born. To this day nothing I do makes my Mother happy. Since getting cancer she tells people how hard it is on HER. Doesn't talk to me about my disease or the fact that I will keep getting cancer back. She tells everyone that she is a mess because her DAUGHTER has cancer. Or how I call it, the Big C Word. After my surgery she left me to go be with her husband because she felt he was more important. Then yelled at me when I took care of my kids... I didn't have anyone there to help me. Bottom line, I have never felt good enough. Nothing I say or do makes a difference or makes anyone happy.

I think that is enough issue dealing for one day. I am trying to stay strong but honestly I am falling apart lately. Hopefully I can get a grip on everything and push through.

I have to!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CLAIRE_LEFT_SP 10/3/2013 10:16PM

    What awful things to say to you! At least now it's out in the open and you don't have to pretend with each other.

I'm a real believer in having a heart family vs a genetic family. Surround yourself with people who really do love you and kick everyone else out of your life. There is nothing that obligates you to have a relationship with your birther and her husband. You can't make her happy so take the next step and let that - and her - go. Of course you've been falling apart lately. You are grieving and that takes time.

I hope you are still doing yoga for your peace.
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EWL978 10/1/2013 1:20PM

    darn shame when you can't count on your mom....but stuff like that happens...and you seem to have pulled yourself together without her!! There are no words to make it better....just to tell you that you're doing okay and are STRONG (I actually hate that word, and that you need to just keep on keeping on.........stay in touch with me, I'd love to hear how you're doing.

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Yoga flow, yoga flow, where are you flow?!

Thursday, July 18, 2013

I found this "Morning Yoga Sequence" on Pinterest but the flow is completely off. It is choppy and doesn't smooth together. All of the moves are perfect for waking up your mind and body but if it is choppy then you will not get the right use from it. I think I may have gotten it to work better but this is going to take awhile before I "publish" it.

Oh how I dream to be a Yoga teacher. Just warms my soul thinking of it!

Things have been going alright. I finally went in to get my ear checked out and had a inner and middle ear infection. The tea tree oil treatment I had been doing was great! She said I had gotten most of the infection out but it would still keep creating inside since my ear was so swollen and the oil couldn't get all of the way in there. If that makes sense.

Went in for my skin check up and the my doctor made me feel amazing! Said my infection looks 10 times better and I didn't have to do injections there. We did do injections on my scars and oh man does that help. If you have keloid scars and live in Phoenix check out Dr. G at Arizona Dermatology!

I need to get a quick shower before the minions get up! Have a WONDERFUL and BLESSED rest of your day!

Much love Sparkers!
XOXO

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KAYOTIC 7/19/2013 9:26AM

    I do like it when the yoga flows in a good sequence, I'm sure you'll work something out! emoticon

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Yay for my body fighting back!

Monday, July 15, 2013

I stopped taking the evil medication Doryx on the 6th. One week later (Saturday) I developed a nasty ear infection. REALLY!! Is is not bad enough that I am still recovering from the medication? I feel that my body is kicking out the Doryx. I am feeling chipper and happy, just my body feels like it is in recovery. You know? Like after you have the flu and your body has that "recovery time", pretty much how I have been feeling. Or is that from the skin cancer?! WHO KNOWS!

I go back to the doctor today to see how he wants to treat my disease. The Doryx didn't clear up the infection. He said at my first appointment if it didn't clear up he would do injections. I am beyond nervous as to what that entails!

Due to my gnarly ear infection I didn't fall asleep until after midnight, woke up several times and then fully woke up at about 2:30 am. Since then I have used a home made cleaner for my ear and applied it (TOTALLY HELPS!) and worked out. It felt amazing to finally get some yoga stretches in! It has been over a month since I have been able to bend forward/backwards and oh man did I need the bends!

I am going to go fold laundry before the kiddos wake up (still have two hours) and do some warm therapy on my ear. Hoping this clears up by mid week or off to the doctor I shall go!

I hope you are all taking healthy steps towards your goals!

Much love Sparkers!!!
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KARENKANDO 7/15/2013 8:21AM

    Thank you for this blog. Wow! I am blown away by your determination! You have plenty of reasons - legitimate reasons - to take the day off from your eating/exercise program - but you didn't! Instead, you got up and got moving and tended to yourself in all ways possible. Kudos to you! You should feel very proud of yourself. I know I'm proud of you. . . and that's really saying something. . . because we don't know one another. Anyway, you sparked me today and I just wanted to let you know. You ARE an inspiration! Keep on keeping on and you will achieve all your dreams! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Here goes nothing...

Tuesday, July 09, 2013

Hey Sparkers!

I know it has been ages, and I apologize. Things have been...well...crazy. I haven't posted or been on in almost 2 months. My last post was full of some interesting news due to my health and it became worse.

As you know they put me on an evil medication called Doryx to help clear up and infection I have from a skin disease. I have taken myself off of said medication, why? Well it made me lose my hair, gave me rashes, caused joint/muscle pain, extreme sun sensitivity, depression, anxiety and most recently osteoarthritis in my right hand and wrist. I am actually typing this with a great deal of pain, and a brace...

Before I gave up on the meds (I did speak to my Dr) I was told I had skin cancer on my back. It has been removed and I am still on "bed rest" only a few days left. This was for a total of 3 -4 weeks. To make sure it fully healed right. I did bust open the skin while I had stitches so I am still waiting for it to heal.

The trip back home was chaos but entertaining. I seen my sister in law get married, gained a friendship back and spent time with family. Due to learning that I had cancer before we left, my husband changed our way home root so I could see some more states. We visited Iowa, Nebraska, Colorado and Utah. It was beautiful!

I have a new testing at the gym on the 22nd, that will be when I can start running and doing intense work outs again. WOO HOO!

Take care fellow Sparkers!
MUCH LOVE!
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CLAIRE_LEFT_SP 7/10/2013 3:45PM

    I'm so glad you are back! (Thanks for my SparkPage heads up!) I can only imagine how frightened you must have been! I hope the skin cancer scare is completely over with now that the patch has been removed.

I've bought several pieces of sun resistant clothing at REI (and right now the CostCo at PV Mall has some on sale, too). I have a sunscreen hat, pants that can be turned into knee length shorts, light long sleeved shirt and jacket. I've worn them in 100 degree temps without a problem. I'm keeping the jacket in my car and put it on backwards to cover my arms while driving. (I also keep an umbrella and fashionable straw hat for more dressy activities.)

I hate putting on sunscreen and I figure these clothes will pay for themselves now that I've stopped buying that gooey stuff.

I'm glad you and your friend reconnected - I know the emotional distance was a sadness for you.

And I'm so glad you got to see some of the mid-west. It's so different from here and (original) home,!


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GAILANN48 7/9/2013 7:43PM

    Your attitude is amazing, inspiring, and humbling. I don't know you yet, but "Welcome home," and here's hoping the next few months are MUCH less challenging than the past few have been for you.... or at least challenging in a good way. :)

Hope you have a wonderful week!

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BEACHY_KEEN 7/9/2013 6:39PM

    Oh my! You've been through and lot and had a very difficult journey. I am glad to find you back here with optimism! I look forward to watching your miraculous journey. :-)

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