BUDRFLY31   62,652
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Triggers at a local diner

Sunday, January 09, 2011


I started the day great! Ran 8 miles. Then went to my Mom's 70th birthday brunch at a local diner. It was noon and I was so hungry. I ordered a meat and egg casserole that I intended to eat half, but it was so good, I just couldn't stop! So I pretty much ate my max daily calories by 12:30pm. I tried to have self control in the afternoon, and I did great. Then my husband went to a hockey game and I started snacking and snacking. My stomach hurts, but it should!

I am a bit mad at myself. I'll just have to be stronger tomorrow. I have journaled about the triggers. I think I was overwhelmed, lonely, upset about lunch, procrastinating before cleaning the kitchen and even a bit bored. Next time, I need to get out of the house and go for a walk!

Send me some positive thoughts...I need them!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ABBYEMERSON 1/10/2011 10:42AM

    I'm really happy that you had an 8 mile run! The diner incident is a blip and you will get back on track. I'm happy to see that butterfly today!!!!!

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LYNNBERRY338 1/10/2011 6:32AM

    8 miles is incredible! I bet it was a beautiful run. Sending positive thoughts for a better food day today.

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    Keep thinking about the positive. You ran 8 miles today. That's awesome! You'll eat better tomorrow. Don't get too down on yourself.

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ANDI_3K 1/9/2011 11:03PM

    Sending Positive thoughts to you. You can do this!

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LKEITHO 1/9/2011 9:46PM

    Don't let one bad day get you down. You'll be back on track tomorrow!

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OK, lets go! I can do this!

Wednesday, January 05, 2011

Today I found an old picture of me where I think I weighed my heaviest.

My head is missing, but it really is me.

I also got on the scale today only because Wednesday is my weigh in day. I am up 5 pounds from my high goal weight that I reached in May and 8 pounds from what I weighed in September, which is my ultimate goal weight. Today, I saw this picture at exactly the right time in my life because it reminded me that I cannot go down that road again. EVER again.

My parents are so heavy and getting sicker and sicker every day with congestive heart failure. My father has got to be near 400 pounds and my mother probably at 250 or so. They never adopted a healthy lifestyle and as everyone knows, children learn the most from the lessons and examples they grow up with.

On the upside, my sister just has gastric bypass surgery. She is on her way to healthier life. Her starting weight was 350 and is down 70 pounds since August.

So, you can see that genetically, I have a battle to fight for the rest of my life. It doesn't help that I have wicked emotional eating problems and a mental health obstacle . I know that I cannot erase these obstacles because I will never be able to say that these obstacles are completely gone. EVER. They will be with me forever. But, I will work WITH them. I will endeavor to balance my life and make it happier and healthier even with these unfortunate genetic traits. I will not let them consume me. I will accept them and overcome them. Not all at once. One step at a time. And I will forgive myself for mistakes and falls that I make. I will pick myself up and take another step forward.

Today, I am ready for the fight! Bring it on! I know I can do it by going back to the lifestyle changes that I had made but threw out the window the past two months. I feel so much better when I adopt and use my healthy lifestyle. Both inside and out. The nutrition tracker is so important for me to use. That is the first tool that I throw out the window on a downhill slide. My fitness is no problem. In fact, I have to admit that I can get addicted to exercise and that it can consume me. As you can see, BALANCE is an issue in my life. I will endeavor to balance my life.

I want to look like this again and feel like this again.

And I know can. With SparkPeople and the tools and lessons they offer, and with all my SparkFriends by my side. We can do this together, my friends!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

THIRDXACHARM 1/9/2011 8:21PM

    Hi. So happy that I found you and your team today. Your spark page is very inspiring ... so positive and encouraging. Thanks!

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HEALTHYME47 1/5/2011 6:00PM

    Good for you for taking charge! It's all up to YOU!

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    You can do it Lisa! I am so proud of all that you do... you are such a capable woman. I am glad to know you.

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ABBYEMERSON 1/5/2011 5:02PM

    I believe in you!!!!

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IWILLRUN100 1/5/2011 12:40PM

    You can do it! Let's rock this weight loss journey together:) Also, we need to reschedule tea time.


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    Also I find it kind of hilarious that your heaviest is very close to my lightest.

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REJOHNSON3 1/5/2011 9:04AM

    Congratulations, BUDRFLY31. You have set the goal and sound motivated. So now all that has to happen is doing it. I too have lost some weight over the past ten months - about 45 pounds to be exact. Yesterday, I set a new goal to get down to 205 by 1 May 2011 which means I must lose another 15. I can do it. Good luck to you and Happy New Year too!

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2011 Goals-Better Late than never

Sunday, January 02, 2011

I wasn't going to do this because I was afraid to put down my goals in written words which would make these goals "real". Fear of failing prevented me from even beginning. But after lots of insight, here they are written down for everyone to see.

I have a few small ones and one big one:

1. Run a relay marathon with my 16 yr. old son in the Vermont City Marathon in May (each of us runs a half marathon). We have already registered in the lottery for this and will know in Feb. if we get a spot.
2. Return to my maintenance weight zone
3. Cut my daily intake of sugar in half
4. Limit myself on the computer to two hours per day
5. Take one Zumba class (anything that requires coordination is completely out of my comfort zone)
6. Practice Yoga 2x per week (60 min) and practice a mini session (10 min) everyday.
7. Continue to socialize with friends. In the past few years I have found that this is a much bigger happiness component in my life than I ever imagined. When life gets busy though, this is the first thing I let go. I am not going to let this happen anymore.

But the big one:
ACCEPTANCE! Accept who I am and start learning to like me just the way I am. This will mean a lot of journaling, maybe some therapy sessions, and self awareness exercises. This means accepting my illnesses with no shame. I know that this will be a lifelong struggle for me, but I hope 2011 will be the year that I make a huge improvement with acceptance and self love.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    Great stuff! You are always so motivating for me to get more inward with my gaze. To find what "I" really would like to achieve. Thanks for being YOU!

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WALKING_ANGUS 1/2/2011 8:14PM

    What a wonderful list. I too know how hard it is to write down goals because I too am my hardest critic. Good luck getting into the VCM. That would be so great to run it with your son. I too need to work on self-acceptance, making more time to be social with friends, and cutting back on sugar is always good as well ( i hadn't thought of that one but I like it). Good luck as we will all be here for you through 2011!

P.S. The bear is just too cute! I love him!

Comment edited on: 1/2/2011 8:15:18 PM

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IWILLRUN100 1/2/2011 5:52PM

    I love your list. Acceptance is definitely important...and hard. But you can do it!!

I hope you get your spot for VCM!


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LKEITHO 1/2/2011 12:29PM

    These look like great goals! Best of luck on the marathon lottery!

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LIS193 1/2/2011 11:20AM

    Great goals!
I love yoga and it really helps to start my day off right.

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RBALF1 1/2/2011 10:10AM

    I found your blog very real. Those sound like the things that matter, and they all seem realistic. I'm going to spend some time this week trying to get more concrete about my goals. It will take some more journaling, time to think, and, yes, a visit or two with the therapist who I have not seen for quite a few months. Thanks for your courage in writing things down and making them real.

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PYRATEGRACE 1/2/2011 9:52AM

    Really good goals and I especially liked #7! I find myself letting friends go by the wayside when my days are busy so I think I will pay more attention to that myself this year.

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Such a nice day today!

Thursday, December 30, 2010

After a beautiful snowshoe trek with my dog, I was in such a good mood! The sun was shining. There was very little wind. It was about 30 degrees. The bright white snow was sparkling all around me and I felt so serene and joyful. I really have to remember these moments when life gets tough. When I meditate, I try to think of a calm, peaceful place. I definitely found one today and will remember to use it when I meditate next. It is so hard for me to meditate. I get it right (totally relaxed) about 1 out of 5 times, but I guess that's better than nothing! I'm a work in progress.

My husband and I actually had a date today. We went to the Harry Potter movie. I brought a sandwich bag of Almonds with Sea Salt with me and it really did the trick. I didn't miss the popcorn at all. We shared a slushy together, which wasn't too bad. It was a nice treat. I haven't been to the movies in about a year. It was such a fun time.

Hopefully tomorrow will be just as good!

Have a Happy New Year's Eve everyone!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LKEITHO 12/31/2010 9:34PM

    Sounds like a wonderful day! All the best in 2011!

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BTVMADS 12/31/2010 9:14AM

    That was just what you needed! I will never, for a moment, understand why anyone wouldn't want to live in Vermont. It's just bliss outside.

As for the meditating... 1 time out of 5 is a lot better than I'm doing. But I figure it will click for me eventually, and if not, well... there's a Buddhist center in Burlington. Do you do a specific kind of meditation? Do you have a special space for it or anything?

I hope you have a WONDERFUL New Year's Eve and a great start to 2011.

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POKIEFUZZBUCKET 12/30/2010 11:14PM

    That sounds so nice!! I haven't taken my snowshoes out for a whirl yet... I need to get on that! Have a happy New Year's Eve Lisa!

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WALKING_ANGUS 12/30/2010 10:57PM

    Your snow shoe trek with your dog sounded very enjoyable. The sunshine and the warmer temps are defintely treats for a Vermont winter day. Your date with your husband is a wonderful idea as well.

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IWILLRUN100 12/30/2010 10:05PM

    I took Lily for a walk on the bike path/golf course by UVM today. It really was lovely! I'm glad you had fun with Gracie and that you had a good date with the hubby:) I hope you have a wonderful New Year's Eve!! See you next week!


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Dreaming of Consistency and Normality

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

I love Christmas and the holidays. But it drains me in so many ways. Physically, emotionally, and financially. They just last too long. I just want them over. I NEED consistency. I crave regular schedules. I want normality. I am so tired of saying no, no, no to all this yummy food, just to break down in the evening and eat them anyway.

But, its just around the corner! January 3rd will be a good day because my schedule returns. The kids go back to school. My husband goes back to work. My work schedule resumes. My Yoga class starts again.

I went to the hairdressers with my daughter today. She is turning 13 in two weeks. I let her get a few highlights and some layers in her long dark blond hair. Then we went shopping. Long lines and a hungry tummy made me a bit grumpy. I had too long of a list and not enough time. I ended up with a headache. I really tried hard to make it fun for my daughter, but by the end, there was no pretending that Mommy was not having a good time.

After a calorie laden rushed lunch, I felt even worse. I sat with my son and watched Superman and felt like a slug.

Finally I dragged myself down to the basement and had a hard but fulfilling workout. I feel so much better!

From this moment on, I am going to try to be positive and enjoy the rest of the holidays. I want my kids to have a nice vacation. I want to experience the joys of this season.

I've learned some things over the 2010 holiday season. I actually put my thoughts about this holiday season--good and bad, and pasted them into my December 2011 calendar. I hope I read them next year and not make the same mistakes. If I can remember how terrible I felt today!

Happy New Year to all my SparkFriends!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BTVMADS 12/30/2010 9:43PM

    I love the idea of putting your thoughts and feelings into NEXT year's calendar. What a great way to make sure that you'll take time to reflect and be proactive in the years to come. Hopefully, today and the next few days will be easier for you and much more enjoyable. The weather's going to be GREAT, so maybe you and the kids will get outdoors and enjoy the beauty of the season. It's easy to think of the holidays as an endless banquet, but with the fresh snow, bright sunshine, and stunning VT landscape, there's much more to enjoy.

Cheers to a happy, healthy NEW YEAR!!!

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IWILLRUN100 12/29/2010 10:38PM

    We can do this!! Yay for a return to normal schedules!! Also, we need to do tea again:)

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RUN2BEFREE 12/29/2010 9:44PM

    Great thoughts about putting notes into next year's calendar! I think I might have to borrow that idea!

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RUN2BEFREE 12/29/2010 9:43PM

    Great thoughts about putting notes into next year's calendar! I think I might have to borrow that idea!

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RUN2BEFREE 12/29/2010 9:43PM

    Great thoughts about putting notes into next year's calendar! I think I might have to borrow that idea!

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RUN2BEFREE 12/29/2010 9:43PM

    Great thoughts about putting notes into next year's calendar! I think I might have to borrow that idea!

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LKEITHO 12/29/2010 9:28PM

    Great idea to put some reminders on the calendar for next year. Have a great 2011!

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CRZYRUNRGRL 12/29/2010 8:30PM

    I know what you mean about the crazieness of the holidays putting a damper on things. Thankfully it's only once a year! LOL!
Great idea about putting notes into next years calendar!

Have a happy new year!!

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