Sunday, January 09, 2011
I started the day great! Ran 8 miles. Then went to my Mom's 70th birthday brunch at a local diner. It was noon and I was so hungry. I ordered a meat and egg casserole that I intended to eat half, but it was so good, I just couldn't stop! So I pretty much ate my max daily calories by 12:30pm. I tried to have self control in the afternoon, and I did great. Then my husband went to a hockey game and I started snacking and snacking. My stomach hurts, but it should!
I am a bit mad at myself. I'll just have to be stronger tomorrow. I have journaled about the triggers. I think I was overwhelmed, lonely, upset about lunch, procrastinating before cleaning the kitchen and even a bit bored. Next time, I need to get out of the house and go for a walk!
Send me some positive thoughts...I need them!
Wednesday, January 05, 2011
Today I found an old picture of me where I think I weighed my heaviest.
My head is missing, but it really is me.
I also got on the scale today only because Wednesday is my weigh in day. I am up 5 pounds from my high goal weight that I reached in May and 8 pounds from what I weighed in September, which is my ultimate goal weight. Today, I saw this picture at exactly the right time in my life because it reminded me that I cannot go down that road again. EVER again.
My parents are so heavy and getting sicker and sicker every day with congestive heart failure. My father has got to be near 400 pounds and my mother probably at 250 or so. They never adopted a healthy lifestyle and as everyone knows, children learn the most from the lessons and examples they grow up with.
On the upside, my sister just has gastric bypass surgery. She is on her way to healthier life. Her starting weight was 350 and is down 70 pounds since August.
So, you can see that genetically, I have a battle to fight for the rest of my life. It doesn't help that I have wicked emotional eating problems and a mental health obstacle . I know that I cannot erase these obstacles because I will never be able to say that these obstacles are completely gone. EVER. They will be with me forever. But, I will work WITH them. I will endeavor to balance my life and make it happier and healthier even with these unfortunate genetic traits. I will not let them consume me. I will accept them and overcome them. Not all at once. One step at a time. And I will forgive myself for mistakes and falls that I make. I will pick myself up and take another step forward.
Today, I am ready for the fight! Bring it on! I know I can do it by going back to the lifestyle changes that I had made but threw out the window the past two months. I feel so much better when I adopt and use my healthy lifestyle. Both inside and out. The nutrition tracker is so important for me to use. That is the first tool that I throw out the window on a downhill slide. My fitness is no problem. In fact, I have to admit that I can get addicted to exercise and that it can consume me. As you can see, BALANCE is an issue in my life. I will endeavor to balance my life.
I want to look like this again and feel like this again.
And I know can. With SparkPeople and the tools and lessons they offer, and with all my SparkFriends by my side. We can do this together, my friends!
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
I love Christmas and the holidays. But it drains me in so many ways. Physically, emotionally, and financially. They just last too long. I just want them over. I NEED consistency. I crave regular schedules. I want normality. I am so tired of saying no, no, no to all this yummy food, just to break down in the evening and eat them anyway.
But, its just around the corner! January 3rd will be a good day because my schedule returns. The kids go back to school. My husband goes back to work. My work schedule resumes. My Yoga class starts again.
I went to the hairdressers with my daughter today. She is turning 13 in two weeks. I let her get a few highlights and some layers in her long dark blond hair. Then we went shopping. Long lines and a hungry tummy made me a bit grumpy. I had too long of a list and not enough time. I ended up with a headache. I really tried hard to make it fun for my daughter, but by the end, there was no pretending that Mommy was not having a good time.
After a calorie laden rushed lunch, I felt even worse. I sat with my son and watched Superman and felt like a slug.
Finally I dragged myself down to the basement and had a hard but fulfilling workout. I feel so much better!
From this moment on, I am going to try to be positive and enjoy the rest of the holidays. I want my kids to have a nice vacation. I want to experience the joys of this season.
I've learned some things over the 2010 holiday season. I actually put my thoughts about this holiday season--good and bad, and pasted them into my December 2011 calendar. I hope I read them next year and not make the same mistakes. If I can remember how terrible I felt today!
Happy New Year to all my SparkFriends!
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