Tuesday, November 12, 2013
This is a picture of Mt. Mansfield in Vermont. It's about 25 miles East of my house. Snow is just starting to accumulate. I did not take this picture, but I found it online at www.hforcier.com. Our colors are all but gone, but you can see some glimpses of color from trees that are lazy to Fall into winter.
There was a dusting of snow in the Valley where I live. Good news since I am aching to get my Nordic Skis out. I hope to learn to skate ski this year. I tried last year, but didn't even get close to catching on. It is not easy to learn. Much harder than classic skiing. My son, who is in College, left behind his ski skates, that I am going to put into use.
See the difference. The person on the left is skate skiing, and the person on the right is classic skiing, both are Nordic (Cross Country) skiing.
I have been doing excellent on my exercise, but still struggle on my afternoon binging. Everyday I say I am not going to do it. But, I have not been able to get out of the "pull" to binge. I absolutely know I have a problem. I am trying to journal about it and find a way to be released from that "pull". I have not lost hope yet, and will continue this battle and will overcome it.
Have a wonderful day and don't give up. Ever!
Sunday, November 10, 2013
I was going through my friends list and realized many, and I mean many of them are inactive. As a matter of fact, I needed to delete 106 of them that have been inactive more than a year.
I am looking at the positive. The plan worked for them and they aren't in need for SparkPeople any longer. That's my story and I'm sticking to it!
YEAH for them!!!!!!!!!!!
That being said, I NEED more SparkFriends! I need to encourage and be encourage. I need more friends to journey on this path together. I have found that my success involves involves everyone of my friends that I have helped and all of those that have helped me.
We are all in this together!
Feel free to add me as a SparkFriend, and if not, I will hunt you down and encourage you to succeed whether you like it or not.
Saturday, November 09, 2013
Here it is. The meat and core of my failure.
I am so motivated in the morning. I exercise, spend time on SparkPeople and track my breakfast and lunch. It's like a bell goes off at 4pm and drains all my motivation and willpower. I snack, eat too much at dinner, and give up. I feel heavy with disappointment and shame. I vow to do better the next day and the cycle begins again the next morning. I am so frustrated and ready to give up again. It spirals me into a depression, not only because I am overweight and unhealthy, but I feel like I have no courage and willpower which makes me feel weak and useless in everything I do in life.
What do I do with this realization??? Where can I find the motivation? How do I realize that being a little hungry isn't going to kill me?
I hear experts say that the realization of this is the first step and can only help. However, it doesn't. It just makes me feel worse because knowing all this doesn't stop my behavior. I hear it in my head, but seem to not be able to stop the cycle.
So, its morning. I am motivated and ready to go. I got on the scale and groaned. Now feel heavy with disappointment again.
Friday, November 08, 2013
My son as a little guy, today 19!
My middle son is a freshman in college 7 hours away from us. We have a strong bond, or at least I think we do/did. He is doing exactly what he is supposed to be doing. Becoming more independent, trying to balance school responsibilities and social time. I am very proud of him and he is doing great. But, oh how much I miss him. Today is his 19th birthday. The very first one that I will not be with him. I feel like someone is squeezing my heart. Yes, I sent him a funny, wonderful care package that I planned, wrapped and sent my heart in, but I still miss him so very much. I know he got it in the mail yesterday because I have the confirmation number, but he hasn't called to tell me he got it. I thought he would call me right away.
I know this is life and I have to move on, but I can't help being sad. It seems just yesterday when he was climbing up into my lap with his footed pjs on, with a book clutched in his hand, asking me in a sweet little boy voice to please read mommy.
Times like this is when I turn to comfort food. When I want to fill that empty void in my heart. I will have to be extra vigilant today and use every skill in the book. I will succeed, and I will be gentle with myself.
I am also happy to have such a wonderful, loving, smart, terrific son! Happy Birthday, my son!!
Wednesday, November 06, 2013
Yesterday went ok, but I was so hungry while I was preparing dinner. I really tried to not nibble, but couldn't stop myself. I counted most everything, but realized i didn't know exactly how much cheese and pretzels I really had. Tonight, I will have a few things measured and ready for me and will allow myself to eat it and count it.
I think I overdid it strength training yesterday! My body is yelling at me!
It's one of my early days at work. I work at a sports club (gym) and I have to be there by 4:30 a.m. So, I am up by 3:30a.m. I hate the hours, but I am glad I have a job I like.
TODAY IS GOING TO BE FABULOUS!
I love in Vermont, and this is a picture of Mt. Mansfield in the Fall. Only about 25 miles west of me and I can often see it in my travels dailey. Beautiful!
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