Monday, November 08, 2010
I'm so stressed and overwhelmed right now. I just have so much going on.
I failed an assignment today. For the first time ever. And I thought I did a good job on it! My friend got the same comments on her assignment as I did on mine and yet she passed. I don't understand. Failing means I have to resubmit. So inbetween working 4 days and 2 days at uni I have to find time to rewrite an assignment that I've already done. I'm frustrated. I'm stressed. I'm waaaay past the point of burn out. This is the end of my 4th year of uni. FOURTH! The other students are b****ing because they are ending their second year. Get in line, ladies! I never wanna do another assignment again. I hate assignments and how they make me feel so awful. I'm a great teacher. An awesome teacher. The kids love me, my associate teachers love my ideas and my enthusiam, my evalutive lecturers call me a natural teacher. So why is the only method of assessing assignments? Assignments that I can write and write well (or so I thought) but don't learn anything from because I'm too busy following the success criteria that I don't enjoy the material.
In addition I am feeling very very lonely. I don't have many friends and the friends that I do have (who I love and are amazing and accept me just the way I am) are usually so busy that I barely get to see them. Uni is a sad and lonely place for me because I only have one friend there and she is only in 3/5 classes. I start work tomorrow, maybe I will make some new friends there?
I don't think I love my boyfriend anymore but I don't know what life would be like without him, so I stay. And would I be able to find someone else? Someone who wants to travel, buy a house by the beach and not have children? The last one is a biggy. Not many guys out there who don't want kids!
I have already emailed the head of the primary papers and asked about part time study options. It would mean that my last year would take 2 years but at least I might not be so stressed all the time. And I could work more which would be good because money is a huge issue right now. It would suck to be a year behind everyone else but I suppose I have to think of my physical and mental health first and neither of those will be in good shape if I am constantly stressed for another year.
Anyways, thanks for reading my whine fest. I just have so much stuff going on and I'm really not coping