BUBBLEJ1   21,988
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My terrible day

Monday, November 08, 2010

I'm so stressed and overwhelmed right now. I just have so much going on.

I failed an assignment today. For the first time ever. And I thought I did a good job on it! My friend got the same comments on her assignment as I did on mine and yet she passed. I don't understand. Failing means I have to resubmit. So inbetween working 4 days and 2 days at uni I have to find time to rewrite an assignment that I've already done. I'm frustrated. I'm stressed. I'm waaaay past the point of burn out. This is the end of my 4th year of uni. FOURTH! The other students are b****ing because they are ending their second year. Get in line, ladies! I never wanna do another assignment again. I hate assignments and how they make me feel so awful. I'm a great teacher. An awesome teacher. The kids love me, my associate teachers love my ideas and my enthusiam, my evalutive lecturers call me a natural teacher. So why is the only method of assessing assignments? Assignments that I can write and write well (or so I thought) but don't learn anything from because I'm too busy following the success criteria that I don't enjoy the material.

In addition I am feeling very very lonely. I don't have many friends and the friends that I do have (who I love and are amazing and accept me just the way I am) are usually so busy that I barely get to see them. Uni is a sad and lonely place for me because I only have one friend there and she is only in 3/5 classes. I start work tomorrow, maybe I will make some new friends there?

I don't think I love my boyfriend anymore but I don't know what life would be like without him, so I stay. And would I be able to find someone else? Someone who wants to travel, buy a house by the beach and not have children? The last one is a biggy. Not many guys out there who don't want kids!

I have already emailed the head of the primary papers and asked about part time study options. It would mean that my last year would take 2 years but at least I might not be so stressed all the time. And I could work more which would be good because money is a huge issue right now. It would suck to be a year behind everyone else but I suppose I have to think of my physical and mental health first and neither of those will be in good shape if I am constantly stressed for another year.

Anyways, thanks for reading my whine fest. I just have so much stuff going on and I'm really not coping

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VIRGOGURL4 11/11/2010 12:41PM

    Aww...things sound really difficult now. I think that prioritizing is key. Like, literally write a list of what you need to do now--ranked by importance. Focus on you, and what matters the most.

Also, I'm not sure if it's a good idea to go part-time at this point. I have some friends who went part-time or took "a break" from university two or three years ago. Guess what? I've already graduated, and they're still not close to doing so. But then again, I don't know your struggles as well as you do.

Like the others have said, taking it one day at a time will help. Taking those little steps will lead you to be more organized--and ultimately more in control.

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CARLA-216 11/10/2010 2:56PM

    Hugs to you! I hope today has been a better day for you!

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LEXIE63 11/10/2010 2:42PM

    Sorry you have hit a rough patch. emoticon
Hope it all smooths out for you.
If it is any consolation, to have only failed one assignment ever is no mean feat in itself! :-)
You are doing terrifically well, and, like Sparkpeople, take heart in knowing that the assignment is only one way of measuring your progress, and everything else is measuring up just fine!
Lex xxx
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    Aw this is hard Jess. I'm sorry that your teacher didn't like your assignment, but you're right that you're an awesome teacher and you will go far! I understand being lonely and wanting friends, I'm the same & I Hope you make some friends at work. As far as your boyfriend, if you're not happy and you don't love him anymore then you really should move on. Would you want him to stay with you just because he was comfortable? probably not, you'd want him to be happy so I'm sure he wants the same for you. It's never easy and it's hard especially when you live together and probably love him as a person but not the same as you used to. But you WILL find someone else who makes you happy and meets your criteria (my boyfriend doesn't want kids, so there are guys out there!!... unfortunately, I want to have kids :-P) Anyways, hang in there girl, everything will work out! Just take it one day at a time!

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BEANPOD77 11/9/2010 6:26AM

    Awww Jess, SO sorry to hear about all your stresses..There are some great suggestion here from your other SP buddies..Take some time to step back and re-group. Ya, getting a "failing" grade is a tough blow..You said it yourself..you know you are a great teacher and have had lots of positive feedback..so, when it's not quite as raw, go find that professor and ask for some specifics..tell them you want address the areas they saw as needing improvement, so that you can target those..My daughter always says it almost like a game..you gotta find out what THEY want, and whether you agree with them, or believe the same things..find a way to give THEM what they want..
Break it all into smaller steps ( goals) just like our Spark journeys..Things looks so big when we look at them all at once..breaking it into smaller chunks makes it all so much more manageable..plus I think that smaller chunks gets our minds busy on working the solutions, and it doesnt have time to keep fretting on "big picture" stuff??
Get the assignment feedback first...start your new job ( take THAT one step at a time)..when it's settled a bit, then look at your relationship. It sounds like you two are at least very good friends, so don't rush into making a decision yet, when so much is coming at you..
I see you are off to do some water walking..such a great stress reliever ..always a great idea..I find I can get a better "look" at things when I am working out..
YOU are number one...YOUR health ( mental and physical) are the most important, so take the time you need..Think of all you HAVE accomplished and you WILL get this behind you..
Sending hugs your way!!! emoticon

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ANITA012 11/9/2010 12:48AM

    Take a deep breath and step back for a moment. It does sound like you have a lot on your plate, and as for friends. You have many right here at Spark.
Perhaps we haven't met in person, but we are all friends just the same. Know that we are all here for you and that you have more friends than you may know.
Failing an assignment can be rough and I commend you for what you have been going through. Do what your gut instinct tells you. It is usually right. If you need more time...then take it.
It's better than becoming a mental case.
Best of Luck! emoticon

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MAGGIENCALI 11/8/2010 11:39PM

    Jess, girl, I'm so sorry you are having a rotten day. It's a crappy thing to have something you have worked so hard on be deemed not good enough. We've all been there. You will rise above this and the other things because you have a such a strong spirit. I'm not going to give you any advice. You know in your heart what you need to do. Take this time to re-evaluate and go from there. We are all here to help you when you need it, ok. Lot's of xxx's. Maggie

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PURPLESPEDCOW 11/8/2010 10:31PM

    Believe me we have all been there. There is always one professor that no one figures out. The stress is part of it. I am sorry you are so down. I wonder if you weren't having doubts about your boy friend, if you would see things different. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now. You are trying to finish many different things at the same time. You have to do what you think is best and then do not play the "what if" game...you know, what if this, what if that. Make a decision about each point you brought up in your blog and deal with each one. Talk to the professor who failed your paper and find out why. Talk to your boy friend and see how he feels. Reach out to people at school and work and maybe make a new friend. Good luck to you, my friend. You can do it and if it takes a little longer, so be it. Believe me when I say that 20 years from now, no one will care. I graduated later than most in my class! It doesn't matter now!

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MARA-H 11/8/2010 10:30PM

  Hey, after something like that, a whine is what you need. But then, you have to figure out what to do to make it better.

YOU do have the right to ask about the grade, or did the teacher grade harder on you because you are in a higher grade? When I was getting my masters I had to have higher scores and provide more information than the underclassmen.

Hope things do look better tomorrow!


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KSCARTY 11/8/2010 10:30PM

    Wait one second...you, my dear, are a DONE Girl! DONE Girls don't give up!!! You can do this! You can get yourself through this assignment (and the next one), you can win this journey of a healthy lifestyle and celebrate in your reward of a healthy you.

You deserve to be in love and to be loved by the right person! You deserve everything that you want and want to be and you will get it ALL because you understand hard work and dedication. Keep your head high and remember you are a DONE Girl!


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This just in

Sunday, November 07, 2010

Official photos!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LEXIE63 11/10/2010 2:39PM

    Yay! emoticon

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    love the pics!

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BEANPOD77 11/8/2010 4:29PM

    emoticon emoticon

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CARLA-216 11/8/2010 11:43AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BEANPOD77 11/8/2010 6:40AM

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BEANPOD77 11/8/2010 6:28AM

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Writing it down!

Sunday, November 07, 2010

OK folks, I had a very lazy Sunday that included a little too much junk food so today I'm gonna get right back on track.

Breakfast was marmite on toast, yummy and healthy. Still a little hungry though, I might have an egg for some filling protien.

I am going to go for a walk today. Nothing too hard, more like a stroll around the block to get my legs moving and hopefully make them feel better. I'm aiming for a 30 minute walk which should be about 3km.

Dinner tonight is going to be homemade chicken burgers. I love homemade burgers because I can control the portion, the sauce etc.

Right, so thats my day!!! Hopefully it'll be a good one :)


Thanks guys and an update

Sunday, November 07, 2010

First, thanks so much for all your kind comments about my 10K yesterday! The brightened my day even further!

Today I haven't been as sore as I thought I would be. I definatly didn't stretch enough post event, but in my defence I had a beer to drink and I wasn't getting any colder. I spent most of last night with a rubbish sack of ice drapped over my lower legs which really helped my sore knees and ankles. I'm only having a little shin pain when walking and besides that and being a bit tired and sunburnt I am feelin good! Memo to me though, must buy sunblock! It is something that completely slipped my mind yesterday and I am paying for it on my arms and the backs of my legs today.

In related news I signed up for another off road 10k. I know, I know, addiction is bad.

This one is in February so I have 3 months to train for it, and I'm actually gonna train for it this time. I'm also ridin solo because I think it will be a good experience to go it alone. I think I could have gone a lot faster yesterday but my friend was having asthma issues (and complained a lot, but that was a seperate issue). I was happy to slow down and stop so she could get her breathing under control but I would love to see how I could do alone.

So there ya go people. I'm sore and addicted and can't wait to do this all over again!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MAGGIENCALI 11/7/2010 11:56AM

    Let me know when you want to swap. I'm game! I need to come back and see all my Welly friends. But then I wouldn't get to meet you. Mmmmm. Logistics. Anyway, look at you, trail runner girl. Isn't it soooo much fun! I proud of you, btw. I getting ready for mine in December, but it's just a 5k road race. They have a mud run in Eureka, which is a little farther north of here. Might just have to check it out. Keep on runnin', girl! :)

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MRS.PRINCIPAL 11/7/2010 6:28AM

    If you are going to develop an addiction... this is a GREAT ONE! I have to keep reminding myself it's summer in NZ for you now. I keep reading these blogs about sun and warmth, we are moving towards winter here in Chicago! Relax a little this weekend!

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BAYSIDE07 11/7/2010 5:51AM


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Speights West Coaster 10K (lotsa pics)

Saturday, November 06, 2010

This was the hardest, dirtiest and most fun day of my life.

Hardest - Our first hill

Dirtiest - My shoes post event

Fun - Big smiles around the 8K mark

I had an absolute ball.

I came 4th to last (we were the only walkers, only injured marathoners came in after!) but that didn't matter in the least! I cheered on the runners coming past me (out and back course), chatted to my friend and laughed at how ridiculous we were for thinking it would be a walk in the park. I got so many comments about how we must be having such a good time because I had a huge smile and thanked by the passing runners for my cheers.

The course was hilly. I wish I could show you an elevation profile. There were some bits that were straight up and down. One hill we had to do twice because we got turned around by an 18ker and told we had passed our turn around point. Turns out he was wrong, so off down the hill we went again. To illustrate the hilly course, behold the photos


Taken from the top of a hill that we climbed

Trail up the hill

Oh, and there was a river. This was not mentioned on the course notes! My shoes were soaking on the walk and I am scared about how many blisters I may have. I haven't looked. The river was very welcome on the way back, however! Refreshing!

We kept getting told "Not long now" by passing runners. They lied. It was ages before we got to the halfway point and I was so excited to get there that I got a photo with the sign and the marshal, whos name is Tom and I think I scared because I told him he was cute and started mindlessly chatting. Its what I do. And he was cute.

We headed back and going back was waaaaaaay easier then going in.

Me at 6km, chillaxin

And before we knew it we were headin down the last hill! Photos of joy!

And then we were finished! We crossed the finish line holding hands, arms up in a joyful manner and with a big WOHOOOOOOO! (Finish line photo not up yet :()

Of course, we then celebrated with a free beer and sausage sizzle!

4 twisted ankles (all my left one!) and 3h 10m. All worth it. Whats next...? Might wait until I can walk properly before I start looking at the next one. I have been sitting on the couch icing my knees and ankles all night. I see a lot of not moving in my future, at least for tomorrow!

And for your general enjoyment/envying, the scenic photos. This is known as one of the most breath taking courses in NZ and its not hard to see why!

Edited to Add: The tshirt photos! They were a huge hit and heaps of people were asking where we got them ")

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

STARINTHENIGHT 11/7/2010 12:54AM

    Whoa those are beautiful pictures! That looks incredible! I'm glad you had so much fun! You can tell in the photos how happy you are :-) I always look the happiest with a TRUE smile when I do races, but usually at the end hehe. I'm glad you had fun the whole time and make sure to rest up and take it easy!

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TWINSMOMMY607 11/6/2010 4:52PM

    I wish I had scenery like that when I ran or walked!! Talk about being motivated!!

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BUBBLEJ1 11/6/2010 4:50PM

    Thanks guys! I'm still smiling about it today!

According to Spark I burned 1800ish calories (I tracked it as hiking with hills or something along those lines). During the walk I had 3 750ml water bottles, 2 with sports drink in them and a special K bar and a bit of dark chocolate. Never got hungry or thirsty so I must have been eating and drinking enough :)

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LEXIE63 11/6/2010 2:35PM

    Yay! You did an awesome job of both the walk and the t-shirts!
Lex xxx
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MAGGIENCALI 11/6/2010 10:20AM

    Awesome pics!!! It looks like it was hard but a lot of fun too. Love the t-shirts and I hope you enjoyed your well earned beer. Way to go, girl! :)

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MRS.PRINCIPAL 11/6/2010 9:54AM

    Great photos! If I had views like that I would walk 10K's all the time! Those hills look hard enough to walk up, wouldn't want to try to jog! YIKES! Congrats on completing it! Did you track how many calories you burned during this hike?

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CARLA-216 11/6/2010 8:33AM

    Congratulations on the accomplishment and having so much fun doing it! What an awesome time you finished in as well. Great job, great job!
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And the photos...breathtaking! Thanks a million for sharing those! I think that will be the happy place I go to in my mind today while cleaning house. emoticon

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BEANPOD77 11/6/2010 7:28AM

    Way to go! That's quite an accomplishment..And to have so much fun doing it nad making it fun for others...Good for you! And yet again, such a beautiful country you live in..Love the pics

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KBUTTERFLY 11/6/2010 5:27AM

    Good on you and thanks for sharing the pics, by the way I luv the T-shirts

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PUFFPASTRY 11/6/2010 4:50AM

    Oh my gosh, how amazing! Go you! I'm so impressed that you could run/walk/jog/limp those elevations and LAUGH and SMILE while doing so! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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