BUBBLEJ1   21,997
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Hey all

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Right, I'm back, kinda.

The general gist of what went on is this:

My mum heard something about me from another family member which was untrue. Instead of coming to me she had a breakdown and did a whole lota stuff, including going missing. A lot of hurtful things were said, and although mum has now found out that what she was told was untrue the damage for me has already been done. I am upset that my mum blamed me instead of talking to me, and dealt with the problem by going off the rails. My mum has a history of mental illness, so this is how she deals with things. This is not the first time she has gone off the rails. I had to rush to her about a year ago when she threatned to kill herself. That was awful, and I ended up going off the rails for about a week, drinking a lot etc. I told her that this is not a normal way of dealing with things and that she needs to stop and get some help.

As of today I have talked to her. She has apologised, but like I said, damage is done. I told her to get help. See a doctor, get new meds, see a therapist, sort her issues out with my father, do what ya gotta do, but she needs help. Until she has gotten herself back on track I have explained that I need to step back. I will decide when I am ready what kind of relationship we will have in the future, if any.

Now, for better or worse, my whole life has changed.

My boyfriend and I were going to move in with my parents in a few weeks time to save money. This now can't happen. This is my choice so I have to deal, but I don't think me living with my mum will help the situation at all. This has come at a very bad time because I have just quit my job and it is the end of the year and my boyfriends work starts dropping off in about a month. Now we have to move (we were living in one of their rental houses) and pay a bond and rent somewhere else, which we haven't budgeted for or saved for. Luckily I had made a savings plan for the trip, so that money can go on a bond and deposit, as well as being back up for over the holidays when my boyfriend is earning a small salary. We both plan on getting summer jobs, however if that can't happen for whatever reason we should be covered. If we get a flatmate we can afford rent and bills, but only if we get a flatmate. We are looking at moving to a nice beach suburb where the rent is pretty good and it is close to my boyfriends work, so his petrol bill will be halved, at least, next year. And the cost of living is quite cheap up there too. AND its super flat so I can run, walk and bike everywhere! I could bike to the supermarket with a backpack. How ecofriendly is that!

My parents offered to pay for my school fees next year. This now isn't happening. I will have to get a student loan, which isn't too bad since it is interest free, however I was really looking forward to grauating debt free. Oh well, life is tough. As well as the student loan I will also have to get the student living loan, since I won't be able to work as much as needed AND go to uni. The living allowance needs to be paid back and will add to the debt, but we don't have much choice. I MAY be able to apply for a living allowance that doesn't have to be paid back if I can get my doctor to agree that it wouldn't be in mine or my parents best interests for me to live with them or have them supporting me. It is a long shot, but at least that wouldn't have to be paid back. I know, I know, taking tax payers money. Well I have paid tax for 6 years and never gotten so much as a refund, so I don't feel bad. The boyfriend and I will continue to pay tax for the rest of our lives, so 1 year isn't gonna kill anyone.

We are currently saving like mad, trying to find a flatmate and trying to find a house that is happy to take our 3 cats! We keep getting email saying "you can have 2 cats" which doesn't help. I mean, they are our children, I'm not choosing one to get rid of! And how much does one more (housetrained!) cat matter?

Hopefully everything will work out. Like I said, my life is going to be a lot different, but hopefully it will be a good different! Thanks everyone for your support so far, it means a lot

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CARLA-216 10/11/2010 2:25PM

    Good thoughts to you for a smooth transition!

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MAGGIENCALI 10/10/2010 10:04PM

    It sounds like you've got a lot going on. I don't know what to say, except you sound like you're in a good place for right now. You are in my thoughts and I hope everything works out for the best.

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PURPLESPEDCOW 10/10/2010 9:23PM

    Sounds like you are taking care of yourself first for a change. Good for you. Starting out life with student loans isn't the end of the world. Many people do that. You are controlling how you react to others, they will control how they react to you, don't let them force you into something you don't want just because it is cheaper. It won't be in the long run. Take care of yourself and it will work out in the end.

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Stepping back

Friday, October 08, 2010

I may not be around much in the next few days. Major family dramas here and I'm being blamed. I'm very hurt and angry and I really don't feel like I can blog and concentrate on sparking right now. I have no appatite, I have had a coffee and a special K bar today but I can't force myself to eat anymore, I feel sick. I'm going to try and get down a smoothie.

Since I'm not eating I'm not working out. I may try a light, short walk this evening but I'm not going to push myself.

See you in a few days guys!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LEXIE63 10/9/2010 1:45PM

    I am so sorry you are going through this. We are here for you, whenever you feel like being here. I really hope that whatever is happening is resolved as soon as possible.
Take care of yourself Honey.
Lex xxx
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CARLA-216 10/9/2010 11:58AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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VIRGOGURL4 10/8/2010 10:01PM

    Sorry about the family drama :(

I understand that you need a break from Sparking now, but remember to relax. Do something to cheer yourself up, whether it's getting your nails done, watching a movie, or drinking a cup of cocoa. Even if you only have five minutes, do something.

And as always, you can SparkMail me if you need support.

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KAYKAYRUNNER 10/8/2010 9:14PM

    Oh! I'm so sorry to hear about the family drama you have going on!! What a bummer!! && It sounds like its affecting you to an horrible extream! I hope that things get better for you soon!! && If you EVER need someone to talk or even just vent to, I'm here for you girly!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PURPLESPEDCOW 10/8/2010 8:35PM

    Is there any thing that you can talk about? I would be happy to listen. You can sparkmail me if you want to talk privately. If not, I understand and hope that everything works out for you.

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Study buddy

Friday, October 08, 2010

Today I went to hang out with my study buddy. I looooove studying at my friends place, I get so much done. It is quiet, I can't access the internet and my friend makes sure I don't just talk and talk for hours on end. Oh, and her mum feeds me. What more can a girl ask for? So I got heaps done and am feeling a bit calmer about my assignments.


Her mum commented on how skinny I'm getting! Her mum is such a sweetie, and as soon as I walked in she was telling me how great I am looking. Such a nice confidence boost!

Soooooo...studying and skinny... What else.

Got my final pay check with my correct last name on it. If you missed my status, I was annoyed that my boss got my last name wrong on my final check and I had to go back into work to get a correct one. My former boss apologised and looked a little embarrassed, so alls well that ends well. And now I have 1/5 of my trip money saved. Yahoo! Just need another few thousand dollars and I'm golden.

I have worked out a great way to save money. We are eating what we have in the house. I know, shocking, right?! We have so much food in the house and since we are moving (just down the road) in a few weeks I have decided that we are going to eat what we have. My food shopping this week cost around $20 because all I got was a few fresh things and a couple of stay ingredients to complete a meal (pasta sauce to go with the pasta and mince etc). $20 a week on grocceries will save me heaps of money! It should take us around 3 weeks to eat through our food and we should save around $150. Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeet.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NOTMILK 10/8/2010 7:30PM

    excellent plan! I love cleaning out the cupboards!

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CARLA-216 10/8/2010 10:45AM

    Smart move to eat what is on hand. Moving is a PITA in general, and moving food is a real big PITA! LOL Plus you're saving much needed money for your trip.

Enjoy those compliments...you've earned them! Ride the momentum it gives you to create more success! emoticon

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LEXIE63 10/8/2010 7:27AM

    Your happy is practically flying off your page. Nice! :-)
Lex xxx
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POLK-A-DOTS 10/8/2010 7:18AM

    Great job on your weight loss journey thus far! So many questions after reading your blog....what are you taking in school? (or what do you want to be when you grow up? LOL!) and where are you going on your trip?

Keep up the great work....and keep eating through those cupboards....moving is so obnoxious...and just think of the boxes you are not going to have to pack due to just eating at home too....(in addition to saving money)


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Study break

Wednesday, October 06, 2010

Whew, assignments are hard work. Makes me wish I had started on them waaaaaaaaaaay sooner. And I am my own worst enemy, my work in never, ever good enough. I have been told a lot that I am way too hard on myself!

Today I went for a walk/run. I ended up doing more shorter intervals today, I wasn't really feeling it. I was all shuffly when I ran and I had a tasty mucous cough going on. Good fun. So I did what I could and enjoyed the sunshine.

I loved my new workout clothes, the tshirt is soooooo cool and breathable and the shorts are loose around my knees so I get a little breeze. Very comfy. I tried some new water on my run today. Zerowater, mandarin twist. It is less then a calorie for the bottle and it was free. I expected it to be like other flavoured water I have tried; kinda like very watered down juice, which I've taken on a run before. NOPE! This was so sweet and so strong I would have been better off drinking juice. Yuck. It would be alright if it was watered down with plain water. I might buy it again, but as a zero calorie sweet hit not as something to go running with. Plain water or bust!

These assignments are killing my spirits! Technology had the fun part already, making the boxes, now I have to write about making the boxes and do research about technology. My inclusive education assignment is interesting, but a lot of work. It is about deafness and there is a lot of information and different kinds of deafness. And I need to start my PLT essay about gender differences in learning. Anyone else wanna swap? Preferably someone who married rich and has a second home in Hawaii, but at this stage I'm not too fussy!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CARLA-216 10/6/2010 9:28AM

    Good for you for doing what you could today with your run/walk! Getting some sunshine is a good thing too! :D

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TWINSMOMMY607 10/6/2010 7:40AM

    I know what you mean about school assignment. I am my own worst enemy as well, I keep putting things off :o)

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Hi hi hi

Tuesday, October 05, 2010

Right, another quick check in. This may become the norm and uni picks up and I have more things on!

I ate too many mini muffins last night. We shall learn that I can't just have one and move on!

I neeeeed to go for a run. As soon as I post this I am getting into my (brand new) workout clothes and heading out the door. Trying for 8 minutes today, wish me luck!!!!

I am almost certainly going away in January, I will know for sure next week. I don't wanna look fat in my photo in front of *insert awesome thing here* so I have new motivation! Goal by January, people!

My mum has told me that while in the UK I shoud go and see Europe. The woman who gets worried if I go into Auckland city is happy for me to travel Europe alone. Paris, Rome and Athens, here I come! It'll be like having my own mini Eat Pray Love, except I'm a sparker, an atheist and have a boyfriend... Ummm we'll make it work!

Until January I have $0. I need every cent for my trip. This is a good and bad thing. Good because all I can afford is healthy food (fruit and veg) and I can't buy lunches out anymore! This is bad because I like spending money.

Right, sorry for such holiday centred posts guys, but as you can tell I am slightly excited!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CARLA-216 10/6/2010 9:48AM

    Um, yeah, you're excited, and that's okay! I'd be doing back flips if I were in your shoes! :) Keep that trip forefront in your mind to help stay on track with your weight and money goals! You can do it!

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MRS.PRINCIPAL 10/5/2010 8:03PM

    Your trip sounds wonderful! Good luck hitting your goal by January!

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DESIV2 10/5/2010 7:27PM

    Oh god, I love spending money too.. then again who doesn't? Good luck with that, and it sounds so fun to be going to Europe! I'm jealous! ;)

On another note, it's nice to find fellow atheist here! :)

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