Monday, June 10, 2013
Last week was a really bad week. I felt like I had absolutely no will power to do anything, let alone exercise. I was not getting along with someone because of them being pushy and not supportive towards things. My phone has been off for a few days now, and I will check it when I'm ready. Do you ever miss the old days when there were just land line phones, and people didn't hound you or get mad if you didn't answer their voice mail or text right away? Every once in awhile I believe everyone needs a break from the phone.
However, when it comes to the weight loss journey, I felt really good after I made myself get on that bike. A spark friend once told me if you at least try, even if it's only 10 minutes and that's all you can do that it still counts. Because of my weight I have really bad lower back pain, but lately even after this one little week of June I have noticed improvement, doesn't hurt too bad at all, and all I have been doing is riding a stationary exercise bike, and a little bit of basic yoga off the television each morning. That's not so difficult once you get into the habit! I also remember that spark quote, that I believe has stuck with so many people: "Wow, I really regret that workout -No one ever." Or, "You'll only regret the workouts you don't do."
Let's face it. For many of us, exercise is not always fun. You don't ALWAYS feel like doing it. And some days all a person wants to do is eat comfort food, and take a nice nap. But there is truly no better feeling going to bed at night, knowing you accomplished what you set out to do that day. Maybe you weren't perfect in your efforts, but just knowing you did your best makes the journey worth it. That's what I believe anyway.
I decided to transfer my progress picture of me on my camera to my computer, and I edited in paintbrush where i simply added the words above me: Starting weight: 330. At first this depressed me just looking at it. I didn't look too enthused in this photo. But this inspires me at the same time. I can not WAIT to add more progress photos. For every ten pound lost comes a reward, and a progress photo. I can't wait until I get to that point, and I can't wait to share them. If I loose 10 pounds each month, at Christmas I could really look a lot different. If only I had done this sooner....but I can't think that way. I feel I have all the tools and support I need, and the umph and motivation level are at an all time high. Nothing can stop me now.
Saturday, June 01, 2013
I know that I have really gotten off track and quit coming on spark for almost the entire month of May. I really don't know what to say other than the fact that I get overwhelmed way too easily. I try to take on too many goals at once and then I seem to just withdraw and people wonder where I went. I know that from now on I need to break this spell, and start to let go of my perfectionist attitude once and for all.
If I don't do all my exercises that day, eat the exact foods according to my meal planner, or even remember to track everything...It seems I have gotten super frustrated with myself and just say well, I might as well give up and start over the next month. This just does not work. In this book I am reading it tells you to focus on the small accomplishments you make through out the day so that you can gradually work your way forward, and I feel that is the very thing that I need to do. I don't understand why I feel like I have to do things perfectly in order to be considered acceptable. This mindset makes me feel like my efforts are going in circles.
Does anyone else struggle with perfectionism? Do you have any advice for me? What's helped you get through that type of thinking? I really tried not to exhaust myself with thoughts today, and all in all, it went pretty good. I did not do perfect today, but I am trying to focus on the things I did accomplish instead of thinking "I should do better."
My goal for this June is to really start coming on spark everyday, just really truly using the resources on here, reading the articles, and taking in the support that is on here, as well as being a friend to others who need support too. I know I've said it before but I am really beyond tired of starting over at this point, so like the quote says, "If you want to quit starting over, stop giving up." Here are the four goals I am focusing on and that is it, I am not overwhelming myself anymore.
1. Daily water 8 glasses
2. Get in some kind of exercise each day/every other day
3. follow my list of "things to do instead of overeating" when I need them
4. keeping up with Spark and staying in contact with friends on here
Thursday, April 18, 2013
I remember when I lived alone in my apartment. I would go to the store and make my favorite foods (lover of pasta) and it would calm me down. Lately I've been thinking about the times that food brought a lot of comfort for me. When you can't stuff your emotions or depression with food anymore, you are forced to face your real feelings, and that can be kind of scary.
It's odd actually because things have been coming up from my past...in thoughts, in dreams, things I had no thought about in years or I think I ever really faced or healed from. Without getting too specific, I was in a really bad/abusive relationship and there was just so much going on in 2008-2009, I never really absorbed it all. And it's weird that stuff from so long ago is beginning to surface, like I need to face it, not supress it and move on. Has anyone ever felt a similar experience in their life?
Journaling helps a lot though. Prayer, meditation. Even the little things like drinking herbal tea or aromatherapy help more than some people might realize. As well as inspiring uplifting music. I wanted to share this christian song by singer Krystal Meyers:
"In Your Hands"
I listen through the darkness
And I know that I'm not alone
And I feel You all around me
But every time I call
All I hear is my own echo
Your silence says it all
I'm restless but I will not fight
It's in Your hands
It's in Your hands
I trust You though I don't understand
It's in Your hands
It's in Your hands
I'll close my eyes and follow your plan
I trust You 'cause it's all in Your hands
As time slips through my fingers
I slow down and breathe you in
There's a peace that washes over me
And I'm not afraid at all
Of things I cannot see
'Cause faith is blind
And I'll go on another night
'Cause I know...
(It's in Your hands)
Maybe one day
This will make sense
But until then
I'm trusting You
But You'll come through
You always do
I've waited so long
To see my sun on
Feel it coming on
And I'm seeing You
Love these pics too:
Friday, April 12, 2013
So far it's been an interesting week. I've been doing little things to motivate myself. For example I'm a person who loves to wear hats. Not many of them fit anymore. So today I went through them all and just daydreamed. I imagined myself happy and wearing them and this in turn really inspired me. It's amazing how just these little pick me ups can get a person off the "feeling sorry for myself mode" into "I'm inspired and can actually do this!" mode
Last night I was proud of myself because I went 10 miles on the bike. That was a big Wow for me because the most I think I have ever gone is 7. Maybe 10 doesn't seem like a lot, but just knowing you are increasing, getting stronger and closer to your goals feels really good. I also tried yoga this week for my back. Because I am overweight, I have some back trouble. Using yoga specifically made for back problems I really recommend! I felt even better then when I go see my chiropractor.
I did some team challenges this week: drinking 8 glasses of water every day, getting in 200 minutes of exercise, and from another team I was going to see if I could go 14 days without the night snacking. Technically, I did eat at night, but I'm happy to say I didn't go overboard. I'm really trying to get into the habit of thinking before I impulsively overeat. Before I want to emotional eat, I'm going to try something else first, to see if I'm truly hungry. Like taking a bubble bath, or aromatherapy, something equally as soothing as eating. If I'm still hungry, then I will eat something.
I sometimes also think of that children's story. Can't quite remember it, but its the one where the squirrel prepares for winter gathering nuts while the other animal slacks off. Then when winter finally came, the other animal was sorry. I don't want to be that way in terms of weight loss, because I know when October finally comes....I can either be giving in to my old habits, or maybe actually be a new person. This is what inspires me most of all, is knowing that in time could actually be a lot different, and that I can actually do this!!
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