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Baby steps

Monday, June 10, 2013

Last week was a really bad week. I felt like I had absolutely no will power to do anything, let alone exercise. I was not getting along with someone because of them being pushy and not supportive towards things. My phone has been off for a few days now, and I will check it when I'm ready. Do you ever miss the old days when there were just land line phones, and people didn't hound you or get mad if you didn't answer their voice mail or text right away? Every once in awhile I believe everyone needs a break from the phone.

However, when it comes to the weight loss journey, I felt really good after I made myself get on that bike. A spark friend once told me if you at least try, even if it's only 10 minutes and that's all you can do that it still counts. Because of my weight I have really bad lower back pain, but lately even after this one little week of June I have noticed improvement, doesn't hurt too bad at all, and all I have been doing is riding a stationary exercise bike, and a little bit of basic yoga off the television each morning. That's not so difficult once you get into the habit! I also remember that spark quote, that I believe has stuck with so many people: "Wow, I really regret that workout -No one ever." Or, "You'll only regret the workouts you don't do."

Let's face it. For many of us, exercise is not always fun. You don't ALWAYS feel like doing it. And some days all a person wants to do is eat comfort food, and take a nice nap. But there is truly no better feeling going to bed at night, knowing you accomplished what you set out to do that day. Maybe you weren't perfect in your efforts, but just knowing you did your best makes the journey worth it. That's what I believe anyway.

I decided to transfer my progress picture of me on my camera to my computer, and I edited in paintbrush where i simply added the words above me: Starting weight: 330. At first this depressed me just looking at it. I didn't look too enthused in this photo. But this inspires me at the same time. I can not WAIT to add more progress photos. For every ten pound lost comes a reward, and a progress photo. I can't wait until I get to that point, and I can't wait to share them. If I loose 10 pounds each month, at Christmas I could really look a lot different. If only I had done this sooner....but I can't think that way. I feel I have all the tools and support I need, and the umph and motivation level are at an all time high. Nothing can stop me now. emoticon emoticon emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ILOVEMALI 6/18/2013 3:05AM

    Let's take a virtual walk together tomorrow! Check in with me and let me know how it went. emoticon

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AWESOMECHELZ 6/15/2013 3:46PM

    I really like that saying "body under construction....."! emoticon I am sorry you are being hurt and I am glad you feel supported here. I do take breaks from my phone (and computer) once in a while and I think it is very good for the soul. emoticon
Love, Chelsea emoticon

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RIGEIN24 6/13/2013 9:53PM

    "There is truly no better feeling going to bed at night, knowing you accomplished what you set out to do that day. Maybe you weren't perfect in your efforts, but just knowing you did your best makes the journey worth it." I believe that, too!

That's also spot-on advice about doing at least 10 minutes. Often I think people get to that point and realize, hey I can go a little longer! It's all about just getting up and doing it, you'll feel better once you start.

I hope your situation with a certain someone improves. You shouldn't feel obligated to talk to someone if you're just not in the mood or need some "me" time.

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GRANNY2B2 6/12/2013 8:48PM

    emoticon emoticon

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LOVESLIFE48 6/12/2013 11:43AM

    You are so right, baby steps!! You have this down girl!! You will succeed and reach your goal in no time!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SGTSUNNY 6/12/2013 11:22AM

    Your in the right place mentally to lose that weight! I will be checking back for those progress pictures, I know you will be posting soon.

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GLAMIT 6/11/2013 12:44PM

    But there is truly no better feeling going to bed at night, knowing you accomplished what you set out to do that day.

This is the feeling you need to believe in and throw down those doubts. Quitting is not an option.
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NANCYPAT1 6/11/2013 9:24AM

    Love your message - I started at 350 and my body is changing as YOURS will too. Once it really clicks in your heart - no, NOT your brain, but your heart - that you really want to make this happen, it will start to come together and you will see progress (oh, that's right you ALREADY HAVE SEEN PROGRESS IN JUST ABOUT 10 DAYS) - I am up to swimming between 1 and 3 miles almost every day in addition to my water aerobics classes. The first time I tried swimming about 3-4 months ago, I was so proud of doing 1/6 of a mile. Now, I have the lifeguards egging me on to do THREE miles today - these thin, athletic young men think I rock because I can swim so long and so far - they have even started counting my laps. LOL YOU CAN DO IT.

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SIRENSONGS 6/11/2013 8:57AM

    I'm sorry to hear that you had such a rough week last week, but it sounds like you're bouncing back with a vengeance. I love your attitude! I'm so happy that you've already noticed a decrease in your back pain from your exercise. Keep it up darling!

For awhile, I was taking progress pics every ten pounds I lost, but I haven't done it for the past 30 pounds. I think I'm going to try and take some pics this weekend. There's nothing like noticing the difference in progress pics to fuel motivation.

Oh, and I'm totally with you about the whole phone thing. I'm terrible at keeping in touch sometimes, and cell phones only seem to make the problem worse. Sometimes it's just nice to hide from the world.

Here's hoping that this week is much better for you, and your progress continues!

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CAKAROO 6/11/2013 6:10AM

    emoticon

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OLIVIANIGHT 6/11/2013 2:28AM

    You can definitely do it : ) I like the idea of a reward and a progress pic, that'll be awesome to look back over in the months to come!

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FLEMIDG 6/11/2013 12:17AM

    You can do this. Don't give up on yourself. Take one day at a time. We're pulling for you.

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VIBRANTSTAR 6/10/2013 11:42PM

    There are bad weeks and good weeks! I had a bad workout week last week because I could NOT get motivated but as long as I go back eventually I will be proud. Just gotta keep chugging along. :) I know the feeling about the phone. I also turn my phone off but then I don't want to turn it back on because I know I will be bombarded with things. lol Its a win/lose thing for me. :) :) Keep at it hun. You got this!

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MJ7DM33 6/10/2013 11:05PM

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RYDERB 6/10/2013 9:54PM

    Love your Body Under Construction message! You've got this! One day at a time, gets the job DONE!
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June goals

Saturday, June 01, 2013

I know that I have really gotten off track and quit coming on spark for almost the entire month of May. I really don't know what to say other than the fact that I get overwhelmed way too easily. I try to take on too many goals at once and then I seem to just withdraw and people wonder where I went. I know that from now on I need to break this spell, and start to let go of my perfectionist attitude once and for all.

If I don't do all my exercises that day, eat the exact foods according to my meal planner, or even remember to track everything...It seems I have gotten super frustrated with myself and just say well, I might as well give up and start over the next month. This just does not work. In this book I am reading it tells you to focus on the small accomplishments you make through out the day so that you can gradually work your way forward, and I feel that is the very thing that I need to do. I don't understand why I feel like I have to do things perfectly in order to be considered acceptable. This mindset makes me feel like my efforts are going in circles.

Does anyone else struggle with perfectionism? Do you have any advice for me? What's helped you get through that type of thinking? I really tried not to exhaust myself with thoughts today, and all in all, it went pretty good. I did not do perfect today, but I am trying to focus on the things I did accomplish instead of thinking "I should do better."

My goal for this June is to really start coming on spark everyday, just really truly using the resources on here, reading the articles, and taking in the support that is on here, as well as being a friend to others who need support too. I know I've said it before but I am really beyond tired of starting over at this point, so like the quote says, "If you want to quit starting over, stop giving up." Here are the four goals I am focusing on and that is it, I am not overwhelming myself anymore.

1. Daily water 8 glasses emoticon

2. Get in some kind of exercise each day/every other day emoticon

3. follow my list of "things to do instead of overeating" when I need them emoticon

4. keeping up with Spark and staying in contact with friends on here emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

OKIE30 6/8/2013 10:29PM

    Keep plugging away!

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HEALTHYKIM101 6/8/2013 4:07PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon You Go Girl!

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TEENY_BIKINI 6/8/2013 1:18PM

    emoticon

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GLAMIT 6/6/2013 10:05AM

    Just be accountable for what ever happens. Honesty with yourself and a good kick in the pants. It really is a lot harder to start over then it is to keep going. We find excuses to give up cause really the work is to keep going. Try to think of it as a new way of life. Expect to slip up but know that the answer is to always get back on track.
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ROCKYCPA 6/5/2013 9:43PM

    emoticon emoticon

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LIVINGFREE19 6/5/2013 9:08PM

    Great goals!

emoticon my friend!

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WHYNOTJ1 6/3/2013 11:17AM

    Lots of us struggle with the perfection thing. Hang in there!

Harness your powers for the forces of AWESOME!

When you feel like you may as well give up, try doing one mini-step that is positive.

An example of one of my mini-steps: Say an affirmation, such as: I get my body moving every day, or My life is now filled with joy and beauty, or I am strong and healthy and beautiful.

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RYDERB 6/2/2013 9:34PM

    Perfectionism is a tough battle, but your'e on the right track. At the end of each day, I try to focus on the good choices I made and the ways I made myself proud, and let go of the rest. Good luck with your June goals.
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ILOVEMALI 6/2/2013 4:41PM

    Let's make this month count! We Can DO IT!!!

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CHERIJ16 6/2/2013 1:55PM

    I was always a perfectionist and then I heard a psychologist on the radio who said that being a perfectionist is a form of procrastination. I realized that was true of me. I would put things off until I could find the time to do them perfectly. Consequently I would miss out on things because I never did find that perfect time.

I did well academically in high school and college but I put myself through a lot of unnecessary work trying to be perfect. I also did that in my diet. If I didn't get it perfectly right I would stop the diet and eat, eat, eat! Then I wouldn't start again until the time was just right! That's how I gained 50 lbs. and became a diabetic!

Spark People has helped me realize that I need to take one day at a time and not to beat myself up if I am not perfect. I also realize the faulty thinking of "Oh well. I blew it at lunch so I will eat whatever for the rest of the day. I like the analogy of the flat tire.
For exercise; the 10 minute rule has really helped me to just do it! Usually when I get into it I do more that 10 minutes but it helps to know I can just start with 10 minutes if I really want to. emoticon Good luck.

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AWESOMECHELZ 6/2/2013 11:24AM

    I used to be THE perfectionist and the way I got away from it was by doing things imperfectly and seating with the feelings - feeling them, writing about them, walking the frustrations off - whatever helped me to let go. It is actually liberating!

Also, each day is a new start and each Sunday, is my day to reset goals if I need to. That's liberating too. Thanks for sharing here and the best to you this week. emoticon

Love, Chelsea emoticon

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JMC155 6/2/2013 7:26AM

    emoticon wish I had the magic wand to wave and we could have what we want. I understand your struggles as May is a month I want to forget. June is a start over month for me also. emoticon

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JUST_BREATHE08 6/1/2013 11:45PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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REFFIE1 6/1/2013 11:05PM

    Hi, glad to see you back! About perfectionism maybe this analogy will help. I think I read it on Sparkpeople. If you car breaks down because you have one flat tire, you fix that tire and move on. You don't go and puncture all the other tires because one needs fixing. So, don't throw the baby out with the bath water. Start with doing some small things and go from there. That is what those spark streaks are for. You are perfect for awhile, fall down, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start a new streak. Even when I do poorly, I try not to beat myself up and think about what I have done right even if it is the past. Be kind to yourself. All the best for a new start. emoticon

Comment edited on: 6/1/2013 11:06:27 PM

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LIZ324_NYC 6/1/2013 9:50PM

    emoticon

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FELINEBETTER 6/1/2013 8:22PM

    Hi Amy!
Your goals for this month sound very good and reasonable. For me, the whole key has been "baby steps," and one bad decision doesn't have to lead to another. If you don't exercise one day (for whatever reason), rather than beating yourself up about it -- just tell yourself that tomorrow you will do better -- and do it. Spark suggests you commit to 10 minutes per day. When you think in terms of 24hr -- that's really nothing. If you don't feel like doing anything vigorous - -just walk for that long. Every little bit counts.

I think you're well on your way. Just above all -- try to get out of the shaming/beating yourself up for anything less than perfect. You can always do better, but do what you can.

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KYLIECAT1 6/1/2013 8:15PM

    It sounds like you have a good plan , I think I share your problems with perfection , I just watched last night on Netflix a documentary called American the Beautiful 2 The thin commandments. It gave me something to think about , Its all about the diet industry and how eating healthy should be a life style not a diet , Last night I went out to eat it was so hot I just ordered a turkey sandwich but then had a large sundae , I was already to say I BLEW it but when I got home and tracked I still had 23 calories left ! :D So sometimes you dont do as badly as you think , Good Luck ! emoticon

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-WRKNG2ABTTRME- 6/1/2013 7:34PM

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JANELMARIESTAR 6/1/2013 7:15PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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emotions

Thursday, April 18, 2013

I remember when I lived alone in my apartment. I would go to the store and make my favorite foods (lover of pasta) and it would calm me down. Lately I've been thinking about the times that food brought a lot of comfort for me. When you can't stuff your emotions or depression with food anymore, you are forced to face your real feelings, and that can be kind of scary.

It's odd actually because things have been coming up from my past...in thoughts, in dreams, things I had no thought about in years or I think I ever really faced or healed from. Without getting too specific, I was in a really bad/abusive relationship and there was just so much going on in 2008-2009, I never really absorbed it all. And it's weird that stuff from so long ago is beginning to surface, like I need to face it, not supress it and move on. Has anyone ever felt a similar experience in their life?

Journaling helps a lot though. Prayer, meditation. Even the little things like drinking herbal tea or aromatherapy help more than some people might realize. As well as inspiring uplifting music. I wanted to share this christian song by singer Krystal Meyers:

"In Your Hands"

I listen through the darkness
And I know that I'm not alone
And I feel You all around me
But every time I call
All I hear is my own echo
Your silence says it all
I'm restless but I will not fight

It's in Your hands
It's in Your hands
I trust You though I don't understand
It's in Your hands
It's in Your hands
I'll close my eyes and follow your plan
I trust You 'cause it's all in Your hands

As time slips through my fingers
I slow down and breathe you in
There's a peace that washes over me
And I'm not afraid at all
Of things I cannot see
Nor understand
'Cause faith is blind
And I'll go on another night
'Cause I know...
(It's in Your hands)

Maybe one day
This will make sense
But until then
I'm trusting You
I'm confused
But You'll come through
You always do
I've waited so long
To see my sun on
The horizon
Feel it coming on
And I'm seeing You

Love these pics too:





  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FLPALM 7/4/2013 12:15PM

    I understand more than you know! I was NOT in an abusive relationship, but MANY OF US, have tales to tell, but rather not, so we are LEARNING to DEAL with our pasts, and FOCUS ON THE PRESENT, and how to make US HAPPIER! That said, I truly do understand.

I chuckled when I read about the "PASTA LOVER" because, oh boy, that was soooooo me! And still could be! A little cooking trick I have learned......I STILL EAT PASTA, but cook CAULIFLOWER and PASTA together, almost equal NOW, but slowly got that way, cause I was afraid to try it, and make numerous recipes!!!! Trust me, it works! You will get your "PASTA FIX" in and the calories, fat, and carbs, will work in your favor!

Hope this all helps,
Hugs,
Fran

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PRETTYPITHY 4/22/2013 12:02PM

    I know exactly what you mean. I recently noticed, it isn't enough to remove food as an emotional crutch, you have to figure out the emotions it was meant to respond to and develop other strategies for dealing with those emotions. It sounds like you're on your way!

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TMARIAANN 4/22/2013 11:47AM

    I can relate, a lot of things in my past that I have pushed down and not dealt with resurfaced in my subconscious once I started to lose weight, it was like I was afraid to get below 270lbs and I was scaring myself back into emotional eating. For me it is still a work in progress but I have sat down with myself many times and forgiven the ppl that may have hurt me because they don't care, their lives go on but mine was at a stand still until I started to heel my wounds. You can do this, great blog.

Also I find going to a quite park and reading is very soothing to the soul.

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LIVELYGIRL2 4/20/2013 5:03PM

  Onward and upward. You go Girl with God! emoticon

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NILLAPEPSI 4/20/2013 10:25AM

    emoticon emoticon Beautiful song lyrics!!

I have always been an emotional eater. I've been trying to do other things rather than eat. Here are some of my strategies: call a friend, chew some sugar free gum, eat some carrots, go for a walk, go to the gym, take a nap, drink a cup of green tea.

Most of the time, those work.

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REFFIE1 4/19/2013 10:57AM

    I think our minds sometimes deliberately shelve things in an imaginary closet until we are ready to examine what is in there item by item. Eventually, things do demand to be looked at and it is not always easy. Sometimes it is easier to talk to a professional such as a psychologist so they can help you cope with what you discover.

Yes, I find without comfort food, a great many feelings came up for me and still do. I don't always know what they are about but I would rather feel them than sedate myself with food. I used to go into a food coma when I felt down. Congratulations for no longer stuffing down your feelings with junk food even when they are sometimes hard to feel. You are brave and worthy of taking the best care of yourself that you can. emoticon

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TECH1960PS 4/19/2013 8:44AM

   

Beautiful, thanks for sharing. emoticon

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CRYSTALJEM 4/19/2013 8:19AM

    My experience has been that issues, hurts etc will patiently wait for you to face them. They won't go away until they do. How you decide to face them and make peace with them is up to you. Through it all you need to ensure you truly learn to accept and love you. It's an ongoing process. And you bet music and tea help! Two of the greatest soul soothers ever!

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SMALLERMELORIE 4/19/2013 7:40AM

    Thank you for sharing the song. Hugs to you

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RYDERB 4/19/2013 7:35AM

    Thank you for sharing that song. It's beautiful. I've seen it written somewhere on SP, that, "it's not just what you eat, but what's eating you" Good luck working through those issues. You can do it!
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ELLENIRENE 4/19/2013 6:37AM

    yes, I think of things--little things, that happened 15-20 or more years ago--and it's usually an "injustice" either something I did to someone, or what they did to me.

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ILOVEMALI 4/19/2013 1:59AM

    It's interesting how, when you're ready to deaI still haven't dealt with my dad's passing -- I'm "doing" -- keeping busy. I have had a couple of wonderful dreams about him, and will deal when I'm ready. You're doing fine!

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I can do this!

Friday, April 12, 2013

So far it's been an interesting week. I've been doing little things to motivate myself. For example I'm a person who loves to wear hats. Not many of them fit anymore. So today I went through them all and just daydreamed. I imagined myself happy and wearing them and this in turn really inspired me. It's amazing how just these little pick me ups can get a person off the "feeling sorry for myself mode" into "I'm inspired and can actually do this!" mode

Last night I was proud of myself because I went 10 miles on the bike. That was a big Wow for me because the most I think I have ever gone is 7. Maybe 10 doesn't seem like a lot, but just knowing you are increasing, getting stronger and closer to your goals feels really good. I also tried yoga this week for my back. Because I am overweight, I have some back trouble. Using yoga specifically made for back problems I really recommend! I felt even better then when I go see my chiropractor.

I did some team challenges this week: drinking 8 glasses of water every day, getting in 200 minutes of exercise, and from another team I was going to see if I could go 14 days without the night snacking. Technically, I did eat at night, but I'm happy to say I didn't go overboard. I'm really trying to get into the habit of thinking before I impulsively overeat. Before I want to emotional eat, I'm going to try something else first, to see if I'm truly hungry. Like taking a bubble bath, or aromatherapy, something equally as soothing as eating. If I'm still hungry, then I will eat something.

I sometimes also think of that children's story. Can't quite remember it, but its the one where the squirrel prepares for winter gathering nuts while the other animal slacks off. Then when winter finally came, the other animal was sorry. I don't want to be that way in terms of weight loss, because I know when October finally comes....I can either be giving in to my old habits, or maybe actually be a new person. This is what inspires me most of all, is knowing that in time could actually be a lot different, and that I can actually do this!!



  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KEELIE21 4/22/2013 12:25PM

    Love this blog, I try to approach this journey with the same calm positive outlook. You should be proud, looking weight issues in the eye can be really scary and you are doing great!

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DOLPHINSINGER72 4/16/2013 5:54PM

    You can totally do this. And a bubble bath sounds so lovely right now.

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LINDAKAY228 4/15/2013 9:45AM

    I can walk for long distances but riding a bike I'm not good at and 10 miles is awesome to me! Great job on all you've done this week. Yes you can do it and be a new person!

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LOVESLIFE48 4/15/2013 7:44AM

    Riding a bike for 10 miles is a great accomplishment!!!

I'm glad trying on hats encouraged you. Maybe I can find something to encourage me!! LOL!!

I know you can do this!! You sound focused. I know you will succeed!!

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TRIANGLE-WOMAN 4/14/2013 8:29PM

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FRANCIEVW 4/14/2013 8:21PM

    Congrats on your bike ride and the 14 day night snacking challenge! Great results to follow!

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SGTSUNNY 4/14/2013 6:50PM

    Great attitude! Love that you are doing so well, keep it up! I think team challenges is very helpful for helping me focus and improve.

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RYDERB 4/14/2013 3:58PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MJ7DM33 4/14/2013 12:37AM

  Yes you can!

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LIVINGFREE19 4/13/2013 11:02PM

    10 miles on the bike is a lot!

Big emoticon

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NANCYPAT1 4/13/2013 5:45PM

    You are doing GREAT - A fresh start can give you a lot of new energy

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SPARKLISE 4/13/2013 5:34PM

    Good job on the extra fitness!
Good luck on eating less at night! I know it's very hard.
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POOKASLUAGH 4/13/2013 1:25PM

    You definitely can do this!!

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NILLAPEPSI 4/13/2013 9:58AM

    Excellent blog!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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POINDEXTRA 4/13/2013 8:02AM

    You have a great attitude - and I agree that not giving up is most of the battle.

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08ESCAPE 4/13/2013 7:48AM

    Having the right attitude is the key, and it sounds like you have it Amy. I know you can do it!!
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FIREFLY4407 4/13/2013 5:21AM

    You have the right mindset and a great attitude - I'm confident you can do this - consistency is the key!!
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ILOVEMALI 4/13/2013 2:52AM

    You are so inspiring!!

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PINKNFITCARLA 4/12/2013 11:04PM

    emoticon emoticon

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JACKIE542 4/12/2013 10:17PM

    emoticon emoticon

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LOSINGLINNDY 4/12/2013 10:13PM

    LOVED YOUR QUOTE. emoticonRIDING THE BIKE 10 MILES IS A REAL ACCOMPLISHMENT.

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EMMACORY 4/12/2013 10:02PM

   
You are on the way! Sounds like you are in a good space emotionally and mentally. I wish you all the luck on your journey to a healthy life-style! emoticon

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HOTPINKCAMARO49 4/12/2013 9:59PM

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