Sunday, January 24, 2010
So I did lots of reflecting while sipping on a delicious Almond Latte, thinking about why these last 5 pounds matter, why exercise matters, and why eating right (even when eating more) matters. Here's what I put in my lists (I'm keeping the prose portions for myself)
REASONS TO LOST THE FINAL FIVE
~I want to be well within a healthy range, not just barely under the overweight category.
~Losing fifty pounds is a HUGE achievement that I want to claim!
~The last five may mean the difference between "size 12 is a little lose but size 10 gives me a muffin top" and "size 10 looks bangin'!"
~It's not so much that my favorite dresses, sweaters, and dress pants won't fit any more
~I don't want to be a quitter, or ever decide that "almost" was good enough.
~Everyone on SparkPeople will be SO proud!
~My sister would be SO proud!
~MILES will be SO proud!
~I will be SO PROUD!!!
REASONS TO EXERCISE A LOT AND OFTEN:
~It makes me feel powerful to run, bike, and lift weights
~Forza is going to make me feel totally badass
~Forza also scares me a little, and facing that with a friend will feel AMAZING
~Hiking and snowshoeing are fun, and will be more fun if I'm not exhausted
~Miles thinks my biceps are sexy. They'll get sexier.
~I think my calves, back, and shoulders are hot. They'll get hotter.
~More muscles mean less flab.
~Half century-ride this summer.
~5k this fall.
~My heart and lungs are SO much stronger now than when I was at 207 and 187, and HIIT will make them even stronger and efficient!
~It feels SO. GOOD.
~Lillie wants to go jogging with me this spring.
~I look good in my workout gear.
~I want to be active and healthy for my future children.
~I want my back and arms to look SMOKIN' in my wedding gown.
REASONS TO EAT RIGHT
~It tastes good!
~I'll be a domestic goddess some day.
~I'll know what to do with everything in the CSA this spring/summer
~My iron levels will be healthier.
~The right food builds muscles and fuels a tough run.
~Being "stuffed" feels like total crap.
~Being bloated from sodium does too.
~A day full of healthy eats totally justifies a small dessert!
~It lets me be a more creative host.
~I love my kitchen.
~I'm not a big fan of colon cancer, diabetes, clogged arteries, or high blood pressure.
~Taking care of my diet means I'll be taking care of Miles, too.
~Someday, I'll be feeding my children, and I don't want them to have the same health problems as the current generation of corn-syrup and starch-fed children.
~It's sustainable to eat whole, organic, fresh foods.
~It will help save the planet.
~It will help me lose the final five...
And we come full circle to the original reasons.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Last night's surprise party went off without a hitch!!! We had 16 people total (14 guests, me, and of course Miles!), and everyone was on time, brought a dish to share and a drink (it was BYOB -- booze is expensive!!), the cupcakes were delish, the pizzas from American Flatbread were fantastic, the games were fun and disjointed, the conversation hilarious, and, most importantly, Miles was ABSOLUTELY THRILLED with the surprise. His response, "Well, sh1t, let's get this party started!" It was SO MUCH FUN, because a few unexpected guests from Miles' public access show came, and that really made it more special for Miles -- it wasn't just people I knew, it was HIS friends too.
Hopefully, it buoyed his confidence some more, since he also decided this week to run for city council (COOL), and he'll be petitioning signatures today. That takes major guts, and I think feeling popular will help with it.
I ate a little too much, although I only hit about 2200 calories (which is now in my range, WEIRD) -- lots and lots of veggies though! I "pigged out" on salad and veggies with hummus... but also on sweet potato chips and 2 mixed drinks.
So it goes.
I still have the hardest time controlling what and how I eat at parties, and last night was worse than usual. I slipped right back into the "whatever, I don't have to care" mentality. Luckily, it was mostly very healthy stuff, and I only had one cupcake and didn't go after the extra pizza slices.
I feel pretty good about it overall, I guess... but I have to re-learn how to resist when in hungry company. I had it down pat over the summer, but last night it was SO WEIRD and I just didn't care. I also NEVER GOT FULL. I didn't feel full until 8:30, 1 hour after I had stopped munching. Even though I had pizza and salad and veggies and chips all in the same hour, I didn't feel remotely full for another hour. I don't know what to make of that....
Clearly, my mindset needs some serious re-thinking. I might make a list later today of why weight loss is important, because I think now that I've gotten the wedding gown, I don't have the motivation I once had. It's time to get a new outlook, because the game has totally changed! Yes.... I think I'll do that later today. I'll walk downtown and bring my notebook and mull it over. (Then I'll go shopping because I have approximately 10 clothing items, none of them pants, that fit, and my fave store is having 40% off!)
Luckily, it's a new week now, and I've got lots of yummy, healthy meals lined up (Farfalle with Salmon, Artichoke Hearts and Prosciutto and Caesar Salad tonight). Plus I start FORZA tomorrow (YAYYYY)! I can't wait to try something entirely new!
I just have to keep myself on my toes. Complacency is the new enemy -- and I'm gonna kick its ass...... or at least beat it up with my FORZA training sword tomorrow!
So even though I ate a LOT last night, I still feel GREAT. I've got a game plan for stepping it up, and re-motivating myself, and that ALONE makes me feel better.
I think I'm in love with my life right now.
Friday, January 22, 2010
So I've got two secrets to share with everyone.
First is that my workout today was absolutely painful, because I just didn't sleep well last night. Sleep, which was NEVER an issue for me before this school year, has been hard to get lately. It's often because of my shouting neighbors or my awake-at-4-am cat. But not last night.
Nope, last night it was because I had THREE SEPARATE ANXIETY DREAMS all about the same thing: Miles' birthday.
I'm throwing a Surprise Party for him tomorrow night, which I'm so excited about. But I kept dreaming about these awful scenarios in which he showed up early, or I hadn't gotten any of the food ready, one where he knew about it and didn't like the idea... three different dreams, all of which made me wake up freaked out until I realized that 1.) I wasn't late because it was Friday morning and 2.) Miles has no idea about the party. Ugh. 3 wake ups at the same time, and after the last one I couldn't fall back asleep!
So this morning's workout was really hard. I was doing HIIT again, which is already hard, but add to it a lack of sleep and sore muscles, and it was just SO HARD!!!!!! But I pushed through, cooled down, and felt good to have it over with.
The other secret is not as fun.
......I don't think I'm doing this right any more. I have no idea what to do next. I've been at 162ish for over 4 weeks now, since Christmas basically, and I just.... don't like that. But the thing is, I also am trying to convince myself that I just should maintain for a while. Keep myself here, then, after I'm stronger and everything (like I've discussed before), I should try again.
BUT I CAN'T MAKE MYSELF DO IT.
According to Spark, if I want to lose 1lb per week while exercising like I do, I should eat between 1520 and 1820 calories. That's SO MUCH after eating between 1320 and 1570 for so long!! And that's to LOSE weight (which, despite fairly strict adherence to the plan, has not happened at all). To maintain, they tell me between 2000 and 2300 calories!
I just........ I can't bring myself to eat that much. I am SO. TERRIFIED. that I'll gain weight, that I'll make up for those "extra" calories with starchy or junky foods, that I'll go back to my old eating habits and eat what I want without a second thought.
I want to say that I'm changed now, that I won't go back, but.... I don't know that because I have NEVER TRIED to maintain ever in my life. It's either been "losing weight" or "I don't care let's get ice cream" mode for the past 3 years.
The fact that I'm still not losing, despite supposedly eating at a calorie deficit, really has me confused, worried, and honest-to-God SCARED to eat more, even though I know I want to focus on being more powerful and strong and active, and the extra activity needs more calories. I just.... can't make myself eat that much.
Help me out here guys. I want to bust out of this plateau, and to not give up on these last 5 pounds.
WHAT DO I DO???????????????????
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
I'm SO EXCITED, guys. Starting next week, I am going to be taking FORZA CLASSES with my friend Corin!!!!
Forza is a fitness class based on Samurai sword fighting techniques. In class, you wield a 5lb wooden dowel instead of a sword, and swing, chop, and stab your way through a series of lunging, squatting, and turning movements. It's a really intense, all-over strength and cardio workout -- and I CAN'T WAIT!!!
I absolutely love fitness activities that make me feel TOUGH. I want to feel strong, in-control, and badass when I exercise. That's why I love riding my bike, because it feels strong and intense to commute to work or finish a 25-mile ride. I always wanted to kickbox, but the only available classes were at expensive gyms.
I read about Forza in the local weekly paper, and knew I wanted to try it. It's ALL ABOUT strength, about determination and pushing your limits. And the instructor sounds like an amazing lady -- she's a single mom who works with children with disabilities, she's covered with tattoos, and her back, shoulders and arms are the hottest things outside of hell. When Corin asked if I wanted to join her in Forza, of COURSE I said yes!!
It's going to be SO hard. And that's good. I want hard. I want to feel like a ninja. Like I could take on the world.
I want to embody FORZA -- it's Italian for Strength.
Maybe that will be my new Om.
Corin sent me this message on facebook, about her first class yesterday:
"Oh, honey... I learned this am... It is most definately a full body work out! I woke up this am and my entire body was sore as hell, which felt really good actually. I did a lot this weekend, started jump roping, went hiking & dancing, and then did the Forza class. I'm starting my hula hooping routine on sat, a great core workout. I'm most excited about all of this stuff because it is insanely fun to do! Oh yeah, & I'm taking a "body awareness" class starting next wk at CCV, that'll include yoga, dance, meditation, nutrition, massage, A&P, and general kinesthetics. SIGH... My body is severely pleased with all of these changes, and so is my brain for that matter ;-) thanks for joining me on the journey!"
I'm so thrilled to have another partner in fitness!
And if anyone in Burlington is interested in some sword-wielding and has 10 bucks to spare, Corin and I will be Forza-ing every Monday night at the North End Studio -- meet us there!!!
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Last night was a BLAST with Miles' parents. We got a drink at the 1/2 Lounge (had ginger-infused vodka with "honey syrup" [which was just watered-down honey] and lemon, instead of a super-sugary Vixen), then dinner at Leunig's Bistro. I did well there, choosing the Mahi Mahi over the various cuts of red meat, having a salad without the blue cheese, and I had the angel food cake for dessert (fat free!!)!
That said, it was a lot of everything, and I'm starting my period tomorrow -- I don't want to know what my weight would be today!!! So I made Miles hide the scale. Even though I keep saying to myself that I'm focusing on behaviors, not numbers, and I want to maintain for a while before going back to major calorie cutting....... My mindset is NOT catching up, eating 1800 calories/day makes me super nervous, and I didn't trust myself to not freak out at whatever numbers pop up.
Luckily, the mindset of "maintenance" is helping me choose really nutritious, delicious foods. I'm not worrying so much about calories when I decide as I am about what I'll be getting out of each meal. For example, I chose the fish last night because it came with Pumpkin Gnocchi and LOADS of veggies, and new that I needed more vegetables and love winter squash. Tonight, we're going to Michael's on the Hill for Miles' birthday, and I've pre-planned the Rabbit. It's not the lowest calorie thing on the menu -- but it comes with wilted greens instead of potatoes, and I want veggies! It also is loaded with iron, and since I'm anemic and have been really tired and bruising lately, I think I need to get more iron stat.
Point is, I'm thinking about nutrients, about foods, and not just calorie and fat content. I know it's still obsessive, but..... to me it feels better to worry about getting a good balance of veggies and protein than it does to fret over 3 grams of fat or 200 calories.
All that aside.
My main goal right now is to get my body used to more intense, endurance-style exercise. I tried high-intensity interval training Thursday, which felt amazing and I could feel the effects all day (going up stairs was taxing because I had worked my legs so hard!). I snowshoed for over 2 hours yesterday, covering 4.25 miles, the longest single stretch I'd done! I'm jogging longer stretches, using higher resistance levels on the elliptical, and I only use Walk Away The Pounds on a recovery day -- I want my body to be BUFF and STRONG!!
So on that note... time to put on my gym clothes. Saturdays are my SuperIntenseWorkout days and the elliptical is calling my name!
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