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The funniest thing happened on my day at the gym

Friday, February 17, 2012

I think of myself as a pretty gregarious and outgoing person. But when I am at the gym I feel awkward, uncomfortable and generally like a poser - as if I am just faking it and shouldn't be there at all.

So, when I go in, keep my head down, do my work out and leave. I don't look at anyone, I don't talk to anyone. AND I want the same from them. Just leave me alone and let me sweat in peace.

So, on this particular day I was especially self conscious when I realized that the gym was full of men. Big men. Small men. Fat me, fit men. Young men and old men. ARRGH. OK. Where in the heck were all the women!? So, I just sucked it up, went to the locker room, changed and off I went.

Right away, two young men paused in their work out to look at me. OH help. Engage mantra: "i'm am invisible, I am invisible I am invisible - you DO NOT see me".

As I continued through my work out, I couldn't help but notice that several men took a moment to look at me. Now, I still weigh over 200 lbs so I KNOW they were not checking me out. (except this one guy - but that's a different story!) repeat mantra. Why in the heck is the (really) fit guy smiling at me!???? (repeat mantra)

As I proceeded to the weight room I became more and more uncomfortable. When I walk in, I am not exaggerating, every single one of the 10 guys in there looked right at me. of course, I felt that all the looks were judgmental; telling me I did NOT belong. (repeat mantra) Lift chin. I paid my dues, I have every right to be here. How come nobody is staring at that guy with the cain? One guy had the audacity to look right at my stomach! (repeat mantra, repeat mantra)

At this point, I am rushing and probably not getting a great work out but I am feeling so uncomfortable and out of place I just wanted to get done and get out.

Almost on the verge of tears now, I scurry to the locker room and am faced with a full length mirror. And then it hits me. I am wearing a T-shirt for a Local youth football team. Big as life it says "FOOTBALL" across my belly.

They were not looking at me - they were looking at my shirt.

I am sure that the ladies wondered why I was laughing so hard I had to sit down.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DAVIDPRESCOTT 2/25/2012 6:28AM

    Paragraph 1 - yes,yes and YES!

Paragraph 2 - unless there is some incredibly hot guy there and then I have to sneak a peak and try to sexy sweat lol

Paragraph 3 - unable to understand the problem ;)

Paragraph 4 - TOTALLY - how do I suck in every fat cell and look lithe? ...

Paragraph 5 - I am intrigued and have not read further...

Paragraph 6 - I HATE gyms for that! Bloody judgy asses!

Paragraph 7 - I know there is a story here...but I so get that I am no longer INTO the workout....you HAVE to be in the zone.

patagraph 8 onwards LMFAO you dork thats so funny :D

I assume that t-shirt will be only seeing housework duty from now on!

LOL!

D

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MICHIGANLORI 2/18/2012 7:22AM

    I once wore both my shirt and pants inside out at gym. emoticon

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SA9CHI 2/17/2012 11:48AM

    Hah! thanks for the laugh!!! What a great story!!!

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Pushing the re-start button ( a note to :Mi Selph)

Friday, September 23, 2011

I have NOT been good to Mi Selph lately. I have been saying bad things and feeding bad things to Mi Selph. What a horrible thing to do to someone!Mi Selph and I worked so hard to loose 47 lbs. then I got bored, or tired or angry. Frustrated. Who knows, but I started taking it out on Mi Selph. Poor abused thing. She needs love, support and kindess. Not mean selfish misdirected anger.

Slowly slowly, bit by bit, the weight has been creeping back on. I have been looking at how far Mi Selph has to go - not how far she has come. I lost sight of the goals I Mi Selph had set. I was feeling lack this was a hopeless task and Mi Selph would never get where she was going.

So, today, right now, I am pushing the restart button on my relationship with Mi Selph. I am reminding her that she is a warm, loving, kind and funny person. She is worth all the effort I have to make to help her be healthy. She deserves the best fruit and vegies the market has to offer. She deserves to have pre boned and skinned chicken breasts. She deserves to have time with her lady friends.

Yesterday was the introduction meeting to a new wellness program at work. Since one of the huge let downs for Mi Selph last year was NOT winning ; I am reminding Mi Selph that this year it is about helping everybody else be successful. Take care of Mi Selph and not worry about the contest, just worry about making sure my coworkers find humor and joy in their journey. Her greatest strength is her compassion and giving spirit. (It helps that one of the co workers was impressed that Mi Selph had kept the weight off - still - a year later. She did not notice that Mi Selph had gained 6 lbs!)

I told myself that she needs to be proud that she is still here, sparking away. Good for you! You did not give up. So, you've had a set back. SO WHAT!!!!! This is not a race. There is no prize here for losing the most the fastest. The prize is going to be continued good health and energy. For Mi Selph.

Think about the "Slowest Loser" guy. He was not in a big 'ole hurry. Selph, selph, selph, it does not matter that you fell off the path for awhile. Drag your bruised, scratched and tired backside back on up there and get moving. Take the lessons you've learned and make them assets.

Mi Selph, I love you, you make me laugh. I've been told that you are a warm, loving and giving person. Build on that. Gain strength from that.

And back away from that Cheesecake!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JMARIES51 9/23/2011 12:36PM

    Great blog, and great way to look at the future for Mi Selph, Ur Selph, and R Selphs! We all have that time of falling down, moving backwards, and kicking R Selphs in the proverbial butt. Most important to is get back up and dust Ur Selph off, and get back on the journey you want to be on.

Lately this has been what I have been thinking about a lot. I am trying to be proactive in my plan now and not be so rigid to think that I won't fall down once in awhile. It is just more important to get back up.

So hooray for YOU and Ur Selph for being here and ready to get going again. And lots of hugs and love to all R Selphs.



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MUSTANG_SALLY2 9/23/2011 11:35AM

    Oh I loved your blog! I have a friend named, Mi Selph and she is abused too. I have to start treating her better. I'm working on that.

So is the new wellness program at work some kind of competition with a prize? Some of the girls did that here at work awhile back but luckily I didn't participate. The girl who won was motivated by the cash prize and she dieted hard and won it. Good for her. Last time I saw her (she's left the company) she had gained it back and then some. I think that's what I'd do in a competition setting.

I want to live at a healthy weight and enjoy life. Not diet for awhile and then go off. I have to stay focused on where I want to be. That's the hard part.

Good for you for taking care of yourself. Yeah, 6 lbs is a pain but hey, you'll lose that faster than 60 lbs. Keep up the great work. I'm proud of you!

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TMAX925 9/23/2011 11:33AM

  How cute! I like the Mi Selph references.

I had a similar bump in the road earlier this year... but instead of taking control over the situation like you are, I regained everything I lost (40 lbs). I'm hoping that Spark makes the difference this time around.

I hope that you and Ur Selph emoticon continue doing great!

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Full of DONE lovin'

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

I have been feeling half empty.

It's been a difficult few days. "Obligations" to my family, difficulties at work, financial worries and just a general funk, have made sticking to my plan difficult. Then, this morning, I over slept and had to rush out of the house - not time for breakfast because I have to wait 1/2 hr after taking thyroid meds to eat. ARRRGH. I figured that I would stop for a fast food sandwich when I went and got the mail. Forget that I have a lunch date with my daughter today ....

Then, I got to work and checked my email. "you have 54 new messages" 54! What in the world.

of 54 emails - 4 were junk and 48 or so were comments on my spark page. What the heck was going on. Then I saw it - i am/was the "Done Girl of the Day" DGOTD.
So much love and encouragement. So much support. When you are feeling down, it is easy to forget that there are 100's (1,000's?) of people out there just like you. With the same issues, worries and struggles.

It is so important to use the what Spark people offers you. Not just the diet, but the support, the tools, the LOVE. I encourage everybody to find a Spark group that fits you and join it. The support and encouragement you will receive is amazing. Remember not to just take what you need, but to give back also. Someone out there is just waiting to hear what you have to say.

This day, that started so badly, has been uplifting for me. I vow not to ever ignore the DGOTD notifications I get but to take a moment to say HI and offer encouragement.

Thanks DONE Girls. You have filled my glass to overflowing.

Breakfast? Well, lucky for me I had decided on Monday to purchase healthy snacks to leave at work - instead of a greasy fast food sandwich, I am eating a Fresh Green apple and Cheese sticks. I'll still have lunch with my DD - but I think I'll suggest a walk around the lake and a sandwich instead of a burger and fries.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JMARIES51 8/23/2011 12:19PM

    Hope all is going well since your day of DGOTD! Joann

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MSCANELA 8/17/2011 9:40PM

  I hear ya! I take my thyroid med right then and there when my alarm clock rings. By the time I hit the snooze button a couple of times, get up, shower, get dressed, put on my make up etc....30 minutes have passed. By then, I brew my decaf coffee, have a boiled egg with roasted red pimentos and a splash of flax oil. Off to work I go. The protein keeps me going and I don't get tempted to stop by the fast food drive thru as I drive to work. It's been working for me.

I also have my fridge at work filled with the 4 ounce cottage cheese, lean deli turkey, and a couple of boiled eggs and berries.

It is all a matter of planning. because when I DON'T...boy do I fall hard...and then I and up getting mad at myself.

Glad you made great choices in the long run! That is what counts!

To your health!
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KCATHY 8/17/2011 12:37PM

    Congratulations, and I'm glad your day picked up after that rough start!

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I did something I have never done before ....

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

On my quest to live a healthy life in mind, spirit and body, my goal is to do things I've never done but always wanted to do. And to laugh and smile while doing it.

Last weekend, it was canoeing.

This weekend it was not so physical but still a HUGE step for me.

You see, I was a chaperon for my daughters Senior Prom. No big deal, really, except that it was a dinner and dance. My reward for chaperoning was --- you guessed it - free dinner. Oh No!!!! at one of the areas well known restaurants, I KNEW this was going to be a diet disaster! Here I was, sitting at a table with teachers from the school who already thought it was weird that I was there (another story for another time) AND the menu was "preordained" What's a girl to do?

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Yup. I drank water. Then, I ate my salad. The whole thing yes - dressing not on the side but go figure. The main dish wash chicken. Not so bad. SMOTHERED IN SAUCE. AAarrrrgh. I was really hungry, I had to eat, I was not in a situation where I could ask for a special dish. So, I carefully removed the chicken from the bone and savored every bite. Then about halfway through - HERE IS THE THING I'VE NEVER DONE - I pushed my plate away. That's right. I PUSHED THE PLATE AWAY. Without thought of what the others might think of me, I did what I had to do. I have to say, there were a couple of raised eyebrows at my table, but everybody was to polite to point out this fat girl was pushing away her plate at one of the best restaurants in the city!

Then, dessert. Huckleberry Cheese cake. I could feel the tension at my table." What is she gonna do?" Well, I ate it. Ok, Ok, I ate about four bites, decided that was enough and - wait for it- I PUSHED THE PLATE AWAY. Yes I did. I did not eat the entire piece of cheese cake.

I am telling you, I will be the talk of the teaching staff for years to come - - until two years from now when they see a thinner me with my son when he enters high school. The joke is on them. I could tell they were shocked. I very much enjoyed the inner laughter - mine.

I am really starting to have fun with this. My Life. Who knew it could be so awesome.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FIERCELYREAL 8/18/2011 12:25AM

    Atta girl! thats some fierce determination! good for you! I dont think I would have the courage!

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THRICEBLESSED 8/7/2011 12:05PM

    Awesome!

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GOLDENGOURD 5/25/2011 11:02PM

    Love to read about this success! Awesome!

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PIXIEMOM13 5/16/2011 5:49PM

    emoticon THAT'S how you get success! One choice at a time. Awesome job!

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KTMAE2006 5/14/2011 12:38PM

    Way to go!!! And while there may be things in the past, sometimes I make a bigger deal out of them then other people remember. Do not worry or be self conscious. You looked beautiful (and so did your daughter). I just hope you had a great night!!

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4AMAZINGME 5/12/2011 2:45AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KALISWALKER 5/11/2011 1:57PM

    emoticon

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CERIUSLY 5/10/2011 11:38PM

    emoticon Plate Pushing means great progress!

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MUNCHIE718 5/10/2011 9:41PM

  Congratulations!!!!

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POLARBEARSCAT 5/10/2011 9:06PM

    Congrats! You weakened your "giving in Muscle" while strengthening your "restraining muscle" which will make the choice even easier next time! Way to go!
The best part for me is that afterward, the pleasure of saying no is so much greater than the pleasure of eating the thing I shouldn't --(would be over and done anyway!)

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REJ7777 5/10/2011 8:28PM

    I read a book once called How to Eat like a Thin Person (or something like that), and those are the kinds of choices the author mentioned. I think you deserve a medal for the smart choices you made! You thoroughly enjoyed what you did eat, but you didn't feel obligated to eat it all. Good for you! emoticon

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THISYEARSMODEL 5/10/2011 7:47PM

    Congrats! emoticon

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CALIKIKI 5/10/2011 7:19PM

    emoticon

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ILUVTOTAT 5/10/2011 7:15PM

    Fantastic! You'll enjoy being thinner more than you would have enjoyed that meal.

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SEATURTLE86 5/10/2011 6:34PM

    emoticon emoticon

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SNOWFLAKELILYM9 5/10/2011 4:56PM

    Awesome!!!! Congratulations!!!! Great job!!! What strength you showed!!!! You will reach your goals!!!

Margaret

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QTPIE32387 5/10/2011 4:55PM

    Awesome! Thanks so much for the post on my blog! And might I say you are looking fantastic in your black dress as well!!

That is amazing you had the will power to deviate from the norm and do what you needed to do! That takes some guts, and mental strength!! I could learn some things from you!

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DIANA_IS_BACK 5/10/2011 4:54PM

    emoticon

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CHAR1970 5/10/2011 4:51PM

    Good for you! You have more will power than I do!

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EJOY-EVELYN 5/10/2011 4:47PM

    You're making excellent choices early on and have a realistic plan for the long-haul. Congratulations on your determination and commitment. Best of all, is the joy you can find throughout this journey to a healthier you . . . You've got it!

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MUSTANG_SALLY2 5/10/2011 4:45PM

    I am so proud of you! You did it and it will pay off big. Way to go my friend!!!

You look beautiful in that picture.

You deserve a emoticon for this!

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BOBRUSHING 5/10/2011 4:41PM

    i live near seattle so i find alot of pride when fellow washingtonians make changes to livestyle and fitness. hooray for you!! emoticon

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HOPE2BE 5/10/2011 4:40PM

    emoticonThat's great that you have so much will power. emoticon emoticonfor doing that and giving a great example.

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MRSSCHENCK 5/10/2011 4:39PM

    emoticon

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Other signs of success

Friday, May 06, 2011

Todays daily spark article was about figuring out what your goal really is - WHY do you want to loose weight. I wanted to share my experiences with that.

My weight loss since Christmas has been very slow. Many days came when I just wanted to give up and forget it. Some weeks I'd get on the scale thinking I did not care if I lost - I just hoped I hadn't gained.

So, even before reading the article, I did some of the things that it suggested.

I took my measurements to re-focus and see that my body was changing, even if the scale was not.

I thought about what it was I really wanted. At 48, my goal is not a beach bikini body! Married 21 years, my goal is not to find a mate. After three kids, my goal is not perfection. So what is it? Who do I want to be?

I want to really live. To be able to get from the car to the store without huffing and puffing. To be able to get up out of my chair without assistance. To get on an airplane and not have to purchase a second seat. To get on a ride at a theme park without being afraid I was going to be refused or get stuck. (or worse, break it!) To live past the age of 67. To be healthy. To love fully and to laugh often.

To be able to buy my clothes anywhere I want. To have sales people rush to help me, not ignore me. To no longer be invisible.

I want to be a dancer. I want to be a swimmer. I want to be a hiker.

To stand up for myself when wronged. To be a kind and loving person whose friends and family know how much they are loved.

To do things I've always wanted to do but been afraid.

When I started examing my goals for myself - without the weight loss factor, the picture became quite different! So I set myself goals that were not related to my weight. And realized I was meeting them!

I have purchased clothes in the regular Misses dept at a regular dept store. And the sales people actually helped me! One woman, a total stranger, was so excited when I told her I'd lost 43 lbs she gave me a 25% discount. And I told her about Sparkpeople.

I am healthier. I choose the healthiest foods possible 98% of the time. When I do eat soemthing not so healthy, sometimes I take a bite or two and say "YUCK! so not worth the effort to eat this"

I appreciate the people around me and tell them so. I am calmer. Don't yell so much, because I know I can stand up for myself without fear. And I will hug them just for being in my life.

And I am doing things i have always wanted to do but was afraid. I have been a Girl Scout leader for a long time. When it was time for canoeing, I was always "the lady on the doc with the whistle". I was afraid. But not this time. This time I got in the canoe and I paddled around the lake and got soaked (it was raining).

My face hurt from smiling. My heart sang a song of absolute joy. I did it. I DID IT! ME!

I am changing my life. I am making my life be all I want it to be. It is hard work. But it is so worth it. I have to stick to it. Never give up. Never give in.

I am done being the fat girl. I am strong, adventurous and loving. I laugh a lot.

I am already successful in changing my life. The weight loss is just a side affect.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

4AMAZINGME 5/12/2011 2:48AM

    Good for you!! :D emoticon

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KERLIN26 5/11/2011 9:26PM

  I love this. You are such an inspiration and you remind me that it's not just about the scale :)

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EJOY-EVELYN 5/11/2011 6:11PM

    Such a great blog. This is worth printing out and publishing somewhere you'll see it regularly. I hope you remain diligent and focused in working to reach these goals successfully. Glad you're part of the Teddy Bear Team!

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EJOY-EVELYN 5/11/2011 6:11PM

    Such a great blog. This is worth printing out and publishing somewhere you'll see it regularly. I hope you remain diligent and focused in working to reach these goals successfully. Glad you're part of the Teddy Bear Team!

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THISYEARSMODEL 5/10/2011 7:48PM

    Yes, yes, yes! Congrats! emoticon

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JP5214 5/7/2011 6:51PM

    What a great blog -- I decided to see if I could meet some of the same goals -- WooHoo, I really have changed. Although my progress has been slowed by my health, I'm back on track -- I didn't give up.

I'm working out and starting to actually enjoy exercise. I'm buying clothes that have fit and shape and I'm calmer (my family thanks Spark People).

You're a great inspiration -- Spark on.

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THETURTLEBEAR 5/7/2011 10:12AM

    It made MY heart sing, reading you blog and all the amazing things that are "creeping up on you." AWESOME!!!

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LASARRE 5/7/2011 10:05AM

    Great blog. Why is it that we always make it about the scale? Maybe because we always have to weigh in ;)

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CERIUSLY 5/7/2011 9:49AM

    What a beautiful testimony! It's such an indescribanle feeling of euphoria when we realize that we have accomplished something once thought impossible! I'm thinking now of a time when I experienced that and wow do I want it again!

I look forward to getting to know you during this challenge.
emoticon emoticon ROCK!!

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MUSTANG_SALLY2 5/6/2011 11:15AM

    Sounds like we have a lot of the same goals. I'm proud of you for taking care of yourself. Keep up the good work and keep us posted on how it goes!

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SEATURTLE86 5/6/2011 11:11AM

    emoticon Excellent blog! You are such an inspiration to me! I could relate to everything you said. You are living proof that we can change our lives to become who and what we want to be! It isn't just about losing our weight it is about bringing more FUN and JOY back into our lives. Thank you so much for sharing. emoticon
~Pam emoticon

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