Wednesday, June 01, 2011
So as I sit here, and why Im sitting here, Im fighting this ever so present desire to eat. Ive been at this process of finding the Intuitive Eater in me for a few weeks and I know my hunger signals. Im doing really well at honoring my hunger. But its the evening again and I have this desire to eat. Im not biologically hungry - I know it has something to do with emotions but Im not sure what or why. Im relaxing at home, watching a new season of a dance show (So U Think U Can Dance!). The hubby is playin WOW, my oldest child is playing nicely by herself, and the baby is asleep already. I dont feel upset, lonely, or bored. I am feeling a bit tired tho. Not like 'eyes burning, Im gonna pass out' tired tho. Just a bit run down. We have been at Sea World for half the day and then the pool and hot tub for a cpl hours.
Is it possible I wanna eat cuz Im tired???!! That doesnt sound right but maybe? Im gonna do storytime with my daughter in 15mins and then head to bed myself.
I do feel a bit more in control now that I have finished this blog. Sweet dreams fellow Sparkers!
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
So does 'uncondition permission to eat anything' equate to 'unconditional permission to buy anything'??? I went grocery shopping today and money wasnt an issue so I took it aisle by aisle and really listened to what my body wanted. Every now and then I would reach for 'low fat' or 'whole wheat' but I caught myself and asked myself this question : "Do u really WANT this or are u grabbing it cuz u 'always have'?" Most of the time I switched versions and told myself if I dont like the taste/texture/smell of it when I eat it then I will toss it out and buy the other version next time.
I ALLOWED myself to grab a few 'junk foods' (as I USED to call them) and I look forward to trying them CONSCIOUSLY now.
Another success : Earlier today I was gettin a bit stressed (being a stay-at-home-mom of 2 young kids WILL do that!) and I grabbed a bowl of Froot Loops. Knowing I could be eating out of emotions, I stood there in front of the bowl and asked myself if I was hungry. I could feel my tummy grumble, so I sat down and started eating. It satisfied my sweet tooth and I stopped mid bowl, checked-in with my hunger, felt that I was no longer hungry, and stopped eating. I still had a half of bowl left but I was done! I told myself it wouldnt taste as good as the first few bites and that theres no reason to eat something that doesnt taste good.
So today has been pretty good. Went down to the pool this evening and the hot tub was actually HOT! LOL - it was so nice, it relaxed my whole body. We came home around 9pm and both kids have been asleep since 10pm.
Im gonna try to get back in the swing of my morning, "me time" walks again. 530am is so early but I always feel so good after I walk in the morning and I almost always have a better day, as opposed to the days I sleep in til 73oam. We will see what my body wants to do at 530am tomorrow.
Keep Sparkin, my friends!
Monday, May 30, 2011
OK, so its abt swimsuit season again and recently, like the last month, Ive become more comfortable w my body. I have gone from a one piece to a 2 piece tankini and now an actual bikini! I always had the feeling that if I didnt wanna see it then no one else does either. But one day something clicked. I think I heard myself talk abt my stretch marks from the 2 pregnancies and how they are 'battle scars' that I proudly wear. Well I never showed em, along with the rest of my 'middle' cuz I do have an extra roll and a lil belly and after all, "if I dont wanna see em, no one else does" right?! Well since then I wore my bikini top (from the swimsuit I wore at 200lbs before I got preg) w my swim skirt and love it! I feel so feminie and dont care what others think of my body. I even started tanning a lil - Im sure u can imagine how PALE my tummy is comparedto my FL girl tanned shoulders, arms and legs.
Anyways, I was looking for a new top (after all it was 4 yrs old and some of the stores in mall are having swimsuit sales) and started seeing all the cute suits. The green eyed monster started showing his ugly head. I want to be able to wear a regular bikini bottom! My skirt is a plus size, fitted for a few inches and then flowy as to not hug all the wrong spots. So I started looking at my body and the same idea keeps coming up . . . I have this pouch, this belly that hangs like from rt below my belly buttom to over my "ya know". I dont remember never having it there. While many chics worry abt the muffin top effect over their jeans (I do too now that I had my second baby - he stuck out way further than my first and I have yet to get back the flat stomach I once had) I always had the lower belly problem. Even went 'commando' for a few yrs bc it was embarrassing to wear high-waisted (granny) panties and the lower ones never came high enuf to not roll down under my lower belly.
So now that u know the inner workings of my brain on this issue - LOL - I started having these crazy thoughts. Is there a cosmetic surgery that would get rid of this belly? I know Im overweight and I can lose weight but the thing is, will this lower belly ever go away? If its possible and a dr says it can with exercise and eating healthy, then the thought would be brushed aside. I just feel like its been there for so long that maybe its something that Id need surgery for anyways once Ive lost the weight. Ive already been thru 2 c sections and a tubal, and I came thru those with great recoveries and yeah, not the same but my body reacts well to surgery is what Im pointing out. I would just DIE to be able to wear bikini bottoms or even bikini cut panties. I dont even want a FLAT tummy. Just a good bit of it taken away.
I know Im probably gonna get a variety of comments from a wide spectrum of reactions and I WELCOME THEM ALL!!! I really wanna hear anyone and everyones opinion on this matter. If u have had this lower belly and lost weight, what was the results of it? Did u lose the belly? Did u have to accept ur body for what it is?
Thanx in advance for being open and honest!
Sunday, May 29, 2011
So Im abt 50 pgs into this book and everything in it sounds so basic. Its exactly what I was looking for. I dont want to count calories for the rest of my life, nor do I wanna have to live by all these 'rules'. Dieting my whole life led me to a very destructive way of living. It wasnt so bad in past years, but since becoming a stay at home mom and having 'baby weight' to lose on top of excess weight of my own, it got to be an unhealthy obsession. Several weeks ago I just gave up on 'dieting'. I gave in to all my worries abt gaining weight and made peace with myself.
I didnt know it at the time but I was starting the process of bringing out the Intuitive Eater in me I stopped telling myself 'this' or 'that' was bad for me and started eating anything I wanted. I still weighed myself but the number didnt have much of an effect as it did in the past.
So Im still doing what I have been for the last cpl weeks and adding parts of the book til I get thru reading this book. Im honoring my hunger and respecting my fullness! Last night I made a great choice and Im so proud of myself! So I was out getting a few last minute things for my daughter's bday today and at the checkout I saw these 6pk of mini doughnuts I havent had in FOREVER! (There was a reason for it before, right!?) Well I grabbed a pack and put it in the cart, vowing to eat em before I got home so hubby wouldnt know I spent $1 on it. (In retrospect it sounds funny, but knowing bills are tight I feel guilty abt buying things for myself, even if its a treat and only $1) On the way home I noticed I was full from just eating dinner before I left out to go shopping. I had a lil talk with myself "This is the diet mentality that needs to be gone! Doughnuts are NOT bad food - just another source of energy. U are gonna take them home and eat em when u get physically hungry." And so I did! Later in the evening the kids and I were watching cartoons and I got hungry so I reached for the doughnuts. Get this tho - instead of eating 6 of em like I would have done on the way home, scarfing em down in like 15mins even tho my stomach was full, I sat on the couch and shared em with my kids. They had 3 between the 2 of em, and I had 3! And I was satisfied - I had what I wanted and didnt crave anything else. Even better, Im showing my kids that there arent 'good' foods and 'bad' foods, that all foods can be eaten in moderation.
One last thing tho - Im still a slave to my scale The book suggests not weighing urself because it is just another diet tool to judge urself by and a lot of the time can affect ur moods but Im addicted to my scale! I think a good part of it is bc Im numbers person and likes to see changes. I weigh myself ATLEAST once a day!!! Ive been able to seperate my emotions from it a good 90% but I still enter the dieting mentality after I weigh myself. Maybe I will change my mind once reading the whole book. We will see!
Heres to a healthier life!
Friday, May 27, 2011
So I finally broke down and just bought the book, Intuitive Eating. The library has it on hold like 5 times and its not even at the local branch. So I resorted to buyin it. Im eager to sit down and read it!!!
On another note, this morning I ate a sm piece of brownie (and I do mean small, like 1 inch by 1 inch square) cuz I wanted something sweet. 5 mins later and my tummy is feeling so nauseous. Is this my body tellin me no more sugar??
Nothin really exciting goin on. Been walkin regularly - 5 days a week now for 2 weeks! I wasnt able to this morning. My seasonal allergies are on overdrive and I was all sneezy and stuffy this morning. But last Friday and Saturday I didnt walk either so I think I may take these days off as a break. In all honesty, Im just going w how my body is feelin each morning. If I truly dont feel like going, I wont. If its cuz Im lazy and dont wanna get outta bed, I push myself.
Keep Sparkin, my friends!
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