BRENDARK   25,515
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Okay Okay...I confess...

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

My eating has been practically down the drain. Thank goodness for tracking my calories tho, it stopped me from devouring some Ben & Jerry's Fro-Yo Cherry Garcia. Yeah, that's right... I have ice cream in the house :( I also have kettle cooked jalapeno potato chips...that I think make me feel bloated (I had them with dinner-and I blame them for me being over my calorie count...ending calories: 1947. Yeah. Seriously. That's.... disgusting. (SP calculated my daily goal of 1480-1830 I dunno how I feel about that, I think they did it cause my cardio goal is 60min/day?)

So.... I read my girl Salbatross' blog today...and she too has been slacking in the blog department (it's been over a week since I've written one)...and you know why I don't write it... because I don't want to tell you all about HOW bad I've been eating. And I don't want to omit it, cause I always talk about what I eat on my blog... and omission is like lying to me. I CONFESS! I've been eating crab rangoons, ice cream, potato chips, Japanese cookies, Cracker Barrel French Toast (TOTALLY not impressed :/), homemade pizza on naan bread, hot chocolate, biscuits & gravy...

Thank goodness I still have SOME roots in Paleo, else I probably would have GAINED weight this week, thankfully I've maintained around 161... but my goal is 159 by surgery (probably next Wed, I'll find out tomorrow if they change the date). The BEST thing that has happened this past couple days- GREEN SMOOTHIES.

I have no idea how I started on that kick, but I did. I googled and found recipes and joined a SP group, and Seriously. I guess, I know what started it...last Friday I brought a DELICIOUS spinach salad to work for breakfast. The norm, chicken with little blue cheese, and pears and blah blah...only to have my mouth screaming at me. I've digressed so much, that eating spinach hurts :/ I wanted to still get my greens green smoothies have been it. So far my favorite is definitely a mixture of: collard greens, ginger!, pear, celery, cucumber, pineapple, frozen mango, and a little spinach. Nom. Nom. Nom. It's what's on tap for tomorrow. I make about 4.5 cups worth, and drink throughout the morning and afternoon. Well, I can't drink it anymore (the sucking through the straw I had, also hurt my mouth), so I use a spoon and eat it--like an acai bowl! I also eat a little substance for breakfast after PT...cause let's be honest here... blended goodness exactly hit the spot.

Anyway. So there you go. The last time I blogged, I talked about the hubby, and how he doesn't exactly contribute to my eating healthy. BUT the other day, I realized-- he doesn't FORCE me to eat anything. It's not HIS fault I have no willpower (although tonight when he was eating the B&J coffee heath bar crunch... I did have willpower!) and I normally wanna eat whatever he's eating...AND... I dunno. It's just something about it... him being back that throws a wrench in my eating. THANK GOODNESS my working out has been pretty good. Seriously.

Speaking of working out, I ordered a participant guide for a Bible study some women at the church are going to start on Saturday, it's called "Made to Crave" it talks about how we are made to crave- not food, but God. I'm excited. Well, I ordered this book of Amazon, and you know how they have free super saver shipping on orders over $25? Jillian's 6 Week 6 Pack was like 7 or 8 bucks, so I bought it, and some poopie bags for the kid. I did her workout this afternoon after work--WOWZA. I KNOW I'm gonna be hurting tomorrow! She made me do stuff I didn't even think I could do!

I'll be real guys, something triggered in me. Probably that addictive crap that is in food, but potato chips have been my biggest fault (go through my food tracker, it's true!). I blame the junk in it, but I also blame my brain. It knows that in about 8 days, I won't be able to eat a potato chip for it wants to get all this chewing and crunchiness out now... Or something.

Sadly, I cannot drink my green smoothies when I'm wired shut, there's no way all those particles are gonna go through my teeth. I did however, meet a woman that juices stuff in Nashville at the Franklin Farmers Market I went to a few weeks ago... so I ordered some juice to pick up this Saturday...and we'll see how they taste and hopefully I can order some of her stuff for those few weeks wired shut. She does some stuff with kale juice and whatnot, I want to still get lots of vitamins and nutrients (without drinking Ensure/Boost crap). GAG.

Well, I think I've mentally vomited enough on you for tonight. I've lost my motivation, my desire to stick to it... I dunno. I might have to pick the Paleo Diet book again and read through it, so I can remember how crappy it all is for me... and maybe that'll push me over the motivation edge for the next week or so.

Sorry to let you down... but- I'm human!

Hope you're more successful than I am! Good thing for fresh starts in the morning!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CONRADBURK 1/25/2012 1:31PM

    I am sorry to hear of your struggles with high-carb foods! I know what it is like because I used to be addicted too! You will get back on track after the surgery and the recovery. You don't have to eat that food if you don't want to. I noticed that the foods you mentioned have little or no protein. To lower your carbs, which is good, you have to increase your healthy fats and proteins by eating more meat, poultry and fish. You will find that more protein and healthy fats will make it much easier to resist the carbs.
Thanks for blogging and sharing what is happening in your life.
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HEALTHYSLIM2 1/25/2012 3:02AM

    Oh dear - I can so relate. I haven't been at the top of my eating game either... Can't seem to get back in the good groove I was in just before the holidays. I do get the fitness in, but it is NOT natural or second nature. And sometimes 2 days go by with NONE!
Work has been stressful, lots of other stuff going on, too... I keep telling myself I've turned a corner and headed back in the right direction, but it never seems to CLICK.
AND - Part of me wants to totally support you in eating whatever you want, due to what lies just ahead with your surgery.
Anyway, UGH. Let's hang in there and I'll be praying for you!!

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CINDYTW 1/24/2012 10:55PM

  I have not made the best choices this wekend either. It happens, and we try to do better and move on. Good luck with your surgery!

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ALPINESALLIE 1/24/2012 10:00PM

    I'm totally in the same boat, girly! Great blog though! I LOVE reading them at work, not to mention random texts and things - it absolutely keeps me more motivated than ever - so THANK YOU SO MUCH! You are SO awesome!
And... get that ice cream outta the house! If I even have that stuff in the house, it's gone in ONE sitting (just like the chocolate chip cookies I made last week.)
Anyhow, great confession time - I totally feel the same way about omission stuff... so stay strong, keep blogging, and tomorrow is a new day for better choice - we got this chickee!
Love you!

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ORGANIC811LFRV 1/24/2012 8:49PM

    I think you are also starving for some strong support in your eating program from DH. Of course you know that the crap in that phakephood is chemical ladden trash that is so totally addictive and toxic that it's deadly. But still you ate it and no one forced you. It happens! Deal with the support issue at home and I'm sure that will help you NOT to do this sort of thing again. You do know better. You do have the information to make good choices. You CAN do what is in your best interest to do. Get clean on the issue of support and it will fall into place for you. If DH is actually not willing to truly be your cheerleader and fesses up then at least you don't have that hiding under the kitchen table anymore. You can then decide to get some real support from friends near by or perhaps here on Spark.

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Monday, January 16, 2012

Well, thank goodness the hubby is back. And that means bad eating... apparently! I didn't realize my husband was associated to eating whatever I wanted. He texted me on his way home when he was in Chicago, and it was like I just wanted to eat and eat. I ate some M&Ms and worse yet... mint OREOS! Haha, only 6 (way better than when I would eat like, 12!) but still something tweaked inside of me. Thankfully I did my Ripped workout literally right before I left the house to pick him up.

This morning we had Korean for lunch (nom nom)... and then had some *ah*hem. Treats. We'll leave it at that. And ended the night with some pork bison sauce atop some deliciously cooked tender broccoli. I was excited with my weigh-in this morning.. but we'll see how tomorrow goes before I post anything.

I'll be real with you. Cause I haven't made a SP announcement (as many people mentioned, we tend to separate our SP lives, from FB lives, etc. For me my SP blog is different than my personal blog).

I'm about to undergo my fourth jaw surgery. In which case, I'm going to be wired shut, for 3 weeks, but I'm trying to mentally prepare for me. I've been wired shut 2 other times before, but the last time was 6 weeks (and you can leave all smug comments about losing weight while be wiring shut NOT on this page... cause believe me, I went through straight depression by the 5th week).

Anyway, surgery is pending....likely 25 January or 1 February... which means there's a little voice in my head, that wants me to "enjoy" certain foods, before I can't. I'm also trying to help develop a menu that won't be straight milkshakes while I'm wired shut. And still get all my nutrients. Let's be real, it's really hard drinking through your teeth (it's like trying to drink through a strainer)... Just giving you a heads up, cause this weekend, I'll be making my pecan maple cherry coconut tart.

*Got 8.5hrs last night
*61 minutes of cardio (ish, I did the Rip workout, and the Shred it Kettle bell work out from Jillian--I'm gonna be so sore tomorrow!
*50SP pts (61)

Night night!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

STINA474 1/18/2012 6:27PM

    oh, those are all blender recipes. :)

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STINA474 1/18/2012 6:26PM

    My husband is the same way!!! He makes it SO hard! Like last night he just happened to want to smell the house up and make caramel like he has never made that and wants too while I'm eating good. :p :/ frustrating!
Then this afternoon made fried rice! why??? I can deal at dinner because I eat my own thing but normall breakfast means green smoothies and lunch is salads with beans and sandwiches for kids....not good smelling fried rice. Uhg!

Sorry about having to be wired shut :( DOesn't sound good at all! Think about making green smoothies! Get a good blender (ninja is more affordable, but the vitamix and blendtech are awesome, totally get your moneys worth out of them!).
I do all sorts but I start with water, frozen fruit, greens (I alternate spinach, kale, bok choy, spinach is the milder out of them all), carrots, and banana to make it creamier, with flax seed. Good stuff for you and loaded with nutrients!

Something warm and smooth is cashew cream: 1 cup cashews, 1 cup veggie stock with whatever herbs/ spices you want. I like basil and lemon with a little white wine. I throw it on pasta and veggies for kids but you could enjoy some by itself.

Easy homemade GOOD and healthy tomato soup:
Roast in oven at 400 degrees 4-5 medium tomatoes with a tad of olive oil and salt and pepper. (Whole, or sliced in half. Season with garlic powder, if you like.)
Saute with 1/4 teaspoon olive oil 1/2 chopped onion and 2 cloves chopped garlic.
When browned add in 3 cups homemade veggie stock (see recipe above).
Set aside to cool.
When tomatoes are done (about 30 minutes) add the stock and onions to a processor or blender with the tomatoes, half teaspoon salt, and pepper and blend till smooth.
Put back in pan to warm up, mine was still warm and ready to go!

If you want you can add cashew cream to it but it was super tasty and easy without as well.
Cashew Cream: 1/2 cup cashews/ 1/2 cup veggie stock and blend till smooth and creamy.

I'll think of more and let you know. You can still eat healthy and get nutrients in so that when you are unwired you are on the right path to health!

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HEALTHYSLIM2 1/17/2012 2:45PM

    Hi there! Well, we knew it was coming up, that pesky surgery... but I didn't realize it was so soon.
Okay, what I will do on my end is keep you lifted up in prayer. I am adding you to my dailies and if there is anything specific you want prayed for, you just let me know. Otherwise I will pray for patience, that God would just remove any cravings from you, that the recovery time would be a time of growth and learning and increased wisdom and that communication would not be too hampered with your little guy and family. That's what comes to mind. Please do let me know if there is anything specific here that you don't want or something missing.
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Enjoy the next week or two of "freedom" and also enjoy having your hubby home!
Keep us updated. Eat those things that you want (in moderation, of course) to "prepare" you for the days when you will have lots of milkshakey stuff.
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CINDYTW 1/16/2012 10:47PM

  My DH is a complete enabler! Is yours? That may hav soemthing to do with it...otherwise, change is stressful, even if it is a good change. Having him around again may be brining stress, even if it is good.

You can have whatever you want really! Just get creative with the thinning liquids. I swear you can even puree Oreos if you want them, with milk. I have done this I assure you! We had a guy in my group home that had to have pureed food. Anything can be done but salad, it gets stringy.


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ALPINESALLIE 1/16/2012 10:40PM

    Good job girly sticking too it! If I were you, I would be having those exact same thoughts as you.... what's the song, 'visions of sugar plums' ... more like 'visions of pasta, pizza, steak, candy, oreos, nachos'... well you get the hint. Pecan Pie sounds amazing though! Especially POSTholiday when you can really enjoy it.
Anyhow, thanks for always motivating me, you are so awesome and I'm so glad we're still friends after so many years behind us (you know, we've known each other now 50% of our WHOLE lives!?!? crazy!)
If you need help with a menu or other ideas, let me know... and if you need a pickmesillysallieup when you are feeling down, a.) i'll get a webcam asap, or b.) you can text me whenever or c.) I can buckle down and plan that vacation to see your sexy booty this summer!
XOXO! Love and Miss you!

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Saturday, January 14, 2012

That's what I do with sleep on the weekend. Seriously, my hubby calls me a sleep camel, last night the kid and I slept 10 hours. A. Mazing.

Yesterday...was a pretty good day eating wise, just ate my dinner a little too late (happens when you wait until the end of the day to work out), and had my dessert (half frozen berries with sliced banana) too close to bedtime. As expected, saw it reflected on the scale.

I'd like to say I learned my lesson, but me getting out of bed this morning slower than expected, prevented me from working out before heading on a little road trip to see "hanai" grandparents of Zeke (my kid). Hanai is like adopted in Hawaiian. It means, like, when you're so close to another set of parents, they take care of you. In this case, Zeke's Hanai grandparents are my girlfriend's parents. My girlfriend that while we were training for the marathon both got pregnant, and had our kids 3 days apart. We got to spend Christmas with them... and her parents are super stoked and willing to watch Z in case of an emergency. Anyway, in the military you have to have a signed document saying someone will take care of your kid if you and your spouse have to deploy or are unavailable (smart on the military part, stressful for the member-technically my husband is considered military, even tho he's in the air national guard). So, I had to go out there and have them sign the paperwork.

Now don't get me wrong, I love Alice (the grandmother)... but her cooking... is kinda like paula deen's. Amazing, but totally not healthy, nor paleo. So for lunch today we had some pulled pork sandwiches, with homemade cole slaw, baked beans, pretzel "salad", and graham crackers covered in pecan praline amazingess. Now, I'm sorry CINDY, cause I know you can't do grains... but this pretzel "salad" was like the epic sweet and salty. Pretzels on bottom, covered with cream cheese and cool whip, then topped with sliced strawberries in jello. NOM NOM NOM. And those graham crackers were like crack. I did skip the bun tho. ;)

I know, I know. Just bring your own lunch... but the Asian in me doesn't want to shame the family by not eating their food. In some cultures it's super insulting to not eat their food. So I knew it would happen (uh, their Christmas food was amazing, and I didn't even try to count those calories!) so I had a light but filling breakfast (2 eggs over fried "rice") and was determined to just drink water. I knew I'd have to work out ALL 60 minutes tonight afterwards and have a light dinner. And I did it, even though the Yoga Meltdown was a little weaksauce tonight, in my defense, I totally did something to a muscle doing Ripped in 30... but I still got my 60 min in, and still burned over 500 cals.

As I was telling my girl SALBRATROSS, it wasn't so stressful, not like the other time when I ate crap food (perhaps because that was emotional eating?) this was truly a "cheat" meal. Because I knew it was coming (although didn't know what exactly), but I prepped for it, I ENJOYED it... and I'm not regretting it. I know eventually I'll have to get over the Asian thing of not insulting someone... but for now, they totally opened their house to me and my kid, and their other daughter straight up gave me the key to their house (they live down in Nashville) so Marcus could have a comfortable place during surgery in a few weeks.


Love ya'll. Happy weekend!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CONRADBURK 1/15/2012 3:50PM

    I know how you feel about not wanting to insult people by not eating their food. It is not just an Asian thing, but is a common feeling in most cultures. One unhealthy meal will not kill you, but you do need to put your health first and try not to worry about what others will think. When you make your healthy food preferences known to them, you will be helping them because they are not even aware that their crappy food is making them sick and may even kill them! I'm just saying.
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HEALTHYSLIM2 1/15/2012 3:43PM

    You handled that so perfectly. Being an part asian girl myself (and you know how us "hawaiians" are) I would never not eat a mom's food (or a family's food when visiting their home - you know what I mean) I just couldn't. Planning ahead, eating lightly, those things would be fine. But to not eat her food (and plus it sounds so delish!) would probably hurt her feelings. To many, food kinda = love, after all.
So anyway, supporting you in any future decisions, but these people who have "hanaied" you and your son are probably worth the "cheat" everytime. Planned for, exercised for and then enjoyed!!
I loved the sleep camel thing... now that I am at a time in my life where sleeping through the night doesn't always happen, I have learned to sometimes sleep in. And it does kind of seem like I can get caught up a bit on weekends, or store for the week, in the camel analogy!
Happy for you that hubby is home soon. Hope you are having a blessed Sunday!

Comment edited on: 1/15/2012 3:44:54 PM

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CINDYTW 1/15/2012 1:46AM

  It is OK I have gotten used to being the one left out or insulting someone! It is a little different when you CANT versus don't want to or shouldn't. Just do right most of the time and it is all good...

Comment edited on: 1/15/2012 1:47:08 AM

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ALPINESALLIE 1/14/2012 10:57PM

    Great Job! I think we all need 'cheat' days, and it sounds delicious and you definitely worked hard for it! Very proud of you!

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Thursday, January 12, 2012

Thanks to my girl SALBATROSS, I got off my butt after watching Private Practice on my computer... and did some treadmill time (and miles!) while watching Greys. I'm glad I did it.

And I made my cauliflower fried rice. Not 100% paleo cause there's a little shoyu in there.. but seriously. Nom nom nom.

*Sleep: didn't get my 8 hrs last night, hoping to make it up tonight!
*90/10 Paleo... Um yum. Shoyu in fried "rice" tonight makes it non-paleo.
*60min cardio (64min)
*50SP pts (84pts)

New opportunities people, we always get to make new choices. :D

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HEALTHYSLIM2 1/14/2012 1:31AM

    So, is it cauliflower... and NO rice? Where is this recipe?

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ERINLINDSAY83 1/13/2012 3:36PM

    Great job! keep up all your hard work!

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CONRADBURK 1/13/2012 1:50PM

    Congrats on the cauliflower recipe! Way to go!
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ALPINESALLIE 1/12/2012 11:26PM

    hahaha, I posted that pants comment just to give you the kick it sounded like you were waiting for!
So proud of you girl! And I can't wait to catch that episode of Grey's!

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CINDYTW 1/12/2012 11:24PM

  emoticonYou didn't have the rice, that is a step!

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Meh. And other random assorted goodies.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Yesterday was nuts. As my old pastor used to say, PSYCHO: S-Y-K-O.

We had organized PT in the morning so I had to do a workout that was not my own. It wasn't bad, 20 min of calisthenics (around the world, so each person chooses which exercise and how many reps). Then we did about a 2mile run.

My boss had given me a new project, it was exciting to have something to do, but in all seriousness, it was like trying to invent the wheel, when you have no idea that a wheel is supposed to roll. I'm in charge of organizing and putting together support for an exercise that is going to happen in March, but I'm not going to the exercise. I didn't even know where to start. I mucked around and got made some phone calls. Finally, the NCO that was going to be helping me arrived back from his appointment, and afterwards it started to make sense. And the project suddenly turned a lot bigger than I orginally thought. Fast Forward-my goal of doing my JM Ripped workout at 3:15 didn't happen, and I barely got out the door at work around 4:20 and somehow barely got to childcare on time to pick up the kid at 5:15. Walk in the door at our place aroudn 5:28.

And when do I have to leave my house by in order to get to church on time? 6pm.

I was smart enough this time to eat... but CONRAD and so many others are right...once you start on the path of putting toxins in your body (aka PB M&Ms) the body just wants more, and the cravings get hard to fight. I made my crab rangoon dip and mixed up my popcorn and M&M concoction, and ran out the door (after feeding the kid an almond butter sandwhich).

In church I was so tired, I got glassy-eyed a few times, and was getting to the super tired point. Got home aroudn 8:50 (delayed due to accident on road), and I just didn't have it in me to do the workout (since it takes a good 30min).

I was disappointed. I knew my weigh-in was not going to be the happy 162.3 that I had earlier in the week (even lower than the 162.8 from the weekend), but I couldn't fret over it. Adapt and overcome as they say. I knew my weakness, I knew my struggles. And sometimes- life gets out of control.

This morning I was pooped. But thankfully I had the opportunity to work out on my own, but because I had a briefing at 9:30, I couldn't do quite *all* that I wanted to. I did get to RIP (and I've brought in my 5lb and 3lb weights so I can use them), and hopefully this afternoon I will get to finish my 60min of cardio with some treadmill time (since our ellipticals are poop). It is the end of the work week for me (thankfully-gotta love the Army! We get a four day weekend and hubby flies in late Sunday night!) and sometimes we get released early on the last day of the week. Hoping to take advantage of it to get the rest of my workout on.

I admit, I was gonna lie to you, well-- not lie exactly, but leave out the details. But you know what, what's the point? I can't lie to myself, and word to SALBATROSS for being able to fight her cravings and be skinner than me! She deserves it! Maybe one day I'll beat her on the weigh-in, but for now, I just enjoy the accountability and motivation I have just by doing this alongside her. (last night I was thinking, "man... SALBRATROSS wouldn't do this...neither would CONRAD"

Here's the week's weigh-in:

Starting weight/BMI 25 Dec 11: 171lbs/29.3
Today's weight/BMI 12 Jan 12: 163.2/28.0

Still down from last week's weigh-in (164.6lbs/28.3) which is good, especially since it's that TOM (as off-kilter my body may be with it). But in all honesty my mini-goal was to break 160 before hubby gets back. We'll see. That's 3.2lbs in 3days..HA! So maybe the goal will be just to be back on the 90/10 Paleo seriousness.

Thanks for the love Sparkers. I feel so loved when you comment, and it's a huge encouragement as well!

Let's ROCK-IT today!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CINDYTW 1/12/2012 10:42PM

  emoticonYou can overcome the cravings, like Conrad said it takes planning and preparing. I had myself off of them for a long time, until my planning and prep got lax. Also fat is the biggest craving buster I have found! Come home and eat some bacon or something before it gets out of control! ANd a batch cooking day is best, or on days you can cook, make double and put it up. I have food for the next few days already without any extra effort. A bigger roast in the crockpot (a lifesaver!), an extra pack of meat in the stir fry, and extra pack of turkey burgers...I also do some on earlier weeknights, like hardboil eggs while I am doing something else.

I thought of you again at the store..the smell of the bulk candy was overwhlmingly chocolate/PB and I was thinking of your M&M's! I had an issue with those too cause DH bought em but usually I am a PB cup girl if anything. I did have some awesome popcorn the other night too, but not sweet, nor additives. Cooked it on the stove in CO, then drizzled ghee on it! Still gluten and dairy free which is the most important for me!

Pick yourself up and try again, it it asll we can do! emoticon

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CONRADBURK 1/12/2012 5:12PM

    It seems your diet has suffered because of stress. Stress is a huge factor in making me overeat too! I am still learning how to handle stress, so it doesn't make me stuff my face with food!

Planning ahead what you will eat is very empowering. I always try to keep healthy foods in the fridge, so I can just heat them up in the microwave and enjoy them. I always have at least three kinds of fruits available, three kinds of cooked vegetables, plenty of cooked chicken breast, some lean beef and some cooked frozen salmon. All of this takes preparation, but it is worth it.

I find that meat is a great food that is nutritious and helps keep me full and prevent cravings. I eat plenty of healthy meat in my diet. I hope you learn how to better handle your stress.

I wish you happy healthy eating!
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LADYROSE 1/12/2012 1:09PM

    Was just looking at something that basically summed it all up: stuff is gonna happen, weight is going to fluctuate, you're going to do better some days than others... just keep at it, doing the best you can with what you have, and you will get there!! (and you also hit on why it's so hard for me to go to Wed service - I love it, just don't like the rushrushrush to get home then out the door again by 6.)

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