Thursday, December 24, 2009
Status: Still fighting to survive.
I refuse to give up on me. I haven't been around much because of the way I've been feeling. I know that keeping stuff in can be dangerous so I've decided to say out loud, I've gained 5 pounds. God knows I'm fighting with everything, to live. At the end of the day I'm finding myself(I think), no better than the day before. Night time eating is at a all time high. It's almost as though something in me has broken. The spark, is gone. Today I got up just like I've been doing for the past couple of weeks, starting over again because I know I can do this and I'm trusting God to give me those things I stand in need of. I know He listens and respond but I MUST be patient and wait on the Lord.
Have a great day!
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Living Life Fully
Are you willing to forget what you have done for other people,
and to remember what other people have done for you. . .
to remember the weakness and loneliness of people who are
growing old. . . Are you willing to believe that love is the
strongest thing in the world. . . stronger than hate, stronger
than evil, stronger than death. . . Then you can keep
Christmas! But you can never keep it alone.-Henry van Dyke
Henry makes us stop and think here--after all, Christmas is a holiday for us all, isn't it? And is he saying that there are conditions to keeping Christmas, that we can't expect to be able to do so until we meet certain criteria? And can he possibly be right?
I believe that the answer to this question depends upon how we see the holiday and what we see as "keeping Christmas." If we see Christmas as a commercial holiday that's about buying and getting gifts, listening to Christmas songs, and decking the halls with boughs of holly, then there really can be no conditions upon the keeping of Christmas.
But if we see the holiday as a holy day, if we take it to symbolize the coming of love to our planet, the coming of one of the most important people to walk the planet, who taught and modeled love and compassion and our own amazing potential, then there must be more to keeping the holiday in our hearts and spirits than simply participating in the festivities. There must be more to the spirit of the season than gifts and carols and decorations.
And if there is more to it, then we must acknowledge that the heart of the season is love. And if we're to keep the season well, then we must be loving human beings, kind and compassionate people who see more to the world than its trappings. We must believe in the inherent goodness of the people we meet and see, and we must walk and act in the spirit of love all the time.
Yes, there is more to "keeping" Christmas than simply taking part in the festivities. That's because Christmas is so much more than "just" a holiday. The question is, do we treat it as such?
Questions to consider:
How do you "keep" Christmas?
How has Christmas become so incredibly commercialized? Have we "allowed" this to happen, or was it inevitable? Is it necessarily bad?
What does Christmas have to do with love?
For further thought:
Best of all, Christmas means a spirit of love, a time when the love of God and the love of our fellow people should prevail over all hatred and bitterness, a time when our thoughts and deeds and the spirit of our lives manifest the presence of God.-George F. McDougall
Have a great day!
Monday, December 21, 2009
My mom was a christian. She worked and provided for her family. My father was present in the home and he was a good father. While mommy worked he stayed at home drinking. My father was an alcoholic. Now that I'm an adult, I see how dysfunctional my family was.
My mom was a woman after God's own heart. She loved the Lord and she kept quiet about a Lot stuff that went on like, daddy drinking day in and day out, while she worked. When she came home from work she couldn't relax because it was always somebody hanging around. She trusted God, and knew that He had a plan and purpose for her life. You see,God used my mother to touch the lives of others. She was whatever you needed her to be at any given time.
When she was diagnosed with breast cancer and was going through radiation, people never knew she was sick because she always kept a smile on her face. I remember it just like it was yesterday she said to me, "Sabrina I love your father and I stayed with him because he is my husband and he meant well but meaning well didn't get me any happiness". It was as though she was telling me to learn from her mistake. My mom died a month later. That was in 1994. She was a sweet spirit and I miss her. As I'm getting older I hear her saying,"If you would just take heed to what I'm telling you, it will save you a Lot of heartache, but experience is the best teacher". I didn't honor my mom while she was here because of my drug addiction, but I'm doing a living amends by doing my best to be a better person, each day. I know she would be so proud of me.
My father died in 2007 and he got to see me living a drug free life. He continued to drink after my mommy died and drunk himself to death. I love my daddy with all my heart. He did the best he knew how. When he died, he didn't have burial insurance but God showed me the way and helped me to honor my father in death. You see, I've been through some things but God has brought me, a mighty long way.
I hope your day is full of hope!
Hugs to you ALL!~Sabrina
Friday, December 18, 2009
I am always in awe of God, Holy Father to whom all praise is due. God has a plan for my life and sometimes I try to tell Him of my plans. I remember hearing somebody say:If you want to make God laugh, tell Him about your plans. I have to ask for forgiveness for complaining sometimes because I know we all have our crosses to bear. Sometimes I allow Satan to come in and plant negativity but I thank God for being merciful and gracious to forgive my sins. Things will get better because I trust God for all things and I know He will see me through. I also have to learn to ask for help. I have so many people in my corner who's waiting to help whenever I need, but I'm too proud at times.
God has allowed me to go through some things. I lost my parental rights of my oldest kids when they were 7 and 4 due to drug abuse. The next time I saw them,they were 18 and 15. My daughter has a lot of resentments because she wanted to know, why was I able to straighten up for the 2 youngest and not them. I have to say, it wasn't me, it was the grace of God. She asked me was she not important enough. Of course they are important but at the time I couldn't even help myself. She was also molested in foster care. The devil wanted me to turn that on me and make it my fault because I wasn't there. That was one of my biggest fears when I lost them because my uncle had molested me at age four. I finally forgave myself a couple of years ago because I never meant to hurt them but I did. I ask them to forgive me and they say they do. I see a difference lately with her. When I was taken her money every week, we were closer than we are now. My husband brought to my attention that I was buying love. Then her daddy came into the picture spending all kinds of money and I found myself at ONE time trying to keep up. That was the end of that. I realized, I forgive me and if you don't, that's on you. I cant make up for lost time and I'm through trying. When I talk to her I always tell her that whenever she needs me, I'm here. That's all I got, ME. She is 18 now. Over a year ago she came out (lesbian) to her foster mom. My son who is now 21 tells me she suppose to have a boyfriend now. I don't know, but what I do know is, I cant change the past but I can make the best of the present. They are adults now and will make their own decisions. I pray that God will encamp His angels all around them, while they do.
Why does God allow trails?
For every trail that God has allowed, I am stronger. He also uses us so that I our testimonies will bring glory unto Him. Someone may hear of all He has done for me and turn their life over to Christ, believing that He could do the same thing for them.
I hope and pray that your today, will be brighter than yesterday!
Have a Fantastic day!
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