Thursday, August 01, 2013
Wow itís been a long time since Iíve blogged!!!
I now know why they rank moving as high on the stress charts as they do! What a crazy last three months of my life!!!!
Letís start at the beginning, shall we?
In May, one of the guys that was going to rent my house had some personal issues and needed a place to stay. Being that I am a nice, helpful person, I was more than happy to let him stay in my guest bedroom. This was a guy I worked with so I thought no big deal. He offered to mow the lawn, work on the yard and do the dishes for his part so I thought what is there to lose?
Man was I wrong!
Little did I know my life was about to turn into living bloody hell.
Fast forward to him wanting to move his entire apartment into my house before I had packed or moved anything! It turned into an epic nightmare which I tried to accommodate and be nice about as much as possible. That was until he decided to empty out a closet of my personal things that I had explicitly told him not to move/touch. I lost my mind! But still, I bit my tongue and kept plugging away with what I needed to do. As I rushed to move and get things out of the way for him (in the middle of also packing up my classroom during the last few days of school to boot), I got more and more stressed out. Without yoga and working out it is absolutely amazing I donít weigh 500 pounds more right now! And did he ever help with the lawn? Nope. Did he do the dishes? Twice. In a month.
Somehow I made it through the end of school and my new roomie headed off for a few weeks and I breathed a sigh of relief Ė peace and quiet and time to pack.
Again, I was wrong.
Got my stuff packed (as fast as possible and not at all in the way I wanted to pack it!) and mostly moved to Cheyenne by then end of June. Throw in a two week trip to New York (we drove) my dog being diagnosed with a cancerous tumor (sheís ok after surgery) and my bank account being totally depleted and I was just glad to have the house empty in Denver (minus some stuff left in the garage) so my renters could finally move the rest of their stuff in and start paying rent.
Wrong, wrong, wrong.
It all went down like this: spend all night moving and packing things to take to Cheyenne. Drive to Cheyenne. Get a phone call from renters (who by the way had a)already lived at my house and/or b) had visited my house multiple times). Conversation goes like this:
Renters: um, yeah, we are going to need you to replace all of the flooring in the house, thereís dust under the carpet pads and you need to paint. Oh and we want you to come and rototill the yard and plant grass seed and fix the yard.
Me: um, yeah, none of this was part of the deal we had Ė this is a rental, not a sale house
Renters: well then you need to give us a break on the rent
Me: well Iíd consider rent that is $400 below market value, no deposit and three months free rent a pretty considerable break on rent
Renters: that wonít work for us
Me: -absolutely speechless-
Man was I pi$$ed!!! Last time I help anyone out!!!! What were they expecting? Seriously? This is a rental! And in my mind I guess I thought no deposit and three months of free rent were a more than fair exchange for cleaning my house. Yes, it needed cleaning Ė when you live in a house for 8 years, dirt accumulates. But it wasnít that bad at all!
Things happen for a reason though. And the universe has better plans than we do sometimes.
After a mega freak out of how the heck I was going to pay for this place, I took a deep breath and just let it go to the universe.
I had my house rented in three days to a couple who absolutely loved it as is. They are happy as clams and I no longer have the tenants from hell. My best friend cleaned the entire house for me and my tenants moved in without me having to fix floors, rototill or do anything else. They were just elated to have found something affordable in my neighborhood!
It all worked out for the best.
Lesson learned: sometimes you just have to let the universe take care of you.
So Iím officially in Cheyenne now Ė still sorting through the chaos of my move, but doing just fine. Getting back into a groove and getting myself back on track.
Yup, I gained 20 pounds. Am I annoyed at myself? Yes. My pants donít fit! But Iím not, I repeat NOT, buying new ones! I will wear skirts and dresses this fall until they fit again!
I let my healthy lifestyle get taken over by stress and I managed the only way I could at the time. Life is full of choices. I could have made better ones. From here all I can do is move forward. I joined the gym here! Iíve been walking the dogs. And I went back to yoga last night. Back on track. One day at a time.
Next up Ė a week long vacation with the bfís family. This will be a mega challenge because there will be a lot of cream and butter involved in this trip. Iím cooking and packing as much as I can. Iím bringing my yoga mat and running shoes and Iím going to relax and take care of myself before the crazy of the school year starts again.
And thatís about all thatís been going on around here!
That was a long blog!
Feels good to get it all off of my chest! I didnít realize I was still so angry! I think I felt hurt because they were so negative about my house Ė something I have always been so proud to be the owner of even with all of itís flaws. But the universe took care of me and for that I am thankful.
In the next few days I will be updating my sparkpage and ticker. Time to face the cold hard truth of my gain.
But I am proud of myself because Iíve stopped letting myself use excuses to keep heading down a bad path. See, old dogs can learn new tricks!
Off to the library and the gym now! I love my new little town!
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Wow, where have I been????
Hi. My name is Rachel. And I swear, Iím still alive!
I havenít posted since January! What the heck?
First the weight. Then all the other stuff.
Going back in time, I realize that I have a pattern. Right around the holidays to right around now I hit an epic slump. A slump where I barely remember anything Iíve ever learned. An abyss. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that my room has no windows and I get no natural light all day long? Maybe itís just the ebb and flow of life.
Whatever it is, this is my dismal time of year Ė or rather, the end of my dismal time of year. It was last year, on this day exactly, that I decided to call the Kaiser weight management team. And itís been almost a year since I started phentermine (Iíve been off of it for 6 months now).
Tuesday I had an appointment with the weight management group. Why? Well itís been 6 months now since I stopped taking phentermine. Iíve maintained my weight for those 6 months within 3 pounds and now Iím ready to really kick it in to gear and finish this journey I started.
At my lowest I was down 37.6 pounds. Yup. I gained a little back. But what I noticed is that I have been able to maintain within about a 3-5 pound range pretty easily for the last 6 months. Of course, I should have never gained those pounds to begin with (hello dating and the holidays!) but it happened. Talking to the nurse practioner made me feel a little better. She told me she gained 30 pounds dating her boyfriend so I donít feel so terrible about gaining the 15 that I did. Nonetheless, it needs to go!
Ladies, Iím beginning to realize itís a fact Ė you get a boyfriend, you gain weight. Grrr.
I do feel horrible right now Ė these ten pounds have had a huge impact on me. (I say ten because I was only at my lowest weight for a nano-second!). My pants donít fit and my body doesnít feel good. Not going to yoga regularly has also been a huge compounding factor. I have done what I do every year: let work rule my life. But Iím learning. The difference between then and now though is that I wouldnít have stopped myself Ė I would have kept gaining until I was back to my highest weight or higher. At least I hit the brakes when I did and not after I gained every single pound back.
I have become a firm believer on the philosophy of resetting your setpoint (Breakthrough Your Set Pont by Blackburn and Corliss. Itís a great book, you should read it!). The argument these doctors make is that you should strive to lose 10% of your bodyweight, then keep it off for 6 months and then lose another 10% and keep it off for 6 months and so on so that your body has a chance to rebalance itself. Over the past year, Iíve lost a net total of 24.6 pounds. 24.6 was 10% of my starting body weight. So at least my body is starting to normalize! Now itís time to breakthrough that setpoint again! So my new goal is 173.3 to reach and then maintain for the next six months. Baby steps.
So Iím back on phentermine. In positive news, I can say without a doubt that going off phentermine does not mean you instantly gain all of your weight back. Eating cream coated German food at your boyfriendís parentsí house for Christmas, however, does. I finally feel like I have some energy to do something about it. It is my pattern this time of the year. Iím dragging and donít have any energy! But I have a few more days of spring break to chillax! And I canít tell you how much I am looking forward to it!
Ebb and flow.
Now for the rest!
Work has been horrible. I canít wait for the end of the school year. I come home every day feeling defeated because I canít do everything. And while I try to keep in perspective that I am the ONLY special education teacher in a K-12 school with 800 kids Ė and no paraeducator to help Ė it still kills me because Iím used to giving my job my all. After visiting other schools and districts around the metro area, I realize I am getting the shaft big time. Smaller schools than mine have two teachers with para support. I know I should feel proud that I am able to handle my caseload Ė but a lot of the time I feel hopeless because I canít possibly support my students the way they deserve.
The half marathon training is going nowhere. Lol. I havenít run in a couple of weeks and Iím certainly not following my plan. Time to change that. Iím going to start a modified plan and just do the best I can. If I walk, I walk. No big deal. I just need to get moving again for my own sanity. I ran 5 miles the other day in Cheyenne and I felt great Ė I donít know why Iím dragging my feet so much! Just another reason this time of year sucks for me!
On the boyfriend front, things are going well. Of course Iím like any person in a serious relationship Ė I have my moments where I wonder what the heck Iím doing! But Iím applying for jobs in Wyoming and will be moving to Cheyenne this summer if I can get a job. We will be moving in together and that will be interesting! We both have a lot of stuff!
The move is also filling my plate big time. I used to move all of the time Ė I was never in the same place for that long. But itís time for a change. So we shall see! New adventures are on the horizon.
And thatís about it for now! This update was pretty long Ė so thanks for hanging in there!
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Wow. January is almost over and Iím still right where I started! Amazing considering that I havenít done a whole lot to change things, nor have I done a whole lot to start moving again. And in case you missed it I signed up to run a half marathon in May. Iíd like to run that sucker in less than three hours! But if Iím not running, this is not going to happen!
January did not bring me the mojo I had hoped for. Ha! Well thatís entirely my fault, now isnít it?
So what is going on?
Well, Iíve turned into a lazy butt.
Ok that is not entirely true.
I just am not back to my normal schedule. The weekend commutes are no excuse. The cold on the other hand has made it hard to get in a workout when Iím in Wyoming. I did find a yoga studio there though so maybe that will help. As for the running, well, I know that it is 99% mental block. I just need to go out and do it!
Iím not going back. I refuse to go back. I will NEVER let myself get fat again.
And if I am going to stand by that statement, I need to step up and change my patterns now.
The fridge is stocked up with freggies. The freezer is stocked with home cooked healthy goodness. I just need to make the commitment and start saying two magic phrases: ďno thank youĒ and ďafter I work outĒ.
I got this. I just need to make it a priority in my life again Ė not just something I do during the week. Iím glad that boyfriend is on board. The challenge will be getting him to stay on board! He loses weight so quickly! And when he proudly came out of the bathroom the other day and announced that he weighed the same amount that I weigh now, I wanted to cry.
Iím 189. 12 pounds higher than my lowest weight this summer and man is it making my pants tight. A few months ago, 189 seemed like a dream. Now it seems like my worst nightmare! I feel overwhelmed at the moment Ė stressed and like I have way too much on my plate. Itís my own damn fault.
But I can do this. One pound at a time. One mile at a time. One good choice at a time.
I changed my background to Ganesha, the Hindu God of Success, to help me get through these obstacles (mostly of my own making) and to find success.
I know Iíve sounded like a broken record Ė but I have the tools, I have the knowledge now I just need to make it a priority to make my health number one again.
Because in case you missed it, Iím NOT GOING BACK.
Happy Thursday Sparkers!
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