Monday, May 10, 2010
This weekend flew by! I went over calories every day this weekend including Friday, We went to see Iron man 2 Friday night and it was at the drive in so we brought our own snacks which helped keep the calories under control but I did go over budget by one pear so not so bad when I say that I went over but over is over. Saturday night wify ran out for a sundae and I stayed home but the more that I thought about it the more I wanted one! a quick call on the cell later I was in for a small cup of mocha ice cream, at least I opted for the cup in place of a cone right? Then Sunday lets just say that I was over by about 250 calories and that's all I got to say about Sunday.
Getting to the gym Friday went as scheduled and as I mentioned I picked my daughter up from school on my bike with the new trailer that I picked up so the weekend was off to a good start. Saturday I didn't really do anything that I would call exercise besides making a garden bed in my yard and framing it out with stones and a land scape tie and planting some veggies which as it turns out may end up being bad timing. I planted 3 types of tomatoes, some green bell peppers and some zucchini but the next day we had high winds and the temp dropped into the 30's over night, luckily I did think to cover the newly planted veggies with some buckets so hopefully there are no issues. I was going to plant some watermelons at my daughters request but am going to hold off until next week for that with the week that we have lined up weather wise as its suppose to be below 32 degrees over night for a couple nights and this way I have a bed to make next weekend so more movement. Sunday we pretty much lounged around all day and I did absolutely nothing that I would call exercise but I am ok with that as it was after all Mommy's day.
My three tomato plants.
The new bed that I put in with the three zucchini plants and the two pepper plants.
Random shot of the garden and a birdhouse that lives there.
This morning I weighed in at 311.4 lbs which is .2 higher than Friday but Saturday I was down to 309.6 lbs and that shall be chalked up to fluctuation. I am planning to hit the gym kind of hard this week and see where I get by Friday with the new calorie range and a good solid week of gym workouts and if the weather cooperates I will add some bike rides in by picking my daughter up from school as we both enjoyed that.
Something did happen this weekend that was unexpected as well as a great non scale victory for me in a department store. Sunday we ran out for no real reason and ended up in a JcPenny just wandering around and wify saw a display of Adidas tee shirts and started flipping through them and said "Here are some 2XL shirts honey you should try one on" blah I thought, these will never fit me. My blah thought was because I have 3 of these exact same shirts but in 3XL and though they are starting to get big on me still fit and look acceptable, sort of but I did agree to try them on and I am glad that I did. These shirts were not in the big guy section, they were just on a rack in the mens athletic section and the regular old run of the mill 2XL fit me just fine and then I noticed the price, $14.99 per shirt, what is this madness? how can a shirt that fits me cost less than $25.00?? I ended up getting two shirts. I did notice that I could have gotten a 3XL version of this shirt in the big guys section for $19.99 and with that I seem to have slid a little closer to being normal sized.
With that normal sized thing coming up I think that I need to figure out a way to see myself for the size that I am now and now how I use to look but am having a hard time with that. Friday night while we were at the drive in there was a fella standing outside his car and as I always do I size him up and think "He is about my size" so I say to Wify "Honey, look at that guy there in the gray sweatshirt, is that about how I look?" you know, just for a second opinion. With a roll of her eyes in the way that only a loving wife can do she says "Ok, you are not allowed to do that any more alright?" do what??? I ask "ask me if you are as big as this guy or that guy, especially when you pick guys that are much bigger than you, You know that you are smaller now so just stop it" and I honestly don't see myself as small as Wify does apparently.
Why is it so difficult to get past weight? why is it that though I can obviously see a difference in how I look that I still see myself much bigger in minds eye? I am 225 pounds less in physical size than I was 2 years ago and yet I still see myself as a big ol round fella most times and I am unsure how to get past that feeling. I see people like Sean or the other Tony (links to their blogs are here zeusmeatball.blogspot.com/ )and they look amazing! I have been reading these guys blogs for a good while now and they also have lost more than 200 pounds each but unlike me I can see them and not think they look big at all. Its true that they are both at or extremely close to their goal weight but I am only about 50 pounds more than Sean yet going off of his photos I look much bigger. Perhaps its something that I just need to get use to, you know being smaller and accept that I possibly look smaller than my minds eye tells me because I honestly thought that the fella at the drive in and me were pretty close in size but going off of the look on Wifys face and her reaction my vision could be off.
Long winded and random for the Monday morning post but like every day I have no clue what I am going to write until I start typing and sometimes it goes long so there you have it. This week should be a decent one barring anything outside of my control and I am still focused so with a tad bit of luck and a whole load of hard work we will see where I end up come Friday for a weight.
Thats all I got for today.
Friday, May 07, 2010
Apparently someone was offended that I used the big bad F word in a post even though I did the typical #^%$^ instead of the word and reported my post from Tuesday. I was asked by spark to edit the post so I did, I get it rules is rules is rules BUT I may start posting most of my posts on my blogspot page only in the near future all the same.
I write my blog from my perspective in my words and for someone to actually get offended at what was there is childish to me and to actually taddletale...er report an "implied" big bad adult word that starts with a F...... silly is my opinion.
A lot of you know that I post on my blogspot page Here zeusmeatball.blogspot.com/ and that's where I started my blog and I cross post here on spark because I have made plenty of friends here and its cool that people can take from my experiences positive things, if anyone is interested in the uncensored me please take a look.
The blog in question was one of the "Voted Popular Blog Post" blogs also, just wanted to toss that in there.
~~Todays post actually starts here~~
Weighing in this morning I realized that sometimes no matter what I do that the weight will do what its going to do and worrying about it is a waste of my time as long as I know that I am doing what I need to. I am down 225 pounds from day one and most of that time the weight fell in a downward direction, there were ups here and there but as long as I did what I needed to and stuck to my guns it has come off, this week I do not have a new low weight, in fact I am 2 pounds higher than my lowest weight coming in at 311.2 pounds. Am I gonna sweat a 2 pound up from my lowest point? not even for a second, especially knowing that it was a 6 pound up in the beginning of the week, my weight has been all over the place the last few weeks and part of that I understand and this week will be different and I predict a new low come next Friday.
I have bumped up the work in the gym a bit, I am not spending any more time at the gym but I did up the intensity level of everything that I do, on the bike I have brought my average rpm's up, the treadmill the mph and incline have increased and the arc trainer's strides per minute are higher now. Eating 1900 calories in place of 1700 has got me nervous but I have to at least give it a chance before I go back to the lower number because I should be able to drop the pounds with a 1900 calorie budget.
This afternoon I will get a ride into my day on my bike because I picked up a kids bike trailer off of craigslist to see if my daughter will let me pull her to school in it and I have to give it a test ride. My daughter weighs 45 pounds and then whatever the trailer weighs, that paired with the hills that I live on I am not sure that I will actually be able to pull her all the way to school but its a way to sneak free exercise into my days so I gotta try it out.
Wify gets frustrated at me from time to time, and that means on a daily basis because she says that I don't finish things, and that's not what you might think. I have a habit of leaving the last bite of something in the box like cereal, I will not finish a box, I always leave a bit in the bottom and then it sits there until she tosses it or one of the kids wants a handful of cereal. I leave the silverware in the strainer after putting all of the rest of the dishes away and I leave tiny bits of jelly and peanut butter in the jars, I do this with lots of things and she was frustrated one evening and we were talking about this phenomenon and I said "you should be happy with the 97% that I do, a lot of husbands don't even do that" ok that was a bad idea but I said it. Since then we have joked about this 97% thing that I do and I was thinking about my weight loss and it dawned on me that I am almost there and this last few pounds that I need to lose may just be that last bit of jelly in the jar or the silverware sitting in the strainer but on a different level.
I have a ways to go before I am at my goal weight but getting there is my priority one right now and nothing will stop me from running through that finish line with the tape across my chest. Eat well, Drink much and move often is the plan, I am 225 pounds into this and I have this thing that I do where I am mister 97% but this time I am not stopping at 97, I'm going all the way because I have to.
I think that I just became mister 100%...
Thursday, May 06, 2010
Heading into that place again, you know the one where being in my way will only get you one thing and its none too pleasant for the recipient because I have somehow become focused again. When I began down this road weighing more than 500 pounds I was very limited as to what I could do physically and was forced by my size to go at a pace dictated by the very thing that I was trying to get rid of. Now that my body has caught up with my mind I think that its time for the gray matter to dictate what happens, I have always done what I could with my workouts but rarely pushed myself further than a certain comfort zone for no real reason, but its time. I have as of late been creeping along at a slower than I would like it to be pace and am noticing that because I have some heavier than normal stress in my life lately I am slowing that pace further and I just can't let that be the case. I have come 225 pounds into a 267 pound journey and seeing it through to the end has got to be priority one for me because going in reverse cannot be an option.
There comes a time
In all our lives
You must sacrifice
Put you in the ground.
Come on now, this is the...
Come on, I'm your enemy
Try to, try and step to me
What you gonna do
You can't pull me down....
There is something to be said for a motivated person and their chances of success versus that of someone that has not crossed that threshold into a frame of mind that allows them to understand what exactly is at stake. Letting the mental control the physical is the key and the curse all at once, if we let the mental tell us that we cannot complete a task then it will be the downfall of each of us, but if we force the mental to do what we need it to then it is what will drive us into success. Knowing that the mental part of everything that we do trumps anything physical is what will make tragic situations turn the other way and force a win in our favor and getting back to that is what I am forcing myself to do because I have eased back a tad bit too far as of late and I won't stand for it.
There was once a 534 pound guy that did not know what he could do in order to keep living in this world, he believed that a surgery was the only way that a smaller version of himself would exist and that was proven to be incorrect information. There is a 310 pound fella roaming around now unlimited, active, doing what he wants to do yet a task is left unfinished at this point, comfortable would be a good way to put it and I think that its time for him to feel some discomfort in the interest of forcing some results. It's time to punish myself physically and once and for all finish this damn thing correct like, I sat on the sidelines for far too long wishing that I could do something about the situation that I found myself in and now that I am able without risk of literally hand grenading my knees or heart its on.....
Wednesday, May 05, 2010
Sometimes things get a little harder than normal and pushing through the bull$hit is more difficult than we think it will be and sometimes its straight through the brick wall without even the slightest change in direction or momentum. The most important thing is that we stay on task as to not sabotage any work that has been put in to that point. I seem to have mastered what needs to be done to maintain my weight, admittedly there are some things not related to my weight loss that are slowing the process but I have to say that I am happy about how things are going down because I am not gaining anything back in lieu of anything else that's in the background.
Tuesday was a pretty good day all around for me where intake and movement are the topic, I went for a late morning walk while my daughter rode her bike so it was more like a late morning jog/walk as I chased her most of the way. The gym later in the afternoon was 45 minutes of cardio mixed between a bike and a treadmill then home I went for lunch which was an omelet for 425 calories including a multigrain english muffin. My calories for the day came in at just over where they should have been for a total of 1945 and I am still not use to the up in the food, I am still finding that I am stopping at 1700 and left with a couple hundred at the end of the night but we're getting there. Of course I was hydrated because that's the one thing that has become so much of a habit that at 8:00 am as I write this post I am already most of a half gallon of green tea into my fluids for the day and that is the case every day.
I upped my intake to 1900 calories over the weekend because I felt that I had been stalling with the drops and I am giving it two weeks to see what happens, if I start dropping pounds faster than I have been the 1900 stays, if not? I will likely go back to my 1700 but that's to be found out. The more I looked at it the more I thought about just how much exercise I was doing every day and the amount of exercise vs the rate that the weight was coming off just isn't adding up to me. I mean hell, I am still more than 300 pounds and I think that the weight should be coming off just a tad faster than it has been with the work that's being put in. I do understand that its going to vary from week to week, month to month but I am really taking it off very slow lately and I do know that life stresses are not helping the cause but at the same time I am eating well and exercising so I think there is more to it than the personal situation that we are going through currently.
Any way its cut Friday will let me know how the up in calories is effecting my body even though this week will be sort of a push for me where my up is concerned as I was getting things back to normal but I am looking for a loss either way. Hopefully I will be able to post some images of what I've lost in a couple days and I can get this weight down below that EVER ELUSIVE 300 pound mark sooner than later..its starting to feel like a cruel game by some higher power because this milestone has been in my sight for what feels like forever yet just out of reach. The plan for today is the same walk/bike ride with the kiddo, hit the gym, eat 1900, drink 2 gallons and see where that brings me in the morning, wish me luck!
Thanks for following along with this fat guy getting slim, that's all I got today.
Tuesday, May 04, 2010
I was asked by spark to please edit the title of this blog because someone reported it.......whomever had their little eyes scorched by the bad bad F word please stay away from reading any more of my blogs if you are that sensitive...
apparently the "Voted Popular Blog Post" says that more than a few people enjoyed it so to you guys Thanks!! If you are not too faint of heart the original uncensored title and post can be found here zeusmeatball.blogspot.com/
Today is the day, its the day that I change my life, today is the day that all of the madness stops and the living begins, get in my way and you will end up on your back, try and stop me and you will not succeed because failure is not an option for me. I am an unstoppable force in your world of excuses and an easier time will be had trying to move a mountain than to steer me off course because by the throat I take this challenge and straight through it I go with reckless abandon, I will see it through to the end. Break me or I break you one of the two will happen this time around, I have been broken so many times before and its my turn to show you how it feels because I can't do this any more, I won't do this any more and you have no choice but to submit to my will. Try and resist and You will fail, try to slow me down and you will fail, into a corner I am backed and there is only one direction that I can move so I suggest that you step aside before somebody gets hurt.
Deciding to live or deciding to see how big the balloon can be blown up before it bursts are a couple of the choices, if it were an actual balloon perhaps it would have been a fun game but when its a body, a heart that can blow up at any time it becomes less of a game. At 534 pounds a ticking time bomb in a padded chest waiting to go off at any minute leaving a giant laying on the ground with no choices is not how its going to go down. Do you remember? breathless at the top of the stairs taking a moment to catch that breath so that she wouldn't know just how bad it was as if that was fooling anyone, do you? Do you remember not being able to walk more than 5 minutes because of the pain in your back? remember how that felt? Now remember when I said that you have no choice? remember when I told you that you would fail? well you are failing, you are submitting because I will not, I am not going out like that and have come too far for anything to get in my way now.
There will be days that you win, there will be days that the daily stresses force me to make choices that will set me back but in the end you lose. I made the decision that I am going to do whatever it takes to get to the end of that road and though I am at a point where my back is not to the corner any more, I do remember the direction of the exit and that is where I am headed. Now if you would please get the f@#k out of my way I promise it will be over quickly and you won't feel a thing....choose not to move and onto your back you go...
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