Monday, March 15, 2010
People sometimes don't know how the smallest insults can effect a person in a long term kind of way and I think that over weight people get the worse of that because its almost ok to point out to a fat guy that hes...fat. Joking with Wify last night I told her that I hate that "O" word and I said to her for me its the same as that "C" word to women, you know the one that rhymes with hunt. I don't mean the good "O" either I mean Obese, its such an insulting sounding word and I don't know why, perhaps its because I fit the bill at one point in my life and arguably still do. Now if you add that "M" word in front of it?? "Morbidly Obese" I mean C'mon that just sounds horrible! but I suppose the situation where the term can be used is terrible so maybe it fits? At 534 pounds I was and I hate saying admitting this Morbidly Obese, that is like the worse insult in the entire universe of insults for me.
Throughout my life as a fat guy I have heard it all, I have heard every creative and not so creative way to insult a fat guy that could be thought up, some people got a mouth full of padded knuckle for their time and others got away with it because it just wasn't worth the effort and honestly sometimes it just took everything out of me. The standard "Fat ass" and and pig sounds etc to more elaborate taunts such as "Hey you have a dickie do yes?", "a dickie do?" , "Yeah your belly sticks out more than your dickie do! Buhahahaha!" but one of the worse ones was a day that it was cold outside and someone said "Hey when you are not looking I am going to cut you open like a Tauntaun and sleep inside you to stay warm". Then there were times in middle school when I would come home upset from school and told my Dad that whoever had called me fat and I cried or something like that and he said "The next person that calls you fat punch him in the nose and it will stop" so I did and low and behold it was a couple years before someone called me fat again.
Its amazing how a fat kids confidence can be beaten down into nothing because of constant taunting about the extra weight and yet a 6 foot tall 250 pound 7th grader could likely dispatch any of the other kids in the class quite easily. On occasion enough was enough and kids were thrown into lockers for calling me fat, other kids teeth were introduced to chubby knuckles but it always came back, the fat jokes are always there. In my high school year book I was "voted" "Laziest" in class along with the heaviest girl in the class and it was obvious to me that whoever did this "voting" DID NOT know me and chose me for that wonderful title forevermore in the year book purely on my size because at that time in my life I was not lazy, I removed the last names and the face of the girl in that picture from my year book to protect the innocent. My father and me were working on a house that my parents were buying so after school it was straight to that house and we remodeled much of a six family house just the two of us, I worked on cars in my spare time and was weightlifting 6 days per week for the last three years of high school so where "lazy" came from? had to be because I was the fat kid, its always bothered me that the title was given to me in the year book because of the obvious reason that it was given.
I am sure that every disability has its own prejudices but I don't know of one that is more widely accepted as ok to openly taunt the unfortunate person that has said disability as being fat does. I suppose that its viewed as "ok" to do it because the person should be able to do something about the problem thus deserves the taunting on some level? but in reality every one of those negative responses to a situation that NO ONE is happy about being in just reinforces the sulking and turning to food for comfort trigger and someone that has never dealt with a weight issue cannot possibly understand it on the same level as the person on the receiving end of these kinds of jabs.
I have come a long way on this weight loss, better health campaign and I am who I am today partially because of all of those jokes at my expense as a kid, I wish that I could say I would trade my experiences for those of a regular sized person but I can't. I have the most incredible wife on the entire planet and two wonderful kids that I possibly would not have if I wasn't who I am, and I am the person that I am today because of everything that has happened in my life to this point. I find that in a lot of people that were or are fat is an awesome sense of humor that has originally developed as a defense mechanism and that is something completely positive coming out of some negative vibes.
I do have to admit that the Tauntaun joke made me laugh last night when I was talking to Wify about it but hey! I did say that I developed a good sense of humor right?
Saturday, March 13, 2010
This weekend is not exactly turning out how I wanted it to, I was suppose to go out on a date with Wify Friday night and because of a situation outside of my control it didn't happen, not that it would have been too much fun because I have a new cold yay! My daughter came home from school with a head cold and I got it! I couldn't taste anything at all almost all day yesterday so a dinner date for Sushi probably wouldn't have been all that satisfying anyhow. I am feeling better than yesterday right now so hopefully this doesn't hang around too long but I am staying well within my calorie range I am not getting much cardio in because of the stuffy head. on the other hand. I came in way low on calories for yesterday because I had saved up for the date but I wasn't very hungry anyways so no big loss really.
I did play with dinner tonight and yes I know that I am not suppose to play with my food but I wanted to change my sides up a bit so I made a seasoned rice and topped it with some sauteed zucchini and yellow onion to have with the Salmon fillets that I made. I seasoned the Salmon with a very light shake of a Cajun spice that I picked up a while back and let me tell you I will be making this whole dish just as is again because it was very good. Making meals that taste as good as stuff that I would get in a restaurant really makes me feel like I am cheating at this whole weight loss thang, seriously. I eat better now than I ever have and the food taste so much better than the over seasoned crap that I use to eat when I was 500 plus pounds its unbelievable that I ever liked that other processed stuff. I snapped a picture of my plate before digging in and of course got the standard "Dada how come you like to take pictures of your food?" from my daughter she will some day read my blog and see why I took all of those photos and will be able to read all about how her Pops took his life back. This entire plate which consisted of 3/4 cup of the rice, 3/4 cup of the zucchini and onions and 7oz of the Salmon only cost me 480 calories and of course I had a nice big glass of green tea with it.
Cajun Salmon and sauteed zucchini with rice, 480 calories for the entire plate.
Rollin with this in lieu of being sick all week because I have to, This year will be the year that I hit my fitness goals and get down to that once seemingly unattainable 275 pounds and below I will go. I use to wonder if I was going to be able to get where I wanted to with my weight loss, I use to look at that goal number and think "Man that's a $hit ton of weight to drop, is it even possible?" and these days I have completely changed the way that I see that goal, I am going to make that goal and even surpass it. Throughout my life I tried to lose weight and did lose some here and there but in all honesty looking back at it I was half ass-ing 90% of those attempts and all I needed to do was put 100% into it and look at what can happen. I am that pain in the ass who carries his scale around, I am that guy that when I head over you say "I am making chicken and corn on the cob does that work for you? should I make yours a different way?" and I don't care that I am that fellow, its what I need to get where I am going.
Saying that I am that pain in the ass with the scale is not always the case though either, I do have a beer with the neighbor from time to time, I do eat pizza and I do go out to eat at restaurants because that's just life and its going to happen. I literally just watch portion control and make sure that what I am eating is cooked the way I need it to be in order to make my calorie balance and that's it for the food. I have said this before and I am going to say it again, I am not special and contrary to popular belief I do not have any super powers when it comes to eating or exercising. I am just a fat guy that had enough of watching life happen around him while his waistline grew uncontrollably, perhaps one day I will not see myself as a fat guy but I am not there just yet folks I suppose that chapter is waiting to be written.
You can do this just like I am and many others out there that took their life by the horns and decided to live. Thanks for following along while I literally change my life and know that all of the support is more than appreciated.
That's all I got for tonight.
Friday, March 12, 2010
As expected I am up in weight this morning so no new what I have lost images but I am not really worried about it because as long as I am doing what I need to do I will get where I need to. Other than the weekend I did great this week with work outs and my intake BUT I did wake up this morning with a stuffy head and my sinuses are all wonky so perhaps one of the greatest parts about having children strikes again and being sick is screwing me up on the scale. These weeks happen on this road to a healthier body so I won't worry too much about it and the plan is lots of fluid today to try and kick this head cold before it can get a good foot hold and I will be skipping the gym today as well because I cannot breathe through my nose currently. I am up by almost two pounds this week 1.8 to be exact I came in at 316.4 pounds which means that my April goal is looking more and more like its not going to become a reality, I have no doubt that I will get below 300 pounds in the month of April just not by the 2nd.
I am in fact starting to think that I will need to adjust my calories a bit and I mentioned to my wife that I am kind of scared to do it, my exact words were "I know how to do 1700 calories, I know how to bust ass working out and I know how to drink enough fluid to support that, what I don't know how to do yet is adjust things upwards" which is what I believe I need to do with my calories. Throughout this whole process I have eaten a target of 1700 calories per day and I can pretty much get those in without thinking about it these days but when I start going over I get all backwards and start panicking that I ate too much. I started out a 534 pound guy eating 1500 calories doing minimal exercise 15-20 minutes on a bike and adjusted up to 1700 calories very early in the game and have stayed there pretty much the entire time with the intake and here I am now a 315 pound guy doing almost an hour of cardio per day at a minimum of 5 days per week along with weight lifting 3-4 days per week and still at that same 1700 calories.
At 500 pounds I was likely burning more calories just by living than I am at this weight but I am more active now, I am very likely burning more these days because of all of the extra activity and I think an adjustment may be needed. But but but! I lost 4 pounds 2 weeks ago! and last week was 4 pounds with no trip to the gym at all! and now this week I am up?? ahhh but you were sick last week and now sick again today my good man! see why I am unsure?! My doctor says that I am doing everything right and that I should stick to my 1700-1800 calories and keep up the exercise and I feel the same way on most days but then when I get an up week like this and I start over analyzing everything and forget my K.I.S.S attitude like I mentioned in yesterdays post but but but.... Its easy to say that as long as I keep advancing in my fitness goals that I should stay with this but the fact remains that I am still teetering between a 2xl and 3xl shirt size and neither one of those is small! granted I am probably in a 2xl and just need to get use to shirts fitting me correctly but still I am not small by any means of the word and I do have a good amount of weight left to lose.
Making good choices with my food and getting some movement into every day has gotten me where I am today so its hard to change the program up. Might I be over thinking this because of a random up? very likely and when I kick this new head cold Thanks kiddos! things may very well go back to normal and the pounds will drop again. That's that and today's episode of Fatman and Blobbin has ended with a slight up, a new cold and the end of another week, I am now 16 pounds from my April goal and than means 5.3 pounds per week will need to get kicked to make that goal. Crazier things have happened and I can still get there, can't I? I suppose thats to be found out BUT I can tell you this, if I go at it with a defeated attitude I won't get anywhere close and if I go at this thinking that I can do it I may just have a chance, there see thats better right?
Thanks for following along and that's all I got for today.
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