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Still not a morning person...

Monday, February 22, 2010


Every morning I wake up and I say to myself "no way I am going to the gym today" and yet every day I go, I am definitely NOT a morning person. Yesterdays workout has left me sore and tired this morning despite me getting eight and a half hours sleep last night and like most mornings I woke up in a foul mood but as I write this I am already planning my workout for today so it passes quickly. I will admit that I will not be lifting weights today, I can also admit that today's workout will be very much not intense at all, in fact I may not even go to the gym as it looks like it will be a nice day outside and as long as there is no wind I might just take a walk around the lake but that is to be found out later.


This is an image from that same folder so the before is roughly the same guy in the picture that I describe below. The second image is from the day that I hit the 200 pounds lost point.

I did something on the 20th that I had not done in some time, I took my shirt off nothin but skivvies compare pictures and I just had the chance to load them onto my laptop and merge them with my Jan 6th 2008 images and I have to say wow! This is the first time since I started down this path that I looked at that Jan 6th 08 image and honestly thought "that is not me, I never looked that big" and I think that may be a turning point in this journey for me as far as body image goes. I was somewhere between 512 and 534 pounds in that photo and I look uncomfortable which is something Wify has said to me before about that very image but I can see it now after not looking at those pictures since October of 09 when the last compare picture was taken. I will of course spare anyone reading this the actual image of a 500 pound guy standing shirtless in his boxers as I am sure the mental image is enough at this hour of the day but when I get to my goal weight I may just be brave enough to post them.

The guy in that picture was afraid that he was going to suddenly die at any given moment because his heart would give out, the thought of having to be pulled through the side of his house through a fire department made hole was a fear that he had. Imagine thinking this way, I actually thought that if I started having a heart attack that I would do whatever I could to get myself out on the lawn so that hole would not have to be cut in the house and my family would be spared the humility of having that happen, even if it cost me a more severe heart attack to get out on the lawn. Its not that I didn't fit through a door at that size but on a stretcher with 8 guys carrying me? I just didn't see it happening.

When I was 500 plus pounds there was a routine to waking up, I would open my eyes and lay there for a moment before attempting to sit up which was really rolling to my right and swinging my legs off of the bed so that I had the leverage to sit up. After I was upright I needed to sit there for a couple of minutes to let my back realize that I was awake and about to hand it the task of supporting me once again then off to the living room I went for the next stage of being able to function. Sitting on the couch leaned forward stretching my back I sat for a while more flipping through channels or starting the PS2 up and then it was off to the kitchen for my half a box of cereal and the entire time felt groggy and all fuvk the world like. These are not fond memories but they belong to me and looking at that compare picture made me start thinking about all of the things that I had to deal with at that weight.

I suppose I have never really been a morning kind of person but the comparison from then to now is so different and honestly back then I wasn't an any time of the day person! so not being especially chipper in the am now is something that I will take and smile about it every time.

That's all I got for today kids, remember to drink that H2O and to eat well, we make our own choices and the results of said choices belong to us.

As Ever
Me

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CCKELLY3 2/23/2010 4:46PM

    I'm with you, I'm not a morning person either. And after years of attempting to convert and change my body, I finally accepted the fact, I'm nocturnal. I now live my mornings MY way and I'm much happier, healthier and more productive for it.

Good for you overcoming your feelings and doing your workouts anyway. You can be proud to own the choices you've been making. Good job!

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SIMPLE_TAILOR 2/23/2010 8:27AM

    I so agree about not being a morning person. If I don't get that half hour of solitude, it really throws off my day.

But being healthier now, it's not nearly the issue that it used to be.

Thanks for inspiring.

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BRIAN36 2/23/2010 8:17AM

    It's been almost 3 years since I started losing weight and I've been maintaining for 18 months and there are still mornings that I wake up and lay in bed thinking, "I don't want to do this anymore." Which I usually counter with "Someday you won't be able to do this anymore and you'd give anything to get this day back". That get's me out of bed everytime.

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DACIUS 2/23/2010 8:01AM

    Wow!!!! It is amazing to read that story about your past and then to think about where you are today. By comparison you are a morning person. Your old contemplation was probably similar to mine. Lucky Charms or Cap N Crunch. Now we contemplate how much we are going to work out. We are thinking about that because the night before we had already planned out our breakfast.

Great blog as always.

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JCORYCMA 2/22/2010 11:49PM

    Thanks for the inspiration. I needed some today! Keep doing all that you're doing because it's working!!
Joanne


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THECOOLESTSARAH 2/22/2010 11:16PM

    Well where's the underwear pic? You can't trick us like that!!! ;)

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DDOORN 2/22/2010 10:26PM

    Weekdays: I'm a morning person

Weekends...? I like my bed too much...lol!

Don

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KAT7457 2/22/2010 8:07PM

    another great blog you are inspiring other people as well as youself. thanks for sharing.

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KARBIE18 2/22/2010 7:11PM

    I am SO glad that fear motivated you to begin this journey. I have been following your story for a while now, and the thought of you having a heart attack and getting cut out of your home saddens me. I think I write this every time I reply to one of your blogs, but you truly are an inspiration. Keep up the good work!

Karen

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TELERIE 2/22/2010 5:54PM

    You continue to inspire and be thought provoking with your blogs. What a way to transform your life.
Enjoy the rest of the day, hope the walk around the lake is great! I'm more of a night owl, but LOVE when I get up to do a morning workout. It totally makes my day!

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CAROLFAITHWALKR 2/22/2010 3:33PM

    I'm not a morning person either! Congratulations on your journey so far.

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VEMAN1 2/22/2010 2:39PM

    Botz, you certainly have a unique perspective. Instead of pictures, today while I was at the gym I picked up 80 pounds of dumbbells and walked approximately a quarter mile. This exercise was remind me of my top weight (314) of so long ago. The struggling feeling reinforced my convictions forward. Wow, what a difference the weight makes. I can hardly weight to get the other 60 pounds off.

I have found morning exercise to be a must in my program. If I try to squeeze it in during the day, I am apt not to as motivation and deadlines wain through the day. I congratulate you and your continued success. Keep on trucking, we are all pulling for your ultimate success!

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MEGAMITENCHI 2/22/2010 1:49PM

    Wow, great blog! Makes me feel guilty about sleeping in today ^_^

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PSMITH3841 2/22/2010 1:36PM

    I look forward to your blogs...your dialog is heartfelt & inspiring & your progress is absolutely amazing...Thanks emoticon

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DIASTER 2/22/2010 12:58PM

  What a great story of persistence, the pictures are amazing. Hopefully you have gotten rid of the clothes you used to wear so you will never go back. Wont it be fantastic when you can get your clothes at any store, and not have to depend on the big mens store or catalog's keep up the great job and keep posting as you are an inspiration to so many of us. emoticon

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SOOTHINGGLOW 2/22/2010 12:11PM

    Your progress is amazing!

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OLIVERNABBYSMOM 2/22/2010 10:59AM

    I haven't had the massive change you have ... going from about 240 to 160 but boy do I feel in on my 5'1" frame. I can relate to what you say about moving, getting up out of bed - shoot even turning over in bed felt like a beached whale at 240. Now I bend and stoop and squat and fit into restaurant tables and airplane seats with ease. And I'm not even at goal. You are an inspiration and doing great. I always say you push at times but at other times you listen to your body tell you what it needs. Some days a leisurely or brisk walk to wake up the mental is what your body needs more than something intense.

Peg

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CATLADY52 2/22/2010 10:56AM

    I'm sorry that you are not a morning person, but happy that you have adapted rather well. Your blogs have the ability to rouse one from one's duff an actually get moving. Thanks for the mental lift every time I read them.

And you don't have to show us a picture of your former self in skivvies. A good imagination is enough.
emoticon

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SWEETZMIX 2/22/2010 10:50AM

    Go outside and get some sun for me b/c I am sitting here looking at it from the inside. I used to think that I wasn't a morning person. Some mornings I am still cursing up a storm at the world, but things change, people change and all that good stuff. I now am a morning person and I don't stay up late at night unless I have to or am going out. The mornings get better as the weather changes too!

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PRINCESSMANDIE 2/22/2010 10:44AM

    I'm not a morning person either. I work 8-5 now where as this time last year I was working 2nd shift and I loved it. It's like pulling teeth to get myself up in the mornings to go to work. Forget about me going to the gym in the mornings HA.....I have a treadmill at home as well as some dumbbells to use after work and twice a week I have a personal trainer at the gym after work as well.

Trust me you aren't alone in this emoticon

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PUMPKINFACE73 2/22/2010 10:36AM

    Enjoy the beautiful day, I think you should go for a bike ride, goona be over 40...takea walk with the wifey after dinner too. Take it all in today becaseu the white stuff is coming back tomorrow....grrrrrrrrrrrr

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RENA1965 2/22/2010 10:30AM

    Hang in there, stay strong.. emoticon

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Sunday punishment..

Sunday, February 21, 2010


The Sunday Exercise update is as follows, 20 minutes on the bike at 95 revs per minute on level 11 the whole time followed by 45 minutes of weight lifting. The weights was kind of a whole body workout, sort of but more because it was all over the place and consisted of bench presses, triceps pull downs, over the head triceps presses, a row machine, preacher curls, calf raises and lastly some leg presses on a press machine. After the weights I walked at 3.2mph with a 3.5% incline for 30 minutes which I have to admit was not fun after the 375 pound leg presses and 300 pound calf raises but hey! its not a workout unless I am punishing myself this week.

I have been perfect with my calories for three days now and am hoping that this week brings me a new low weight. I am going to keep this post short as I have to get started on my healthy take on fish and chips for dinner, I am making Panko breaded flounder fillets with sweet potato fries on the side and either a side salad or some Parmesan green beans. I need to figure out a low calorie coleslaw and I will be all set for that meal but for now a salad or beans will have to do.

That's all I got for today, I hope you all have enjoyed your weekend and good choices have been made, perhaps I will snap a couple pictures for tomorrows post, Until then!

Fini

As Ever
Me

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HAPPYSOUL91 2/22/2010 10:13AM

    LOL, I just bought Panko bread crumbs yesterday and used it to make crab cakes (low calorie version), love them! I am so impressed that you figure out your calories, I use the diabetic exchange. Keep up the outstanding work!!



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SIMPLE_TAILOR 2/22/2010 7:14AM

    Sounds like another good day at the gym. Bet you never thought people would be saying that to you a couple years ago.

The coleslaw recipe does sound good. Have you shared your recipe for the parmesan green beans? That sounds good as well.

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JCORYCMA 2/21/2010 10:42PM

    I LOVE sweet potato fries! I married a great guy but - sigh - he rarely cooks...
Keep up the great work!
Joanne

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SKYEFYR 2/21/2010 8:59PM

  Mmmmm.... Baked sweet potato fries has got to be one of the yummiest foods around.

Find a good low cal or low fat mayo for the cole slaw. Hellmans has a good one that you can barely tell is "diet". Good luck and share your results!

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KAT7457 2/21/2010 7:42PM

    sounds like a good meal. thanks for sharing. the coleslaw recipe sounds good also.

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PUCKYGIRL 2/21/2010 6:46PM

    Coleslaw for you

Number of Servings: 7

Milk, 2%, 0.25 cup
Cider Vinegar, 5.00 tbsp
Kraft Miracle Whip Light Dressing, 8.00 tbsp
Cabbage, fresh, 7.00 cup, chopped
Nutrasweet Equal packet, 3.00 packet
Celery Seed, 1 tblsp



Note: You can adjust the vinegar and sugar to your taste. I like it a little sweeter like this.


Put shredded cabbage into large bowl.

Mix all other ingredients in a small bowl. Pour over the cabbage and mix. Let this sit over night in fridge. It may look like it's not enough to coat the cabbage completely, but it will draw moisture out of the cabbage overnight. Stir once or twice during the time it's in the fridge and you will notice that it will coat the cabbage completely by the next day.

Number of Servings: 7- 1 cup servings

Nutritional Info



Fat: 4.0g
Carbohydrates: 11.1g
Calories:74.7
Protein
: 1.8g

Hope this helps you!

Comment edited on: 2/21/2010 6:47:21 PM

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DIFROMWYOMING 2/21/2010 6:04PM

    emoticon

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ANNE1123 2/21/2010 5:59PM

    Your dinner sounds great and well earned after what sounded like a grueling workout-more power to you!! Have a good week as well!

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This is not an emergency, it is just a test...

Saturday, February 20, 2010


I wanted to pop in with my exercise for Friday and Saturday as I mentioned in my last post that I would do so. Friday I was in a mood so I decided that I would go to the gym and punish myself into a better frame of mind and it worked. I headed out to the gym around 6:30pm and was there until almost 9:00pm, first I rode the bike for 25 minutes on level 11 at around 90 revs per minute to get all warmed up and then it was over to the weights I went. I did my chest, shoulders, triceps, biceps and back while Phil Aneslmo's Down played through my headphones as loud as it would go. I decided that I would add more weight that normal to every movement and honestly it felt like old times down in my cousins basement back when I was about 17 years old pushing myself to be the hardest rotund kid on the block. I know that I over did the weights but it didn't matter at the time, I was blowing off steam and getting some god solid weight lifting into my night all at the same time. After the weights I went back to the bike for another 20 minutes at just over 100 revs per minute on level 12 and it was off to pick up a 2 pound tub of whey protein before heading home.

Today I had to run out and run some errands which included getting a couple tires put onto Wify's car so I dropped the car off and walked to the gym. When I got there the gym was pretty empty for a Saturday afternoon but it was a beautiful 41 degrees and sunny today so perhaps more people took advantage of the day instead of hitting the gym. I went in and got on my bike and rode for 25 minutes around 95 rpm's half on level 11 and the second half on level 12. After the bike came the treadmill where I walked at 3.3 mph and 3.5% incline for about 10 minutes then ran for 3 minutes at 6.0 mph and finished the remainder of the 30 minutes back at 3.3 mph I walked back to pick up wifys car and finished up my errands.

Thats my exercise for the last two days in a nutshell and I am going to have a new low weight this week if I have to literally cut the fat from my bones! Thanks for reading along and look for an update tomorrow, don't forget to drink that H2O and remember who makes the decisions when that fork is in your hand.

Fini

As Ever
Me

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOONLITCHELLE 2/23/2010 7:46AM

    You may not be a morning person, but at least you're not a person mourning himself any longer.

Keep that svelte chin up!!! You've come a long way, baby!

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DIASTER 2/21/2010 4:04PM

  Love that you think 41 is a beautiful day, we are moaning and groaning because it is the low 60's.
thank you so much for your blogs the motivation that you inspire keep me on lkine and to the gym Fri. SAT. AND SUN. AND KEPT THE FORK AT A GOOD PACE. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!!!!

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PSMITH3841 2/21/2010 3:22PM

    I'm on my way to the gym now.....Thanks!

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SWEETZMIX 2/21/2010 11:55AM

    Go ahead killa with your bad self. Just don't hurt yourself and do too much in the process!

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HAPPYSOUL91 2/21/2010 11:42AM

    Your exercise is outstanding, and even walking to the gym...amazing

emoticon emoticon

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SOOTHINGGLOW 2/21/2010 11:33AM

    GREAT JOB!!! Love that you walked to the gym!

What kind of whey protein do you like?

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ALEXSGIRL1 2/21/2010 9:54AM

    you are a great motivator emoticon emoticon

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4A-HEALTHY-BMI 2/21/2010 12:30AM

    Sounds good!

I know you know this already, but I wonder if you might consider mixing it up a bit? For example, sometimes get on an erg (rowing machine) or arc trainer instead of the bike, doing a different weight routine now and then, etc.

The reason I ask is that for plateau-busting it seems to help me to change up the cardio, especially. It's uncomfortable doing a different activity, but according to my HR monitor I burn more calories than I would doing a more "usual" cardio workout...

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DDOORN 2/21/2010 12:06AM

    Pouring on the STEAM!

Woo Hoo!

Don

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JCORYCMA 2/20/2010 9:50PM

    I'm feeling a little guilty because I didn't make it to the gym yesterday or today because it snowed AGAIN here in Iowa. So double time tomorrow and your blog gave me just the incentive I need!!
Joanne

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KAT7457 2/20/2010 9:38PM

    another great blog, you are working hard at it and that so awesome keep up the good work. keep blogging love reading them. good luck xx

Comment edited on: 2/20/2010 9:39:33 PM

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DIFROMWYOMING 2/20/2010 9:31PM

    I suppose the person you're referring to with the fork in her hand is ME? Drats...I was hoping to foist that off on someone else! Have a good weekend.

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CODEMAULER 2/20/2010 9:07PM

    "I was blowing off steam and getting some god solid weight lifting into my night..."

Not sure if this is a typo, but I loved the way it worked!! Sometimes I like to just PUSH; forget the routine, the reps, the sets; what can I do when I set my mind to it?!?

Nicely done!!

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DUTCHIEKIWI 2/20/2010 8:52PM

  Always a pleasure!

Dutchie
xxx

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ACTIVE_AT_60 2/20/2010 8:15PM

    Way to go my man!

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CORNUCOPIAANGEL 2/20/2010 8:12PM

  Excellent post! I like your closing reminders...very true!

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Weight right there young fella! its weigh in day.

Friday, February 19, 2010


Back to the regularly scheduled weigh in posts for Friday, This morning I am sore, I am tired and I am guaranteeing a new low weight for next Friday. Lets start with what the scale had to say to me this morning, per usual I wake up and walk to the scale after the bathroom of course and I step on and the number that I saw was not what I wanted but was what I expected. After the scale looked at me with that "ummmpphhhh" look on its face she whispered the number 324.4 to me, she rolled her eyes in disappointment as I stepped off preparing for the second take. She had the same thing to say to me three times in a row and as I walked away from her she sighed in dissatisfaction knowing that I have not crossed that 320 mark yet. I make no excuses for the number on the scale it is what it is and I seem to be falling into that "I'm comfortable" place again with my weight because since just before the Dr Oz show I have been doing what I need to for the most part but not perfect.

I said that I am guaranteeing a new low weight next Friday and I mean that, I will have a new low weight in seven days and that's just going to have to be. There are no distractions in my near future that could give me an excuse to eat poorly or miss going to the gym, "did he just say that he had an excuse?" not exactly. I don't make excuses for not losing weight or not meeting a fitness goal but I do have to say it out loud in order to process it in my head, I didn't lose anything this week (which is actually 2 weeks because I did not weigh in last week) and ultimately that's on me.

This week will be a hard one for me on the gym front, I am planning on going every day this week for no less than 60 minutes of cardio and lifting weights at least 4 days. Some of you may be thinking "well that's just my normal week man no biggie" let me tell ya when you are three hundred some odd pounds 60 minutes of cardio kicks your ass! and actually I do 50-60 minutes of cardio daily as is but its usually only five days instead of seven. To make that April 2nd goal I need to lose exactly 4 pounds per week from today until then and though it sounds like a big number or as someone said in a comment that it is "aggressive" I have seen numbers like that before, and not only in the beginning. If ever there was a person that understands how to be aggressive towards weight loss I am that guy and this week I have something to prove to myself so we shall see where that wheel stops on Friday.

324 pounds is not an acceptable number for me at this point, I should be much closer to that 300 pound mark by now and I am letting myself get distracted and going easy on myself because I am nice and comfy at this weight. I am eating right most of the time, I am going to the gym almost daily but what I am not doing is pushing myself past my comfort level and this week we will see what happens when I do that. This week is done and it is what it is, Next week I have a feeling that I will be posting some images of things that weigh as much as I do and as much as I have lost while reporting a new low weight.

Another week bites the dust and I am closer to a goal that I set for myself not in poundage lost but in time this go around and that's not necessarily a good thing. I am going to try and post every day this week and include an exercise update for each day for your reading pleasure and with that the end has come to today's episode of as the fat guy turns.

Fini.

As Ever
Me

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HOT4TYLER 2/22/2010 8:31AM

    We're all pulling for you. If any of us has the determination to do this, it's definitely you. You have showed us that in many ways!

Good luck my fellow sparker.

emoticon

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SIMPLE_TAILOR 2/20/2010 5:42PM

    It is very tough to keep focus. I run into this every single day.

We can do this. It is difficult, but we need to grab that goal and run to it.

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KRICKY 2/20/2010 9:27AM

    I think I'm in the same boat as you--I'm COMFORTABLE. This is the smallest I've ever been, and I'm looking good. But it's not good enough. I'm still considered "obese" on some charts because I'm so dern short.

I can't promise 4 pounds (you can totally rock that!) but I'm looking for 1.5--2 for next week. I've gotta get that drive and spark back!

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JO11YMON 2/20/2010 12:01AM

    Keep up the realistic point of view. We all hit bad days, or rough patches. Just remember that we are all hear to support you and on same days join you. You are never alone in the Spark world!

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DDOORN 2/19/2010 10:52PM

    You are sounding like a locomotive that's just revving itself up for some great stuff!

Woo HOO! :-)

Don

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ZIRCADIA 2/19/2010 9:48PM

    I like that you're hard on yourself without being TOO hard on yourself. It's a good thing. Keep working at it!

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CHARLOTTE1947 2/19/2010 8:54PM

    We all start dragging our butts from time to time. Acknowledging it is important. Now, get going! (Me too!)

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JCORYCMA 2/19/2010 6:45PM

    When you start using phrases like "most of the time" and "almost" you know there is room to tighten up. If anybody can do it -- you can! Show us more of that Botzzz determination!
Joanne

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LADYSNOWFALL 2/19/2010 6:35PM

    Sometimes we plateau a little bit as our bodies make adjustments. Then, BOOM! The weight just starts jumping off!

Perhaps this is what is happening with you?

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VEMAN1 2/19/2010 4:45PM

    Take a look at your intake and your outgo more closely. I had to increase my daily intake by 600 calories because I have been working out too hard. These two things caused my body to hit the starvation mode and store more glycogen in my muscles (and water). I am glad to hear you recommit yourself to your plan. We are all cheering for you!

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PUMPKINFACE73 2/19/2010 4:27PM

    Accountablility and Dedication...you are doing both. Maybe I will see you at the gym this weekend, tryig to get clearance to go, I miss getting my sweat on :(


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DIFROMWYOMING 2/19/2010 4:13PM

    You're not alone here. It doesn't make it right, but it sure makes us human. Trudge on!

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TINYC887 2/19/2010 4:00PM

    im strugglng right now too. I go to the gym 5 days a week, i'd go more but the dr and friends would flip as i really shouldnt be going as much because its thowing off the chemo. Good luck on hitting the mark next week, you can do it

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MEGAMITENCHI 2/19/2010 3:07PM

    I'm glad to know I'm not the only one struggling right now :P If you can do it, so I can!!! Maybe...? I've been much better about my food this week, but I need to be going to the gym with you ^_^

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MRSSASS2010 2/19/2010 2:54PM

    Sounds like you need a little fire lit under your @ss! I was feeling the same way last week. Kinda complacent. Doing good but not great. Not making a lot of progress. I know how you feel! You need to FOCUS this week and make yourself PROUD! You know you can do it! Look what you've done so far!

emoticon

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MCOGHLAN 2/19/2010 2:23PM

    You're such an inspiration... I am totally with you this week. I'm going to do 7 straight days at the gym and pull a really big number by next Friday! Good luck on the week ahead!!

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PSMITH3841 2/19/2010 2:07PM

    You go buddy!!! you can do this.....not a doubt in my mind! emoticon

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ELLIPSER 2/19/2010 1:24PM

    I know you can do it! Awesome determination!
emoticon

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JBMT08 2/19/2010 1:04PM

    DO IT BOTZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU KNOW YOU CAN DO IT!!!

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CHEPRBYTHEDOZN 2/19/2010 12:55PM

    Until next week....you are simply amazing in all that you've accomplished thus far. You'll drop this next week...we all know you will! emoticon(just as long as I don't find YOUR 4lbs on MY scale...I'm thrilled.)

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SKYEFYR 2/19/2010 12:33PM

  New low weight next Friday! I'm with you. YOU WILL DO IT!

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CAROLYN1213 2/19/2010 12:28PM

    I have confidence in your determination and drive. You will be there.

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SWEETZMIX 2/19/2010 12:16PM

    Determination! That's what I like to hear.

Enjoy your weekend!

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DCROCKETS 2/19/2010 11:49AM

    I like your drive for this next week. I need to hop on that wagon with you. I have been easy on myself for almost 2 weeks now and have gotten no "good" results because of it. Let's both hit new lows next week. I'm with ya bro!

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HAPPYSOUL91 2/19/2010 11:43AM

    My scale must have been talking to your scale because I swear...it moaned when I got on it.



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When I said that I want to be Skinny this ain't what I meant!

Thursday, February 18, 2010


I was standing in the bathroom getting ready to take a shower and I looked at the guy in the reflection and saw someone that I was not use to seeing. This guy had shape to his shoulders, his chest looked like a guys chest should look and there were very prominent collar bones all the way across, biceps that looked like biceps and I looked at him for a minute to make sure that I was seeing him right. popped into a muscle man pose and a flex later I was smiling but it didn't last long as I glanced down and the rest of what I saw was all flying squirrel in a hurricane. This looking at the wrapping paper around the package all started when The Dr Oz show that I was invited to attend aired and I saw myself sitting up there in the studio audience. I was not totally put off but I looked bigger than that guy in the mirror and it dawned on me that when I am sitting down I look bigger than I am. When I stand up everything seems to be in a better place than when I sit and it has somewhere to rest, I have a feeling that this little skin problem and myself are going to have a long bitter relationship.



Don't get me wrong, it is what it is and I will take this over being on the wrong side of 500 pounds any day of the week but man! I bust my ass and there is nothing that I can do about this problem. I am in the gym 5 days a week sometimes more, I eat right and clean most of the time I drink like a fish and get my sleep like I should and here I am not looking the part, frustrating much? I suppose that putting too much thought into something that I can't change would be counter productive but it's hard sometimes! especially when I catch a glimpse of myself with my shirt off and can see what I would look like sans the extra stuff. Looking on the bright side I guess that I could find a drum maker and get a couple of amazingly unique drums made from the skin when I am all done losing and its time to start thinking about removing it, but that's a totally different discussion.

Lifting weights will surely help me fill some of the deflated outer shell left behind by the older me, I know that it will take time but its the only productive thing that I can do to try and counter some of the damage. I have a couple options here, I can sit around looking at this in a way that will drive me insane trying to think of a way to fix something that can't be fixed, or I can just accept that this is a part of the process for me. I can say that I will just accept it until the moon falls out of the sky but the truth is that it bothers me and there is nothing I can do about that either but making it into something that I will waste time worrying about isn't the direction that I'm going to go in either so it seems I am at an impasse with this as far as the mental part goes. I figure I took about ten years wrecking my body and I am just over two years into the repair process and down more than two hundred pounds for my efforts and I have to understand that this isn't something that will fix itself over night and possibly never be fixed without a surgery.



I will take the glimpses of my hard work in the mirror whenever I am afforded one of them and will have to deal with the extra luggage I am carrying around. The fact that I can see some of my hard work is actually awesome because its been a long time since I was able to see anything that could be considered even close to definition but here I am three hundred some odd pounds and its there, even if only for brief moments in the mirror as I step into the shower. I know that part of this process is to get skinny but this isn't exactly what I had imagined when I thought that back about 2 years ago!

Such is life I suppose, I am healthier than ever and doing what I want to physically without any restrictions for the most part and THAT is the point of this whole process. Give me a year and I will have bulked up a bit and filled in some of this looseness with some mass, until then If anyone needs a new drum just shoot me a message and we can work out some pricing, That's all I got for today.

Fini

As Ever
Me

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VARMINT3 2/19/2010 2:31PM

    What you have done so far is really awesome! You look great, you're healthier than ever, and I'm sure that whatever you decide to do (or not) about the skin will be the best decision for YOU!

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CHEPRBYTHEDOZN 2/19/2010 12:51PM

    You've come a long way,Baby! Don't let the loose skin get in your way. Maybe,someday you can get it fixed but for now, use it as your reminder of what you don't want stretched out and filled in ever again!
You are fabulous-going to read today's weighin

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SKYEFYR 2/19/2010 12:41PM

  Just so you know, we all look better standing up. And no matter who you are, what you weigh, or what you look like, you will never be totally happy with everything about you. We all have that problem also.

You're doing amazing. And personally, I think you looked great on TV. You have a lot to be proud of!

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WANNABTHIN53 2/19/2010 12:29AM

    Very good blog. Thanks for sharing this.

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TUDI4480 2/18/2010 11:31PM

    You know, you could also think about the brave journey you have embarked on and choose to look at the stretchy marks and sagging skin as something more: Warrior Marks! emoticon

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DDOORN 2/18/2010 10:54PM

    Yeah, nailed many of MY thoughts about the skin here too...!

I am EVER so happy with the new me, but...

I spend all my solitary treadmill and strength training time at home shirtless in an effort to become more accepting of it and also to be able to see progress in shrinking/filling it out so that it isn't as pronounced.

You have the advantage of a number of years of youth on your side, which can help. My pigheaded delay in DOING anything about my weight until I turned FIFTY will cost me in this department.

I have an equal force thing going on: wanting to get rid of the skin vs. being godawful squeamish about getting sliced & diced!

Don

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KAT7457 2/18/2010 10:20PM

    another great blog and great sence of humor. I missed the show darn it. emoticon emoticon

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JCORYCMA 2/18/2010 9:29PM

    Women have the advantage here, I agree with JINJERLY. We can stuff our loose stuff under Spanx and lift it with pretty Victoria's Secret flotation devices! If it's any consolation, I thought you looked terrific on Dr. Oz!
Joanne

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KNH771 2/18/2010 3:54PM

    I hadn't thought about having my excess skin made into an instrument?! emoticon

I am going to have my extra skin removed at some point (at least the abdominal stuff) because it is causing some health problems, but it's not urgent yet. I do know exactly what you mean about the person hiding under it though... you know s/he's there, and it would be nice if you had a clear view.

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GINGER_LOSTALOT 2/18/2010 3:48PM

    I feel sorry for you men in this regard. We women can hide our wings with pretty, flowing fabrics. I am terrified of the winter debris I will discover once the snow is gone, but that will just have to be something else I will survive.

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SIMPLE_TAILOR 2/18/2010 2:18PM

    There are always more bridges to cross. That is a particularly daunting bridge to cross. I occasionally hear the remnants of my belly flop up and down periodically and it does bug me a bit, but it isn't causing me any health problems so I am not going to do anything unnecessary.

Either way, you will make the right decision for you and your family, just like you did to start this journey.

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81RACHELLE 2/18/2010 1:48PM

  Gah! I know what you mean! I am down [only] about 50 pounds so far, and already I'm so annoyed at the weirdness of my skin, and it's failure to fit! It really is a motivation killer some days, to look in the mirror. I couldn't help but think "I totally looked better fat..." for a half a second. I shook that thought from my brain, and remembered that I already feel so much better, even with the saggy skin. I'm saving my junk food money to spend at the "repair shop" once I reach my goal. Haha! Thanks for sharing, I love your blog!

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PSMITH3841 2/18/2010 1:33PM

    You make me smile!!!! emoticonLove your humor...thanks....

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MARYONAMISSION 2/18/2010 1:12PM

    You are doing amazing! Don't let a flying squirrel stop you. emoticon

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HAPPYSOUL91 2/18/2010 12:59PM

    LOL, love your sense of humor. I know what you mean about sitting down and spreading. Since I lost over 100 lbs. my skin isn't tight and so....I spread....sigh...still beats having those 100 lbs. back

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LADYSNOWFALL 2/18/2010 12:47PM

    LOL! I absolutely needed your humor this morning! Thank you!



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PLATSUZIE 2/18/2010 12:12PM

    Isn't there a laser procedure now that can firm and tighten skin without "cutting" surgery? I hear they can tighten the hanging arm skin women commonly have in the bicep area when the arms are held out parallel to the ground. I know that aesthetic/medical spas are running specials in this economy. Maybe you could be a “poster child” for them and get the treatments in return? (Maybe inquire about a discount for doing that for a plastic surgeon?)

The photo of your flying squirrel is cute…don’t know why everyone wouldn’t want one. It could be viewed as a trophy of your achievements and tenacity. But it’s what you think and feel that matters in the end.

Maybe take on a challenge to look yourself, in the eyes, everyday, in the mirror and say, out loud, something kind about yourself ie “You are one sexy hunk of a man”. In a year your subconscious might thank you for affording your inner-self some needed slack.

Not to diminish, in anyway, the hanging skin. I know that can be upsetting, after all the work done, not to look as toned as you are! Maybe the spa or surgeon? (Love yourself along the way though…okay?)




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MRS_LOOMIS 2/18/2010 12:09PM

    LOL---a sense of humnor is sure important in this journey!!! Drums indeed...rofl. (My daughter is a percussionist, so this idea makes me giggle.)

Way to go on seeing the positives along the way---and a little nip and tuck a couple of years down the road is perfectly acceptable!

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STACEYSTURGEN 2/18/2010 12:05PM

  I love the drum idea (might have a hard time finding a tanner who works with human skin) but the pathology dept probably will be happy to let you keep your skin. I'm kinda looking forward to getting skin trimmed and i'm just moving from 280 to 180(12 down 88 to go). Good luck and keep blog, they help me climb back on the wagon every time I fall off.

Stacey

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SONGWRITER8 2/18/2010 11:23AM

    Awesome blog, keep up the healthy lifestyle! I am absolutely in awe of what you have accomplished so far!

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CANDICE_A 2/18/2010 11:20AM

    No bikinis in my future either but you're right - better healthy than rotund! My dad is 60 and he weighs about 400lbs, and while he doesn't have the health problems related to being obese, his hip and knees are in constant pain and pain relievers don't even touch it anymore. His situation has been motivation enough to keep me going to the gym. I plan to be more fit at 60 than I am now, at 37.

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DRAGONFLY_RUN 2/18/2010 11:10AM

    I love how you always see the silver lining. Keep up the awesome posts.

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CRIS76 2/18/2010 11:08AM

    I have to lose a total of 120 and I'm worried about this very issue. I've talked it over with a close friend and my husband... and honestly, should I succeed and should it be that I need to have skin removed (it could go either way with that amount of weight loss.... some do, some don't), then I'm going to do it.

The primary goal for me is to feel good about myself: physically, emotionally, and socially - and honestly, the byproduct is weight loss - but if I go on worrying about skin, it won't be very productive in establishing my much desired mental health. I don't want it to exist, I don't want it hanging, pulling down on me, .. it would be nothing but extra weight.. like carrying around a small child that you could otherwise sit down on the floor.

So - I think the decision, in the end, is purely up to you. I don't think its an easy decision. I don't think its one that should be made lightly.

But - on the bright side, the excess skin is a sign of your true success in building a better you.

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MEGAMITENCHI 2/18/2010 11:00AM

    lol, nice close about the drums. I was worried you were still sounding rather blue, like the other day, but I can see you cheering up ^_^ Focus on the next step, like you were saying, a year from now, whew, that seems a long way off! *I'm* excited to see where you'll be! Maybe I'll be somewhere good too???

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TINYC887 2/18/2010 10:56AM

    so far i dont have extra skin but then again i have lost it a lot slower then most ppl on here. at times i feel like a failure when im not losing when everyone else is. just wait and see what happens and then decide

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CAROLYN1213 2/18/2010 10:44AM

    I hear ya, honey. I've gained and lost so many times in my life, starting in my early twenties. So all my childhood elasticity is gone! Here I am 70lbs. lighter and already having saggy baggy issues and I still have more to lose. My poor legs will never be returned to their former glory and lets just say a bikini is not in my future. This a real issues. Thanks for throwing a light on it.

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TIFFANIE150 2/18/2010 10:40AM

    The drum idea. Now THAT is original. Just like you :)

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CTENBRINK 2/18/2010 10:34AM

    LOL! emoticon

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SHRNGRD 2/18/2010 10:33AM

    I completely agree with everyone elses comments. Make that surgery a reward for yourself in the end! I know it's not a cheap thing to have done, but here's a penny for a thought...for every pound you loose from here on out, put $1 or $5 dollars (etc.) in savings for you to use for the surgery. If anything you'll have saved something for your reward in the end. But no matter what...keep doing what your doing! You are doing sooo well! :o)

Sharon :o)

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NEWYORKORCHIDS 2/18/2010 10:31AM

  My husband had his excess skin removed - I know before he did, he often commented that he'd rather fill out his skin than have it hang there like it did. It's trying to look at yourself in the mirror and not seeing what you imagined yourself to be, especially after all of the hard work you have put in.

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DACIUS 2/18/2010 10:23AM

    I am in total agreement my man. My stomach resembles a shar pei at the moment and it really bums me out. yeah I can run 10 miles...yeah I am more athletic than most people 1/2 my size. But I still resemble a pillow with 1/2 the feathers removed when I take my shirt off.

It is almost more distracting than my ex-gut. My entire back is covered with stretch marks, my legs now have droops that never existed before. So bad...so bad...

But... I have read lots of places that skin can take up to two years to return to it's elasticity. So maybe we will shrink like a raisin my friend!!!!

If not... then surgery may be the only real option. I know from others I have asked that it is ungodly expensive. Is a second mortgage worth the price of vanity? Who knows..... Thankfully we both still have some time before we gotta stress about those decisions. I know I am of the mindset that I will not even consider those progressive actions until I hold my goal weight for one year. If I do that, then I will begin the research process of seeing how to remove the shar pei from this hound dog.

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JBMT08 2/18/2010 10:23AM

    I agree with Dcrockets......it would be a nice gift once you have gotten to your goal weight. Also, I heard lifting and developing muscle will help to ease into the extra "space" that you have...the squirrel thing? HILARIOUS!!!

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LINDOKAS 2/18/2010 10:21AM

    You are possibly one of the funniest people on spark! This is, of course, something we all face if we are lucky enough to succeed in this journey. I wish you luck, patience, and happiness.

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CINCYDORA 2/18/2010 10:19AM

    This is a big issue for people that lose a lot of weight and it seems to divide people as vehemently as discussions of weight loss surgery. Given how much I enjoy surgery, I'm determined to avoid it at all costs, assuming I actually succeed in losing weight. If my rolls start getting stuck in my zipper, I'll probably decide that surgery doesn't sound so bad and is worth the risk of scarring. I'm sure you'll make the right decision for yourself.

Thanks as always for candidly sharing your journey.

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THECOOLESTSARAH 2/18/2010 10:11AM

    Ummm gross. If I want to smack you, I'll just come over there. emoticon

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FROGGERHKC 2/18/2010 10:10AM

    I agree with DCRockets... that would be a great gift to yourself! In the mean time, just keep doing what you are doing, because you really are doing great, and you have a great attitude!


emoticon

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BILLALEX70 2/18/2010 10:05AM

    Any of us "big losers" is going to have this skin issue. We all have different thoughts on what to do about it. I like the drum idea.
peace out brother!

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DCROCKETS 2/18/2010 10:04AM

    Love the squirrel in a hurricane analogy!!! LOL But seriously, skin removal surgery could be a great gift once you meet your goal weight!

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