Monday, February 22, 2010
Every morning I wake up and I say to myself "no way I am going to the gym today" and yet every day I go, I am definitely NOT a morning person. Yesterdays workout has left me sore and tired this morning despite me getting eight and a half hours sleep last night and like most mornings I woke up in a foul mood but as I write this I am already planning my workout for today so it passes quickly. I will admit that I will not be lifting weights today, I can also admit that today's workout will be very much not intense at all, in fact I may not even go to the gym as it looks like it will be a nice day outside and as long as there is no wind I might just take a walk around the lake but that is to be found out later.
This is an image from that same folder so the before is roughly the same guy in the picture that I describe below. The second image is from the day that I hit the 200 pounds lost point.
I did something on the 20th that I had not done in some time, I took my shirt off nothin but skivvies compare pictures and I just had the chance to load them onto my laptop and merge them with my Jan 6th 2008 images and I have to say wow! This is the first time since I started down this path that I looked at that Jan 6th 08 image and honestly thought "that is not me, I never looked that big" and I think that may be a turning point in this journey for me as far as body image goes. I was somewhere between 512 and 534 pounds in that photo and I look uncomfortable which is something Wify has said to me before about that very image but I can see it now after not looking at those pictures since October of 09 when the last compare picture was taken. I will of course spare anyone reading this the actual image of a 500 pound guy standing shirtless in his boxers as I am sure the mental image is enough at this hour of the day but when I get to my goal weight I may just be brave enough to post them.
The guy in that picture was afraid that he was going to suddenly die at any given moment because his heart would give out, the thought of having to be pulled through the side of his house through a fire department made hole was a fear that he had. Imagine thinking this way, I actually thought that if I started having a heart attack that I would do whatever I could to get myself out on the lawn so that hole would not have to be cut in the house and my family would be spared the humility of having that happen, even if it cost me a more severe heart attack to get out on the lawn. Its not that I didn't fit through a door at that size but on a stretcher with 8 guys carrying me? I just didn't see it happening.
When I was 500 plus pounds there was a routine to waking up, I would open my eyes and lay there for a moment before attempting to sit up which was really rolling to my right and swinging my legs off of the bed so that I had the leverage to sit up. After I was upright I needed to sit there for a couple of minutes to let my back realize that I was awake and about to hand it the task of supporting me once again then off to the living room I went for the next stage of being able to function. Sitting on the couch leaned forward stretching my back I sat for a while more flipping through channels or starting the PS2 up and then it was off to the kitchen for my half a box of cereal and the entire time felt groggy and all fuvk the world like. These are not fond memories but they belong to me and looking at that compare picture made me start thinking about all of the things that I had to deal with at that weight.
I suppose I have never really been a morning kind of person but the comparison from then to now is so different and honestly back then I wasn't an any time of the day person! so not being especially chipper in the am now is something that I will take and smile about it every time.
That's all I got for today kids, remember to drink that H2O and to eat well, we make our own choices and the results of said choices belong to us.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
The Sunday Exercise update is as follows, 20 minutes on the bike at 95 revs per minute on level 11 the whole time followed by 45 minutes of weight lifting. The weights was kind of a whole body workout, sort of but more because it was all over the place and consisted of bench presses, triceps pull downs, over the head triceps presses, a row machine, preacher curls, calf raises and lastly some leg presses on a press machine. After the weights I walked at 3.2mph with a 3.5% incline for 30 minutes which I have to admit was not fun after the 375 pound leg presses and 300 pound calf raises but hey! its not a workout unless I am punishing myself this week.
I have been perfect with my calories for three days now and am hoping that this week brings me a new low weight. I am going to keep this post short as I have to get started on my healthy take on fish and chips for dinner, I am making Panko breaded flounder fillets with sweet potato fries on the side and either a side salad or some Parmesan green beans. I need to figure out a low calorie coleslaw and I will be all set for that meal but for now a salad or beans will have to do.
That's all I got for today, I hope you all have enjoyed your weekend and good choices have been made, perhaps I will snap a couple pictures for tomorrows post, Until then!
Friday, February 19, 2010
Back to the regularly scheduled weigh in posts for Friday, This morning I am sore, I am tired and I am guaranteeing a new low weight for next Friday. Lets start with what the scale had to say to me this morning, per usual I wake up and walk to the scale after the bathroom of course and I step on and the number that I saw was not what I wanted but was what I expected. After the scale looked at me with that "ummmpphhhh" look on its face she whispered the number 324.4 to me, she rolled her eyes in disappointment as I stepped off preparing for the second take. She had the same thing to say to me three times in a row and as I walked away from her she sighed in dissatisfaction knowing that I have not crossed that 320 mark yet. I make no excuses for the number on the scale it is what it is and I seem to be falling into that "I'm comfortable" place again with my weight because since just before the Dr Oz show I have been doing what I need to for the most part but not perfect.
I said that I am guaranteeing a new low weight next Friday and I mean that, I will have a new low weight in seven days and that's just going to have to be. There are no distractions in my near future that could give me an excuse to eat poorly or miss going to the gym, "did he just say that he had an excuse?" not exactly. I don't make excuses for not losing weight or not meeting a fitness goal but I do have to say it out loud in order to process it in my head, I didn't lose anything this week (which is actually 2 weeks because I did not weigh in last week) and ultimately that's on me.
This week will be a hard one for me on the gym front, I am planning on going every day this week for no less than 60 minutes of cardio and lifting weights at least 4 days. Some of you may be thinking "well that's just my normal week man no biggie" let me tell ya when you are three hundred some odd pounds 60 minutes of cardio kicks your ass! and actually I do 50-60 minutes of cardio daily as is but its usually only five days instead of seven. To make that April 2nd goal I need to lose exactly 4 pounds per week from today until then and though it sounds like a big number or as someone said in a comment that it is "aggressive" I have seen numbers like that before, and not only in the beginning. If ever there was a person that understands how to be aggressive towards weight loss I am that guy and this week I have something to prove to myself so we shall see where that wheel stops on Friday.
324 pounds is not an acceptable number for me at this point, I should be much closer to that 300 pound mark by now and I am letting myself get distracted and going easy on myself because I am nice and comfy at this weight. I am eating right most of the time, I am going to the gym almost daily but what I am not doing is pushing myself past my comfort level and this week we will see what happens when I do that. This week is done and it is what it is, Next week I have a feeling that I will be posting some images of things that weigh as much as I do and as much as I have lost while reporting a new low weight.
Another week bites the dust and I am closer to a goal that I set for myself not in poundage lost but in time this go around and that's not necessarily a good thing. I am going to try and post every day this week and include an exercise update for each day for your reading pleasure and with that the end has come to today's episode of as the fat guy turns.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
I was standing in the bathroom getting ready to take a shower and I looked at the guy in the reflection and saw someone that I was not use to seeing. This guy had shape to his shoulders, his chest looked like a guys chest should look and there were very prominent collar bones all the way across, biceps that looked like biceps and I looked at him for a minute to make sure that I was seeing him right. popped into a muscle man pose and a flex later I was smiling but it didn't last long as I glanced down and the rest of what I saw was all flying squirrel in a hurricane. This looking at the wrapping paper around the package all started when The Dr Oz show that I was invited to attend aired and I saw myself sitting up there in the studio audience. I was not totally put off but I looked bigger than that guy in the mirror and it dawned on me that when I am sitting down I look bigger than I am. When I stand up everything seems to be in a better place than when I sit and it has somewhere to rest, I have a feeling that this little skin problem and myself are going to have a long bitter relationship.
Don't get me wrong, it is what it is and I will take this over being on the wrong side of 500 pounds any day of the week but man! I bust my ass and there is nothing that I can do about this problem. I am in the gym 5 days a week sometimes more, I eat right and clean most of the time I drink like a fish and get my sleep like I should and here I am not looking the part, frustrating much? I suppose that putting too much thought into something that I can't change would be counter productive but it's hard sometimes! especially when I catch a glimpse of myself with my shirt off and can see what I would look like sans the extra stuff. Looking on the bright side I guess that I could find a drum maker and get a couple of amazingly unique drums made from the skin when I am all done losing and its time to start thinking about removing it, but that's a totally different discussion.
Lifting weights will surely help me fill some of the deflated outer shell left behind by the older me, I know that it will take time but its the only productive thing that I can do to try and counter some of the damage. I have a couple options here, I can sit around looking at this in a way that will drive me insane trying to think of a way to fix something that can't be fixed, or I can just accept that this is a part of the process for me. I can say that I will just accept it until the moon falls out of the sky but the truth is that it bothers me and there is nothing I can do about that either but making it into something that I will waste time worrying about isn't the direction that I'm going to go in either so it seems I am at an impasse with this as far as the mental part goes. I figure I took about ten years wrecking my body and I am just over two years into the repair process and down more than two hundred pounds for my efforts and I have to understand that this isn't something that will fix itself over night and possibly never be fixed without a surgery.
I will take the glimpses of my hard work in the mirror whenever I am afforded one of them and will have to deal with the extra luggage I am carrying around. The fact that I can see some of my hard work is actually awesome because its been a long time since I was able to see anything that could be considered even close to definition but here I am three hundred some odd pounds and its there, even if only for brief moments in the mirror as I step into the shower. I know that part of this process is to get skinny but this isn't exactly what I had imagined when I thought that back about 2 years ago!
Such is life I suppose, I am healthier than ever and doing what I want to physically without any restrictions for the most part and THAT is the point of this whole process. Give me a year and I will have bulked up a bit and filled in some of this looseness with some mass, until then If anyone needs a new drum just shoot me a message and we can work out some pricing, That's all I got for today.
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