Friday, February 19, 2010
Back to the regularly scheduled weigh in posts for Friday, This morning I am sore, I am tired and I am guaranteeing a new low weight for next Friday. Lets start with what the scale had to say to me this morning, per usual I wake up and walk to the scale after the bathroom of course and I step on and the number that I saw was not what I wanted but was what I expected. After the scale looked at me with that "ummmpphhhh" look on its face she whispered the number 324.4 to me, she rolled her eyes in disappointment as I stepped off preparing for the second take. She had the same thing to say to me three times in a row and as I walked away from her she sighed in dissatisfaction knowing that I have not crossed that 320 mark yet. I make no excuses for the number on the scale it is what it is and I seem to be falling into that "I'm comfortable" place again with my weight because since just before the Dr Oz show I have been doing what I need to for the most part but not perfect.
I said that I am guaranteeing a new low weight next Friday and I mean that, I will have a new low weight in seven days and that's just going to have to be. There are no distractions in my near future that could give me an excuse to eat poorly or miss going to the gym, "did he just say that he had an excuse?" not exactly. I don't make excuses for not losing weight or not meeting a fitness goal but I do have to say it out loud in order to process it in my head, I didn't lose anything this week (which is actually 2 weeks because I did not weigh in last week) and ultimately that's on me.
This week will be a hard one for me on the gym front, I am planning on going every day this week for no less than 60 minutes of cardio and lifting weights at least 4 days. Some of you may be thinking "well that's just my normal week man no biggie" let me tell ya when you are three hundred some odd pounds 60 minutes of cardio kicks your ass! and actually I do 50-60 minutes of cardio daily as is but its usually only five days instead of seven. To make that April 2nd goal I need to lose exactly 4 pounds per week from today until then and though it sounds like a big number or as someone said in a comment that it is "aggressive" I have seen numbers like that before, and not only in the beginning. If ever there was a person that understands how to be aggressive towards weight loss I am that guy and this week I have something to prove to myself so we shall see where that wheel stops on Friday.
324 pounds is not an acceptable number for me at this point, I should be much closer to that 300 pound mark by now and I am letting myself get distracted and going easy on myself because I am nice and comfy at this weight. I am eating right most of the time, I am going to the gym almost daily but what I am not doing is pushing myself past my comfort level and this week we will see what happens when I do that. This week is done and it is what it is, Next week I have a feeling that I will be posting some images of things that weigh as much as I do and as much as I have lost while reporting a new low weight.
Another week bites the dust and I am closer to a goal that I set for myself not in poundage lost but in time this go around and that's not necessarily a good thing. I am going to try and post every day this week and include an exercise update for each day for your reading pleasure and with that the end has come to today's episode of as the fat guy turns.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
I was standing in the bathroom getting ready to take a shower and I looked at the guy in the reflection and saw someone that I was not use to seeing. This guy had shape to his shoulders, his chest looked like a guys chest should look and there were very prominent collar bones all the way across, biceps that looked like biceps and I looked at him for a minute to make sure that I was seeing him right. popped into a muscle man pose and a flex later I was smiling but it didn't last long as I glanced down and the rest of what I saw was all flying squirrel in a hurricane. This looking at the wrapping paper around the package all started when The Dr Oz show that I was invited to attend aired and I saw myself sitting up there in the studio audience. I was not totally put off but I looked bigger than that guy in the mirror and it dawned on me that when I am sitting down I look bigger than I am. When I stand up everything seems to be in a better place than when I sit and it has somewhere to rest, I have a feeling that this little skin problem and myself are going to have a long bitter relationship.
Don't get me wrong, it is what it is and I will take this over being on the wrong side of 500 pounds any day of the week but man! I bust my ass and there is nothing that I can do about this problem. I am in the gym 5 days a week sometimes more, I eat right and clean most of the time I drink like a fish and get my sleep like I should and here I am not looking the part, frustrating much? I suppose that putting too much thought into something that I can't change would be counter productive but it's hard sometimes! especially when I catch a glimpse of myself with my shirt off and can see what I would look like sans the extra stuff. Looking on the bright side I guess that I could find a drum maker and get a couple of amazingly unique drums made from the skin when I am all done losing and its time to start thinking about removing it, but that's a totally different discussion.
Lifting weights will surely help me fill some of the deflated outer shell left behind by the older me, I know that it will take time but its the only productive thing that I can do to try and counter some of the damage. I have a couple options here, I can sit around looking at this in a way that will drive me insane trying to think of a way to fix something that can't be fixed, or I can just accept that this is a part of the process for me. I can say that I will just accept it until the moon falls out of the sky but the truth is that it bothers me and there is nothing I can do about that either but making it into something that I will waste time worrying about isn't the direction that I'm going to go in either so it seems I am at an impasse with this as far as the mental part goes. I figure I took about ten years wrecking my body and I am just over two years into the repair process and down more than two hundred pounds for my efforts and I have to understand that this isn't something that will fix itself over night and possibly never be fixed without a surgery.
I will take the glimpses of my hard work in the mirror whenever I am afforded one of them and will have to deal with the extra luggage I am carrying around. The fact that I can see some of my hard work is actually awesome because its been a long time since I was able to see anything that could be considered even close to definition but here I am three hundred some odd pounds and its there, even if only for brief moments in the mirror as I step into the shower. I know that part of this process is to get skinny but this isn't exactly what I had imagined when I thought that back about 2 years ago!
Such is life I suppose, I am healthier than ever and doing what I want to physically without any restrictions for the most part and THAT is the point of this whole process. Give me a year and I will have bulked up a bit and filled in some of this looseness with some mass, until then If anyone needs a new drum just shoot me a message and we can work out some pricing, That's all I got for today.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
The thing about weight loss on a large scale is that it must consume you, it must become like a job, it is something that is on the mind of the loser 100% of the time and it has to be this way. I would suspect that people with less weight to lose experience this on a smaller scale or perhaps I am wrong and they experience it just the same as a one time mammoth such as myself. I am finding that the closer I get to my "goal" weight which that number was basically pulled from a hat that it is harder to get the weight coming off in as big of chunks as it once did. I am still three hundred twenty some odd pounds and its slowing down but I don't think that its a physical thing, what I mean is that I believe I am doing what I need to do for the most part but I am letting myself get away with more than I have in the past during this trip to a slimmer me.
There was a time during this process where I was the biggest pain in the ass in the world if you had invited me to dinner, I would walk in with my salter scale asking a ton of questions about how the food was prepared. Under one arm would be my light salad dressing and under the other the remainder of my gallon of green tea for the day and I would weigh every bite of food and writing it down so that later I could transfer it to my excel sheet. My mother in law would call and ask "How do you want this prepared? what sides can you have? if I use x amount of butter is that ok?" so on and so on, and this helped immensely more than she probably knows but a pain in the ass I was none the less. Now a days I "eyeball" lots of things and honestly there is no doubt in my mind that I am as close as a person can be to the actual measurement without actually using a measuring tool but it still leaves room for error..um yeah we will call the extra scoop of this or that error for todays discussion and I need to get back on the strict wagon at least until I get under 300 pounds.
Random insert of last nights salmon dinner, 475 total calories for the plate.
Lately I am relaxed where my intake is the subject matter, I was in NYC last week and started off well enough by going to Fresh & co after the Dr. Oz show and got some whole wheat crusted veggie pizza and a bottle of water but after that not so much. We ordered a pizza up to or room and I had 3 slices that night which is leaps and bounds better than how it use to go down and the fact that we would have ordered 2 pizzas but still, pepperoni pizza? I know that I am doing this and its because I am back to the way I use to be, you know that I am unstoppable feeling, well its back. I have written in this blog about how I was always a bigger guy but that people had an image of me as that big guy that could do anything, I ran, I climbed, I worked 12 hour days digging holes and pouring cement and I worked in a lumber yard stacking, loading and climbing racks like a monkey, when I say that I did not let being a big guy get in my way I mean it. I am at a point where I am doing whatever I want to again and perhaps its getting in the way of my end game because its been too long since I got some big numbers off and kept the momentum, it seems that as of late I get a roll going and then something happens that gets in the way, and by something happens of course I mean I relax.
I set a goal for myself to be at or under 300 pounds by April 2nd 2010 and looking at the numbers I do believe that I will fall short but that doesn't mean I will not try to get it. I was on a roll and doing great but have had some distractions that kept me from staying 100% focused on that goal and I am left with having to lose 3.4 pounds per week until April 2nd to make this goal and thats going off of my this mornings weight. I will have some big numbers in the coming weeks as I am going to amp up the cardio a bit at the gym because I can taste sub 300 pounds at this point. Breaking out of this "I'm comfortable" mode is proving harder than I thought it would be, I knew that it would come at some point but man I gotta get it out of here so that I can get to that tape waiting for me at the end of the road.
I talked about the weight loss game having to consume a person for it to work and I think that it was an easier thing when I was worried about death on a daily basis than now. I am getting stronger by the day, I am physically capable of lasting longer in something that takes good cardiovascular conditioning to accomplish and my clothing keeps getting looser despite the fact that the weight has slowed. I think that its time for that pain in the ass that use to carry his salter scale around to return for a while because I am going to get to my bottom goal weight in 2010, not "going to try" not "I hope" but I WILL be there before too long. My habits have changed completely in the past two years, I have gone from a guy that sat around wishing that he could do things to a guy that does the things now, I make excuses to move now a days and look for things that will get me moving instead of sitting on my posterior.
That's all I got for today, make sure to tune in tomorrow for the next adventure of Fatman and Blobin, thanks for following along.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Who is this guy that calls himself Zeusmeatball? Who is he? The short answer is that he is just a guy that was fatter than he is now once upon a time and decided to lose some weight and get healthy. The slightly longer story has a man scared of sudden death at the hands of an encasing layer of fat that covered his body to the point of ceasing normal every day life being forced to doing something about his dwindling health because of that fear, that's the Zeusmeatball that started writing a blog on January 1st 2008. I wish that I didn't know him so well, at times I hoped it was a dream and that I would just wake up sitting on my bed looking down at the smaller me from my past but it never happened, instead disappointed at myself I sat there wondering what I could do about this situation that I had gotten myself into while the answer was there the whole time.
The answer was there the whole time? indeed it was, Stop wishing and start doing even if it was just cutting back on some of the $hitty food that was or is being shoved down just stop it. Wow what a simple concept that is! why didn't I think of that? its what every person that has an eating problem wonders about while they are standing in the kitchen shoveling calories into their pie holes at O dark thirty, and it really is as easy as just stop. I didn't say that just stop was easy, but its as easy as that statement. It does take a huge amount of will power and determination but at the very most basic level if the calories are not going in they can't exactly attach themselves as fat so I am stickin with my its that easy statement, I just wish I had talked myself into that a long time ago.
I can remember a time in my life when I would wake up and have to sit in bed for 20 minutes just to let my back warm up and stretch enough so that I could stand without extreme pain from an injury that I got back in 2000. I was on my way up to the 534 pounds where I stopped at that point and it was a daily thing for me, wake up, roll over, sit up and stay there until the pain went away finally dragging my big ass out of the bed. After that it was time to sit on the couch for a while so that my back pain would go away a little more and I could start functioning the best I could at 500 plus pounds. I worked evenings at that time in my life and it was a good thing because I used the day to get my back ready to be able to do what I needed to in order to get to work and complete my day there. At work I sat in a chair all day and that wasn't really a good thing or a bad thing as sitting hurt just as bad as standing sometimes, it was literally pain 24/7 in my back the only difference was the level of pain at any given time and still I ate the Cheetos and strawberry milk every time I had a break.
We had a Ford Focus at one point and there was a time or three where I had to take that car into work in place of my Mustang and I literally had to squeeze into it for my 45 minute commute and I mother fuvked that car the whole way. It was Wify's car so when we bought it and I test drove it I didn't care that it was a tight squeeze for me because I never thought that I would have to drive it. My gut hit the steering wheel in a way that I did not have to hold the wheel and could literally drive using my girth to steer if need be and still on the way home I stopped at Del Taco for my sack of greasy burritos. Driving is something that I have always been passionate about, I LOVE driving and I LOVE my Mustang and there was even a point in my life where I hated driving that car too, shifting sucked at 500 pounds because of the lack of room in the cockpit when you are 6'5'' and weigh as much as a pony.
My Mustang this afternoon, I swear I heard it cuss at me for moving from California.
I can remember the day we brought our daughter home from the hospital and I pulled that mustang around to the pick up area, a prouder dad there will never be and has never been. I was brought home from the Hospital when I was born in my parents 65 mustang and here I am bringing my daughter home in my 97 mustang so many years later and there was something cool about that to me. That time of my life I hated cameras, I would never allow anyone to take my picture and if they did I would confiscate their camera and either delete the image if it was digital or remove the film if it was a regular camera, yes I said confiscate. On that day I didn't even notice my wife was taking pictures, I was just making sure that the beautiful little girl was strapped into her new seat perfectly for her maiden voyage in a mustang. A month or so later the pictures were developed and I saw myself squatting down next to the baby carrier and I loved that the picture was taken because its a snap in time that will never happen again but I despise that picture because of my size. My daughter whom means more to me than anyone has ever meant to another will now have to see how weak her dad was at that point in his life and how I let things get out of control and that's something that I cannot change. There is another side to that coin that plays completely different and is totally positive but that's a conversation for Me and her when she is a bit older.
I am the same guy that I was two years ago the difference is my outlook on certain aspects of my life and the way that I live them. I mentioned earlier in this post that it was easy and I stand by that because once you realize that you are slowly killing yourself by doing nothing about the situation its easy to fix it, its easy to change the way that you think about food and your relationship with it when death is on one side of the line. That photo of me and my daughter coming out if the hospital? I am in fact looking forward to the day when she sees it and says "Dad that's not you" because all she knows is the healthier me and she would be right because physically its not going to be me, I am glad that I stopped wishing and started doing something about the weight because if I had not who knows where I would be today and what my relationship with that little girl would be.
Zeusmeatball is no one special and soon enough he will blend into a crowd and not a single person will be the wiser that he once weighed more than a quarter ton.
Then all we will have is pictures to prove it because I ain't goin back.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Making good choices has been the thought of the week for me it seems, I have been finding myself thinking about things a little more than I have lately and not in any way other than looking at my choices and deciding on which would be the best. This afternoon I have the pleasure of having wify with me at the gym as she has the day off and my Mother in law has agreed to watch the kiddos for us so I have a running partner if you will for the day.
Last night I made a particularly good dinner of some baked Haddock fillets which I lightly breaded with panko bread crumbs that I seasoned myself, I made some seasoned rice with peppers and onions and green beans with pepper on the side. The total for my plate was 405 calories and the fish was a hit with everyone, wify loved it and my son couldn't get enough so into the bag of tricks it goes. I seem to be on a roll with snapping pictures of my meals and this one was no different, I am getting odd looks at the table but hey! have a look.
405 calories panko breaded Haddock, so good!
I am again craving a ride on my bike so I cannot wit for the weather to warm up a bit so that can happen, My son has a new mountain bike that Santa brought him so maybe he can keep up a bit better with the new ride. I have been preparing for spring to get here for the past month or so buying things that I need here and there and I always take a look at "the bargain cave" in Cabelas just to see whats there and yesterday I scored a pair of Columbia hiking shoes for the low low price of $12.50 after all discounts were applied. There are plenty of trails in my area that are not too far off the beaten path yet provide lots of scenery and fair distances and then I am not too far off from the Appalachian trail if feeling bold, Man I can't wait for spring.
Can't beat these for $12.50! and they were in my size too and that's lucky considering that I am a size 14!
Over all this week seems to be starting off well and off to the gym I go to start it off! Eat well, drink much and bust my ass at the gym is my plan and barring any road blocks unforeseen will be what happens. My drive has not changes, my determination is unmatched and the only thing left to do is execute for me to get where I must go. I need to get my ass to the gym so thats all i got for ya today, thanks for following along and remember that if you don't decide that its time to do something about your own health there is no one else thats gonna do it for you.
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