Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Sometimes its the things that we don't see coming that get us worse and sometimes its the things that we know are there that have the largest impact, Then there are those days that go perfectly and nothing could have been done differently else the day would cease being perfect and then all at once a rug is pulled from beneath our feet, as we collapse to the ground we watch helplessly as the expensive vase falls in slow motion towards the hardwood floor. Trying to stay on track and do everything correctly so that by weeks end the scale shows me what I want to see at times becomes more than a challenge while sitting besides the eggs in the bowl as shiny chrome beaters that loom over head get closer and closer, I do believe that I have a good idea how those eggs feel after this weekend.
I did stick to the plan as much as possible though Saturday I did have to make some choices because of circumstances not in my control where my intake was concerned, I could have made better choices but I didn't and it is what it is at this point. I have not been to the gym since Thursday for more than one reason and I will share one of them in this post, I am sick! doncha love kids sometimes? My son got a bad cold Wednesday, Thursday was my daughters turn, Friday Wify got it and by Saturday afternoon it was my turn. Today I am feeling a bit better and may try to make it to the gym at least for a bike ride because I must keep my weight going the way that I need it to which is as we all know in a downward direction. This morning as I emptied my bladder I decided that I would step on the scale because I knew that I was not as hydrated as I should have been by what I was seeing and not too much to my surprise I am up in weight by 4 pounds from Friday, 334.4 flashed onto the display but I know that I did not eat 14000 extra calories over the weekend and concluded that it has to be the weekend that I had and some stress poking its head into my life right now that is causing the "up" in weight. I am not saying that me not going to the gym doesn't have anything to do with it and I am not making an excuse, otherwise I could just not mention it but I also know there is no way I had 14000 extra calories either, again it is what it is and we will see what Friday says.
It is starting to feel like the movie "Ground hog day" with the being up post weekend for me, hopefully I can make Friday feel that way as well because I have had a loss each week for the last couple. The plan is to drink 2.5 gallons of H2O and green tea today, hit the gym for at least a light workout as I am feeling somewhat better today, and stay within 1700 calories for the day and try to not let stress control my actions the way that they demand doing so. This week I am planning to post a weigh in each day just to keep me on my toes, its a different kind of week for me so I need something a tad off the beaten path to keep me paying attention to what I am doing.
That's all I got today, its a bit random, a bit honest and more than a bit of a forced post because I am not exactly in a writing kind of mood but hey! that's life now ain't it?! keep on keepin on and all that and I will be back tomorrow with a new post, I will weigh myself in the am and post the results for your entertainment and the world keeps turning.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
This week has tested me a bit where stress goes, not anything weight loss related and then at the same time weight loss related things were there as well, they are always there no matter what else is happening, sometimes I feel like I need to be tested to keep me on my toes. Over the weekend I ate salty foods and ended up being up in weight on Monday, of course it was retention weight mostly because of the amount that it was but seeing a large bump in that number on the scale plays havoc with attitude towards losing weight. I have said it before and I will repeat it now and many times in the future as long as I am writing this blog, weight loss is more of a mental game than anything else, if a person can pull the reigns in on the mental part the physical part is easy.
Easy? you are out of your damned mind mister Meatball! that cheese cake literally calls my name when I walk past! I NEED to eat! we all do right? we have to eat to live! damn you and your "its all mental" attitude! Indeed it is mental, yes yes we do need to eat to live BUT what we need to learn is that we SHOULD NOT Live to eat. We will all have up days/weeks and we will all have down days/weeks but if every time that a down week peeked at us we gave up we would never be able to accomplish anything at all. It was a long time for me before I had a week where I did not lose at least something when I started on my trip to the half which was huge mentally. It made me feel unstoppable which just fueled me to go further with the program, but when a gain is seen, or even a week where we break even and there isn't a loss it somehow smashes everything else that we have done to that point. Why does a single off week control us like that? is it because we were just waiting for that single moment to scream "You failed! now stuff your pie hole with tasty goodness! I knew this would happen" are we expecting to fail? if you expect to fail you will fail, and that goes for anything not just weight loss.
Physically our bodies only need so much nutrition to function and anything past that is gravy..sometimes literally! somewhere in our lives we used food in place of something else as a coping mechanism and its something that I still to this day dislike admitting but its the truth. I ate because I like the way food tastes, that's my story and I'm stickin to it! but there has to be some underlying reason for it or else I would have been able to stop eating that way before the idea of dying young and rotund stopped me. That is where the mental part comes in, its just a habit and though they are hard to break it is only a habit and can be broken, my body has never needed a Macho Nacho, 3 cheese burgers with only ketchup, a grande beef burrito, a 99 cents potato burrito and an order of deluxe chili cheese fries worth of calories and yet that was on the menu many nights ON MY WAY HOME FROM WORK! yes that was after the day was done and I was coming home from work at 10:00 pm! why? I suppose for the same reason a fella climbs a mountain.
What are you getting at man? a mental game? ordering half of the menu items at Del Taco? No matter what happens we have to keep on keepin on unless what we are looking for is failure because giving up is admitting defeat. There will be times when it feels as if giving up is the only option and we have all been there but what does giving up gain you besides weight? We all fall down in life the important part is that we get back up because if we do not what do we have besides a great view of the ground?
Tomorrow I weigh in for week two of my latest challenge, I have a strong feeling that I will have a loss but if I don't will I stop trying? I don't think that I enjoyed the view of the ground so I don't think I will stay there if I do not see a loss on the scale. I have lost more than 200 pounds now since starting and I have had my share of bad weeks ie: failures and if I stopped going at this like it was my job in life I would likely be back to my old rounder self by now. I guess my point put simply is that no matter what happens all we can do is our best, we will have slips, we will have less than perfect months, weeks, days, hours because we are all flawed somewhere otherwise we wouldn't be in these situations and you would have no reason to be reading the blog of a former 500 pound fella, If the difficulty of the situation is the lock consistency is the key and every one of us can be consistent with good habits if we want to be.
Wednesday, December 09, 2009
The last couple days have felt good, hopefully come Friday I will see a loss that brings me below that 332.8 pound mark and maybe even lower if I get all of my ducks in a row. Since this weekends up fluctuation I seem to have re-focused and I am hoping that it translates into a decent loss, I only need a one pound drop to stay on course for my under 300 pounds by April goal but of course I would like to see at least my 2 pound minimum so that I can stay within the goal numbers easily just in case I have a bump in the road kind of week.
The view out of my front door this morning towards the lake, gotta love the snow.
The gym yesterday was suppose to be a nice easy trip where I was planning to just ride my bike for 20 minutes and a quick trot on the arc-trainer but it turned into more than that. I spent 20 minutes on the stationary bike, 25 minutes on an arc-trainer followed by 10 minutes on the treadmill which would have been a good work out at 55 minutes of cardio but then I lifted weights. I ended up doing over the head presses, preacher curls, seated back rows, lateral raises and some shrugs, I told myself that I should slow down on the weight lifting but how can I when I am just starting to see results from it? I can flex my bicep and there is definition, The muscles in my quads are separated and clearly visible when I stress them or stand, my shoulders look like shoulders instead of mashed potatoes! how? why?? stop now? I can't. This is the point that I was waiting for, I wanted to start lifting again, I needed to start lifting again! no matter what I tell myself I can't come up with a good enough reason to stop so I won't.
My intake was on par for the day coming in at just about 1800 calories, Home made Turkey soup was on the menu for dinner and I got a lot of veggies into the day as well. Fluids, ahhh fluids, I drank 1 gallon of green tea and 1.5 gallons of straight H2O so slightly more than normal but I figured I was recovering from the salty weekend and its not like I tried to drink that much, it just happens sometimes. I will not be able to get to the gym today because of a snow day for the kids and the fact that I don't feel like getting stuck at the bottom of my long steep driveway but I did get in some movement while shoveling said driveway. An hour of shoveling snow has to count for something and I plan on maybe doing a yoga DVD and some calisthenics later because I have to keep the movement happening so that this Fridays weigh in comes in at a loss rather than breaking even or a gain.
The week is turning out decently well where fixing the weekend goes and other than missing the gym today I will do my best to keep the momentum up so that I can hit my goal in April. I have two restless kids and I am listening to Zooey Deschanel and Leon Redbone sing "baby its cold outside" so it is time for a cup of hot green tea while I put the kids in their cages....er I mean play with the kids for a bit! keep on keepin on and all that and tune in tomorrow to see where the next episode of As the fat guy turns goes.
Tuesday, December 08, 2009
Something is a miss, I weighed in Friday and I was 332.8 which was a good week but come Monday the scale had different news for me. Granted I was up late all weekend and ate popcorn late on 2 of those nights along with going to the gym 7 days last week so I may have been slightly over trained to go with the sleepy but when the scale said 339 pounds yesterday I was at a loss because it had not been a terribly bad weekend and the biggest issue was the lack of sleep. This whole up thing did bug me a bit but in the grand scheme it is what it is and all I can do is keep doing what I am doing and hope that it fixes itself, say that 3 times fast! that or I can just start going to bed at a reasonable hour. I have never been that guy that over analyzes his intake, I basically eye ball my veggies to protein to fats to carbs ratios and have never written them down as long as my calories fall between two points I am happy so I won't start doing that now as I feel that it just confuses the situation BUT I am going to do something that I did for a while back a few months and that is add an all veggie/fruit day each week.
The plan will be to have 2 days per week where I eat no meat at all, mostly veggies and breads with some cheese perhaps so that I can make veggie pizza flat breads and the like. I used this approach a while back and liked the change in menu, it forced me to get creative with meals which accomplished more than one thing, I get to eat different foods as there are times that I get a little repetitive at the dinner table and it lightens things up. Not going to the gym is not an option for me so I will not adjust that much, what I can do is tweak it a bit which I am unsure of how to do that right now because I currently do between 40 minutes and an hour of cardio followed by 30 to 45 minutes of weight lifting with the lifting being 3 days per week. I am seeing results from the lifting so I do not want to take it away completely from my program but I may scale it down slightly and focus on taking pounds off again as my main goal.
The fact that I have not lost a significant amount of weight in the last couple months, in fact I have bounced around the same few pounds for a while now, does not mean that I am not seeing a difference in how I look. I am in between sizes again with some of my clothing, I got a couple of $20 gift cards from the local big and fat shop like I do every year for "being a loyal customer" Like I had a choice! but I do appreciate that they do this because at the prices big dude clothes cost every little bit helps. So..I head on down gift cards in hand and wify came with me, she found a Reebok sweat shirt that is normally $40 and its in a discount rack for 25% and with one of my gift cards it ended up costing me $9.99 so that was cool, it was a size 3xlt and fits me snug enough that it fits but loose enough that my juggle is hidden somewhat. With the second card I figured that I would get a Tee shirt so of course I grab a 3x and off to the dressing room I go but the shirt is too big on me, not by a whole lot but big enough that it looked odd. A 2xl came with me into the dressing room next and it was only slightly too small but small enough that it looked like I was wearing my little brothers shirt, I bought the 2xl shirt because it will eventually be what I need and with my coupon it ended up being free.
3xl is too big, 3xlt works as long as its a sweatshirt, otherwise it is slightly tight and too long and a 2xl is too snug, I am stuck with what I have at the moment for clothing but hey! I would rather be between a 3xl and a 2xl than AT a 3xl! I am still looking for a loss this week and have a strong feeling that even with yesterdays high weigh in that I will make it a loss come Friday, its just how I have to think otherwise I am thinking like a fat person and well...that's just not me any more. I Passed out/fell asleep yesterday putting my daughter to bed at 8:00 so I ended up with a very good night sleep and it is the plan for the rest of the week to go to bed no later than 10:00pm because I think its a bog part of why I was up in weight, that and the fact that I ate salty foods all weekend, so we shall see.
It will be a tough week of being strict and hitting the gym as religiously as I have been and I am going to end there for now because I have to get ready for the gym and finish getting my daughter ready for her day at school.
Eat well, drink much and sleep long for it is what is needed to live a long healthy life.
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