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Failure is not falling down, but refusing to get up..

Wednesday, September 30, 2009


The past couple of weeks have been hard for me, there are some things going on in my life in addition to the comfort issue that I am experiencing right now, meaning that I am comfy with myself and to get myself back on track I did something that had not occurred to me to try. This morning I started reading my own blog from day one, I figured that I get so many emails and comments stating that something I had written inspired someone else to either start their own journey of weight loss or I have kept them going when the stand off with the triple chocolate fudge cake was not looking favorable that maybe I could take some of that for myself. I read through some of my older posts and started feeling the way that I felt when I wrote them, what I mean is that I can remember where I was and how I felt when each post was written and I know that I am starting to sound like a broken record at this point and I have been the worlds worse blogger lately but I am back.

Remembering taking my walks with my daughter and the fact that it took me 20 minutes to walk roughly 1/3 of a mile and feeling that that was an accomplishment made me realize how far I have come in this whole thing. Reading about how I rode my stationary bike for 15 minutes and remembering just how tired I was after that fifteen minutes of movement knowing that I now walk 2 miles in just about 27 minutes and don't have to stop there because of pain means a lot to me. I read the posts from back then and can recall thinking that I would never get to 100 pounds lost on my own but knowing that I had to try so I kept going no matter what and how I felt at 500 plus pounds compared to right now and I KNOW that I have to keep going until I get where I need to, want to get where my health comes into play.

On Jan 06 2008 I wrote in a post "I do know that I cannot give up until I drop this weight and look forward to learning as much as I can to do that, obviously I failed Diet 101 thus far in my life." I believe that I have graduated from the "Diet" series of health class and have gained a ton of knowledge in the past almost two years while making my life and health a completely different thing than when that post was written. I believe that I have given myself and my family years of having me around with what I have done so far, but I am not done. I have so much more that I want to do with myself physically just to prove to myself that I can do it as well as show my kids that they can do whatever they put their minds to, so I have to keep this better health thang moving in a direction that promotes all of that.

There is stress in my life currently and I could blame that for my lack of effort lately but that would be a cop out and I won't do that. The bottom line is that I know what I need to do, I know that I have the willpower to do it, and stress or no stress its what I am going to do. This weight loss game is a life long decision, its something that will have to stay in place come rain or shine and honestly I have not fallen too far off of the wagon I have just stopped trying so hard, lets call it a pause. My lowest weight to date was 330 pounds and that weight was reached on August 14th 2009 and last Friday I was 9 pounds above that so I am sort of maintaining roughly 10 pounds above my low weight for the last almost seven weeks.

Maintaining at 340 pounds is not what I meant when I said "I do know that I cannot give up until I drop this weight" only six days into my lifestyle change so I must, how do I say? keep on keepin on until I get where I aimed for. I can't say that I have been very "inspiring" lately where weight loss is concerned but I can still say that I have lost a substantial amount of weight and hopefully added time to my life. I will not allow myself to keep going at a maintaining pace when I still weigh as much as I do, I cannot let that happen and I believe that it is happening because this is the weight that I have lived most of my life at. Once I reached adulthood I settled around this weight until I was injured in 2000 and then I blew up to my 500 plus pound self so this just feels right to me. Its time to blow past a boundary that I have never been past and get below 300 pounds, below 275 pounds, below 250 pounds? to be found out I suppose but to stop now would make zero sense at all, especially given the amount of success I have had thus far.

From the worlds worse blogger to you that's where I am today, will I get below 300 pounds? no doubt and I invite you to watch me do it.

I am back and I have to say that Zeusmeatball fella has inspired me to get my $hit together once again, who wouldda thunk?

As Ever
Me

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SIMPLE_TAILOR 10/2/2009 2:35PM

    Glad to hear you taking a look at this. I know that I have gotten comfortable where I am at too. I need to find that motivation as well.

Let me know if you need to talk about anything.

ttyl

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LIFEFTER45 10/1/2009 8:17AM

    Keep on keepin' on!!

emoticon

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BIGGIRL2082010 10/1/2009 7:42AM

    Great idea to go back and read your own blogs - I'm so glad they provided the necessary kick-in-the-pants! :) NONE of us has achieved the kind of loss you have, so I'm glad you read the blog you NEEDED to read, that of a 500+ man who, by sheer hard work and stick-to-it-iveness, has dropped 200 of those pounds. Yes, 10 pounds is a drop in the 200-pound bucket. But it's a 5% drop. :) Not that big, not that insignificant. And you're right to get back on that wagon ASAP - and get that bucket sloshing again! You're close, you're happy, now get GOING! :)

Ya. We love ya. :)

Cheers,
Maya


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DIFROMWYOMING 10/1/2009 12:17AM

    Gee, who would have thougt you were mortal after all?
emoticon
I can SO relate to where you've been...once again your struggle hit a chord and I know I need to push myself forward again.
I'll be here when you get where you're going!

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DDOORN 9/30/2009 9:40PM

    Hey I'm joining you in a similar effort...have been oh-too-comfy with my weight loss thus far and plateaued for over a year. Finally I've been so *MOVED* by others here at SparkPeople to get up off my duff and ramp up my efforts...just as you're planning to break through to the 200's, I'm planning to break through to ONEderland by the New Year...!

Let's keep up the efforts and see this thing through!

We can DO IT!!

Don

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GIANT123 9/30/2009 9:06PM

    Thank you for that I now know we are human and we make mistakes. Whatever u do Botzzz don't give up. You are an inspiration to me to keep going on this Battle of the Bulge. THANK YOU for being honest.

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SNEAKYGREG 9/30/2009 8:57PM

    You know that is the reason I blog. It is not so that everyone can read how much I have done but for me to remember how far I have come. From time to time I do the same thing I go back and read it can be very inspiring.

Good for you on the new/old attitude I know you can make it

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GLORYTOGLORY 9/30/2009 8:03PM

  yeah!!!!!!!!!!!! emoticon

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VEEJAY3 9/30/2009 7:29PM

    Yes! I really understand the being comfortable at a certain weight because we've spent a great deal of time at that weight ... I'm there right now. I'm about 10 pounds up from a low, and I've kind of envisioned is as a trampoline: every time I get too far down, I bounce back up to this comfort-weight.

I'll fight the fight with you! (Good idea to go back and read past blogs, too -- think I'll take that tip from you, too!)

Here's to us.

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MARYONAMISSION 9/30/2009 5:08PM

    I'm happy you are blogging again. Good for you to find inspiration in yourself. You can do this!

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TELERIE 9/30/2009 4:58PM

    Great to have you blogging - and I love blogging for JUST this reason - we're able to go back and re-read and put us back in _that_ frame of mind. Congratulations on keeping on with it despite stress. Your body recognizes this weight as "normal" and wants to stay. Just keep at it, and you WILL get past it.

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ZIRCADIA 9/30/2009 4:26PM

    YOU WILL DO THIS. The thing about stress is that there is always stress. Sometimes it gets lighter, sometimes it gets heavier, the causes change, but I don't think anyone lives a stress free life. Really. Some may seem to have it easier than we do, but then again everyone has different tolerances that allow them to handle (or NOT handle) certain things. We must find ways to deal with the stressors in our lives -- especially if it's a particular stressor that is not going away any time soon, you know what I mean? And then when things get heavy we push a little less maybe, but we're still going along (maybe kinda like you have been lately) and when they lighten up, we reapply pressure. You're definitely not a failure because you're still working this. :) YOU ROCK.

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PUMPKINFACE73 9/30/2009 4:24PM

    bout dang time kiddo emoticon
ready when you are for a run

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Weigh in week one for the 25 by 11/11 challenge

Friday, September 25, 2009


This morning was the day that I am to weigh in so here it is, I woke up and relieved myself of the evenings reservoir and straight to the scale to see a one pound loss, I came in at 339 on the nose and honestly its less than I expected but it is what it is. Even though I was expecting more of a loss this week in retrospect I guess its about what it should be because the lack of exercise and the last two days I have not been so straight and narrow because of running around the world getting some stuff finished up that I needed to which also explains the lack of posts for the same couple days.

Yesterday I drank less than a gallon of fluid in total all day where as usually its creeping up on 2 gallons and because of a late trip to the DMV which lasted about 2.5 hours we ended up eating dinner at 8:00 pm and it was at a Friendly's restaurant so that may have effected this mornings weigh in. Even with that what would the difference had been? 1/2 pound maybe? either way this week will be a bigger loss and I am guaranteeing that.

I have already this morning drank 3/4 of a gallon of green tea and its only just after 10:30 am, I guess I needed it after yesterday because its going down fast. I have also been running around like a mad man this morning doing house work and am planning on a ride on my bike this afternoon after I drop my daughter off at school which hopefully happens because it is beautiful outside this time of year and today seems especially nice out, and with that last statement I am heading out the door to wash and wax my car so until next time, keep on keepin on and all that.

As Ever
Me

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SWEETZMIX 9/30/2009 11:38AM

    I am out of the loop....may be for me not being on spark in like forever!! But I am glad to see you are back on it. I know everyday isn't going to be perfect, but who aims for that crap anyway! Keep on progressing my friend!

EB

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HAPPYSOUL91 9/27/2009 8:40AM

    There are 2 facts that I always find true for me:

my scale/body doesn't do what I think it should

I always want more than the scale/body gives me

The thing is not to give up but "koko" - keep on, keeping on

emoticon

Comment edited on: 9/27/2009 8:42:33 AM

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RENA1965 9/25/2009 11:31PM

    lb is lb less of you, be happy you lost instead of impatient.. Some people never achieve what your doing great.. Remember to give yourself a pat on the back and I am doing okay more often and don't beat yourself up over bigger and better..
Sucess is good whether large or small. It could be your body slowed down because it needed a rest, lossing weight is hard on the body. I could do a perfect week because I have someone checking my nutrition and stay still, this is not a sign I have done anything wrong just the body needing rest and shifting weight where it is easier to burn off..

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LAURIE5658 9/25/2009 11:09PM

    Like you already said...it is what it is and for the beginning of a new week, you know what you need to do!

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GAMBLINGQUEEN 9/25/2009 9:50PM

    I'm sure you are not overly concerned about the 1 pound loss but I thought I would tell you that fast food places have so much sodium in their foods that even when choosing the healthier options they tend to still have lots of sodium.

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MSHOPPER63 9/25/2009 12:53PM

    Have you ever posted your Green Tea recipe. I remember reading that you make your own. I'd love have the recipe when you have time.

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4A-HEALTHY-BMI 9/25/2009 12:18PM

    Wanna come over and wash and wax MY car too?
emoticon
(I'm offering to let you do it, in case you want the extra exercise. LOL)

Seriously though, good job keeping on track despite life and the DMV.

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JLUVSHIKIN 9/25/2009 12:12PM

    Sometimes our bodies are puzzling... why they hold on to weight some weeks and others they just let it go like nothing. Funny and strange... amazing things they are!
I am curious about your green tea... do you make it? Is it bought? I want to up my green tea consumption...just wondering what you do...

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DDOORN 9/25/2009 11:36AM

    Stay the course...you'll get there!

Have been ramping myself up also, am aiming to break through to ONEderland by the New Year! Been blogging about my efforts also.

Don

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Intake/exercise update 2

Tuesday, September 22, 2009


Intake came in at 1690 total calories and I drank almost 2 gallons of fluid today, I did however fall short on the exercise. I worked on my car for a short while and ran around all afternoon and as I mentioned had an appointment with my daughters teacher this evening, I guess if I have time to write this update that I can do some calisthenics eh? I will do some push ups and some light dumb bell exercises as soon as I hit the publish button.

Breakfast
7:15 AM
2 cups honey comb 220
1 cup 1% milk 110

11:45 AM
4.5oz ground turkey 180
2 80 cal rolls 160

Lunch
1:45 PM
2 slices whole wheat bread 140
1 T peanut butter 95
1 T strawberry preserves 35

Dinner
6:00 PM
3/4 cup white rice 150
2 cup green beans 80
5oz chicken breast 250

8:00 PM
13 cups air popped popcorn 260

9:00 PM
1 pickle 10

Fluids
G-Tea 1 gallon
H2O 3/4 gallon

You may return to whatever it was that you were doing before you clicked the link to this blog.

That is all.

As Ever
Me

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BIGGIRL2082010 9/24/2009 4:15AM

    Good work, Botzzz! Friday's coming up - and it should be a good one! :)

Cheers,
Maya


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TSABONIS 9/23/2009 2:45PM

    i struggle staying close to 1900 to 2100 calories per day ... i am amazed that you seem to sonsistently be under 1700 ... that is amazing ... and you out weigh me now which makes it even MORE impressive (when I started you had a 30 - 40 pound head start on me, ive been lucky so far and have whittled myself down to 287)

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HAPPYSOUL91 9/23/2009 10:04AM

    Good food and keep up the beverages. PS: regarding your wasp blog, shuttered when I saw the picture (am alergic to wasp stings), you sure are brave!!!

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DDOORN 9/23/2009 9:15AM

    Keep SPARKING AWAY!

Woo hoo! :-)

Don

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SIMPLE_TAILOR 9/23/2009 7:59AM

    Keep it up!! As the immortal Commander Dodge says in Down Periscope

Let's kick this pig!!

Wait . . . You already are.

ttyl

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WENDYSPARKS 9/23/2009 6:37AM

    I enjoy the green tea and water daily also! Keep up the good work! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LAURIE5658 9/22/2009 9:25PM

    I always admire just how much water and green tea you consume! WOW!

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To bee or not to...um yeah

Tuesday, September 22, 2009


So yesterday I started posting mini posts in the PM and honestly its helping already because so far today I have put everything that I have eaten into my excel sheet as well as weighed every bite that went into my mouth. As my mini post says I came in at 1733 calories even after indulging in a bottle of Corona while chatting with my neighbor in the driveway for about 30 minutes last night, I wasn't going to have the brew but figured that it couldn't hurt too much. My intake was on par yesterday and today is off to a good start as well so I am hoping for a good week.



Yesterdays bike ride gave me a little bit of extra excitement because of some wasps, about a month ago I can recall someone placing a sign on one end of the trail that I ride through to get all of the way around my lake warning of a wasp nest at one end of the dam and apparently its still there. As I rode across the dam and the planks were thumping under my bike tires I saw a couple wasps rise from underneath the end of the dam and just knew it wasn't good news for me. I was moving along at a speed that would not allow me to stop and go back the way that I came before hitting the edge of the small cloud of wasps which was growing with every thump on the boards so I decided to go right through them and take a chance running into the woods. Honestly I cannot remember what maneuver I executed to get off of the bike onto my feet and down the stairs on the dam but I felt very nimble at that very moment as I dashed (yes I said dashed) into the brush faster than I thought that I ever could and did not stop until I couldn't hear any more buzzing in my immediate area. Perhaps my mad dash is why my ride took shorter? probably not but it was not something that I was expecting to be there for sure and I am sure the part of the story where I ran into the woods was visually hysterical or perhaps traumatic for anyone close enough to bear witness.



Other than the intake going smoothly and my wasp encounter the day went pretty much par for the course where my healthy lifestyle goes. Today my plan for exercise is to go for a walk with Wify after dinner sometime or perhaps some calisthenics, I am not real sure yet what will happen on that front because I have a parent teacher meeting that I forgot about until I just wrote that sentence. Tonight is the second episode of the newest edition of The biggest loser and I always seem to want to work out for a couple days after that show is on, I don't know why but I do. Perhaps its watching people that are bigger than me (something that I don't get to see all that often) working out so hard, or maybe its just that whole being around like minded people thing, yes I understand that I am not physically "around" them but you get the idea and knowing how hard those people are working at those kinds of weights and not because its obvious but because I was there has an impact on me as well? whatever the reason I don't care, its one of the only shows on tv that I watch every week and if its effecting me in a way that is keeping me motivated I'll take it.

There you have another post and with that I bid you farewell until tonight's update post, make sure to get all of that H2O in and never forget that we control what we do in everything that we do.

As Ever
Me

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VEEJAY3 9/22/2009 8:01PM

    Oh wow!!! I forgot: it's Biggest Loser night.
I already missed the first episode and had to catch up on it via reading the "weecap" on the "Television Without Pity" website (which is darned hilarious reading, if you haven't yet discovered it. I always read the "weecap" even after I've actually SEEN the episode).

So. Yeah.

Thanks for the reminder -- just in time to tune in.

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KNH771 9/22/2009 6:56PM

    I'm scared to death of bees, wasps and the like. I probably would have panicked in a very un-ladylike way. emoticon I'm glad that you weren't hurt!

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ANNSTOECKL 9/22/2009 6:52PM

    I'm enjoying your blog. I loved the mad dash away from hornets. Those suckers are mean and sting you for the fun of it!

I know what you mean by Biggest Loser. It encourages me to move as much as I can. For me it probably a subconscious fear that Jillian will end up following me around if I don't. ;)

Blessings,
ann

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SNEAKYGREG 9/22/2009 5:41PM

    I wish I could have been there for the mad dash. I chuckled just reading about it. On the other hand glad you didn't get stung

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LAURIE5658 9/22/2009 4:33PM

    Botzzz, its so nice to hear from you like you used to do. I always look forward to your Spark pearls of wisdom!

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Intake/exercise update 1

Monday, September 21, 2009


As mentioned in my previous post I will be posting updates each night for a bit to show what my intake was as well as my exercise for that day, here you have the first one, I will keep it short and sweet as Heroes is about to start.

Breakfast
7:00 AM
1 T creamer 90

8:00 AM
2 cups corn chex 220
1 cup 1% milk 110

Lunch
12:30 PM
6 inch turkey subway 280

2:30 PM 1 apple 85

4:30 PM
1 pickle 10

Dinner
6:00 PM
6oz ground turkey 240
9oz fries 390
2 80 cal rolls 160
1 bottle corona extra 148

Fluids
G-Tea 1.33 gallons
H2O 1/2 gallon

Exercise
1 ride around the lake = 3 miles in 16 minutes

That's 1733 total calories and when I started riding my bike it took me 25 minutes to make it around that lake, I haven't done that ride in some time and it would appear that I have improved my pace even with my time off. If I take a ride for exercise tomorrow I will have to add distance as when I ride solo I go faster apparently, and there you have it, its my accountability post and just a lil extra for anyone interested.

As Ever
Me

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AINTSKEERD 9/22/2009 4:22PM

    emoticonHow'd you get that bee to snap your pic on the run! emoticon
You are doing great, and it sounds like you are getting back to the old Tony. Hey, maybe the bees can help you get back onto your C25K plan, too. emoticon

Comment edited on: 9/22/2009 4:25:27 PM

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TELERIE 9/22/2009 2:19PM

    Way to GO!

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SIMPLE_TAILOR 9/22/2009 10:57AM

    Sounds like a good day . . . .

Keep it up!!

ttyl

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HAPPYSOUL91 9/22/2009 10:49AM

    Sounds like you are getting your groove back emoticon

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AINTSKEERD 9/22/2009 9:40AM

    That's more like it! emoticon

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BIGGIRL2082010 9/22/2009 7:09AM

    Man! When you get back in stride, you really get back in stride, doncha? Good work there on the calories in *and* out! Keep going, keep posting - we wanna see you at 275 sooooooon. ;)

Cheers,
Maya


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MSHOPPER63 9/21/2009 10:00PM

    Let me just say Thank You for sharing your intake/exercise with us. I know you have really done well, and I look forward to reading your post daily.
emoticon

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JKSTEIN123 9/21/2009 9:27PM

    Glad to hear you are back on track!

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ANNSTOECKL 9/21/2009 9:24PM

    emoticon
Blessings,
ann

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BEACHCOMBERD 9/21/2009 9:14PM

    Good job. Keep up the good work.

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DDOORN 9/21/2009 9:06PM

    Looking good!

I love to push myself when I'm on my bike...speaking of which I haven't done lately...been kayaking more than biking!

Don

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GEORGIESLIMS 9/21/2009 8:47PM

    Great! I rode my bike today as well!

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LAURIE5658 9/21/2009 8:39PM

    emoticon emoticon

Two thumbs up, Botzzz!!!

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SNEAKYGREG 9/21/2009 8:22PM

    Good job and great time on the ride

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ZIRCADIA 9/21/2009 8:20PM

    WOOHOO! Nice to see an update post from ya. :)

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