Thursday, July 30, 2009
Being over weight is not a fun thing, it is not something that people enjoy and lots of times an overweight person sacrifices a lot just to not be the focus in a room. Sometimes people make sideways remarks or comments about fat people (I'm not going to sugar coat it that's what we are folks) and they think that these comments are helping, or are being kind and in reality it makes the situation so much worse and as a heavier person its hard enough as is.
I think about when I was heavier and some of the things that I did or should I say that I could not do compared to now and I cannot believe that I let it get that far before I did something about it. At what point does a person say enough is enough? Clearly remembering how it felt to not be able to do simple activities like taking a walk around the block with my little girl actually upsets me today because how could I let it go that far? how could I let myself get to that point? back injury or not, I was 534 pounds! simply walking was a chore for me and what kind of Dad could I be if I could not move to do remedial physical tasks properly?
Since losing the weight that I have so far I have become hyper aware of calories and nutrition in not only my food but other peoples food as well. I can almost 100% of the time look at a portion of food and estimate the calories in it within a small range of variation and the whats good for you question is ingrained into my head now as well. Last week My family and I went to a Friendly's restaurant on a whim (mostly because I had about 1000 calories left for the day and it was dinner time) we were seated and in walked a rather large fellow (I would guess over 500 pounds) with his wife and daughter and they were seated next to us. I could not help but notice that he ordered a grilled cheese sandwich with bacon and extra cheese with French fries for his meal, the interesting part was the conversation that followed and the enthusiasm in the words caught my attention.
The man was talking to his daughter (who was about 30 years old and also heavy) he said "I ate a full rack of ribs last night for you" and the rest of that excited conversation was very detailed and about these ribs and I got to thinking, here this fellow is eating a hefty dinner and talking about the dinner that he ate last night almost as if the rack of ribs was a trophy. Now I am sure that I have had that conversation and have been on the same side of those words as he was at some point in my life and I honestly believe that the company that you keep can help you along where weight loss and better health in general are concerned and on the flip side of that coin can help make us fat as well, but talking about last nights dinner in a very detailed and excited way while eating today's dinner? I was there, it was not pretty and should be the point when a person starts to question what they are doing.
My giant Sunflower that my daughter and I have been taking care of together.
Watching someone destroy themselves further, just like I was doing once upon a time actually bothered me, even though I did not know those people I felt bad because I know that they were in a part of that spiral downward and probably had no clue how to stop it. That gentleman was a lot older than I was and I couldn't help but to think about how that could have been me walking with a cane and breathing heavy if I had not decided to change the way that I do things. The part that really bothered me the most was that it could have been my daughter sitting next to me discussing a full rack of ribs with a child like excitement as she positioned her gut into a comfortable position. I WILL NOT put myself or anyone in my family in that position EVER again and I know that the choices that I am making today will affect my children and family in a positive way.
Sometimes a look into a probable future can have an eyes wide open effect on a person, even if its not my future any more.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Surprisingly enough I am happy with this mornings weigh in, I will get right to it and say that I weighed in at 337 pounds which is a single pound heavier than my pre-vacation weight and only 4 pounds more than my lowest weight to date. I was not expecting that number when I woke up this morning but obviously glad to see it and though I do have a cold and am not really exercising the way that I should be I am going to shoot for a new low next week. I mentioned in another post that I have been going slightly over on my calories and if I am dropping the weight this fast by doing that I may adjust my intake up a little bit and add 100 calories to each day, this is only an idea right now and I will decide if that's what I do over the next week or two.
It has been raining on and off all week so I have not been outside as much as I would have liked to be, add that with this cold (which may be more than that as its been here for a while) and I am itching to get out and go on a nice long bike ride, honestly I would settle for a nice long walk! Wify and I were talking about how fun this bike has been for both of us, she has been borrowing her moms bike and coming out with me for rides and its nice to have her along with me, its almost like a mini vacation from the kids which is nice sometimes. Riding with wify brings up some interesting conversations as well.
I am a HUGE Queen fan, I listen to old Queen songs all of the time and was talking to wify while listening to fat bottomed girls yesterday and she asks out of the blue "Am I a fat bottomed girl?" and after a short pause and a grin from me she laughed and realized that she had put me in that place that husbands never want to be, I mean how do you answer that? "Ya sure are honey!" or "yes" can get the response "so what are you saying? that I have a fat ass?" or perhaps "did you just call me fat?" and then on the other side of the coin we have the "nope" to which the reply might be "so are you saying that you don't like my ass?" so I told her that I would have to think about that question and get back to her, but anyways to my point.
I think a lot of things that are exactly the same can be completely different to different people and what dictates how it is seen is that persons outlook. Weight loss is what it is, the basic concept is to eat for fuel instead of eating for sport, some people look at it this way "You mean I get to eat grilled chicken and sweet potatoes as much as I want? woohoo!" and others see it in a different light "All I get to eat is grilled chicken and sweet potatoes? no way I can do that" I can grill chicken about 10 different ways and it always has just about the same calories in it and never boring so I fall into the first group, I LOVE grilled chicken! its sort of like that comparison about two people that work in a place that has a dress code, the first guy sees it as "I have to get dressed up every day in this monkey suit just to talk to customers? bleh!" where as the second guy sees it as "wow! I get to go to work dressed up in nice clothes every day, man that's gonna help me out in the women dept!" the way things are perceived can make all the difference in the world and if you look at losing weight as something that is hard, or something that you do not want to do guess what? It WILL be a difficult road to walk down, if you look at it for what it is, the task becomes easier than you expected it to be and you will be successful in dropping the pounds.
This post felt a bit random again, I guess its a random kind of week for me, I am happy with the weigh in this morning even though it is still higher than my lowest weight it is much lower than it was last week and within a pound of my pre vacation weight. I do not feel like "Man! I had to RE-lose that weight! Gah!!" because thats just the way life works, there will be ups and there will be downs but as long as the reigns stay in my hand and I control the ups I am doing what I need to do and better health will follow.
The last thing that I will do in this post is answer wify, YES you ARE a fat bottomed girl, and I love me some fat bottomed girls so there!
Now to wait for the next inquiry "honey you said that you love you some fat bottomed girls, whats that S about?"
Thanks for following and drink that water up!
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Thursday is here and tomorrow I will post an "official" current weight, I do not expect it to be anything great but if I can get in under 340 I will be happy with it. I have been going over my calories a bit all week because of having this cold and me not counting the honey in my hot green tea nor any of the oranges that I have been eating throughout the day so not so bad but still above. I would like to try and get out on my bike after dinner tonight and hit the same route that I rode last time which involves going up this pretty big hill and I want to make it all the way to the top without a foot hitting pavement this time around. My week has been pretty much uneventful and there are a couple goals but I would say that this paragraph pretty much summarizes how I am feeling and doing right now, with that let me switch it up and say that I just got a reality check not more than 20 minutes ago as to just how much of a tight rope has to be walked with my "habits" (old and new) even after all of this time eating right and moving more.
I was making my lunch just a bit ago and an old habit popped in for just long enough for me to literally stop and think "wow did I just almost do that?" and I smiled and corrected what I was about to do. I have to eat low fat for a spell and decided that I would make a couple of toast & tomato sandwiches to have for lunch, I do not know if toast & tomato sammies are something that everyone eats as I have had people ask "a what?" when I mentioned it, it is basically just 2 slices of toasted bread with a light spread of butter (smart balance in my case) sliced tomato and black pepper and voila a toasted & tomato sandwich. My grandmother would eat these all of the time and I sometimes like to make them for something light but in my fatter days I would make them a bit different and its not exactly light when you eat 3 or 4 of them.
Back about 200 pounds ago what would happen is this, open the bag of bread (white bread) pop 2 in the toaster and while it was toasting grab Mayonnaise and a couple tomatoes from the fridge, ~pop~ pull the toast out and place 2 more slices of bread into the toaster and start slathering mayo onto the toast, lay some maters down and bamn! the first sammie was done. By the time the first sammie was done being created the second toast was finished so in went more bread and the process repeated but there was never more than 2 sammies done at a time because while the third set of toast was in the toaster I would be eating the first sandwich, ~pop~ 3rd set done and I had already went half way through the second sammie and in went the 4th set of toast. Between finishing making the 3rd sammie and eating the second the toast would pop up and I would make the 4th sammie, fill a big gulp cup with whole milk and walk into the living room to eat the remaining tomato sammies along with my bucket O milk, that was then.
Just now when I was making myself lunch I started the toast and just like back then I gathered the rest of the stuff, Smart balance spread, a tomato and black pepper. I started slicing the tomato up and ~pop~ toast was done, I pulled it out popped two more slices into the toaster and started making the first sandwich. Immediately after the lid went onto the first sandwich I took a bite and went for more bread, this was the "wow did I just almost do that?" moment, the bread had already been tied up and put back in the cabinet as the "new habits" are who took 4 slices out of the bag but I guess its been so long since I have made toast & tomato that the old habits kind of just started acting on their own. The tale ends with the previously fatter man taking his 2 sandwiches (one with a bite taken out of it) into the living room with a big gulp cup of home brewed green tea and physically smiling about what had just occurred but man! I guess old habits are hard to break.
Now I don't think for a second that I was even close to making a third sammie past the motion of my hands towards the bag and the bite that I took, but the fact that my instinct was to immediately take a bite from the freshly made sandwich and go for more bread proves that there is more to losing weight than just following an eating/exercise plan. So much of being over weight comes from years of following bad habits, the mental part of being among the more rotund people on our planet plays a HUGE role in whether a person is able to lose weight on a constant basis or not. I have been eating better since January 2008 and not more than 30 minutes ago saw first hand that old habits are hard to break whether I caught it or not.
All of these months later I find myself even if ever so slightly, still battling old habits and have a feeling that this lifestyle change will never truly be 100% without effort. With that said I am still a firm believer in you get what you put into something and if a person does not want to at least try then they have failed before they have even started because I did have the option to make that third toast & tomato but instead I recognized that I instinctively took a bite and went for more and corrected it and that is where I think a lot of people fail when trying to lose weight.
I did not want a 3rd sammie, an old habit popped in for a split second and back in the day it would have been made and eaten without a second thought, something to think about.
Thanks for following along and don't forget that H2O!
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
It has been one of those weeks for me, sort of a go go go kind of feeling all while holding at a complete stand still, but not really. I have since coming home from vacation been steadily pushing the weight back down closer to my low weight and have done pretty well with keeping the calories where they should be but I have also been under the weather since getting back too so that's effecting things a tad. I have sort of a lingering cold that's mild enough that I am still taking rides on my bike (I found a killer hill that I need to defeat) but bad enough that the mornings are rough, such is life but I just haven't felt like typing out posts which explains the lack of posting this week.
Over all I am doing great good with keeping to the calories this week, I have been at or under my 1700 calorie limit for the most part barring the random day that I go over by 200-ish calories with a random treat but like I said over all its been a decent week. When I returned from Florida I was up more weight than I would like to admit BUT since I started this blog so that I would have a place to post up my weight and to have some accountability, here goes. The day that I got home from FL I immediately hopped on the scale when I walked through the door and what the scale said literally shocked me, granted I was fully dressed and had just driven 20 some odd hours straight eating lots of things that I probably shouldn't have and drinking instead of my regular green tea a 4 pack of Arizona diet green tea energy drinks (I was excited to find these btw) and hey it was after all green tea right? but anyways the number that I saw was 357 pounds, 357 pounds?? no f***ing way! is what I thought and onto the scale again I went and bamn 357, it was what it was and on my way I went.
I immediately began sucking down as much water and tea as I could get my hands on and we went out shopping and filled our fridge with buku veggies and I have basically been eating salad and grilled chicken all week, within a day I was down 5 pounds, and then 2 pounds per day for a spell so I know that it was just a bloated fat man from a week of not taking care of myself the way that I should have but that is a whopping 24 pounds more than my lowest point! Knowing that when I left for vacation I was not my svelte 333 pound lowest I will add that I was 336 pounds on July 4th (my last official weigh in before vacation on the blog) but any way its sliced I was up A LOT! This morning I weighed myself and am back down to 340.8 pounds so I am bringing it back down to "pre vacation" levels and am within 5 pounds of what I weighed before I left and 8 pounds of my lowest weight to date, yes yes this is a good feeling once again.
I have been riding my bike (big surprise eh?) almost every day, and I know that I am starting to sound like a broken record but I don't even feel like I am exercising when I am out on that piece of metal and rubber! I am thoroughly worked out after a ride and my rides have been lasting roughly 30 minutes lately (I ride kind of hard and don't stop, just ask Pumpkinface, er Heather) but I want to get up to an hour per day on week days and more than that on the weekends. Wify has been coming along for the ride lately and its nice to have her to ride with and she is getting in a workout as well so its a win win in my book. I have to say that where I live is ALL hills, when I say all hills what I mean is that I cannot honestly think of one spot that is flat for more than 30 to 50 yards before a hill comes into play and it feels like there are more ups than downs which I know cannot be the case but man! my legs get burning on some of those assents! which brings me to the descends, I am still getting use to being perched up top on a bike again and because I am me I have to try and do whatever I am doing as hard as I can and I was coming down a decent sized hill and hit 35 mph (which to people that ride bikes probably is not all that fast) but when you are 340 pounds, back on a bike for less than a month and on a mountain bike (knobby tires) when cruising down a hill at 35mph and gaining speed the thought of "what would happen if" starts going through your head hardcore and the brakes are applied. I know that the answer is ride more and get a set of road tires so that I will feel better as well as handle the road better but I want to keep the knobby tires on the bike so that I have some resistance because I am after all using the bike for exercise and that's free burned calories there, plus I do ride on a section of grass and dirt when I ride around the lake.
As I am feeling random, my post shall reflect that and onto another subject, my calories for yesterday came in at 1830 which as you know is above my allowance but I am ok with that as I am still getting things together in the fridge and meals are planned again so I should not have a problem going over again this week. I went out and bought $53 worth of fruits and veggies yesterday and there is some green tea brewing out on the kitchen table as I type and I feel great about my intake over the next couple days, now if I can kick this cold that I have I would be doing as great as I feel, um about my eating, not physically because I am sick, but then I just said that so now I am being redundant.
With that I will end the post for today and I hope everyone is keeping on with the keepin on, or something like that, or at least I hope you are all getting that H2O into your days.
I am off to catch up on some of your blogs and read through a few emails, thanks for following along.
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