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534 pounds to 305 pounds to somewhere inbetween....

Monday, September 24, 2012

Restarting is not as easy as one would have thought, I mean, I've done this before right? Just jump back into the pool and swim away no? No... My good habits have slipped away somewhat so getting back into a groove is tougher that I want it to be but hey! If I don't put on my big boy pants.. And unfortunately I mean that literally and figuratively this time around its not going to get done on its own, so away we go. I tried that wish into one hand and $hit into the other thing in an attempt to get some results but I just ended up with a stinky hand... so I suppose I will have to bust a$$ again to get where I need to be.

When I was 534 pounds I started off slow because I had to, there were no options other than slow and thatís what I did and eventually I dropped a total of 229 pounds at my greatest number. I am in the mindset of a guy that is 300 pounds and can ride 30 miles on his mountain bike in a couple of hours with no side effects besides a big $hit eatin' grin stuck to my face for the rest of the day when in reality I have no idea what my limits are currently as I have not ridden my bike since late July. I can tell you that I am not in the shape that I was when 534 was what I was carrying around but I don't think I am close to what I was June of 2011 either and finding a middle ground is proving to be a tad more difficult that I would have expected.

I know, I know... just do what ya can man! indeed this is how it will pan out I am sure but getting my 300 pound mind to understand that I am not there any more is the trick. It seems like I was just convincing myself that I was not 500 pounds any more and when I get a handle on that (which I believe is part of my problem but thatís for another post) I now have to realize that I have put on some significant weight in the last year or so.

The plan..

When I started off I would walk as far as I could daily, that distance was first measured in minutes, 10 minutes at a time at the pace of my then 2 and a half year old daughter, this pace increased to carrying her on my shoulders for the walk and eventually turned into 30 mile bike rides. I have begun doing my morning stretch routine again, holy hell am I tight! and as I type this there is a road crew outside my house finishing laying a new road, starting tomorrow morning (looks like the road work will be completed today) my walks will resume, this time with my new now almost 2 year old, and no not at her pace, she will ride in the jogging stroller. My intake has been slowly getting back to where it needs to be, I have started logging my intake daily once again and may start posting it on here again the next time I post, which hopefully will be tomorrow. I did keep one of my good habits and thatís drinking the green tea, I refuse to drink calories so I do still drink 1 gallon of green tea per day and itís been that way since whenever I started that. I mentioned that I refuse to drink calories, thatís almost a whole truth because I have been drinking coffee in the am, I've quit that as of this morning switching it back to a cup of hot green tea instead.

As I type this post out I feel motivated to get my $hit back together and start pushing the scale down again, as I mentioned this restarting is almost as hard as the start, I have the knowledge in my belt this time around, I have a taste of what being a "normal" size is to hold onto and we're ready for round two.

All of the comments on the last post helped immensely! Reading some encouraging words, some tough opinions and a few emails from old friends was a really good kick in the a$$ so thanks for that.

I will attempt to make time to post as often as I can so please stop by again and comments/opinions are always welcome so donít be shy... lord know I'm not.

Until then.....

As Ever

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SIMPLE_TAILOR 10/12/2012 3:01PM

    It is so good to see a post from you again brother.


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BUTEAFULL 9/26/2012 1:51AM

    start brewing a big bunch of green tea and store some in the fridge as iced tea, it's good cold too

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SWEETZMIX 9/25/2012 4:17PM

    You know me, short and sweet....NOW this is a blog I want to read. What's up?? I am a day late, so have you gotten your walk in???

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PSMITH3841 9/25/2012 12:29PM

    BoyO...I decided to pass on a comment for the last blog.....everyone else said it all (that's what I get for going on vacation, I missed a chance on a good "a$$ chewing"!)...Really, come on, GET OFF YOUR BUTT!!!!!!! Put it back on your bike! You live in a beautiful area, fall is here, rig up something to peddle the new addition along. GET MOVING!!!! Your new plan is a definite start, get back into regular keeps you on the straight and know you don't want to fess up to the bad choices! So, Ok, you screwed up, now you need to unscrew it! Get busy! See you next time! emoticon

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SMOCKON 9/25/2012 9:45AM

    I lost 30 and put it all back on in a few months. We're just going to have to suck it up and deal with going through the crappy first month of adjusting to living with a good diet and appropriate exercise again. The good thing is that we know it will work.

Switching back to green tea exclusively might be just the thing you need to kickstart your program. Maybe having that cup in the morning sets the stage for getting it right the rest of the day.

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TRICIAE2 9/25/2012 9:37AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LOPEYP 9/25/2012 9:08AM

    We all have fallen off the wagon at times. I think it's great that you have caught yourself somewhere in the middle. Your plan is a good one for getting back to task. Good luck to you on your journey! emoticon

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TEDDYBEARGIRL 9/25/2012 12:48AM

    emoticon emoticon

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SEEHOLZ 9/24/2012 10:05PM

    Welcome back!

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ANDYLIN90 9/24/2012 9:53PM

    Good for you for showing sounds like you're taking those first baby steps!

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ELFITZPA 9/24/2012 5:08PM

    So glad you're back! You've always been such an inspiration but don't think that means you can't share your struggles. We're all human and we need to lean on each other from time to time.

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RACKETMOM 9/24/2012 4:34PM

    emoticon Couldn't find a slap in the face, but here's a great big ole kick in the rear! Now, you're gonna be just fine :)

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ME_B4_INSANITY 9/24/2012 3:04PM

    You made this amazing journey once. And now you have learned that the journey never stops. You don't reach the goal and are done. This will be a journey for the rest of your life, your are on a train to healthy lifestyle, to teach your daughter how to be healthy. Life is about 80/20, live your life 80% of the time in a sparkpeople way and when you have a 20% of indulgence it doesn't take you off path.

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SHEILA1505 9/24/2012 3:00PM

    Forgive yourself and move forward
Do you have someone who can be your go-to Energy Buddy, to be accountable?
I have been at goal weight and then lost the plot while trying to Maintain - what IS THAT?
Anyway, my RL EB was here in July (after moving 1000miles away over a year ago) and we realised we need to check in weekly re exercise, eating healthily, honest weigh-ins etc .... and it IS working. Certainly not fast ... but working - it must - we meet again next week - 5 October! OMW ... we set a goal of 7.5percent of starting weight.

Just a thought ...
and for goodness sake - stop beating yourself up! Just take a deep breath, forgive yourself and use everything that you know, and that is available here, and elsewhere and get the job started again.


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NOCALORIES 9/24/2012 12:18PM

    Live today eating in calorie range and exercising 10minutes in intervals. Find the strength to think of yourself not as a man of a certain number of pounds, but as an active man with the opportunity to be healthy.

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INIT2LIVEIT 9/24/2012 11:53AM

    Woohooo!!! aaaaaaaaand ladies and gentlemen - he's baaaa-aaack!!!!!

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ALEXSGIRL1 9/24/2012 11:48AM

    a new beggining holds such great promise. try really hard not to think of yourself as a 500 pound man or a 300 plus man but a man who gets up everyday with a plan to be as healthy as he can be. I need to go back and read your other blogs i am glad you are back. emoticon emoticon

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CAGMUAHFO2 9/24/2012 11:20AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon I know starting is hard. But like you said you have done it before and you have more knowledge about it this time around. emoticon on losing all that weight so far!!

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DDOORN 9/24/2012 11:10AM

    Am I WITH you on avoiding calories in my fluids! And heck we're ALL with you every step of the way!

Go Tony GO! Can't wait to hear that you've gotten back on your bike! :-)


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KENDRACARROLL 9/24/2012 10:49AM

    Hey, I've been reading you for a while (since before the now 2-yr. old was born...) and it seems to me like in every blog you refer back to when you were 500+. Maybe it's time to stop looking back and start looking forward. And I mean this in the most endearing way. Let go of that past weight, live where you are today and move on from there.
Do it, because you can.

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KKKAREN 9/24/2012 9:55AM

    Go for it man, you can do it!

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Could use some input.. please read me..

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

There use to be a guy that wrote a blog and lost a bunch of weight, people said that he was inspirational and that what he had accomplished was amazing and to be commended. That fellow once upon a time weighed in at an amazing 534 pounds, life was less than peachy for him at a quarter of a ton. He fought his way down to a for him svelte 305 pounds at his lightest, I admired that guy myself if I am being honest, if you read this blog at all then you know I am that...Honest. Life happens sometimes and using that fact as an excuse is not how this guy gets down but I have to admit that when you are shoveling $hit against the tide itís an exhausting task to say the least and thatís how this ride feels for this fine young lad at this current time in the story line.

I have had zero to no time to sit down and write this blog, or should I say that I had no desire to do so, when the stresses of life step in at times they can feel like trying to push boulders out of the sand with a popsicle stick.. yeah, like that. I have put on more than what I could call a considerable amount of weight since reaching that 305 pound mark, the weight crept up slowly and leveled off then it started creeping back on as I became less conscious of what I was putting into my body and I am currently paying for it in the way of about 75 or so pounds. Fuvkin A man, all that hard work and I am allowing it to pack back on, why? Focusing on me is not a luxury that I have right now but that has to change so I figured that perhaps a post on my blog could sway the direction for me back into something that is going to get me back into a groove.

Riding my bikes has not been happening, my daily calisthenics is but something that I use to do and my walks around the lake are non existent, this is starting to look a lot like what I had when I was 500 plus pounds and I will be completely honest with you it scares me. More than a few attempts to get back on track have faltered after only a couple weeks, at times its been days.. being unable to focus on me because of other things happening in my life are taking precedence frustrates me because I know that if this item on the list does not get attention the house of cards can easily fall behind that single card.

What do you do when you know what to do yet are unable to execute the task as it should be? The tools are there, the experience is there and the will is there yet the struggle feels so much harder than it ever has, if I knew the answer to that question I would not be in this situation.

I have to push forward, I need to make my health priority over everything else and I need to do it yesterday not next week or next month but how?... to be continued I suppose and I am going to try to get on and posting more often once again, if you have any suggestions or straight up reality check $hit, click that leave a comment button because I could use some fresh perspectives right about now.

As Ever

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BEACHY_KEEN 9/26/2012 2:13PM

    I do it one step at a time, one decision at a time, and I really honest to God make it a priority. I know when my gym time will be. I use to find healthy recipes and plan out my meal for the week in addition to making the family's shopping list. I enlisted the help of my doctor. I enlisted the help of my husband. I told him that he has to exercise his wife daily, and that's the truth! Even when I don't feel like it and the time has gotten away from us, we take a walk as a family if we can't make it to the gym. I've had to get off the sugar wagon at least on week days because I felt like candy was something I was supposed to have after every meal - not so. One step at a time, one decision at a time, make it a priority and seriosly do it, get your support system together (look, you're doing it already!) and go for it.
You know how good it feels to get there. Push through the pain for now. You know it gets better.

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CINCYDORA 9/26/2012 1:24PM

    I'm glad to see you back and glad you didn't wait until all the good was undone to get back on track. I'm back near my highest ever and completely disgusted with myself. I'm not really in a place to give advice except that when I'm doing well, I'm not asking the question: how can I do this. I just do it. I have to make a specific plan, and at the end of the day when I'm tired I look at the schedule and just do whatever is left, even if it means a short night sleep. Eventually my habits get better and I tackle things earlier so my sleep gets back to where it should.

That's it. Who'd have thought that my key to progress would be a simple shoe company slogan. Ugh.

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L.I.L.MOMMY 9/25/2012 5:02AM

    com∑pla∑cent   [kuhm-pley-suhnt] adjective 1.pleased, especially with oneself or one's merits, advantages, situation, etc., often without awareness of some potential danger or defect; self-satisfied:

I too understand the struggle you are facing, having been where you were and being where you are now, personally I've concluded complacency is my number one downfall.

I became so pleased with what I had done, it became easy to say I won't exercise today, I can enjoy this food in moderation, those moments turned into days, weeks, months. The pounds crept back on little by little until I was at a crisis point of weight re-gain.

The toughest thing to face is that we will always need to be diligent in the battle. There are no breaks from it, therefore I truly believe that we shouldn't do to lose weight what we aren't willing to do to maintain it. For me personally I've concluded that I don't have the time nor do I want to be a gym rat (spending hours working out doesn't fit my schedule as a stay at home mom to a special needs child, and it led to burnout).

Life is demanding, we're all busy, but we must also invest in ourselves (i.e. finding some me time). Instead of beating yourself up over not hiking around the lake, be proud of the 10 minute brisk walk around the neighborhood. No time for a 30 mile bike ride, make your 10 mile ride count. I'm sure you get the point.

Wishing you great success!

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ALEXSGIRL1 9/24/2012 12:07PM

    you keep talking about exhaustion and stresses and you if you haven't you need to see your doctor and get some blood work sound like me after i stopped taking my anti immunity drugs for my eyes i sounded same as you my doctor said everything in bloodwork looked good. so iI made sure i got enough sleep, I drank more water, I drank smoothies and took vitamins and exercised a little and walked 9 miles with my daughter to realize i was not as tired and exhausted as I thought what i was missing was exercise I was secretly telling myself I can't . Iwas in a bad place in my marriage at the time and I fixed that also . I worked on the stress etc and found I could I would . I work with two other girls and they are best friends ,it was taking its tole why because I let it. Don't be like me , MOVE IT!! Help yourself . May the rest of your life be filled with joy .You can make it so. emoticon emoticon

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MOONBIRD 9/24/2012 12:06AM

    I think sometimes when you are on this "journey" (I hate the term, but don't know wtf else to call it) it just seems like it's neverending. I realize it's not supposed to end, but sometimes I just want to be at the weight where I am maintaining. When you have been doing this for so long sometimes you just don't want to anymore. I find myself feeling defiant about counting calories. Sometimes I am so damn sick of not being able to just live like a normal person. They don't get how easily the weight comes back on, even when you work your ass off. It's so hard. I understand. I think you should go back to basics, start with doing some workouts, but don't try to kill yourself all at once. Count your calories, drink your water and get on here for support.

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BUTEAFULL 9/20/2012 9:37PM

    man oh man look at all the comments/feedback you got from this blog
that's proof you can have all the cyber-support you need
but where's your wife in all this this? you know the buddy system is the best to keep you on the up and up instead of the backslide.
I'm hoping the impending Autumn weather will seduce you back to riding, and as for baby steps just 2 lbs a month is real easy, just get started is all
and read all the responses and use the great advice offered

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NATALIE1964 9/19/2012 12:51PM

    This battle is 90% in the head .
Plan you attack and when fighting day comes , just do it.
That's exactly what I did, and this time around I added a twist...
I track my food AND I started weighing myself each morning. I know not everyone agrees but, I can now observe my loosing pattern which is like shark teeth. I have found I get less discouraged this way as opposed to weighing once a week.
I'm loosing a lot slower this time around, but I'm getting a little more healthy everyday.. keep on keeping! ;-)

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_BABE_ 9/19/2012 12:46PM

    Everyone here is giving a lot of good advice so I don't need to be redundant....besides we all know you know how to lose weight. Some are even kicking your butt which may be what you need but I am here to say it happens to the best of us.

I understand the complete frustration that comes with back's incomprehensible how one could let it happen but we do because life happens. I read your introduction, you are a guy who used to crave exercise not dream about donuts...where did he go and why is the old guy back...the one who got himself up to 500 lbs.

You have had a taste of how good it feels to be walking through this world with ease....get it back and know that you can do it and you will do it..... just don't quit emoticon .

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PLINTHESS 9/19/2012 12:05PM

    I agree with FITMARY - babysteps, but do SOMETHING every day.
Stop buying junk food - just don't have it in the house.
Don't go to fast food joints. Ever.
If you need to eat while away from home, prepare sandwiches, or something filling and healthy and have it with you all the time.
Don't drive if you can walk
Pretend you are a thin person, start to live, eat and act like the thin person you are going to become.

Yes, it means re-organising your entire life - but being seriously obese also means that.
Wouldn't you do all that for someone you love? Of course you would.
So do it for your dear self!

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LILYSMOM08 9/19/2012 11:36AM

    Although I do agree with those who posted about starting with baby steps, I also feel strongly (as a couple of others did) that you have to stop throwing yourself a pity party and you need kick yourself in the proverbial butt................And those two suggestions can work together............I also believe (as someone else suggested) that going to see a therapist could help. There's a lot more going on here than your relationship with food. Above all, you need to visualize yourself living the life you want to live and take those positive steps so you're heading in the right direction.......slow and steady wins the race. We're all here for you, so go onand make it happen ! emoticon

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DAISYBELL6 9/19/2012 10:09AM

    Just start today with small steps -- 10 min of exercise at a time when you can and small changes in your eating--no sodas. One small action can often give us the boost we need!

Thinking of you.

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STARLIGHT615 9/19/2012 10:06AM

    The only advice I can give you (and should take is as well) Is never give up!! Just keep pushing day in and day out!! You know what needs to be done so just do it and stop making excuses! I am tired, I have other stuff more important to do today... Nothing is as important as your health is right now and always!! So get out for a walk take a bike ride! Just do it!!! Baby steps.. and that first step is always the hardest but you (and I ) can do it!!

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DDOORN 9/19/2012 9:59AM

    Hey Tony, I am THERE in many ways with your struggle. There's no denying how terribly difficult this spot is. Let me share 3 thoughts:


2) I scare the heck outta myself with the NEGATIVE consequences of keeping on with the bad habits but ALSO remind myself of the POSITIVE consequences of making the changes I know I gotta make if I'm going to survive with any quality of life. (remind yourself of that terrific feeling of whipping along on your bike!)

3) Sometimes we've got too many thoughts, experiences, memories, whathaveyou to sort it out by ourselves and a good therapist can be a GODSEND in helping us to pull ourselves through it all.

I'm with everyone else here rootin' for you!


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BILL60 9/19/2012 8:58AM

    Quit whining about how hard it is. You and I both know how hard it is. Just get off your proverbial ass and do something about it. I personally get tired of hearing wimpy folks say; "But it's so hard. I don't think that I can do it". You got yourself into the mess and only you can get yourself out of that same mess. So, quit feeling sorry for your sorry ass and do something about it. I too have been known to be brutally honest. I honestly hope that you can turn yourself around.

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FITMARY 9/19/2012 5:30AM

    Go back to baby steps! The thing that always works for me is to promise to do "just 10 minutes" of exercise every day. Everyone has "just 10 minutes" so there are no excuses! And, of course, once you get started, you'll often keep going. And that's great! But you don't "have" to do any more than "just 10 minutes."

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IONA72 9/19/2012 3:51AM

    Despite the fact that you think its all going are here talking about it and that is a step in the right you have already started the turnaround.
Like Komier1 says hydrate, veggies and sleep are the basics to continue the journey in the direction you want to go. Stay strong, set small goals each day and keep us posted

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ANDYLIN90 9/19/2012 2:00AM

    A couple of thoughts...when you are on the plane ready to take off and the flight attendant gives her talk about putting your own O2 mask on before helping others, even your own child...remember that. You have to do what you need to do for yourself before helping anyone else or you will end up helping no one including yourself.

For many, myself included, a great deal of shame can be felt after being very successful and then starting a downhill slide. If you're feeling shame, anger, embarrassment, forgive yourself, stop the negative talk and do what you just did... reach out for help, talk about it and know weight loss is never a straight path. There will always be those down times when we don't do so well. I give you a big thumbs up for having the courage to write the blog you just did.

Check out Beth Donovan's (Indy Girl) spark page. She started at 460 lbs and you may find some inspiration in her story.

Tomorrow, set one teeny, tiny goal and only one, focus on accomplishing that one goal before you set another one. This may help you get started again. Baby steps, baby steps until you get yourself up and going again and you will do that.

And finally, this little rhyme was given to me by a weight watchers leader many years ago. When I'm off track, I read it and this part is very meaningful to me because it IS so true:
To stumble and fall is NOT a disgrace if you summon the will to get back in the race.
But, often the struggler, when losing HIS grip, just throws in the towel and continues to slip. And learns too late when the damage is done that THE RACE WASN'T OVER, THEY STILL COULD HAVE WON!


When you've eaten too much and you can't write it down,
and you feel like the biggest failure in town.
When you want to give up just because you gave in
and forget all about being healthy and thin.

SO WHAT! You went over your points a bit.
It's your next move that counts, So don't
you quit!
It's a moment of truth, it's an attitude change.
It's learning the skills to get back in your range.
It's telling yourself, You've done great up till now,
you can take on this challenge and beat it somehow.

It's part of your journey toward reaching your goal.
You're still gonna make it, just stay in control.
To stumble and fall is not a disgrace
if you summon the will to get back in the race.
But, often the struggler, when losing their grip,
just throws in the towel and continues to slip.
And learns too late when the damage is done
that the race wasn't over, they still could have won.

Lifestyle change can be awkward and slow,
but facing each challenge will help you grow.
Success is failure turned inside out,
the silver tint in a cloud of doubt.
When you're pushing to the brink, just refuse to submit.
If you bite it, you write it, BUT DON'T YOU QUIT!

I'll be looking for future blogs. Linda

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KING_SLAYER 9/19/2012 1:30AM

    I just came across this blog post and decided I'd put in my 2 cents worth.

I've been through the plateaus, put some weight back on, etc. and I'll just say to you what I've said to myself:

Get off your @ss and do what you KNOW you need to do. Track all of the food that goes into your mouth, force yourself up and get moving. Tell yourself that you'll walk (or whatever you can stand doing) for 5 minutes. Once you're moving, that 5 minutes will go by and you'll decide that you can do 5 more. 5 minutes becomes 10 and you know you can do 5 more and 5 more after that, after all you're already up, moving and sweating so why stop now. Fake it 'til you make it.

You know there's no magic pill or silver bullet (unless you like Coors Light) so it's all up to you. Pass or fail, live or die, the outcome is on your shoulders alone.

Now hopefully this comes across as a 'gut check' and I don't get flamed for being an a-hole. Just remember, you haven't failed as long as you're still trying.

Best of luck to you on getting past this hurdle.

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POGOMOP 9/18/2012 11:56PM

    I wish I had something insightful to say but I'm feeling lost myself. I also know what is needed for me to drop the weight but am struggling with following through. Know that you have a lot of people rooting for your success and a lot of haters waiting to be pissed off about it.

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GOING-STRONG 9/18/2012 10:32PM

    Making time for you is not something that is optional.. but critical. If you aren't in your prime "zone" then everyone around you suffers. You may not be able to do a 60 minute ride but perhaps you can do shorter rides? Do you have an indoor trainer that you can use for even 10-15 minutes at a time? If you have time to sit on the couch you have time to get up and jog in place. Just a few ideas. Hugs to you, Rhonda

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    The best advice I can give is to start small and get into good habits one at a time. That is key. You MUST be selfish and take time for yourself to take CARE of yourself or you won't be around for those who need you. Take it from a Mom and from someone who comes from a family where you always pitch in to help everyone else and you don't say no. Ever. I've learned to be assertive with my own health and demand my own time from my family for workouts. You CAN do this. You HAVE done this. Good luck!

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CASSIEMAGIC 9/18/2012 5:12PM

    Ok i can say that we have all been where you are - but have we!!! No I've not been your 500 odd pound, but no I've not had the guts or the determination to lose 200 of pounds of it either.

What I have had is *hite, coming from a dedicated family, a close family, all for one and one for all and to have that ripped apart by cancer, taking the one person in the world I could always rely on - the person who made made the world work and was the glue that held us all together without us even knowing it, then the in-fighting, the accusations, the mistrust, guilt and resentment that time was spent with one rather than the other as this person, this giant of a man took last painful breaths amongst upset and disharmony of the family he idolised.

Having then to face the recriminations of the rest of the family after his death, how I didnt comfort a grieving widow in her time of need, having to explain myself and cope with my own unexpressed grief, anger and loss, that's what I've had and do you know what - IT SUCKS.

IT sucks, it hurts and the place you are at now hurts... but what will hurt you more is your loved ones watching you be the giant of a man taking last painful breaths and knowing that YOU could have done something about it

So you lost it - You put it on - AND!!!!!

You can do it again - you know this, yeah and inspiration in the past, you can be and will be again. I dont know you - I've read you're blog .... and I BELIEVE in you
..... you're asking for help - the team are here - all of us - trust and start again, we'll be here, there will be ups and downs, we are all on the same journey, by helping you I'm helping myself - I'm asking you to help me, be an inspiration, show me hows its done, be that giant of a man that can survive, grow strong and live the best life can offer. Make a decision and start ~ Honey we are with you!!!!


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INIT2LIVEIT 9/18/2012 4:18PM

    There are some awesome feedback comments here and I agree with VICKYMARIEC, it IS time for you to get honest with yourself. Going back to the very beginning - do you have an answer for what got you started in the first place? What was the catalyst and what motivated you to take that first painful (and secretive) walk around the block?
Yes, you have all the tools, you did it once already. Well buddy - now its time to do it again. Find your drive and your reason for wanting to live a healthier and longer life.

Oh yeah, I also remember how you wrote about loving being a positive role model for your kids in the healthy living department... what do you think they would say today?
Rabbi Hillel said (long, long time ago) " if I am not for myself, who will be for me, but if I am only for myself, what am I..." Only you can do what needs to be done for you, but the choices you make for yourself will have major and far reaching repercussions for all who surround you too.

Anyway, just sayin...

Comment edited on: 9/18/2012 4:19:54 PM

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AHTRAP 9/18/2012 4:08PM

    Thing is, you *know* what needs to be done, because *you* have done it before. All the techniques, all the knowledge is there, so it's not like the first time, when you had to figure all this crap out, spend time thinking about how to do what you realized you had to do to stop being the who you hated seeing in the mirror.

So, in a way, though you've been sliding back towards that abyss, there are signs, and handholds, and other assistive devices that *you* put there, on your way up.

Yeah, this comment isn't that reality check you were looking for, and isn't as cheerleader-y as some of the comments below (or is it above?). But it bears, and even requires repeating that the way forward isn't shrouded in the same darkness it might have been the first time you made that journey. You know what you need to do, here's to finding that (if you'll excuse the cliche) spark to light the dynamite to blow the crap out of the roadblock holding you in place right now.

Look forward to reading about your Journey (part deux).

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SEAWILLOW 9/18/2012 3:55PM

    You are not alone..I am starting over again after a 40lb weight gain..
To me, the most important thing is honesty and admitting your not in control.I suggest you explore...find out what works for you..SP is the perfect place for you to be! Utilize the tools and many friends will succeed..Believe in yourself!

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KOMIER1 9/18/2012 3:36PM

How's you water and green tea intake? Maybe start there, for the rest of this week get your body re-hydrated. I swear getting the fluid intake in-line helps the food intake fall into place. What do they say.. that sometimes hunger is actually unrecognized thirst. Add in a few extra veggies with your meals and make sure you are sleeping well.

Whenever I falter, I go back to the basics.. Water, veggies and sleep. When those 3 things are in place, the movement takes off on its own because I am hydrated, have the macronutrients my body needs and am well rested and then I WANT to move.

Just a thought.

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SWEETZMIX 9/18/2012 3:27PM

    My dude..first you get a emoticon

I know how it feels to be on top of the world, dropping the poundage, feeling pretty darn good, feeling like you earned "it" and then gaining it back. Rumor has it according to my vlog (hehe I vlogged for the first time last week to make spark seem new for me) I am 11 pounds away from my all time high. Sucks a$$ cheeks.

So you are right, of course you know what to do. But for some reason you just won't do it, or it doesn't stick for more than a few weeks. My advice is to keep at it until everything starts to stick. End of story. No one doesn't have success without failures and no one has success with giving up. You can feel sorry for yourself eating that carrot stick. The hope and the plan is that it will all come back.

You know if you need these #'s, you can text me whenever you need a friend. We go WAY back like peanut butter and jelly, white on rice, crack to a crack fiend (ok not my best example but I know you "lol" to yourself.) You know what works and until you establish that habit, that routine, you have to make yourself do it every single day. And every single day will not work out as planned b/c you got a family. But that didn't stop you before, now did it??????


And another thing...Not for nothing I saw a recent full body pic of myself and looked at some of my old slimmer pics I have on spark and you know I felt a certain way. I am just saying, the proof is always in the picture.

Comment edited on: 9/18/2012 3:31:19 PM

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    Well! Vickie sure covered it! She's right.
You know what to do and how to do it. Mentally, you have to be ready to get to business. If the heart isn't in it,either, then excuses block the way. So, look at your excuses: kids? take them with you for a walk. $$ for healthy food? that's not so easy, I know for a fact,but substiituing SOMETHING healthy for not healthy will be a plus. Get back to that green tea gallon each day!
Blog again soon-no matter what! I LOVE reading your blogs! Someone else had a great idea about re-reading your past blogs...see that fire when the weight was coming off.
Trust me-my username says it all: I've got lots of distractions and excuses around here. Hubby being one of them since he cannot see how paying MORE for something healthy is worth it. "Just eat less of the bad stuff." should work in his world. LOL!!!
Love ya,Botzzz!!!

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VICKYMARIEC 9/18/2012 1:16PM

    I'm going to be please don't delete me as a Spark friend...

You write that you KNOW what needs to be done and you have all the tools to do it with...but I really don't hear that drive in the tone of your blog. It's almost as if you are saying everything you think you should say, but with no real intention of actually doing anything. ..i'm being honest and that's what you need. You don't need sugar coated i'm being real with you. At some point...just like that 534lb need to wake the hell up and realize that you NEED..not want...but NEED to take time for yourself otherwise you won't be here any longer to even worry about it. I've read all of your blogs and you are a STRONG and inspirational man. You're human. We are going to slip up. But at some point you need to stand back up and keep fighting for yourself. What will it take? A heart attack? A stroke? Beat the odds and just do it. It's a job, not a luxery. Treat it as such. I know other things and sometimes people get in the way. BUT are the other things worth your life? Do these people care about you? If they do they'll make sure you get that time in. I sure hope you wake up from this stupor and get back into the game of life. Get back into fighting for you. Please don't stop blogging. When i stop blogging it's because i've walked away and don't want to confess to it. You've confessed...not stand the hell up and fight for your damn life man!


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MCOGHLAN 9/18/2012 12:57PM

    I think anytime I've been really successful at weight loss there was some kind of "wake-up call" associated with the change. Sometimes we have to create our own wake-up call. Think of the top 5 reasons why you want to lose weight... what happens to those goals/dreams if you don't get to a healthier weight or keep gaining. For me the BIG # 1 goal is to watch my little girl grow up. If I don't lose the weight there is a very real chance that will be taken away from me. When I think about it that way it is a huge wake-up! You aren't any good to anyone else if you aren't at your best... Make YOU the priority and everything else will fall in place behind you. Good luck and keep asking for help when you need it!!

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INTOTHESOUTH 9/18/2012 12:49PM

    Well I think you know this but I'll say it anyway. You aren't alone. We all experience exactly what you are talking about. All I can say is take it one day at a time and pick small things to change. Watch the little things add up.

You can do this. We are all here to help. We know you can do it and I hope you do too.

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KNH771 9/18/2012 12:47PM

    There is a quote I like that I think applies to weight loss:

"What you do every day matters more than what you do every once in a while." Gretchen Rubin

When I'm struggling, my first instinct is to try to do everything at once. Get the food right, get back to exercising a ton, etc. But that always ends up in frustration and burnout. What is most successful for me is to first, forgive myself. It's easy to be angry when you've "let yourself go" but you can't change it. Acknowledge it and move on.

Then I try to pick one small thing to work on each day and build consistency. 10 minutes of exercise, no eating while watching TV, food journaling... whatever. Just one thing built into a habit again, then add one more thing, then one more, building back up to where you were.

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PINKBEANBOO 9/18/2012 12:46PM

    Nobody starts out wanting to kick their own butt, but if you want to get somewhere you've got do it anyways.
I'm sure that 534 lb guy did not love exercising at first, either. But soon enough he became a self inflicting pain loving beast.
You are stronger than you think you are. You can make yourself get started.

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MPLSKEN 9/18/2012 12:39PM

    To answer "What do you do when you know what to do yet are unable to execute the task as it should be?"
You do it! Regroup, refocus and do it. Maybe you need to make a few adjustments here and there, but you can still take action.
emoticon emoticon
People constantly ask me how I lost all my weight and it is so hard to answer because the answer is so easy, yet so complicated at the same time. It boils down to focus. You mentioned "focusing on me is not a luxury that I have right now." But, I think focus is a necessity, not a luxury. I would argue we don't have the luxury NOT to focus on ourselves. We need to be at our best to handle the rest of what life hands us. Carry on sir, I know you can do it and I think you know you can do it, too. We ALL can.

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KAILIIA 9/18/2012 12:31PM

    I think you already know what you have to do (you know you need to focus on you, you know that you're falling behind and you know that it sucks to regain especially with losing weight being the hard part).

I think you need an extra set or hand and a couple extra hours each day - you don't specify what's taken the lead but how about combing a few things: walk the lake with the kids (no it won't be as fast but something is better then nothing and it helps with their habits at an early age). Give up evening TV (I get that work may leave you brain dumb and exhausted but walking or biking post dinner will give you energy again and help you sleep so then next day is better).

I'm stuck in the same sort of rut and looking at it spelled out it looks so easy - but we all know it isn't. If you're feeling trapped by commitments: you'll need to start saying no, if it's family: they can live without you for an hour (especially if you consider the alternative).

You can find your spark and you will.. Start small once more - pedometer and how many oz of water can I drink today. Take a hard look at what pre-packaged foods have snuck back into your cupboard and start with easy substitutions.

Also - consider re-reading your earlier blogs: they may inspire you once more.

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Time to come clean..

Friday, September 14, 2012

Let me say, itís been a ride for me this whole getting fit thing. I have come from 534 pounds down to 305 which felt more than the word awesome could ever explain but as of late my weight has been creeping back up. I have not ridden my bike since the end of July and whatís a walk? My regaining is most definitely my fault, I am not doing my part whatsoever. I did try something a little different a couple months back and dropped a quick 20 but life has got me on my toes and its very hard for me to focus and that is not an excuse, I need to be able to stay on track regardless of lifeís bumps, the bumps ain't gonna stop coming... its life.

This morning upon waking up I don't know what hit me but $hits gotta stop, and now...

I have decided that I am going to try to start posting here again and feeling like some interaction with people that are like minded about dropping weight may be what I need so here I am... again. its not easy for me to post this, You know, that I am failing, but putting it out there worked for me in the past and I am hoping that it gets me back into some sort of rhythm again.

I will attempt to restart where I left off, I shall count calories and go for daily walks, the bike riding will come back I am sure but for now I want to start off slow and go for walks with my daughter.... this seems familiar somehow.. if you read my day 1 blog I started with walks with my other daughter who is now 7 years old! Either way, I am back and could use some like minded support and I am not to proud to ask for help so there it is.

Away we go...

Another beginning....

Thanks for stopping by and donít be shy, drop a comment why don't ya :)

As Ever

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ALEXSGIRL1 9/24/2012 11:52AM

    so glad you are back here . I have been offf and on here too i have had eye issues and irregular heart beat issues. just two weeks ago i took a fall and hurt my ribs i am heaviest i ever have been. But we both have to look forward not back if we have to start slow than so be it. we will get there we can do it and will.

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MOONBIRD 9/24/2012 12:02AM

    I am glad you posted here! I hope you will find your way back to where you were, and I know you can do it. We're all here for you!

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PINKBEANBOO 9/17/2012 1:29PM

    Happy to see a blog from you. I always loved your tough, no nonsense attitude.

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TRACYZABELLE 9/17/2012 6:30AM

    Tell me about it... since my surgery 5 months ago I am down about 70 pounds... 133 form my top weight--- I really feel good but I know those pounds are lurking around the corner trying to find me!!! Hang in there emoticon emoticon emoticon

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IONA72 9/15/2012 5:54PM

    emoticon I know how you feel, we all struggle so you are not alone! Good for you making a new start, good luck on your journey, I look forward to reading more of your great blogs again!


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KENDRACARROLL 9/15/2012 12:56PM

    Welcome back.
SP is base station for me. Gotta plug in and connect once a day. That's where the juice comes from.

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PAULKNUTH 9/14/2012 10:58PM

    You can do this. I got motivated by an iphone app - Lose It - no kidding. Now I am in the grove and losing again. Doing a Sparta HIIT class twice a week - hard. Just do it. Took me a year to get my act together again.

Ride that bike.

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CARTOONB 9/14/2012 10:12PM

    You are not failing. You are human. Welcome back!

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    YAY!!! ! Welcome back! I need to get back onto the wagon,too. I haven't been tracking for a long while. I was down low and thrilled with my muscles and small pants...then I let sugar and junk derail me. Now, I'm pregnant again and have already gained more weight than I care to think about...I need to get back to veggies and lean meats: the old standby that works great for me.

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GOING-STRONG 9/14/2012 8:30PM

    So great to have you back! My recommendation Number ONE is to get to the store and stock up on healthy stuff. Make sure you eat regular meals and snacks and don't let yourself get too hungry. Once you get the sugar out of your system things will feel a LOT better. Spark on!


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SQUIRRELLYMOM 9/14/2012 8:20PM

    I know what you mean. I have started over so many times, it's ridiculous. But I still start over. You can too. We all can. So what's one more do-over? Simple, right? I wish. But I'm starting over this week and you can start over with me!! We can do this. Life keeps knocking us down; but, we can just just get up and slap life back!! Let's go for it.


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KENDAL0525 9/14/2012 6:36PM

    We all have bumps and get bruises. This is not an easy journey for anyone. Way to go on your initial weight loss though. That is AWESOME! You can do it. Just start out slow again and your momentum will come back.

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TEENSYTOES 9/14/2012 6:25PM

    I've just started over again myself, and I'm so glad to see that it happens to all of us, even such inspirational people as yourself! I can't imagine accomplishing all that you have so far; you keep going! You've already conquered the hardest obstacles, just keep putting one foot in front of the other!
There are so many of us that are encouraged by you...

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CATLADY52 9/14/2012 4:36PM

    Happy to see you're back. Remember the baby steps you had to take???? Let's do them again. emoticon emoticon

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MELTINGMIMI 9/14/2012 3:46PM

    Awesome that your back!! I've been watching weight creep back on me for months now! I AM TAKING OFF THESE LBs I PUT BACK ON TOO!!! LET'S DO THIS!!
emoticon emoticon

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SWEETZMIX 9/14/2012 3:20PM

    Hey...guess what I have been feeling the same. I finally posted my first vlog via my cell phone yesterday. I started thinking, if it used to work why wouldn't it now. I tried to track every so often and workout and I will drop some weight but it will come right back. I realized the whole social part of spark is what I was missing, that is what kept me going. Who would of thought?? Hope to see you around again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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CINERICIA 9/14/2012 2:50PM

    Honesty and holding yourself accountable for you choices, both positive and negative, puts you far from failure, as does your determination to recommit. The road we're on is not an easy one, but at least it isn't a lonely one. It's OK to reach out and grab someone's hand along the way. And with daughters you have plenty to reason to get healthy and stay healthy. Best wishes.

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JOHNSONZ 9/14/2012 2:47PM

    Nice to see a Blog from you again!
Hasn't been a purrfect year here either - But we never give up.
Here is to a new beginning!
Happy Friday!

(Besides that, your family had a baby - what is my excuse. Beer?)
emoticon emoticon

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DEREKCSIMMONS 9/14/2012 2:39PM

    It's only failure if you give up brother! I'm looking forward to reading your posts again!

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MCOGHLAN 9/14/2012 2:17PM

    Welcome Back! I'm just getting back here myself... for about the 5th time. The way I see it though is that we all have choices to make, we can give it our best shot and hope for some great results or we can give up and do nothing which guarantees terrible results. You've always been an inspiration to everyone who reads your blog and I have no doubt that you will find the motivation you need to get back on track.

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SCHNOOGLES 9/14/2012 12:02PM

    Welcome back! I too have been MIA, and have not been following my plan, and have been watching the ole weight creep back up. Hang in there - we can both get back on track!!!

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TIFFANIE150 9/14/2012 11:26AM

    Welcome back! So good to see you on here again, I've missed your blogs. Here are a couple of sites that I've been using lately in addition to Spark. You may already know about them, but nevertheless the more people you have to interact with, the better...

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LOGHOUSE 9/14/2012 11:07AM

    First, congrats on the weight you were able to take off. 230 pounds or so is no small accomplishment.
I also lost a bunch of weight (though not nearly as much as you), and unfortunately gained it all back and then some. No excuses here. I own it. And like your post, I kinda woke up one day and decided this $hit has got to stop. This time around I'm trying a different way, which (since May 30th) has been working well for me. Everyone is different, though and you need to find out what works for you, and then DO IT.
I've got about 110-120 pounds to lose altogether, and have gotten rid of 35 of it so far. Like you, I know I can do it, because I've taken significant pounds off before (though my 82 pounds last time around pales in comparison to what you've accomplished).
You can do this. You have the tools, and have flexed your weight loss skills. What I think we, and others here share is the need to REACH THE GOAL without stopping short, and then learn the process of maintenance so we don't "pack it on again".
Good luck in finding what works for you, and don't give up. You are right. The $hits gotta stop.

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INIT2LIVEIT 9/14/2012 10:47AM

    Going back to your first posts must be interesting. I am sure they will be motivating to you to relight your inner fire! Looking forward to seeing you back here more frequently and seeing your progress. emoticon emoticon

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GRAMTOTWO 9/14/2012 10:38AM

    Welcome back! Most, if not all of us, have been there done that. I hopped back on a few months ago and was scared and felt like a failure. Lesson learned - Spark friends are real and never there to judge you. Like a worn slipper - warm and cozy place where you always fit in.

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PSMITH3841 9/14/2012 10:28AM

    You know are not alone with the "not doing my part" thing and the failure part...ahh, sometimes failure is just the kick in the a$$ we need to get back on track! We know what we need to do....we know how to do it...there's nothing left but TO DO IT!!!!! Good luck my friend, I know you are up to the task! emoticon

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GRACIE4ONE 9/14/2012 10:21AM

    It's totally Ok to ask for help, especially when u realize there is a problem. I commend u for that. Remember, whether we have 5 lbs or 500 lbs to lose, we're all in this boat together! You know what to do, so get moving!

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BAHAMIANJENNI 9/14/2012 10:20AM

    You are NOT alone, you are NOT a failure, and you CAN do it, one small step at a time. I am so proud of your honesty and transparency, and it seems as if you have a game plan (which is a GREAT thing). Again, you are NOT alone, so, let's get sparkin ..... emoticon

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BAHAMIANJENNI 9/14/2012 10:18AM

    You are NOT alone, you are NOT a failure, and you CAN do it, one small step at a time. I am so proud of your honesty and transparency, and it seems as if you have a game plan (which is a GREAT thing). Again, you are NOT alone, so, let's get sparkin ..... emoticon

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KNH771 9/14/2012 10:16AM

    Hey... Everyone's been there. It's good to see you back. One foot in front of the other!

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DDOORN 9/14/2012 10:12AM

    Hey Tony, SUPER to hear from you...crawling back is not easy...know that you have LOTS of company and support here...! Also...there is a SparkTeam filled with Masters of the Long Haul...those who have lost and kept it off, maintaining for YEARS & YEARS! Lots of wisdom here, even for those of us like myself who stumble, fall and have not yet reached our goal:


Best to you and looking forward to hearing more about your climb back! :-)


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BILL60 9/14/2012 9:04AM

    It's great to unload, but even greater to overcome tough obstacles. Get on down and give me "20" for slacking. Welcome back and hang tough.

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MAHGRET 9/14/2012 8:50AM


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NATALIE1964 9/14/2012 8:31AM good day, then one good week, and all this turns into a month , then and you're back on track. I 'm doing exactly that, lost 50 ( that I'd already lost and somehow found again :/ ) but hey, each fallback has it's lesson. Mine was, never give up. Looks like you already know that ! ;-) keep on keeping on .

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    Welcome back! If you had the determination and drive to lose over 200 lbs, there is no reason why you can't lose more. Don't think of yourself as a failure. You've just had to take a small step back.

I think starting with small steps again is an excellent idea. It will snowball, and you'll be on a roll again in no time!

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CODEMAULER 9/14/2012 8:20AM

    "You know, that I am failing, but putting it out there worked for me in the past and I am hoping that it gets me back into some sort of rhythm again."

I don't feel that you are failing. It's more like whatever you were doing isn't giving you the result that you want, so it's time to change the plan. The only time you fail is when you don't recognize the need to change (and so you don't).

You have plenty of company in the mix. If you want a group hug or a swift hop in the shorts, we are here with you.

Now gather your green tea, your steel cut oats and start your journey anew!!


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It's alive!!! but I ain't got no bolts in my neck.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Its been a while where I find myself with some time to sit down and write a post so since I had a couple minutes I thought it was time for an update. Point blank I have been struggling since June 2011, a personal tragedy is making things hard on me and focusing has not been easy so we get what we have here, some weight gain. I hit a point where I started remembering some of the struggles of being 534 pounds and with a lot of thought ie: Jedi mind tricks on myself, I have been on a roll for about a month now again where I am doing everything right.

To say that weight loss is a mental game would pretty much sum it up because if you are defeated mentally I doubt many people would be able to keep it together when it comes to something as difficult as staying focused in the face of stress. Losing weight is not easy for any person and someone who says that its easy is just plain lying to you, its a simple thing but easy it is not and there in lies the problem. I have come from 534 pounds down to as low as 305 in the last four years, I am currently as of this morning at a rotund 363.0 pounds but am riding my bikes almost every day now along with the most basic item in my bag of tricks which is a simple walk every day.

I won't complain or whine about things that make it hard because we all have them but $hit just ain't easy sometimes and I won't get into it more than that as focusing on the negative never helped anyone. Instead I chose to focus my energy on a couple things that are possible causes for an issue and I have seemingly come up with a solution as I am again able to stay focused and the weight is coming down again but then again when someone walks a few miles per day and then rides a few more it tends to help in that department so who knows.

Short and sweet is this post so I will end it here, I will also try to get a post up more often because when i start getting emails asking if I am alive obviously someone out there still follows.

Thanks for all of the support over the last couple years its been invaluable.

As ever

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AROCHFORD 7/22/2012 11:13AM

    Hey glad to hear you are still alive!

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SIMPLE_TAILOR 4/17/2012 12:38PM

    If there is anything that I can do to help, my brother, let me know.

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LUNADRAGON 4/3/2012 8:49PM

    Good to hear from you, and I actually have bolts (or at least hardware) in my neck~! I am having to do a comeback myself after 3 surgeries last year and regained 20 of the 30 I lost. Not easy, especially after injuries and surgeries.

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FEATHERGIRL34 4/2/2012 7:52PM

    I can totally relate my friend!! It has been a loooong time since I have Sparked .. at all .. the past few years have been daunting to say the least ... BUT ... things are looking up ... I am moving into a better space in my mind .... clearing out some cobwebs and decluttering!! Made it to the gym this morning for the first time in too long!! I hope that as the days go by, you find that your motivation is ever increasing!!!

Hope you are having a great day!!!

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CATLADY52 3/29/2012 7:09PM

    Life does have a habit of throwing one a curve ball at the most inopportune time. Keep on doing what you are doing and hope for the best. emoticon emoticon

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TRACYZABELLE 3/29/2012 12:48AM

    Life happens and we need to step away sometimes-- I hope you are back on track!!

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GOING-STRONG 3/28/2012 11:14PM

    Keep on keeping on!

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VEEJAY3 3/28/2012 5:52PM

    Life kicks you in the arse sometimes. I'm glad to see you're still kickin' back.
It's really really hard, I know. And not fair, and overwhelming.
But you feel a lot better standing there taking it when you're in fighting form.

I remember riding my bike the summer I lost most of my weight, and as my wheels crunched the gravel of the trail, I imagined it crushing my troubles and putting them behind me. I know you'll have a terrific spring and summer full or riding, and I hope not necessarily that you can outrun your troubles, but that you can at least put them out of your mind and behind you for at least a while.

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VEEJAY3 3/28/2012 5:52PM

    Life kicks you in the arse sometimes. I'm glad to see you're still kickin' back.
It's really really hard, I know. And not fair, and overwhelming.
But you feel a lot better standing there taking it when you're in fighting form.

I remember riding my bike the summer I lost most of my weight, and as my wheels crunched the gravel of the trail, I imagined it crushing my troubles and putting them behind me. I know you'll have a terrific spring and summer full or riding, and I hope not necessarily that you can outrun your troubles, but that you can at least put them out of your mind and behind you for at least a while.

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KROLES55 3/28/2012 12:42PM

    Glad to see your post. Yes, weight loss is really a mind thing. Keep pressing on and taking one day at a time.

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SNOWFLAKELILYM9 3/28/2012 12:28PM

    Wow, you must be feeling frustrated with all the struggling since June and then gaining some weight back, but also really great that you are figuring out how to beat the mental game of this journey, and you are right it is a huge mental game!! Your blogs are always so honest, and straight forward and courageous. No matter what life throws at you, you keep getting back up and fighting back for your health and for yourself. With your never give up or give in attitude, and your ability to keep on figuring out what you need to do next to win the mental game, and keep going, inspite of personal tragedies and anything and everything else that has come your way, you are succeeding and you are going to reach your ultimate goal/goals. Thank you for your honesty and always inspiring me with your blogs.

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SKINNYPOWELL1 3/28/2012 12:01PM

    Glad to see you're back. Best wishes on getting it all worked out.

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DDOORN 3/28/2012 11:57AM

    AMEN to "weight loss is a mental game"...! AND to "$hit just ain't easy sometimes"...!

If it was easy would there be anyone around struggling with weight...? Rhetorical, I know...

Great as always to hear from you and right beside ya, pushing through as best I can!

Even with this week being a wash on the bike I'm up to 264 miles for the month so far...hoping for more but it doesn't look too cooperative out there weather-wise.

Keep 'er rollin'!


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PSMITH3841 3/28/2012 10:48AM

    Hey Mister, glad you're's been a while and I was beginning to wonder what was going on....With all this great weather we've been having, I was sure I would see some posts on your bike travels at least....I'm happy to hear you're still peddling away, looking for the right gear to leave the mental game in the dust! Peddle on, my friend, Peddle on! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KENDRACARROLL 3/28/2012 10:08AM

    Life can certainly get in the way somewhat fiercely at times.
Glad you're back in the zone.

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BUTEAFULL 3/28/2012 9:48AM

    well I didn't email have you died, but I was wondering about you, but then again winter weather tends to stifle biking a bit so I wasn't entirely surprised you dropped off the radar either. Glad you are still focused Mr Family man, and haven't given up

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MEGA_MILES 3/28/2012 9:38AM

    Hang in there. We all have our ghosts to live with.

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PDQ1203 3/28/2012 9:30AM


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    WOW!! weird but while reading other spark blogs I thought,"I wonder if the dang spark unsubscribed me from Botzzz's blogs..gotta check that." and that when I checked my email box again...this blog was there! SWEET@!
Come back whenever you can, you definitely have followers and we all want you to be happy and healthy. Hang in there~

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INIT2LIVEIT 3/28/2012 9:18AM

    Keep at it friend! You are as ever an inspiration to me an many others. Please let me know when you get that Jedi mind trick worked out. Would love to be able to apply it myself emoticon

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Determined... nuff said.

Monday, February 13, 2012

Keeping up with where I need to be has come pretty easy lately but something that I am noticing is that without the exercise the weight comes off so slow. My back is still tender so I am taking it easier than I really want to in the riding the trainer department but it is what it is because if I jump back into it too soon it could set me back that much further. This morning my back felt decent so I may attempt a short ride just to feel things out, I need to get my legs in order before the weather comes around because I do not want to waste a single day when it warms back up when I could be on the bike.

My calories have been pretty perfect and drinking enough has never been an issue for me, my weight is stable or dropping and I haven;t seen what I would call a rise in the number in a while so that's got me in a positive place where this whole program is concerned. My calories last year were 1700 per day and I found at that amount I do lose weight but I also find that I am hungry now and again, since upping my intake number to 2200 calories per day I have been losing weight and literally have found that I come up short a lot of days.

Evolving from a 534 pound man that had no idea of whether his plan to lose weight would work to where I am currently has been a huge learning experience for me, learning that I need to do for me in order to get what I want was a hurdle but now that I am here, whats next? I have dropped a lot of weight in the last few years, kept most of it off but keep hitting a barrier, that barrier is that 300 pound mark and I am now again a bit away from there but I fear that when I get there again I will hit the wall again. How do I get past that? you know, that mental barrier, the weight is merely a number and my body knows not what 299 pounds Vs 305 is, it's what is suspended in the gray matter that is holding me back there.

Sixty pounds is the hill that I need to climb to get back down to the 300 pound barrier, honestly this 60 pounds feels harder to achieve than the more than 170 pounds that I have already lost! why? this is a road already blazed, I have been down and back this road in the not so distant past so why does it feel like its an impossible feat? My mental is where this game is right now, I know this and I know how to eat, exercise and sleep to get there and I will! but it seems like more of a struggle like I said than the already lost weight which is 3 times what I need to drop to get back to where I was.

My weight, my life, my struggle and I will beat it down out of my way, not because I want to, even though I do want to but because I need to, for more reasons than I can count.....

It shall be so..

As Ever

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DENACARPER 3/5/2012 11:55AM

    I know you can do it - I have complete and total faith in you. I have watched your progress over the last few years and have seen the struggles and the highs and the lows. You always seem to come out on top. I KNOW it's not easy, but with your determination and the support that you have, I know you WILL hit that number and proceed to hit your goal!



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WOLFKITTY 3/2/2012 10:27PM

    I've been struggling to re-lose these last 20 pounds to my lowest Spark weight, then I have more to do after that.

I think it's definitely psychological. Remember how awesome you are in positive ways - be kind to yourself, and reinforce the good. I think that will take me (and you) through this.

I hope your back heals and is stronger than ever (very quickly).
All the best,

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RAJANIEMI 3/1/2012 7:23AM

    I have my eye on you...I just know you will do this.

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4A-HEALTHY-BMI 2/17/2012 11:01AM

    I find it harder to re-lose weight, too. Or at least it *seems* to come off with more effort. It's probably psychological.

When I am struggling it's helpful to focus on the mechanics of the process, kind of like the same theory as using spark streaks. Eventually I come back around to being "all in" again.

I'm struggling too. Just binged last night, and so badly I'm home from work with stomach cramps.

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DDOORN 2/17/2012 10:15AM

    Re-losing weight is a tough road...don't I just KNOW IT! Oof!

But you're walking the are already there and SO much more to come!

Great to hear from you!


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TRACYZABELLE 2/15/2012 4:24AM


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CHEPRBYTHEDOZN 2/14/2012 11:10AM

    Okay-your 300# mark is alot of people's 'wall' at the 11 mile marker in a half marathon or whatever 'mile' marker in whaterve race.
PICTURE/VISUALIZE yourself busting thru 300....picture 298 on the scale. CONVINCE your mind/heart/soul that you will see that number. (and beyond)or, picture whatever your goal weight is. Anything less than 300 to get past that roadblock.
I'm telling you-this visualization thing works! I haven't tried it for weight loss, but in the last pregnancy I visualized a calm,relaxed and pain free delivery. It happened ! Pain free? As close as humanly possible with no drugs-it was the best labor/delivery ever and it wasn't the quickest. I was in control and I know that b/c of many prayers I sent up and the confidence that I had going'd pan out.
So-try it...go through your day thinking 200s..whatever number you pick. Picture your clothes smaller and looser...all that-and then BECOME that man.BELIEVE!!!

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