Wednesday, January 11, 2012
When you learn to put yourself first and do something incredible then that incredible thing gets taken back because of a lack of focus I can tell ya its not good feeling. There was a time in my life when I struggled to walk up a flight of stairs without feeling like I was going to die before I reached the top and some time around then I decided that I had to completely change the way that I was doing things, and I did. Losing 229 pounds at my lowest weight I came in at 305 pounds, now 305 pounds may sound high and it is but at the same time I am about 6'4'' tall and built large so its not so far off where I want to be and the way 305 feels compared to where I am today is an insane difference.
I think that not having something to reference was easier on the gray matter than having been there such a short time ago and knowing exactly how it feels. On my way down from 534 pounds I had no real idea of how 305 pounds felt, I was probably a Freshman in high school the last time I was that weight and not close to being an adult. My adult life had never seen that weight before so now that I had a short visit down to see the family living in room 305 it aggravates me that I let it go, take everything else out of the equation and it boils down to the fact that I was not disciplined enough to keep what I worked so hard for. I am left with a do-over if I want to see the other side of 300, I have to re-lose about 65 pounds JUST to get where I was already and if I let myself I could get pretty annoyed at that fact but instead I am going to attempt to turn that energy into drive that will get me back down to where I need to be with my weight.
I have to take control of what goes into my body, letting stress or aggravation get the better of me has not been good for my waist line so its time to get back to the basics. I created the perfect plan for myself, for my health and was beating the pounds into submission while making my body stronger than it had ever been so I do know how and what to do. Years of practical research and application of that research into my daily life turned a 534 pound man who struggled to do the most menial physical tasks into a 300 pound man whom had the world in his grip, there is no way that I can let that go.
Where my health is the subject, I have to be the one running the show.
That's all I got
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Monday, January 09, 2012
Lets get real for just a moment, that is after all why I started this blog in the first place so that I could be accountable with my weight loss/gain. My time is at a premium these days, I have a new baby that I am taking care of, this stay at home dad gig is great until its time to get a workout in, yes yes I know plenty of stay at home parents do it every day and I am not trying to make an excuse but to say that the last year of my life has been full of turmoil would be stating it lightly. That there last sentence sounded like it could have been the beginning of an excuse and its not, I am responsible for all 65 pounds that I allowed to reattach to my bones, yes I said 65 pounds unfortunately, more so for me than you but you get the idea.
May 21st 2010 I weighed in at 305 pounds and I felt like I could take on the world and was pretty much loving every second of every day and feeling incredible. The next few months were decent but I wasn't as focused for whatever reason and then lots of distractions entered stage left, I am a stress eater through and through and its a problem that I struggle with pretty much daily. When I said turmoil lets just say it was one thing after another and the stress won the fight, I attempted to keep my $hit together but it was never enough, I started gaining weight again.
It was kind of like this, "As long as I don't go above 325 I'm ok" then I would hit 330, "As long as I don't hit 340 I'm ok" so on and so fourth until well yeah... here I am today. This blog has always been about my weight loss/health so I will not get into detail of what all the stress was/is and the bottom line is that no matter what goes on around us we need to be accountable for what we do with ourselves and that includes shoving food into our mouths when we're stressed, its a bull$hit card to be dealt but somewhere along the line it was in fact handed to me so its mine to play.
I have recommitted myself to my health and have taken off a couple few pounds in the last couple of weeks, this is a good thing but I do know that its just a start because I need to keep the wagon rollin on down the trail if I am going to see that 300 pound mark again. An ambitious goal is in front of me, I am aiming to be at or below that 305 pound mark again by May 25th which means that I will have to drop slightly more than 3 pounds per week until then which I believe to be an achievable goal. My calories are strict again, and more than that I am eating clean again, mostly whole foods and nothing processed, Wify bought me a fluid trainer for my bike so workouts are again covered as I can ride while the little monster sleeps.
I have to get this going again, not for you, not for my wife not because of a commercial but because I have to, for me. Without my health I can't have the life that I want, without being accountable for my decisions where food and exercise is the subject I will not have what I want so with that its on.
May 25th 305 pounds or below is where I am headed, I will post as much as I can and hopefully it gets regular again, don't be shy, let me know you read this, comments always help.
That's all I got.
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Wednesday, November 09, 2011
Well well well, look who we have here, it is I, the writer of this here blog! My absence can be explained by the "October Nor'easter" that we here in Connecticut experienced just before Halloween, you know the one that knocked the power out of about 90% of the state? I was one of the lucky 10% that did not lose power and was grateful for that fact! and that is not the reason for my lack of posts, a much more sinister reason kept me from the blog. As many of you know that have read this blog for a while I have a back injury that I talked about a while back in This Post zeusmeatball.blogspot.com/2008/01/in
jury-insert.html and since the initial injury back in 2000 its flared up a time or two and put me out of action and that snow storm helped it kick my ass once again. Shoveling snow has not been an issue for me all last year, even through that 2 foot drop of snow last January yet 8 inches of the cold stuff took me out for more than a week this go around. The wrong angle paired with a went out too soon ie: not warmed up back equaled soreness that has not been felt in about 3 years when I had another such even in my back and I was literally in bed for the last week. Sunday I was able to get out of bed and now here it is Wednesday and I am ok walking around and only in slight pain so we're getting there.
I have stayed o track with my eating since I hurt myself in the snow and my weight has come down in that time to the lowest weight that I have been in months so that's in order. This time of year is the BEST riding weather and I have my brandy new Gary Fisher Xcal sitting in the living room taunting me every time I look in its direction, my back is keeping me from riding it and its driving me nuts! its quite depressing thinking about the new bike and lack of riding that is going on currently but its something that I gotta deal with until my back decides to get in the game again. For the last week I have been online shopping my pain and frustration away buying little blue bits for the bike in place of being able to ride it and Wify is none too happy about that, I mean seriously, did I NEED the Salsa Liplock seat clamp just because it matches the bike? nope but it looks good and stole the bad mood away whilst giving me something to do (waiting for that brown truck) so it is what it is. Today is as I said the first day where I am comfortable enough to sit down at the computer and write a post and in the interest of staying on track I figured that I would pop on for some words.
Here is a look at my menu from yesterday.
1 C almond milk 90
2 C apple cin Cheerios 240
Turkey Subway w/Veggies 580
2 slices Hearty wheat bread 160
1 T peanut butter 100
1 T grape jelly 60
1 C white rice 200
Mixed veggies 200
Grand total of 1720 calories, that Turkey Subway was eaten during a movie and not all at once so the 1:15 to 3:45 time is not as spread out as it seems.
I have to admit that I am getting a bit down because of the injury and the lack of riding but trying to keep a good outlook on the situation, I have to keep reminding myself that its just a bump in the road and I've been here before with this injury. My motivation is high for the moment and I don't see it changing, after all if I can have a week like I have had and still be for the most part positive I am in the right state of mind with my health. Getting back onto two wheels will definitely help my mood but that is a venture that will have to happen in due time... have I mentioned that I am upset that I can't ride my bike? oh yeah I did.... better than being unhappy that I can't have the apple pie in the refrigerator I suppose.
There it is, an update from the fat man, I will try again tomorrow to get some more posted but it will all be determined by how the old back is feeling then. Thanks for the support and kind words they are always appreciated (I got a really cool email last week that made me think about some things) so don't be afraid or shy to click that leave a comment button!
That's all I got for today, Blobbin... fire up that Fatmobile, we're outta here.....
Thursday, October 27, 2011
I have posted images of the Schwinn Crisscross that I bought back in January before and am doing a sort of walk through on the build up... if you want to call it that, this post will touch on that project. The last post about the bike I had picked up a set of Suntour X press shifters for it, well, I had some free time and installed the shifter that the bike needed along with a brake lever to go with it because it had one of those Shimano brake lever/shifter combo dealies on it and to top it off it was broken. I also put a rear rack on but it was taken off of another bike that I sold last year and it appears that the rack is for a 26 inch tire bike, at least if I want to add fenders it is as there is only about 1/2 inch of space between the 700c x 38 tire and the bottom of the rack. I was looking to 1.) do this project as cheaply as possible 2.) make it into a commuter type bike of sorts so that I can use it to run down to the local store for random stuff and 3.) using mostly parts that I have on hand from my "stock pile" of bike stuff. Adding fenders is kind of important to me for more than one reason so I may end up having to buy a new rack if I can't stuff a set of fenders between the rack and tire.
Full on side shot with the new/old rack and shifter/brake lever installed.
Check out the rack on her!
New X-press shifter installed and adjusted, you can see on the clamp that holds the brake on that I had to scavenge a bolt from a different lever and it is a bit too long, I will fix this eventually.
The new shifter and brake lever work great but the cable routing is a little off but will be addressed when I change the handlebars, I have a set of riser bars that I am swapping onto the bike next.
Funny enough I just happened to have a Dia Compe XCT brake lever set in my Box O stuff so it matches pretty close to the Dia Compe XCM that was on the rear brakes, I may swap the XCM to the other XCT eventually just so it all matches. I needed to cannibalize another frame that I have laying around to get a barrel nut for the brake lever and will eventually replace it with the correct nut but for now what I have on there does work and since this is a budget friendly project hey! it is what it is. Taking the bike for a quick spin down the street showed me that it shifts great and actually feels pretty good as far as fit for me goes, If I end up riding this bike around on a regular basis once its completed I may go as far as getting a better wheel set for it because of how comfortable it feels when riding. So far I am into this bike for $48 and some time, the bike is perfectly ridable as it sits other than needing some grips which I have but for whatever reason I feel like making it into more than it is currently, why? just because I can.
Some future plans for the bike.
*New seat & possibly seat post
*Lights front & rear
*Change Skewers/seat clamp from quick release to bolt on
Changing gears I want to talk about my weight loss for a moment, For the last few weeks I have been more than on track and the scale is reflecting that with some drops in weight that remind me or the first 6 months of my weight loss program. Feeling extremely focused with my eating staying on task has been fairly easy in the last few weeks, I can't explain it other than saying that I had a little chat with the 534 pound me and we both agreed that I can't go back in that direction. I HAVE to keep my health on the forefront of my thoughts and efforts otherwise the rest crumbles beneath the weight of all of what comes with being an obese man and like I said, I ain't going back to that life. My intake has been very much within the calorie limits that I set for myself and here is a look at the menu from yesterday.
2 C honey combs 220
1 C almond milk 90
11:45 AM 3oz grilled chicken 150
1 deli slim 100
1 wedge laughing cow cheese 35
1 banana 105
2 slices lite rye 120
3oz deli ham 180
1 wedge laughing cow cheese 35
3 T lite Cesar dressing 90
3 T parm cheese 60
2 100 cal wraps 200
4oz grilled chicken 200
Grand total of 1685 for the day.
Making my way back down the ladder I have a goal for Jan 1st, I believe it to be realistic yet challenging and posting that weigh in will be interesting how ever it plays out. Me, my bikes and the discipline that I know exists within me says that I will make my goals, not because I want to but because I NEED to and I am the only one that can make it happen.
Make good choices with intake, Exercise, drink much... This is the plan...
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Wednesday, October 26, 2011
I am having some interesting conversations with myself as I drop this weight... or should I say re-drop the weight, its almost like revisiting an old friend... and I don't necessarily enjoy this friends company but none the less I am here. Slipping back into a rhythm with my eating feels good at this point, I am passing on the treats that are around for the kids and weighing my portions with every meal, even if that means making dinner is a project again. The key to keeping on track for me is to make me first, its funny how that happens huh? its corny when you hear someone say that "You have to make you first" but the statement holds water! When we are not first we let things slip that would be a capitol offense when we're on track and doing the right thing in the realm of our health. I have stresses in my life that I won't get into on a blog that I choose to make public, we all have them so why put mine out there? besides, I would hate to get any comments or emails saying "Poor guy, you go ahead and eat that cupcake, you have a lot going on, when things calm down you will get back on track". I have from the beginning written in this blog in a straight forward manner using common sense as my guide and just because $hit got stressful does not mean I will look for pity because of that stress.
I am responsible for what goes into my mouth and its always been that way, its my hand attached to the end of my arm and its my mind that controls that arm so if I eat a pizza, I did it. That's not to say that stress doesn't play a role in what my mind tells my hand to shove down my pie hole but when that does happen, I know who is to blame and it's the same guy that looks at me every morning in the mirror when I am brushing my teeth. I have had a good run at this weight loss thing, I have been writing this blog since January 2008 and in that time have learned a lot about myself and how much discipline I have, what triggers me to "fall off the wagon" and maybe the most important I found out that I am in fact an emotional eater, which is a fact that I would not admit or believe at various points in my life. I am too blunt, direct, dare I say logical to believe that eating is anything more than simply that, eating.... I know that I have said this in the past "I eat because I like food" and that is true to a point but in the last almost four years I can with all honesty say that when I get stressed or upset my best friend is the closest salty food item within reach.
I am not really into excuses, like I said I am a pretty direct person in a don't ask a 3 year old if your ugly kind of way because if you are, that kid will say "yep" and if honest isn't what you want I am not usually the person to ask. That statement has to apply for myself too though and lately I have let things slip and said "awe shucks, its really fuvkin' stressful right now, I'll let that one slide" and that needs to never be the case, it is after all partially why I reached that darling little figure of 534 pounds. It's easy to slip off of the edge of a razor and when emotional eating is an issue for a person stress helps the trip up like ice helps a car slide into a pole, if we drive carefully driving on ice isn't really that hard, its harder than when its 70 and sunny sure but not impossible... same concept. I live in New England, LOTS if icy roads here in the winter, I am an excellent driver when it comes to that sort if thing and my driving record reflects that, when I lived in California a bit of rain would have the "Freeways" backed up for miles and people sliding all over the place, they simply did not get the concept of slow down out there let alone how to steer into a slide so there were lots of wrecks. I can equate that to the emotional eating, I learned to drive on ice I need to learn how to manage stress in a way that does not include a fist full of Teddy grahams, for the most part I got it but I do slip and have slipped so sorting that out as quick as possible needs to be mission one.
Gaining weight over years of bad eating choices and a sedentary lifestyle sucked, losing that weight was maybe one of my greatest feats and I gotta tell ya, gaining some of it back sucks as much as the first go around, maybe more even because I know how it feels to be lighter now. Reading some of my old posts reminded me of how those heavier days were, knowing that I could only walk about 1/3 of a mile and looked at it as an awesome thing because before that 5 minutes of walking was a chore really got me, it wasn't that long ago that it was my reality and there is no way I want that to be my existence again. Straight up no bull$hit I am not letting that happen, I won't go back to dragging my ass back up some stairs completely out of breath and I am not going to let environmental stresses keep me from reaching my health goals.
I've added the count down timer for my weigh ins back to the left side bar with the date that I am weighing in for the blog again, I weigh myself daily and am keeping a log of that, you will not believe where it was considering I was down to 305 pounds. Whether I blog, or get to the gym, get out for a 25 mile ride or if the walls are falling in on me, I am and will remain focused on me, on my health and on the game plan to get me where I need and want to be physically.
YOU are the one that controls the weight hanging off of your bones, not me, not this blog, and not any stress that may kick you in the balls, your mind is yours just like the decisions are yours, make the right choices, stay focused in lieu of anything that is going around you and success is bound to happen.
That's the plan anyways, now to execute it with surgical precision.
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