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Going oldschool, back to basics and a menu posting.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

When I started writing this blog I was a guy that had no other options, I mean I had options, I could have gotten a surgery or let things go the way that they were heading and prepare for the imminent grenading of my heart but I had to do something. I started writing here in an attempt to stay focused and put out there the struggles of a guy that was really having a hard time of getting around and anything that required movement honestly, not to mention the fact that I was watching life go by from the un-comfort of my broken couch. A lot has changed since I started writing back in January 2008, physical and mental changes, I have gone from unstoppable to questioning the way that I was/am doing things where my health is concerned. The honest truth is that I am up in weight from my lowest point of weighing 305 pounds and will be doing a weigh in post in exactly 72 days, Jan 1st 2012, good bad ugly a weigh in is going to be up, "But why not weigh in now? you use to weigh in every Friday" I did, this time around I have made a personal challenge to myself and am weighing myself every day until then and am planning to post those weights on that weigh in post when the time comes.

Making a personal challenge for myself I think is going to be the ticket for me, there is a new kiddo keeping me on my toes and the older ones are doing the same in their own kind of way. I have to make some time for that 534 pound guy that was struggling with every step, I need to force him and the way things were back then to the surface so that I can refocus on what is important, I somehow keep falling back on the back burnering myself and I need to stop. I have been up and down with my weight in the past I don't even know how many months, within 10 pounds of my lowest weight and as high as 70 pounds heavier and everywhere in between, my personal life has been the same kind of a roller coaster in that time and has impacted my weight loss/health goals for sure, again, its gotta stop because without my health the rest won't really matter much.

7:15 AM
2 T creamer (coffee) 70

8:45 AM
2 C Honey combs 220
1/2 C almond breeze 45

11:45 AM
2 slices light rye 120
3oz smoked deli ham 180
1 wedge Laughing cow cheese 35

1:00 PM
1 banana 105

2:15 PM
1 apple 100

4:00 PM
1 banana 105

6:15 PM
5oz ground turkey (slop joe) 225
2 80 cal rolls 160
1 cup white rice 200

7:00 PM
2 plums 60

Through the day
dr pepper 10 60

Grand total 1685 total calories.

Exercise is not my issue, bad eating choices most certainly are. The definition of an emotional eater can be seen every time I come within viewing distance of a mirror, stress is my enemy when this is the subject and I need to sort that out. In the beginning I was 500 plus pounds and nothing in our lives could trump that, I was going to die if I didn't do something about it so it was easy to say "I have to be first" but when the perceived risk is lower other things get pushed to the front of the line. Someone reading this that has never struggled with weight might be thinking about how silly it sounds, and I have said it hundreds of times "eat less move more its that simple" Yes I agree that it is that simple but something that it is NOT is easy.

Recommitting to my health has to happen in order for me to be successful in this endeavor, I feel as if I have done that in the last couple of weeks and I couldn't be more into getting out on my bike so exercise is not an issue right now, like I said its the apparent bond that food has with my brain when stress enters stage left that screws the pooch. Making time to write a post on this blog as often as I can (you know, nap time) is on the menu and speaking of menu's I am planning on posting my daily menu's like I did in the beginning as often as I can again, not only do they help me take a look at my intake through the blog but I got plenty of messages about them from you guys!

For today, That's all I got..

As Ever

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NANA2THREEGIRLS 10/21/2011 1:01PM

    I am also going back to te beginning when it all started. It worked then so why not now? Good luck!

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TRACYZABELLE 10/21/2011 1:51AM

    You know what worked best so stick with it!!

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DIFROMWYOMING 10/20/2011 10:22PM

    I'm just glad you're back, and I have been on the same ship you have for the past year or I know what that is like. I wondered if you were hungry for lunch at 11:45 or it fit in with feeding the kids? If it's hunger, maybe switching to a little more protein at breakfast will help that. Egg white and spinach frittatas work for me and I can make them up ahead and freeze them in portions which make the 'cooking' part go away. If you make them in muffin tins you can even pop them in your mouth while holding a baby! :)
Hang in there!

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MEGA_MILES 10/20/2011 9:44PM

    Dude, I am so happy for you that you are now ready for the next phase. You can do it. You will do it. WOOHOO!!

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CHEPRBYTHEDOZN 10/20/2011 4:49PM

    Way to go-back on the wagon. Agree with someone else who suggested more protein and veggies...and where's that green tea that you sucked down all day long? I's hard to remember and fit in. I have to have a container of water filled in the morning if I"m going to attempt to drink enough. In fact-tonight I'm going to make some green tea to drink tomorrow...and cut back on the coffee..I"ve been drinking more and more(which means more and more flavored creamer...)
Can't way to see your progress and please don't wait to blog even a few words before the first of the year. I LOVE reading what you have to say~

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4A-HEALTHY-BMI 10/20/2011 4:13PM

    I am still working on this whole keeping it steady thing.

I've gone up and down since reaching goal almost 2 years ago, and what I hope I'm seeing is a pattern of dampening oscillations. I got up to almost 30 lbs over goal and back within about 4 lbs of it. Right now I'm about 15 lbs over goal.

Consistent eating is key for me. And I need about 150g of protein per day for this to work.

Over the past month I've been eating on average 1700 calories in this ratio:
CHO 50%
PRO 33%
FAT 16%

I have also stepped up the exercise back to what I was doing in February and March before my plans were so rudely interrupted with a snowboarding injury to my shoulder that necessitated surgery and 6 months of rehab.

Without this level of exercise I need to eat around 1200 calories a day.

Anyway, hang in there, and keep working on figuring out what works for you. We're rootin' for you!

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INIT2LIVEIT 10/20/2011 3:43PM

    emoticon kicking it old school- you got this!

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SKINNYPOWELL1 10/20/2011 3:00PM


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VEEJAY3 10/20/2011 2:52PM

    Well, Zeus, my profile page headline says it all for me:
Yo. Yo! Yo-Yo.
I, like you and DDORN, keep the seesaw going up and down. Honestly, it sometimes feels like my body's actually FIGHTING me to move back up the scale when I get low. Right now, I'm a bit on the high side ... but I had a tussle with my thyroid and it's taken a year to get that matter straight with medication, and I need to get the scale going back down.

So ... just so you know we're in the same boat. OK: maybe not the SAME boat. I'm probably the weird little tug boat with the peace sign painted on the side. But I'm in a SIMILAR boat. We'll get there. 'Cause it felt damn good, didn't it!!!?????

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DDOORN 10/20/2011 2:43PM

    Yeah, been bouncing around from my low of 200 up to 240 over the past year and getting OH-so-tired of this! Food is definitely been my downfall. Like you I've been re-aquainting myself with the scale and portion-control.

FWIW: My typical "ideal" day is a cup of yogurt and apple or banana for breakfast; lunch: 3-4 oz. cheese or hummus and a boatload of fresh veggies for lunch (red peppers, brocolli, baby carrots and baby spinach is my usual combo); an apple for snack and some sort of protein (eggs, chicken most commonly, sometimes pork, seafood, beef) and either a multi-grain Flatout wrap (sometimes toasted as it gets crunchy and gives me more "munching" satisfaction) or Arnold Sandwich thin, with Olivio light. This usually totals between 1500 - 1800 cals give or take a few. I do best when I keep my carb intake approximately HALF of what SP's nutrition tracker recommends.

I find myself doing best when I'm doing the same foods all the time and keep it "boring."


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TRAINER_T 10/20/2011 2:17PM

    I am sure you can get back on track, you have the desire to do so.

Here are some ideas......

I would eat my fruit early in the day and have veggies in the evening instead. (fruits are carbs and high in sugar you have more chances of the body using them early on, plus berries have the least carbs btw)

What about a cereal with some protein and fiber, like a Kashi brand?
Could you add a hard boiled egg or yogurt to you morning breakfast?

Staying full longer with fiber and protein will go farther then spiking and crashing from fruits. Just my 2 cents worth :-)

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KNH771 10/20/2011 2:05PM

    I know that there are times when I've used exercise as an excuse to overeat a la "I worked out for an hour, I can have a cookie" rationalizations.

It can be hard to find the balance with food and exercise, but you'll find the sweet spot.

Hang in there!

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BRANDI.FEY 10/20/2011 12:30PM

    I think you've already come a long ways, and you should look at weighing approximately 200 pounds less now than you did when you began as a huge achievement. (Just think, you lost a whole grown man!)

I believe in you, but you MUST believe in yourself. emoticon

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KAILIIA 10/20/2011 12:27PM

    Life can be a major hurdle and as a quick perusal of your posts show - life has been hectic fo ryou lately.

You have recommitted and are back to it. I see success for you.

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A trail ride, my new Trek and some more photos.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

So, I mentioned in my last post that a new bike was brought into the pile O bikes that I now own and I got to take it out on Saturday for its first ride and my initial opinion on the bike is that I love it. Do I really NEED another bike? yes and no, yes because I feel that my riding had advanced past the K2 that I have been riding and the bike is a couple years old now and since I am me I kind of just wanted a new ride! no because the K2 does what it needs to and has been awesome for me so far but the trigger was pulled on the new bike in either case. I started researching bikes and since I am a fan of the Specialized line up I assumed a Rockhopper comp would be the bike for me but upon test riding one it felt cramped so I kept searching. The Trek Cobia was looking like a clear winner to me after riding a lower end version of the same frame so to the LBS I went, I started chatting with the sales lady and I asked about a last years model Trek X Caliber, she said "let me check". Long story short for a tad more than the 2012 Cobia I could have a 2011 X Cal and I liked the paint scheme better on that anyways not to mention the upgrade in components, the order was placed and a few days later my new bike was ready to be picked up.

There she is, 2011 trek X Caliber Gary Fisher collection.

My plan was to get dropped off at the bike shop and ride the bike home but it was later than I wanted to get there, it was raining and I had no one that was able to drop me off so onto the rack it went and I would have to ride it another time. The bike stared at I stared at the bike as it sat in the living room waiting for Saturday to come and the excitement built up right up until I put it back on the rack Saturday morning to meet my riding buddy at the trail head. A quick once over of the bike when we met up and we were off, we had no real plan on how far we would ride we only wanted to make sure to hop off of the trail at the LBS so that he could buy some pedals for his Jamis. Taking our time we kind of just rode and stopped randomly to let the bikes pose in their natural environment and we ended up riding just under 22 miles, now I really love the bike.

Stopping for a quick break the new Trek next to Ed's Jamis Exile.

One of my favorite shots from the day, I like the way that birch log matches the white on the bike.

A longer shot of the first image that I posted.

Look out! big man coming through!!! 300 pounds plus 20 miles per hour equals a bad day for anyone that gets in the way!

Nice little bridge shot, there were hundreds of geese in the water just to the side of the bridge.

I liked the way that the bikes were positioned in this one, pretty cool picture I think.

Just a little brook with a bridge near the end of the ride, it was a fantastic day for a ride.

Stopping for a rest at one of the trail heads.

My initial thoughts on the new bike is that its well made and VERY comfortable for me, when I first looked at the seat (Bontrager Evoke 1) I thought that it would very likely need to be removed from inside me after a ride but to my surprise it was not uncomfortable during our 22 mile ride. I mentioned in my last post that I did have a little mishap... lets call it a lack of judgement perhaps and ended up with a broken toe on this ride about 12 miles in so I had to ride the 10 miles back to the car with a sore foot, this did not at all take away from my ride, I laughed about it the entire way back and hopefully I am healed up enough to get back out this coming weekend. I have a new set of pedals on order wt the bike shop and I am hoping that they come in this week so that I can ride over there on Saturday and get them put on, I also bought some lock on grips which are already on the bike.

On the surface of my mind almost every time I am riding my bikes I think about how once upon a time I was more than 500 pounds and getting on a bike was not really an option for me. Perhaps I appreciate my time on two wheels as much as I do because of that fact, perhaps its just something that fits me either way my bicycles and my time pedaling them is one of my greatest passions and I don't see that changing any time soon. There are photos of me from when I was 500 plus and most of them I am sitting on a couch or in a chair, not very far from my front door or I use the excuse that "I was holding the camera" now I look at some of the images that I have taken and some of the places that my two wheeled transportation devices have taken me and appreciate every single minute of my time that was spent that way, even when a broken bone was part of it. If you are thinking about getting back onto two wheels my advice would be to stop thinking about it and do it! there is lots to see out there and doing it on top of two wheels is a great way to go about it.

Attempting to post more regularly, stay tuned for more on the fat man, his progress, meal plans and his bikes! don't be afraid to click that leave comment button either!

Until next time, that's all I got.

As Ever

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PSMITH3841 10/20/2011 10:34AM

    Great pics, especially love the one with the bike in front of the end of the fence! You've got some great bike paths in your area....I'd break my neck just watching the scenery instead of watching where I was going... emoticon

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BILL60 10/20/2011 7:42AM

    Hope you continue to love the bike and biking in general. Hang tough, future skinny MAN!!

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VEEJAY3 10/19/2011 11:00PM

    You are so in love with that bike! I'll bet you buy it roses and write it notes and bring it in to sleep inside at night.

(I recognize that feeling. Yes, I do.) LOVE GETTING A NEW BIKE!!!!!!!

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LIVINAFULLLIFE 10/19/2011 9:03PM

  Where is this trail? It looks beautiful and somewhere me and my husband would like to go with our bikes.

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DDOORN 10/19/2011 6:24PM

    Yeah buddy, are we kindred CyclePaths or what?!? :-)

Sharp bike! I'm betting as your cycling morphs along with your body and your rides get longer and longer you will be finding yourself with a road / touring bike, trading in your straights for some drops...!

Keep 'em turning!


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DEREKCSIMMONS 10/19/2011 2:56PM

    I hope your toe is feeling better!

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CODEMAULER 10/19/2011 1:16PM

    So jealous! My poor bike hasn't been out in a while, thanks to weather, schedule, and a general lack of bike-riding-initiative on my part. I suppose I should get the old ride ready for winter if we aren't going out again soon.

Thanks for the update; always good to see you out here!


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BECKYBEFIT 10/19/2011 12:28PM

    Your new bike looks awesome and the trails look absolutely beautiful! Hope your toe heals soon!

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My Passion...yep, and some photos for your pleasure

Monday, October 17, 2011

Spending as much time on my bikes has been my plan to stay on track and that part of the equation has been very much happening. My cycling has been my saving grace in the past couple months, its my me time and honestly besides my kids and the Wify is my greatest passion, I am happiest when I am pedaling my ass off literally and figuratively.

A week ago I rode on a tow path that rides along the Connecticut river, I took it slow because it was the first time I had been on this path and I like to take in the scenery and look around a bit so that's what I did. I only rode 9 miles that day but it was a very relaxing ride with the smell of the salty water in the air and the leaves starting to turn I had lots to take in. I rode my K2 and stopped a few times for some photos, it was a perfect day for a ride about 70 degrees, sunny with some fat white clouds in the sky, days like these are a plenty and once upon a time I was missing out on them because of my weight.

Looking over the Connecticut river on a nice October day, this is at the trail head.

My bike with the kiddo's bike near the trail head, Wify walked with her and I caught up with them for the last 1/2 mile or so of slow riding.

This was after the ride overlooking the Connecticut river again.

Railroad tracks that go over the trail and the river, bike is in the lower right corner.

Taking a break under the tracks I was lucky enough to have a train pass over when I was there, you can see it on the right hand track.

I'm too sexy for my... for my... just a self shot with the Connecticut river in the background.

Cockpit shot coming down the trail.

Posing in front of the inner bank of the tow path.

This is whats behind the bike in the image before this one.

My favorite shot of the day, an old abandoned building at the end of the trail, tossed the bike up on a loading dock for a quick shot.

Me and my bicycle(s) get around these days, my range is expanding on every ride and I enjoy every second that I am pedaling, focusing on the cycling is my plan from here on out and I am hoping to do some winter riding this year. Back in June of 2009 I started down a road that has lead to me becoming one with my two wheels contraptions and I am so very happy that I made the decision to get back in the saddle again. Learning about bikes again has been fun, entertaining and has given me a new hobby, I have upgraded the K2 bike along the way and made it into a pretty fun and dependable bike to ride but I started feeling like my riding was outgrowing that bike so I started looking into a new dual wheeled transportation device and picked it up last week.

This weekend I had a chance to take my new ride out on its maiden voyage and an interesting ride it was! I joined the 29er crowd and bought a 2011 Gary Fisher collection Trek X-Caliber and my initial feeling on the bike is WOW! I have only ridden 22 miles on it so far, took a look at a new trail and ended up with some... how do I say? injuries? on that first ride but man I love the way this thing rides! I won't get into it too much, I shall leave that for another post but here is a sneak peek at the bike from Saturdays 22 mile ride and one of the um..... injuries.

Oh my! a broken toe!

A sneak peek at the 2011 Xcal just hanging out on the trail.

Making it a point to ride as much as possible is my goal right now, I feel as if biking is a huge part of my weight loss and better health goals so keeping it on the forefront of the fight is the plan. Keeping the cranks turning while keeping the fuel clean is going to be the way of the meatball, the results will be what they are and with some hard work, discipline and a steady intake of positive vibes I am hoping that we can dent the weight. Getting to below 300 pounds over this fall and winter would be a fantastic addition to my spring time riding season and with that a goal is set.

Trying to get more posts up is always on my mind so keep checking back, I AM still here and kicking, its that life is kicking too so sometimes its harder to sit down and write a post.

Until next we meet.... That's all I got

As Ever

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SKYEFYR 10/21/2011 2:53PM

  Congrats on the new bike! May it bring you years of health and happiness!

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SIMPLE_TAILOR 10/21/2011 1:47PM

    Great to see a post again . . .

I love the fact that you pose your bikes like most people would pose themselves. (Maybe time to submit a photo essay?)

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PURPLECRACK 10/20/2011 12:15PM

    Love this post. I love how you have bike photo shoots. I do the same with my bike, even named her! My family thinks I'm nuts. Nice to see someone has that same passion. I'm seriously depressed about putting her away for the season. Trying to figure out what to do with myself.....

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ELYMWX 10/18/2011 11:42PM

    Great pics, Tony. Glad to hear that you're still getting out on your steed.

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KNH771 10/18/2011 1:22PM

    It's always helpful to have an exercise you actually enjoy. Love the pic of your bike paired with kiddo's. Too cute.

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NANA2THREEGIRLS 10/18/2011 1:12PM

    Awesome pics! Thanks for sharing!

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PENNI68 10/18/2011 10:50AM

    OUCH...that toe looks painful, but the bike is SHARP!! And the pics are gorgeous, what a nice place to ride and a beautiful day for it!! Thanks for sharing!!

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PSMITH3841 10/18/2011 10:09AM

    Ewww...that "owie" looks pretty sore! Yikes! The other pics were great, take us on another ride was fun (except for the boo-boo toe!) emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BILL60 10/18/2011 7:12AM

    Way to go!! Keep exploring and enjoying the biking scene. You're doing great!!

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DEREKCSIMMONS 10/18/2011 6:38AM

    Nice trail. Kind of reminds me of the I&M Canal trail around here! Heal up!

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TRACYZABELLE 10/17/2011 11:48PM

    Beautiful ride not so beautiful foot~~ OUCH~

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QUILTINGB52 10/17/2011 9:58PM

    OUCH to the injury. But FANTASTIC on finding something you are passionate about....certainly makes exercise more fun!!

Ride on brother, ride on..... emoticon

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MEGA_MILES 10/17/2011 9:02PM

    That's interesting, just this morning I was wondering how Botzzz was doing. Now I know. emoticon

Ride on brother. Have fun!! emoticon

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DDOORN 10/17/2011 8:44PM

    With you BIGTIME on that commitment to cycling and celebrating our new selves!


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JOHNSONZ 10/17/2011 7:35PM

    Wow - emoticon

(Except your Toe pix - Ouch!)

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DIFROMWYOMING 10/17/2011 7:13PM

    Glad you're still here. I am, too. Keep up with what you're doing and you can get where you want to be!

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    OMG your toe looks better than I imagined it! So glad to see you here :))

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My old jeans fit again...

Tuesday, October 04, 2011

It's that time of year again, the leaves are starting to fall from their high perches littering themselves across our yards, the weather is cooling off so I dug out some of my jeans to put at the top of the heap. I figure since my weight has changed so much over the last year and a half from being as low as 305 pounds and as high as 381 pounds a few months ago, yeah I just said 381.... I have been at many different weights between those numbers and months so where am I with my jeans I thought? I tried on a pair of 42x32 jeans and sure enough what I suspected was true.... I can button them and zip em but they are a tad too snug.... fuvk.... so out came the 44x32 and viola! like a glove... this IS NOT a good thing, it is what it is I suppose.

I have been in the past month or two been on and off with my being strict on the food front and exercise has been limited to short rides on my bike at night after dinner as well as a longer (20-25 mile) ride on Saturdays or Sundays, and that's just not cutting it. Getting into a groove and then having it grenade in my face rinse repeat seems to be how its going for me, yeah yeah I know toughen up fat boy! YOU make the decision on what to stuff into your pie hole, YOU make the decisions on whether you will do calisthenics throughout the day YOU are the reason that the weight is not coming off and staying off. Indeed I do know that, the Spock in me tells me everything that I need to know about losing weight, I have lost up to 229 pounds during this journey!... yeah lets call it a journey, doing it MY way, so I do know what it takes its the emotional part of it that's getting me and as a non Vulcan it seems that it matters.

If you have followed my blog you know that I am struggling right now with keeping my $hit together, There are a lot of reasons for the lack of discipline and with that very statement I can say that a lack of discipline falls directly on the users shoulders, MY shoulders. My time is at a premium these days and dealing with some stuff that I won't mention in the blog on top of the lack of time has lead to long times between posts and general mayhem in my world of "get fit" but alas! I must try. Attempting to get some posts up in the flurry of insanity that is my life right now is on my short list because I feel that the blog does in fact keep me on track, it gives me something else to focus on so with that again I say..... gonna try and keep this train rollin'

That's it for this post, no bells, no whistles, just a guy that has seemingly lost his way a bit in a chaotic time in his life, it is hard to make me my number one priority when there are so many other things which demand the attention right now.

Making me number one has to happen though, now to figure out how to do that again...

My time your pain I reign on you...... My mind said to my body...

As Ever

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    Sending you all my good juju friend, and a swift kick in the butt. I've been thinking about you a lot lately. I'm sort of back at the beginning again myself, but working hard and trying to stay focused. I'm here if you need me!

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VEMAN1 10/11/2011 8:07PM

    Botzz, I restarted my serious and motivated journey yet again this week. We must be mentally connected, or perhaps just mental. I regained almost 30 pounds back this summer. Oh, the tangled web we conceive. Your blogs have always inspired me (especially the ones limited to Zeus Meatball. Today I reflect that you are oh so close to breaking the magic number 300. Stick to what you know. I know I will.

Rock on!
(Be at Peace)

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ABAZOODAY727 10/7/2011 11:50AM

    YOU CAN DO IT!!! Just don't let the slip become a fall...You know what to do. P.S. STAY HYDRATED!! LOL

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MEANCARLEEN 10/7/2011 7:20AM

    Great attitude. emoticon

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SKYEFYR 10/6/2011 1:40PM

  Finding time is hard. And if I remember correctly, you've got a pretty new baby in the house. So while I agree you have to get tougher on yourself, I also think you need to make sure you're not too tough.

One thing I did to make time was get up earlier. Of course I had to go to bed earlier too, but most nights I was already in bed watching tv, so it mainly meant recording more stuff to watch when I had time. The first week was really hard, but each day it gets a little easier. (Unless I'm out late the night before.)

I will look forward to hearing from you more often again! You can do it Botzzz!

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BABY_GIRL69 10/5/2011 8:14PM

    I know exactly what you mean. Its tough but some how we all have to get it together & forge toward our goals.

God bless & be encouraged!


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CATLADY52 10/5/2011 5:05PM

    emoticon eventually. Into each life a bit of chaos now and then we can deal with. We just would like it to be less than more. Keep on keeping on, we'll be here for you. emoticon

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VEEJAY3 10/5/2011 12:52AM


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TRACYZABELLE 10/5/2011 12:22AM

    We are all pulling for you man! Your loyal supporters will ALWAYS be here for you!

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QUILTINGB52 10/5/2011 12:12AM

    Life always seems to turn this journey into a treadurous path, yet we plod onward...

Refocus your journey, create smaller steps and you'll soon be back on that losing trail. And all this crap will be behind you, cuz it's all a learning process....a balancing act.

Take care of YOU!!

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BUTEAFULL 10/4/2011 10:55PM

    blog blog blog BOTZZ it will DEFINITELY help

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MAMADWARF 10/4/2011 10:39PM

    stick to the basics. I have been slightly derailed too and so have most of my friends. so we started a simple get back to basics challenge and this week that means, eating the proper amount of protein. One thing at a time is sometimes all we can do. Keep going!

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DIFROMWYOMING 10/4/2011 10:33PM

    I wrote on your other blog...don't stop trying!

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MERAINA 10/4/2011 4:25PM

    Getting it out there and realizing.. not ignoring! You are well on your way. You are doing what it takes. You are telling yourself. We all have to STOP and get our act together again and again. We are human.
You are a Done Guy... I know you can do this and have the VICTORY PARTY when you reach your goal!

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BECKYBEFIT 10/4/2011 2:49PM

    Writing this blog shows you are on your way to making your healthy priority number one. Life is a journey, take it one day at a time...and compartmentalize if you have to! Hang in there!

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CODEMAULER 10/4/2011 1:40PM

    Just keep moving; every free minute you use that way will add up!


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    Hang in there, Botzz!!! You've come a long way, had some slips, but you know where you are..just gotta get your footing. One hour at a time. I understand the emotional part of 'knowing'. Yeah, yeah~"I do NOT need this second helping. It's not going to help me reach my goals." but POP!in it goes.
Take care of YOU so YOU can take care of everyone and everything else in your life!

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DEREKCSIMMONS 10/4/2011 12:38PM

    right with you brother. I'm sorry to hear of your troubles but happy to hear that you are not giving in! The fact that you are aware means you are not lost but rather meandering. I'm meandering with you and struggling to put my stuff back in one sock too. Be strong brother and we'll both overcome!

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TMFBITU 10/4/2011 12:16PM

    Don't lose sight of what you know - that taking care of YOU is the solution to the insanity, not a contributing factor to it. That hour or 10 minutes or whatever you can grab is what makes you better focused and able to deal with the rest of it.

Also. There are many ways to kick a$$ in this life; and there's no pass/fail. You don't have to be either "on" or "off" any kind of path to be headed in the right direction. Just be good to yourself.

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DDOORN 10/4/2011 12:06PM

    Right there with you in SO many ways...!

Have been rededicating to myself...catch up with my blogs for more on that.

Like you also, clothes are starting to fit better...woo hoo to us!


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KATIEM929 10/4/2011 12:00PM

    Sorry to hear you're struggling right now. Life is stressful and being hard on yourself isn't usually productive. Try to be kind to yourself, ask for help when you need it and keep taking baby steps toward your goal(s). You can do this.

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LOSE4LIFE47 10/4/2011 11:51AM

    I have been on a plateau for some time but I KNOW WE CAN DO IT!!

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"I don't like to hear you so negative"

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Nobody said that losing and keeping weight off would be easy and I think that I let the ease of the first year and a half go to my head because add some serious stress into my life and well I am up more than a couple pounds currently. Last night I was looking at some pictures and pissed myself off, there was a time in my life when I was happy with how I looked, how I felt and had an aura around me that said all of that with only a look, you knew I was where I wanted to be. When you weigh 534 pounds along with the way a person looks there is the way that they feel and that is more important in the grand scheme of things and recently some of the blah has peeked in through the crack in the door, the crack that I left there for it to peek into.

This was almost exactly a year ago on a mini vacation that me and Wify took and is in fact the picture that pissed me off, I am up in weight since this was taken and look at this almost like my benchmark picture because I know how I felt when it was taken..... alive.

Life has stress, this is as it is for every human being on the planet if I had to take a wild guess and how we handle that stress indeed dictates what we do in any given situation. The stress does not define any one of us, what it does is make defining one self that much more difficult by tossing into the mix feelings that don't allow us to focus on the task at hand exclusively. Most things can be over looked but some rule our thoughts until they do not, the loss of a loved one, problems with our children, and injuries are just some of them but each one alone would be enough to toss that proverbial monkey wrench into the works let alone if there are multiple stresses in ones life. Making excuses is easy, and anyone that has read any of this blog knows that I don't make excuses but I am realistic too and know that sometimes no matter how hard we push that the wall is sometimes impossible to break through, so we get stuck, sitting on the wrong side of a wall trying to figure out a way to get onto the other side.

After some time on our ass we stand up from the wrong side of the wall and notice the door, a single forceful kick later and we are through, its clear again how things have to be but in the near distance another wall is visible. Does that other wall also have a door? that cannot be seen from here but I suppose we should meander on over and take a look because if we stay here next to this wall for too long perhaps the door will slam shut again leaving us stranded on the wrong side for God only knows how long.

Last night after looking through some old photos I came to the conclusion that I had to get back into the grooe of doing me... Having a new baby in the house really does slam the brakes on when it comes to having time to get a good workout into my day but it should not have any sway on the fuel that I out into my body. I woke up this morning and started right into my "old routine" of weighing myself and making my breakfast with my salter scale, shot a random text to a friend about when her baby started crawling and that text turned into about 30 minutes of weight loss chitter chatter. This person has also lost a significant amount of weight, was in the same boat with having an infant in the house to take care of and I won't bore you with any more of that except that she said "for the first time in a LONG time I feel good about me" and that is exactly how I felt in the photo that I posted above...... what she said reinforced the way that I feel and helped me to see the door which is now kicked in.

Re-start? Do over? just a bump in a road longer than originally thought? call it what you will.....

Recommitting myself to myself is how I am going to see it...

As Ever

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DDOORN 9/28/2011 12:03PM

    Alive! YES! I am SO WITH YOU in re-committing as well!

Check out my latest blogs...I think you might appreciate.

Sorry so long in catching up with yours!


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DONNA5456 9/27/2011 9:50PM

  Thanks so much for your blog - really needed it. Mine is work stress and my eating is out of control. Thanks for your words of wisdom.

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VLVTGRRL 9/19/2011 5:08PM

    Welcome back, Mr. Meatball! emoticon

When you're getting back into your groove, realize that THIS groove is going to look different than the last groove, since your circumstances have changed. Work with what your current situation is to come up with a new, workable, plan. Trying to make the old plan fit the new situation will be frustrating and de-motivating.

Chin up! You have a HUGE cheerleading section! emoticon emoticon

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    I've missed you so much!! I'm back too, and I have a long way to go. Let's just hug and start kicking ass ok? Loves you! And congrats on the new baby!!! Hugs to the wify too xoxoxo

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SWEETZMIX 9/14/2011 5:02PM

    Just a bump in the road!!

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    I am so glad to see you post again! It has been a while! Staying on the weightloss train as long as you have been/will be on it is very hard. You should expect a few bumps and not beat yourself up over gaining a little back. Just be thrilled that you are back on it before you gained all that you lost so far! (After #1 I hit my all time high at 30 pounds above where I started...which was a total of 70 pounds from where I had lost to before we got pregnant! You aren't back where you were right?) Having a new baby is very difficult too! You have a new force that changes everything in your life, and I found it nearly impossible to remember that I was still alive while mine were tiny. It took about 18 months after each to have enough time to focus on me again. Once they aren't quite as needy and can be thrown in a stroller, backpack, or bike seat and they have a quasi predictable schedule, it is time to jump back in with both feet and remember that you are a person who needs as much attention as you can give as well! Just might have to work around naps, feedings, and changings...but it can be done! Don't stress too will be back at it in no time! Just make sure to get back at it!

I, like you, find that in order to get my tail moving again, starting by weighing every morning really sets the mood for the day and eventually it is enough to make me get mad enough at the scale to actually fight back!

Have a great day!

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PUMPKINFACE73 9/14/2011 2:11PM

    bout time you blogged.....missed you

you got know you do :-)

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PSMITH3841 9/14/2011 10:20AM

    What is it with your timing....every time I need a kick in the tail, some words of wisdom or seem to write the appropriate Blog....Again, you're pulling me out from under that wagon I fell off of.....Thanks, AGAIN! emoticon

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BILL60 9/14/2011 8:30AM

    Let's get back on the healthy road and get over the past. Good luck!!

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SKYEFYR 9/13/2011 4:04PM

  Nice to see you back Mr. Meatball! You're motivation has been missed! Looking forward to hearing from you on a more regular basis again.

And it's just a bump in the road. If you get back the motivation you had before, there is no doubt that you will make it all the way to your goal!

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ABAZOODAY727 9/13/2011 3:31PM


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FROGGERHKC 9/13/2011 3:10PM

    emoticon emoticon

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    Great picture! You two are a great looking couple!
I hear ya on the getting ticked off at yourself. I have done that (more than once) and it is necessary sometimes. WE are the only ones who can control what goes into our mouth and what we do for exercise...well, to a limit there considering babies. Believe you me!I know all about babies coming into our lives and stepping on the workout time ! (they are more than worth it).So, strap that baby into her(?) stroller,lace up your shoes,Buddy and go for a heart pumping walk!!!! No excuses. JUST DO IT!!!!

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HAPPYSOUL91 9/13/2011 2:02PM

    Those re-starts are such a pain and I am always amazed how fast the body goes back. However, start we must and the small steps you take today will be bigger tomorrow. Welcome back!

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OH_HAPPY_DAY 9/13/2011 1:57PM

    I know the feeling well... but it's time to get our butts in gear again!

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CODEMAULER 9/13/2011 12:59PM

    There's a big difference between letting the 'blahs' get you down and getting off your ass. The latter, as you know, is usually the healthier choice.


Find whatever motivation it takes - photos, feelings, chats - and get busy. We all know WHAT to do; it's the WHEN and HOW that come into play when we make our health / happiness a priority.


(I know that you know this. Sometimes it just helps me to say it.)

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NUTSNUTSGETEM 9/13/2011 12:58PM

    You'd think we'd learn. It's so friggin hard to lose, and you literally work your butt off. I know there's no magic pill to weight loss, but I could go for a magic board that will whack me in the head when I get to my goal and start to get too comfortable. Good luck! I'm working at it with you.

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CECE0330 9/13/2011 12:45PM

    These little setbacks only make you STRONGER in the end. You have the desire, you know what you need to do, you ARE capable of doing it! When I was on my way back up, I would read your blogs for inspiration. It's members like you on Spark that have helped me get within 3.6 lbs of my goal (68 lbs to lose, which no is not as much some, but I am also only 5'4"!). And you know what, it's taken 4 YEARS to do it! What is it you say? Keep on keepin' on my friend and you WILL get back to your "good" place.

Comment edited on: 9/13/2011 12:46:45 PM

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TEDDYBEARGIRL 9/13/2011 12:45PM

    You will succeed! You have come so far already I know you will get to where you want to be.

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