Tuesday, October 04, 2011
It's that time of year again, the leaves are starting to fall from their high perches littering themselves across our yards, the weather is cooling off so I dug out some of my jeans to put at the top of the heap. I figure since my weight has changed so much over the last year and a half from being as low as 305 pounds and as high as 381 pounds a few months ago, yeah I just said 381.... I have been at many different weights between those numbers and months so where am I with my jeans I thought? I tried on a pair of 42x32 jeans and sure enough what I suspected was true.... I can button them and zip em but they are a tad too snug.... fuvk.... so out came the 44x32 and viola! like a glove... this IS NOT a good thing, it is what it is I suppose.
I have been in the past month or two been on and off with my being strict on the food front and exercise has been limited to short rides on my bike at night after dinner as well as a longer (20-25 mile) ride on Saturdays or Sundays, and that's just not cutting it. Getting into a groove and then having it grenade in my face rinse repeat seems to be how its going for me, yeah yeah I know toughen up fat boy! YOU make the decision on what to stuff into your pie hole, YOU make the decisions on whether you will do calisthenics throughout the day YOU are the reason that the weight is not coming off and staying off. Indeed I do know that, the Spock in me tells me everything that I need to know about losing weight, I have lost up to 229 pounds during this journey!... yeah lets call it a journey, doing it MY way, so I do know what it takes its the emotional part of it that's getting me and as a non Vulcan it seems that it matters.
If you have followed my blog you know that I am struggling right now with keeping my $hit together, There are a lot of reasons for the lack of discipline and with that very statement I can say that a lack of discipline falls directly on the users shoulders, MY shoulders. My time is at a premium these days and dealing with some stuff that I won't mention in the blog on top of the lack of time has lead to long times between posts and general mayhem in my world of "get fit" but alas! I must try. Attempting to get some posts up in the flurry of insanity that is my life right now is on my short list because I feel that the blog does in fact keep me on track, it gives me something else to focus on so with that again I say..... gonna try and keep this train rollin'
That's it for this post, no bells, no whistles, just a guy that has seemingly lost his way a bit in a chaotic time in his life, it is hard to make me my number one priority when there are so many other things which demand the attention right now.
Making me number one has to happen though, now to figure out how to do that again...
My time your pain I reign on you...... My mind said to my body...
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Nobody said that losing and keeping weight off would be easy and I think that I let the ease of the first year and a half go to my head because add some serious stress into my life and well I am up more than a couple pounds currently. Last night I was looking at some pictures and pissed myself off, there was a time in my life when I was happy with how I looked, how I felt and had an aura around me that said all of that with only a look, you knew I was where I wanted to be. When you weigh 534 pounds along with the way a person looks there is the way that they feel and that is more important in the grand scheme of things and recently some of the blah has peeked in through the crack in the door, the crack that I left there for it to peek into.
This was almost exactly a year ago on a mini vacation that me and Wify took and is in fact the picture that pissed me off, I am up in weight since this was taken and look at this almost like my benchmark picture because I know how I felt when it was taken..... alive.
Life has stress, this is as it is for every human being on the planet if I had to take a wild guess and how we handle that stress indeed dictates what we do in any given situation. The stress does not define any one of us, what it does is make defining one self that much more difficult by tossing into the mix feelings that don't allow us to focus on the task at hand exclusively. Most things can be over looked but some rule our thoughts until they do not, the loss of a loved one, problems with our children, and injuries are just some of them but each one alone would be enough to toss that proverbial monkey wrench into the works let alone if there are multiple stresses in ones life. Making excuses is easy, and anyone that has read any of this blog knows that I don't make excuses but I am realistic too and know that sometimes no matter how hard we push that the wall is sometimes impossible to break through, so we get stuck, sitting on the wrong side of a wall trying to figure out a way to get onto the other side.
After some time on our ass we stand up from the wrong side of the wall and notice the door, a single forceful kick later and we are through, its clear again how things have to be but in the near distance another wall is visible. Does that other wall also have a door? that cannot be seen from here but I suppose we should meander on over and take a look because if we stay here next to this wall for too long perhaps the door will slam shut again leaving us stranded on the wrong side for God only knows how long.
Last night after looking through some old photos I came to the conclusion that I had to get back into the grooe of doing me... Having a new baby in the house really does slam the brakes on when it comes to having time to get a good workout into my day but it should not have any sway on the fuel that I out into my body. I woke up this morning and started right into my "old routine" of weighing myself and making my breakfast with my salter scale, shot a random text to a friend about when her baby started crawling and that text turned into about 30 minutes of weight loss chitter chatter. This person has also lost a significant amount of weight, was in the same boat with having an infant in the house to take care of and I won't bore you with any more of that except that she said "for the first time in a LONG time I feel good about me" and that is exactly how I felt in the photo that I posted above...... what she said reinforced the way that I feel and helped me to see the door which is now kicked in.
Re-start? Do over? just a bump in a road longer than originally thought? call it what you will.....
Recommitting myself to myself is how I am going to see it...
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Monday, August 08, 2011
A flawless weekend where my intake was concerned and got out for a 20 mile ride on Saturday, my weight is down a good amount and things are feeling "normal" again. My normal once upon a three years ago was completely different than what I consider my normal now so getting back to it is definitely a good thing! Almost as if a light switch was clicked into the up position I am back to weighing and measuring things that go into my body, I decided that I need to focus on what I need to do in order to get my health in line and the rest will hopefully follow suit.
Just Ed and his new Jamis Exile 1.
My riding has gotten easier the last few weeks as well, I ride the same 20 mile section of trail each week sometimes changing it up a bit but its mostly the same area. The last three weeks after our weekend ride I feel like I can do another 10 miles with ease.. ok maybe not with ease but I know that I could do it and its not been the case until about 3 rides ago. The way I see it is that if my weight keeps coming down back to where it was and beyond that the rides will just get easier and that is a good thing! Getting stronger while getting lighter is a formula for better rides so that's what I am going to do as last year I was riding easier than this year and I would like to get back to that level. I have mentioned that I have a riding buddy now and we snapped a couple few photos during one of our stops this Saturday but the images of me came out blurry, I suspect that sweaty Ed touched the lens of the camera so all ya get is the shot of him and his new Jamis this time around.
Aiming for 1700 calories per day is where I am at but on "bike ride" days I allow myself an extra 200 calories for the Zone bar that I eat at the half way point of my rides. I have been doing good with the intake with lots of fruits going in which is very easy this time of year as everything is in season! Yesterdays fruits included 2 plums, an apricot, a peach and a banana which were all very good and sweet, then trying to keep the carby stuff for the earlier part of the day is part of the plan as well so over all I am doing well on the intake.
Focusing on me again is trying, its hard to focus on something that does not take up most of your thinking time but I have to do it because like I said, without my health everything else will surely fall apart that much faster.
Until next time...
Friday, August 05, 2011
So, the little animal... er baby has fallen blissfully to sleep and I had a moment so I thought it was a good time to pop a post up here, yes yes, I could be exercising instead and that I did! I did a push up routine along with some stretches and for now that's what its going to be. Life lately has not been peaches and cream but that doesn't mean that there aren't high points! and with that thought lets us focus on my bicycling for a moment.
A quick stop from last Sundays ride I took a shot of ye olde steed leaning on a rock with her new handlebars/grips installed.
Last year I was riding a just under 20 mile section of a local rail trail and not feeling it besides for the immediate hour after the ride and that stamina deteriorated over a long winter. I started riding again more regular like when the weather warmed up but couldn't really get back to that pre winter oooomph that I had, that is until the last two weeks in the saddle. The week before last we went out for our Sunday ride and by the end of the ride I felt like I could have kept going, it would appear that the stamina has returned? after one week? nope not gonna believe it. This past Sunday we left on the same ride, same bat time same bat channel and waddya know? same deal, felt awesome after the ride so if this weeks ride goes as well I am going to declare that I am back stamina wise on the bike.
In other news wify asked me to start wearing protection a while back...no no pervert get your mind out of the gutter she meant a helmet, and though I wasn't against the idea it just wasn't on the top of the list for me. I happened into a local Eastern mountain sports a couple weeks ago and meandered on over to the helmet section where I saw more than a couple brands and designs to consider so I popped a few onto my bald melon to see how fitment was. Now the fella that I ride with on the weekend has a Giro branded helmet, it seems nice and he said that it worked for what it was suppose to all while being fairly comfy so onto Giro brand brain buckets I went. Finding a Giro Xar on the shelf I placed it onto my cranium and it felt like I was wearing a ball cap, maybe even less bothersome than a ball cap but the price was $130 and I was meh on that. I tried on a couple few more but kept coming back to the Xar because if I am buying a helmet its gotta be comfy or I will just strap it to my back pack and not wear it, I left the store.
My new brain protection unit, I give to you the Giro Xar.
I was extremely surprised when my wife asked me to start using protection after so long as you can see in my expression.
Talking to wify about the choices that I found and the fact that this Xar for $130 was perfect but I did not want to spend that much on a helmet her response was "go back in and get it, I don't care what it costs if you'll wear it its worth it" I told her I wanted to research it first. I got home and couldn't find a bad review online so I started looking around online for a better price since I now knew what size fit and that it was in fact a comfortable fit, not one of the one size fits all helmets that never seem to feel right on my head. I pull up ebay and Viola! found one for almost $40 less than at EMS so using buy it now the helmet was here 2 days later, I haven't had a chance to ride with it yet but it is all adjusted and this weekend I shall give its first test ride.
I need to start gettin down like I know how to again, not because I want to and not because of anything other than I NEED to, I worked more than extremely hard to drop the weight that I have thus far and life is not what it was at 534 pounds. I have to try my best to stay in line and Yoda once said "Do or do not, there is no try", fortunately for me Yoda is just a puppet and I do not hold his words very close to my heart. Try is all anyone can do, we will all slip and fall from time to time and we are not a single one of us perfect and all as human as the next guy or gal, the way I see it is as long as we get back up and keep going we will not have failed.
stick that in your pipe and smoke it Yoda...
That's all I got for now, keep on keepin on and all that.
There is another post posted from last night but since spark censors me for saying $hit it didn't get posted here, feel free to check that one out on my blogspot if you are interested zeusmeatball.blogspot.com/
Thursday, June 23, 2011
So where were we? that's right I was a fat guy losing weight, a Dad taking care of the small herd of children that have amassed in my house and someone that was putting it all out there for the world to see in the name of accountability via this blog. I am not limited to any of those titles but as far as whats on the surface those are up there, I have over the last few years dropped more than 200 pounds and kept most of it off for the entire time BUT I am going to admit something that I was none too happy nor proud of. In April I began to notice that some of my clothes were snugging up...ok lets just call it what it was, $hit stopped fitting and I hadn't been on the scale in quite some time so it was in fact the right time for a reality check. On April 28th I decided to see what I weighed, the dim blue light lit the dark kitchen as a zero flashed across the display signaling that she was indeed ready to ruin my evening. My feet made contact with the cool unforgiving black plastic that makes up the platform of my scale as the digital dots danced around in a circle where she would stop nobody knows and bamn! 370.4 flashed onto the display.... what the $hit?!
I had not seen a number that high since October of 2008! which was 10 months into my weight loss, to say that I was and am disappointed in myself is an understatement, the word failure comes to mind. There is a lot that goes on in my life which does not make the blog, some of those things keep me from making me the most important thing in my life and it is what it is, with that said I do need to keep an eye on myself and my health. That night I got Pissed, upset, and as I mentioned disappointed with myself, so I decided that enough of the bull$hit and doing what I need to do must be a big part of my life and must remain a big part and since that day I have been on point with my intake. In the beginning of April a 10 mile ride just about killed my legs and ass, I am happy to say that I am back up to 25 mile trail rides on my newly upgraded with a new and improved bottom bracket and crankset bicycle. My calories are as I said on point while getting in loads of veggies and whole foods, oh I have also dropped 31...yes Thirty one pounds in the last 56 days aka since that night when I stepped on the scale.
Learning to balance all that life has to throw at us with the hardest thing that I have had to face all at the same time is just a part of the game that needs to be dealt with, making an excuse is just that an excuse...to fail. Sure I have a $hit ton of other fires burning that need attention but without handling the fire that is me the rest will burn out of control without me here planted with my feet on this planet. Finding time to do what I do is a priority, there will be times when it slips, there will be times when a workout is just not a possibility but if I let myself to slip back into the abyss that was my life at 534 pounds I will have let every single person in my life down including myself and that I will not allow.
Oh yeah...and those shirts that were snug? yep they fit again..
I am making every effort to get posting more regular like but time is at a premium these days, so don't be shy, drop a comment I am not so proud to not admit they help...
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