Wednesday, February 09, 2011
Where the hell ya been man! ice dams & leaky roofs, what the hell is a roof rake? a bruised hip, piles of snow days for the kiddos then throw in some fevers and the fact that we're trying to get the house ready for the new addition to the family and well ya get a fella that doesn't have a lot of time to sit down and write a post. Over the past couple weeks I have gotten lots of emails and messages asking if everything is ok and the short answer is yessiree all is well besides the fact that I am nursing away a pretty gnarly cold that has been kicking my ass over the last week or so. Making it to the gym has been nothing more than a dream between the $hitty weather, being sick, hurt hip and the fact that the kids have been home more than not lately but this shall be remedied as the arctic snow gods have seemingly taken us out of the target area for now so the animals are back to school and the roof is mostly shoveled clear so hopefully I can get my big ass back in the gym.
My whole regimen has been suffering for the last couple weeks because of all of the crap going on and because of that I haven't been sticking to my calories as tightly as I should be. I am not gaining weight but I am not losing either, I have fallen into a holding pattern and have been circling the landing strip again which needs to stop! Not being able to workout seems to put me into that place where I start going nuts and thinking back to my 500 pound days I find myself wondering how I did it for so long without kicking down the walls. Being stationary is NOT in my repertoire any more, bat $hit fuvking crazy is where I am at right now with the walls of snow and ice that surround my house and my bike taunts me from the corner of the room to get on and go for a ride snow and 9 degree weather be damned. Everything seems to be easing back to being normal so as soon as my chest clears the gym is going on my list of things to do as I haven't had a proper workout in at least a week and a half unless you count the shoveling and roof clearing and I don't count that as a workout, that is merely work.
Very shortly with a new kiddo on the way my time will once again be taken up by changing diapers and reading books, this will undoubtedly change the way that I workout and when I can workout. I foresee lots of evening rides on my bike when the wife lady can take over and perhaps walking will become once again a daily workout as I will be plus one for a while. I need to pack into the next couple months as much work as I can so that I am as far along as possible when the tides change and my program will be dictated less by when I want to workout and it becomes more about when the free time shows up.
The hip is feeling better, my chest has finally stopped rattling and since the snow has stopped school is back in session! all of those things mean that I can get back to the gettin' down in the gym and with the days getting longer again the warm weather will be here in no time so the bike will once again be in use thus allowing happiness to flow from my pours as it should. Mainly the thing that has to stay constant is the keep on keepin' on along with the good habits so that I may one day actually cross over that 300 pound line drawn in the sand! I am as healthy as I have ever been in my entire life, I do what I want to when I want to and am seemingly unlimited physically these days.
My life, my rules, my end result because I insist on things being that way.
That's all I got.
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Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Long time no blog! well six days anyways, I have been how do I say? laid up for a couple few days because of my jungle cat like gracefulness last Friday. During the last snowfall here in Connecticut I thought that it would be a grand idea to have the small people that live with me go outside and play in the icy fun that was falling from the sky while I shoveled the driveway and cleared off the motorized wagons parked in said driveway. Clearly I state mostly for the twelve year old small person who has a knack for doing the wrong thing most of the time "stay where I can see you until I am done shoveling" the five year old small person agreed as did the other and off they went to the front yard. Noticing that all I can hear is the small one yelling I decided to walk around the side of the house and amazingly the twelve year old was on the other side of the yard with the smaller of the two creatures boot in hand filling it with snow. The dad in me took over as I yelled at him to get his...um... please come over here boy which he apparently suffered from sudden deafness as he bolted in the opposite direction that I told him to go. Now while I am walking towards the small one to help get her boot back on and NOT looking at where my feet are being placed on the steep snow covered sheet of ice that I like to call a driveway abruptly and faster than I thought possible my feet were in the air and I felt like the coyote in a roadrunner cartoon as I seemingly floated in mid air for a few seconds before crashing to the bottom of a ravine. All 300 pounds of me landed pinpointed on my right hip, low on the hip but yeah, As I lay on the driveway the smaller of the two came over and squatted down placing her face within two inches of mine and asked with all sincerity "Dada, why are you laying in the driveway?" because I am honey.
Random shot of our snow fort, the hole looks deceivingly small in this shot but I can just about crawl through that hole on my hands and knees and not hit the edges, the pile started out about 9 feet tall.
After the fall I finished shoveling the driveway which in hindsight may have been the wrong decision because of the fact that here it is Tuesday and I am still in pain and cannot lay on my right side. I haven't been to the gym in that same time and sitting around bored, in pain and unmotivated because of it has wreaked havoc on my good habits and I have been finding myself on the wrong side of some meals that I probably should have passed on. My daughter has been home from school for the past two days with a low grade fever and Sunday night was up until about 1am coughing and puking, yay! lack of sleep resulted in a couple few cups of coffee and I have not been staying hydrated at all so I am sure that I am up in weight. "Why don't you just get on the scale man?" The good ol scale went kaput last week so I haven't been on the scale in more than a week and honestly I am unsure that I would want to see what it has to say right now, I am sure the hard work that I have been putting in is also....kaput.
Not making it to the gym is how do I say? Driving fuvkin' nuts! I shouldn't say that because its not the gym really its the lack of exercise as I would really prefer to be riding one of my bikes out on the trail over any trip to the gym. In the background, meaning not making the blog I have been doing the 100 push ups program in an attempt to get some personal goals out of the way, I had been making great progress and literally broke through an old personal record last week before the mishap in the driveway so I am unsure how that will be effected as its a progressive program. Something that I noticed about myself is that if I can't workout in some way or another it does affect the way that I feel, I don't want to say that I get depressed but holy hell am I itching for a workout as I write this. When pain is whats stopping me from doing what I do and there is nothing that I can do about it I feel caged or something and then the boredom kicks in and I resort to grabbing some "snacks" which eventually leads to my going over calories, hmmmm seems like I have been to this rodeo before.
That last statement kicked me in the face yesterday afternoon because my original weight gain was largely accompanied with an injury that lead to all of what I just described above but in a larger scale with my back injury. No, I am not going to backslide my way back to 534 pounds because I slipped on some ice and banged my hip like an elderly person but the fact that I can make some comparisons that seem very much alike one another is a tad bit scary for me because it is possible if I let it be to fall into that cycle. Unsure when I will make it back to the gym, perhaps tomorrow for at the very least a brisk walk on a treadmill, I do have to keep my daily calories in tact and not go over my allowed amount that's in the bank, there is no reason that I should eat badly just because I am sitting around bored and unable to workout. When I think about what I just said about sitting around bored and unable to workout I am instantly flung back in time and I know that's what got me up to 500 pounder with cheese status and falling off of that wagon for a couple days is one thing but not snatching up the reigns and getting back to the task at hand is another thing all together.
Slipping on the ice isn't the only place that I slipped over the last few days, I have had slips during this process and know that I will continue to have them, we all do. There is a lot going on in my life right now that is not related to my weight loss and or health and all at the same time it is directly related because I have so much more because of making the changes in my life that helped me get healthy again.
Today I leave you with a quote that I have agreed with for quite a long time.
"Half of life is fucving up, the other half is dealing with it"
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Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Back to the gym and the timing couldn't be better, Feeling a bit of a twang in my throat yesterday I decided to do some push ups last night to get the blood pumping then today after my trip to the gym today its completely gone. Missing out on my real bike rides being forced to accept the fact that I will be on a stationary bike or spin bike until it dries out and warms up I thought that it would be a chance to go for that over 100 average RPM zone that I have been wanting. Thirty minutes on the bike set at level 11 netted me 12.34 virtual miles, 228 avg watts, 12.37 avg MET's and 101 avg RPM's, something else that I found out on this ride is that K7's song Come baby come is good for a solid 108 RPM pace. This new record avg RPM for me has me thinking about that perhaps I should start riding the rail trail with one ear bud in on low volume just as a cadence tool, I enjoy the wind and the sounds around me when I ride though so perhaps not but I do think I will toy with this idea when I get back out there.
101 average RPM's, finally busted into that triple digit mark.
It still amazes me that when I don't get my cardio into any given day how piss poor my attitude gets, I honestly crave the movement and get grumpy when I can't squeeze a solid workout into my day. It wasn't that long ago when I would get a piss poor attitude because I had to move! I still to this day can't blame myself and I do feel bad when I see a heavier person struggle because I know exactly how it feels, I am unsure that I will ever forget that part of being 500 plus pounds. I honestly feel that my bike, or should I say bicycling as a whole has played a huge role in my weight loss, "but Mister meatball you only bought that K2 bike in June of 2009 zeusmeatball.blogspot.com/2009/06/my
-new-toy.html right? you had lost just about 200 pounds at that point already" Indeed I did! BUT I bought a stationary bike off of craigslist only 11 days zeusmeatball.blogspot.com/200
8/01/day-11.html into my trip to the half. From the beginning I, dare I say dreamed? of getting back onto two wheels again but when you weigh 500 pounds and are unsure if making it through a month of good eating and exercising is realistic but from that day when I got the new/old stationary bike I hoped that I would be able to get back onto a bike.
My bicycling means a lot to me, more than I probably let on and when I am riding down a trail I am in control, I am doing something that I want to do and its on my terms and my terms alone which at 500 plus pounds is not an option most of the time. I have even incorporated my bicycling into a tattoo that I got to remind me how far I've come down this road that is weight loss, Last year I designed and drew up the line work and off I went to add to my ink collection. I have heard that some people wear their hearts on their sleeves, this somewhat like that as I wear the design on my forearm for anyone to see and have answered a coupled inquiries already as to what it means, it serves as a reminder of all of the hard work that has gone into my health. Saying that I am a changed man some 1114 days after I made the decision to make my health a priority would not begin to describe how different things are in my life and those around me who depend on me.
Today it is raining on top of the remainder of the snow that was dropped into the New England air last week and looking out my window I am literally weighing the pros and cons of taking my new Crisscross out for a ride. My life, my terms my future, I refuse to live it any other way at this point and though I remember like it was yesterday the struggle to do anything past sitting on a couch will never be my present again, memories will be all that I keep of life at 500 pounds.
That my friends, is all that I have for today.
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Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Between the snow, dance classes, birthday parties, OBGYN appts and rearranging just about the entire house I have not had a single minute to myself in four or five days and my body feels it. Friday was the last day that I made it to the gym because of all of the things happening around me all at once so the plan was to hit it hard today but alas the weather gods decided that my children would be home from school again because of freezing rain on top of last weeks feet of snow so I doubt that I will make an appearance at ye olde gym today. I'm going to have to admit that I haven't been the strictest fella when it comes to counting my calories either over the last few days, random schedules and just plain old forgetting to eat has lead to some haphazard meals and meal times.
My wife's creative way to store some extra clothes hangers from our rearrangement of the house yesterday.
What has my bike been reduced to!
The lack of gym time is leading me to really miss my trail, I drive by the trail head and see freshly driven snow, zero tracks or marks in it and something in me says "go get your bike and make some tracks" but alas the snow is deep and without seeing what hides beneath it would be ill advised me tinks. Compound the untouched trail with the fact that Wify has found a use for my K2 and somehow I am really feeling the need to take a ride! a real ride, I am not talking about on a stationary bike! My poor faithful mountain bike has been reduced to an expensive clothes hanger holder for the time being with 36 slaps to the face hanging from her backbone, I suppose that I can't complain too much as it IS in my bedroom.
Tomorrow the children should return to school and I am planning on kicking my own arse at the gym to make up for the couple few days without anything that I would call cardio aside from the shoveling. Missing out on that part of my day effects me, I am literally bouncing off of the walls looking for things to do in order to make up for some of the lack of movement I suppose such is life in the north east eh? When the roads clear a bit I do believe that I will be taking one of the new old bikes out for a cold wet ride mostly because I can't stand it any more but also because I have been jonesin' to take that Crisscross out for a ride since I picked it up. Eat well and often, exercise daily while living life to the fullest is how I get down these days and sooner than later my time will be even more restricted because of a new "addition" so I must bust thee ass in order to get as close as possible to my line in the sand before that day "arrives".
Some news perhaps? complaining about the status of my bike? wishing that the snow would subside just a tad bit so that I might get out on two wheels? all of the above, some more subtle than others and the band shall play on while the world keeps spinning. My life is so different than it was three years ago, than when I was 500 plus pounds and I am embracing everything that I have because of a three year old decision and my only regret would be that I did not decide to do something about my weight problem sooner.
Keep on keepin' on and remember that everything that life offers is mine and yours alike for the taking.
That's all I got for today.
Friday, January 14, 2011
I don't read many magazines, I watch fewer television than most people and really don't read any "diet" books, I never have, Taking a "diet" pill is a foreign concept to me and I don't think that I am like most people that have battled with weight issues and yet am one in the same on so many levels. I came into this world once upon a time in the 70's and honestly remember a normal childhood for the most part, I mean sure I was called fat from time to time and always seemed to be the biggest kid in a group but so what? I knew kids that got called broomstick, nerd, chick-a-dude, fag, burn out and scare crow, why would it define a person? you know someone else's opinion. I honestly felt that everyone had tags at that age and like I said for the most part felt like part of the group, sort of like Our gang aka the little rascals, at least in the younger years because once about 7th grade hit and the opposite sex started playing a role things changed a bit.
Broomstick did ok, burn out and scare crow even got some play but the fat kids always got relabeled, the funny kid and some even got called bully mostly because of our size on the latter I suppose but this was indeed around the time that I remember the whole "fat" persona becoming an issue. Even though this was my label not of choice I did ok as far as having friends enough to get into trouble with but having that "fat" label stick so hard and actually mean something started bothering me but hey! its who I was right chick-a-dude? so of course I embraced it. I can remember my mother offering me a dollar for every pound that I lost back around that time and I thought, "a dollar per pound? what I am I Bologna?" Nah, I'm good. Never once in my life have I taken a so called "diet pill" I have had friends offer advice throughout the years and never once did I take it. My best friend whom was getting that fat label because of the rotundness that was forming around him one summer decided that he wasn't going to be a round boy any more and literally just cut what he ate in half and lost a lot of weight over a summer and even seeing that and knowing how he did it I just said "cool! wanna go for a bike ride?" seriously it happened just like that.
Graduating high school lead to one (or was it two) of the best summers to date for me, lots of hanging at the beach with pony bottles of bud (because we were bad asses like that) and good times, but alas! I hadn't an ol lady on my arm and this was problematic for me. One would think that the time to hunker down and drop some weight was here! I mean here I was 18 or 19 years old and about 350 pounds no lady and a ton of good times but was I really happy? gleefully miserable perhaps but that being alone thing was the real poker. Never even considering the option of dropping some weight more seriously than a day or two of not eating bad only to get right back to it the following day or hour was pretty much the routine. I was that big guy, it was who I am and if someone was going to be with me then its who they got because its the way it was going to be, nothing more, nothing less.
None of that got me to ever read a "diet" book, nothing in that list made me want to run out and join some pay per plan and even though I watched my aunts take every diet pill on the market and count calories with some success it was never an option for me. I read lots of Sports nutrition, weight lifting, power lifting, whole foods, and regular old nutrition books over the years starting around age 17 or so and a lot of that stuck but applying it wasn't as easy as reading it. I knew what I needed to do but was happier running up to Port Chester NY to hit the after hour bars or heading to New Haven for a hardcore show than applying anything healthy to my life. The "big guy" now more than the fat guy now but at the core of it I was in fact still the fat guy, one day I decided that I would run so I started going to a park in Fairfield CT and run at night, me? the fat guy? running? yes sir, I sure did.
The running was short lived and back to the lifestyle that got me upwards of 350 pounds I went, shortly thereafter the love of my life walked in and I found myself going to California without an aching in my heart. BAMN! blew my back out shortly after getting to Cali and ended up gaining most of my weight there, one day I looked in the mirror and didn't recognize the guy looking back and it was all down hill from there. My high weight is 534 pounds, I was more than that the summer before I began losing the weight that is recorded in my blog and if I had to guess I would say I was probably 30 pounds more than the 534 mark in early 2007. Still "diet" pills had no place in my life, Weight watchers and slimfast, any of those pay to play programs always seemed like a rip off to me so I never even considered them an option but what could I do?
I decided that I would go the calorie counting road and see what happened, I dusted off some of my old nutrition books a short time after starting and I have lost more than 200 pounds so far without the help of anything with the word "diet" pasted to it. There is enough information out there that in my VERY humble opinion anyone can carve their way down to whatever weight they so desire as long as the work is put into it. I read blogs and see stories on the internet and elsewhere about how people dropped thousands of dollars into every diet plan on the planet before they realized that hard work, discipline and adding movement into their lives is the key to living healthy and I am proud to say that I have never fallen prey to that kind of thing. I think that those plans can work and have heard of people having had great success on some of them but I am also in the opinion that they work because of the change in thinking of the people on them more than the plan itself, which can be acquired without any monthly payment.
My life has changed in more ways than any of you reading this blog knows and I share a lot here! I look in the mirror these days and the guy that looks back is someone that I want to be. We have to make the most of every minute that we have because if we choose to eat fatty foods in excessive amounts while sitting on our arses, it will only lead us to looking at a reflection that does not match what our minds eye knows and an early death could be lurking around the next corner. Discipline, hard work and staying focused on eating healthy while getting some movement into each of our days is a must to lose the weight that holds us back, it doesn't matter if you choose to let someone create a plan for you or read up and create your own but sicking to it and doing something about the problem is the only thing that is going to help the weight come off.
Moral of this story you ask? Put the cupcake down, get up off of your ass! its the only way that its going to work.
That's all I got for today
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