Thursday, December 09, 2010
Wednesday was one of those days where I felt like everything went right even when it went wrong, I woke up two minutes before my alarm and even though I have a little bit of a cold right now felt good. My morning cup of tea went down and I began my day, The gym was calling so I wrote yesterdays post and did not wait to go to the gym at my normal time and out the door I went into the freezing cold, did I mention that the lake is beginning to freeze over? At the gym I rode my stationary bike for 35 minutes at a 95RPM average followed by a trot on the treadmill 7% incline 3.5MPH for 30 minutes and home I headed for lunch. My calories came in at 1760 for the day and was very balanced, drinking is never an issue but for the record I finished the day with 2 gallons of green tea and H2O with a side of 3 cups of hot green tea. My son came home from school and decided that he would throw a temper tantrum, I told him that it was coming off of his end of the night ie: You're going to bed early tonight kid and on I went with my positive vibe.
The picture that I took a few nights ago has really impacted me in a positive way even though it literally turned my stomach when I put it next to my 305 shirtless pound photo and I seem to have found my mojo again. I think seeing a side by side of myself looking heavier was what I needed right now, Getting comfortable was getting out of hand and like I said even though I wasn't really gaining weight regularly I had gained some and was just hovering there. Nothing is getting to me right now, I believe that a Rum cake from Luigi's Bakery could be put in front of me with a fork and I wouldn't touch it, yes folks, its like that. Every bite, every ingredient, and every drink is weighed and measured before I will eat it and then it is written into my excel sheet for the record books. Right now as I type I have three meals written into my excel sheet and an amount of calories left over for snacks or smaller meals that will fit between my meals and as far as fuel goes I know where mine will come from all day long. As long as I stick to the excel sheet I cannot fail today where my fuel is concerned, this is how I look at food, it is merely fuel for my body to complete the tasks for any given day.
The concept of looking at my food as Fuel and nothing more is how I did it from the very beginning so its nothing new to me, only recently have I started looking at it as "hmmm I like the way that tastes better than this so I will have that instead" so back to food is fuel I go. Saying food is fuel doesn't mean that I eat cardboard either, looking at my excel sheet for today my breakfast was 2 cups of honey comb cereal with 1 cup of 1% milk, I will have an almond Zone perfect bar before I go to the gym, Lunch is going to be 4oz of panko breaded haddock fillets on 100 calorie deli slims with some laughing cow cheese (my version of a fillet O fish but mine are only 225 calories each), then Dinner is going to be 2 soft tacos/burritos made on 100 calorie tortillas (which are huge, two more than fills me up) and the three meals leaves me 205 calories to play with. The 205 calories will be all fruit, perhaps a pear, a banana and a few grape tomatoes? that's the beauty of it, I can adjust it however I want/need to and I am not ever once in a day feeling hungry or like I am missing out on anything.
In the beginning I was a 500 pound man with few options, many of them led me into a hole in the ground, some led to expensive surgeries, and one led me to where I am today. These days I am a much healthier version of that guy but the same guy none the less, I have a feeling that I will struggle with food for a long time but when I can get my head into this in a way where I turn all cravings and ahem..addictions into logical thinking it is I who runs Bartertown. I have a feeling that on December 31st when I step onto that scale for the blog that anyone that is following my little trek through weight loss will understand just how focused I have become again, lets just say that Wify suggested that I take the day off from the gym today because I have been going so hard, just like old times.
We do in fact control our own destiny, we are the one with the fork in our hands so unless you are tied to a chair with a large ogre of a man forcing food down your gullet YOU are the one that decides what goes in.
Wednesday, December 08, 2010
I find that sometimes re-reading my posts helps me to stay focused and makes me practice what I preach so I often times go over what was written for any given day for my own benefit. I read a lot, what I should say is that I read a lot about health, nutrition and weight loss, whether this is medical stuff or weight loss sites, sports nutrition books or some of your blogs and articles I love soaking it all in and have done so from January 2008. I at times hear people say or read in comments or blogs things that are just down right negative ie: counter productive to weight loss/health and a lot of times I want to write an email to them or wish that I could talk to that person face to face and ask them how they expect all of the negativity to result in positive results? When I am face to face with someone and the subject comes up on a mutual common ground kind of level I will ask, or ask them why they feel that way and give my view about it, sometimes its taken for what it is, just another guys opinion and sometimes I get the gas face and a "yeah whatever dude" look.
My black Chocobo and Dark Knight, oh my!
In yesterdays post I said "working hard has to replace all of the things that put the weight on" that statement made me start thinking about my life in the past and how the weight was put on. The variables are all over the place from buying mostly processed foods and keeping them in the house, playing video games for hours on end to late night stealth ninja runs to the drive through windows of greasy doom. Those things need to change but most of all the negativity is the main culprit in this fight, how can we expect to better our lives if all we do is complain about how terrible everything is all of the time? Negativity breeds more of the same and when its broken down its just a way of giving ourselves a reason to fail that is not on our own shoulders, but alas young Padowan, our destiny does in fact fall squarely onto each of our own shoulders no matter how much we pad it with negativity. Focus on what maddens us and we will never become great, but if the things that chain us down are viewed as something to push us into greatness then that is what we will have, and I whole heartedly believe that statement.
I will never and have never said it would be easy, I mean hell! do you realize how hard it was to cold turkey walk away from a level 75 Dark Knight? or the level 75 Black Mage??, but seriously none of it is easy. We are forced to change everything that we know in order to have the healthy life that we want, and you may not know it right now but you DO want it! When I was 500 plus pounds nothing that you could have said to me would have convinced me otherwise but having been there done that I can honestly say that I did want it even if I convinced myself that it didn't matter. There will be no more sitting for hours in a dented couch watching television with mayonnaise on your tee shirt, the 2 liter of coke will have to be left at the store and paying attention to what goes into the pie hole is priority one not to mention the exercise! see not easy! or I should say not as easy as not caring?
I have made a ton of changes in how I get down, I eat whole foods, I drink green tea like no other, the gym and my mountain bike are my go to for when I have free time and no matter what I don't let negativity into my life. I just don't see the point of complaining and whining about things that I have no control over when the things that I do have control over are where it counts, everyone has $hitty things in their lives, not a single one of us is alone when we look at our issues, ALL of us have some! The major difference is that some of us roll with the punches and others look at the negative and beat it a bloody pulp looking for it to be the next excuse as to why they failed. Take those negatives and replace them with something that will help the fight, otherwise the negativity will make it feel like shoveling $hit against the tide, again ask me how I know.
That's all I got.
Tuesday, December 07, 2010
Feeling like a sledge hammer in a room full of glass is the current mood in my gray matter, the suggestion would be to step to the side and let whatever is happening happen as you are powerless to stop it. There are times when something else takes over and this is how it was back in January 2008, something had to be done else there could have been a couple of holes in my future, the one in the side of the house who was close friends with the one in the ground. Unexplainable drive thrown into what I am staring at in front of me the feeling of nothing can stop me is thick in the air and it shall be so, I need to get to that line in the sand drawn so long ago. Perhaps the image of me heavier than I was a few months ago pasted next to each other on my screen showed me something that I never want to see again, a heavier version of myself which means that I am not getting down the way I know how to.
The image of me at 305 pounds and the new heavier image is only a 25 pounds difference "Did he just only 25 pounds??" what the $hit man! twenty five pounds represents six months of lackadaisical discipline on my part and I say "only"? because of the enormous amount of weight that has come off already perhaps but I know that 25 pounds is not a small number. That number represents more than just six months of meh behavior, it now represents at least a month of hard work likely more, just to get back what I had already clenched in my fist. I opened this post by saying that I feel like a sledge hammer in a room full of glass and I do, it will not be long before I am pushing my way through that 300 pound mark and I say this because my head feels like it did in the beginning and I don't mean pudgy, I mean focused.
I was once a guy that thought he would die not so beautiful at a young age leaving a family behind with memories of me weighing the same as farm animals and motorcycles, The idea of of that saddens me but more so I get pissed off because I allowed it to get that far. Ain't no fuvkin' way it will ever be me again, I busted my ass for far too long to be content with "almost" this time around and if you feel like you want to be an almost kind of person that's fine by me but my fate will be decided by me and me alone. I will never say that losing weight and getting healthy is easy, especially when the starting point is north of 500 pounds, it is a daily struggle and working hard has to replace all of the things that put the weight on. Letting up cannot be an option which is a lesson learned for me at this point, I have proven that I can eat almost how I want to, have a beer or three on a Friday night while maintaining a fluctuation weight that goes up and down within a 10-15 pound window but ultimately its not what I want.
December 31st will measure my willpower, it will be the needle on the scale that shows me that the hammer has in fact swung and that pile of glass on the floor will be glad to be out of my way. I started something and its time to finish it, my terms, my way, naysayers and disbelievers be dammed and if there is negativity within you, keep it there because like the witness on my front stoop the door will be closed in your face, you cannot and will not make me conform to your ways.
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Monday, December 06, 2010
Who knew? I mean who wouldda thunk that the 534 pound guy could with a little bit of hard work get into a healthy way of living? I know that I didn't when I began. It takes some time to slip into the fact that I am not that 500 pound fella any more, but at the same time I can remember the struggle as clear as I can remember the bowl of home made turkey soup that I had for dinner last night. Recently I talked about how comfortable I had become because I am not really limited in what I do these days and that's all fine and dandy but I did something last night and it upset me to the point where I believe that big numbers will be coming off of the scale for a while.
This should last a couple days!
When I started losing weight I was taking pictures of myself twice per month, no shirt, just skivvies three angles and I photo shop them next to one another each month so that I could see my progress, I will save you from the images by not posting them but I have images starting from Jan 2008. I have not taken a picture since May of this year and for whatever reason last night I thought about it and asked wify to snap a few so that I could see just how far I have back slid since May. I weighed 305 pounds on May 21st and there is a definite difference in that image from May and the one that I took last night and it pissed me off that I was smaller than I am now and with no good reason for the change. I mentioned more than a few times how comfortable I am in my body right now and that photo changed that for me, I think its amazing how we can feel one way and look another because if I didn't have the side by side to compare its easy to convince myself that I am ok where I am at because of how comfortable I am.
I have worked way too hard to get where I am, I have come from a guy that couldn't walk up a flight of stairs comfortably to a guy that looks for something to do because sitting still doesn't feel right. I looked at the photo last night next to the one from May and instantly realized that I have become complacent with my weight loss and half way isn't going to be good enough for me this time around. I have talked about being mister 97% and its kind of a joke between Wify and me but I can't let it happen with my health goals, there is too much that I want to do and reaching my goals with my weight and health are at the top of the list of things that I must do.
All of that being said I had a flawless weekend where my health goes, I ate perfectly and got some movement into my days, drinking has never been an issue for me and that continues to be the matter. Today I will bust arse at the gym, I will eat my allotted calories and I will weigh less tomorrow for my efforts, this is how I will live, it is how I will achieve my goals and my focus must remain on one thing. I set a goal to be as close to 275 pounds as possible by April 1st and there is a very personal reason that date was chosen, I have to stay on task in order to make that goal even though I think that getting at or below 275 by then will be near impossible I still have to try. I would need to drop an average of 3.4Lbs per week until April first to hit 275 and like I said I don't think its impossible though it may be improbable, My life will be all about weight loss once again for a while and I will be using the "if it ain't broke don't fix it" philosophy and go back to basics and what works for me.
Whole foods, lots of fruits and veggies, stay hydrated and get my cardio into every day, this is how I roll, won't you join me?
Friday, December 03, 2010
Taking this new old way back in and this week has gone pretty much without a hitch, I am back in a groove with pre-planning my day worth of calories out on my excel sheet and my calories have been pretty much all whole foods and under budget. In the beginning I looked at this as my job, if I preformed well I got raises, or in my case the opposite of raises and my weight went down, I did it by the book and by that I mean the plan that I created for myself was followed to the letter and I was very successful with the losses each week. Write down every measured bite that went into my mouth and do not veer from that path was how I rolled, exercise every day no matter how I felt was the way of the warrior as it was which has never been an issue for me because I love the feeling after I workout and keeping my tank topped off with green tea and H2O was of the utmost importance, this is how things will be for me from now on again.
The view from my treadmill, no one on the arc-trainers!
Today happens to be Friday and it also happens the beginning of the month so I am going to record my weight at the beginning of each month for a bit because this whole weighing in each Friday thing is meh for me right now. So the first notch in the "what I weigh" belt will come in at 333.8Lbs this morning which is a good amount lower than I was on Monday but it was a not so great eating weekend last week. I have been making myself dinner with the family but adjusting some items so that I can get high calorie bang for the buck like last night everyone else had corn as a side but I chose to have green beans because of the caloric cost being so much lower on the beans which allowed me to have a little more. None of this is new to me but I had slid into just having what everyone else was having no matter what it was for ease of preparation, I am back to being mister measure again with everything and now I will need to focus on staying on this track again like I was in the beginning.
Thinking about the importance of this trek to the other side of 300 pounds I am realizing that no matter how comfortable I am right now and no matter how good I feel that there is more to this trip. I took my life back in the past couple years and now its tome to push myself into uncharted territory by making it below that 300 pound barrier that is seemingly out of reach so says the years of being on this side of it. When it comes down to it I am the only one holding me back at this point, Me and my comfort of not being unable to walk a quarter mile without being in excruciating pain and so out of breath that fear enters the gray matter. I will step aside and allow myself to advance over the bridge without paying a gold piece because there has been enough aggravated assault on my body by its owner over the years for one guy to take.
Friday December 31st I will weigh myself for the blog again, hopefully I am a good amount lighter by then, I am putting in the disciplined time once again and have a feeling that I will push through this go around. There you have it, another episode of as the fat guy turns has come to an end, keep on keepin on and all that fun stuff, that's all I got for ya today.
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