Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Making better choices in my diet and exercise for nine hundred fifty three days now and loving every minute of it, I promise you I am! Starting off not being able to walk a half mile to where I am today hiking, biking and hitting the gym regular like my life is completely different than it was when I began down this road paved in low calorie meals and sweaty bike rides. Living life on this end of the spectrum is a lot nicer than where I started, the view is much better from this side to put it simply. Something that has happened recently is that since the kids have been off of school my exercise has slowed way down and I know that having them here makes it more difficult to have a strict exercise schedule but I should honestly be able to get something into every day regardless so my lack of movement sits squarely on my shoulders, it is what it is. My weight has sort of whats the term the kids are using these days? plateaued? for the last couple months...hey! exactly when I stopped going to the gym every day, who wouldda thunk?? but its the reason that I am not too worried about it too. What it shows is that I can maintain my weight pretty easily because I am not really up in weight in the grand scheme but I am fluctuating within about a 10-15 pound range that hasn't changed in a couple months.
Did somebody mention the view being better on this side?
Here is my menu from yesterday, I did go over slightly but I swear its not my fault! those rice and beans that I make are seriously addicting for me and I really should stop making it! but I can't! I must!! there is no way that I can't have them! think of your ass man! but! but! no pun intended! or was it? oh I don't know any more....see?? I've gone crazy talking to myself in my own blog over them..... here is the menu at any rate.
onion/peppers/tomato/1T smart balance 87
6 egg whites 1 whole egg 160
1 whole grain deli thin 100
1 garlic pickle spear 5
1 banana 105
1 med tomato 25
1 T peanut butter 95
1 T strawberry jam 40
2 slices whole wheat bread 140
1 Yoplait thick and creamy yogurt 100
1 med tomato 25
1 1/3 cup rice&beans 400
6oz panko breaded baked haddock 250
tartar sauce 50
1/2 cup rice & beans 150
That comes to 1732 total calories for the day which is not bad at all and pretty much on the button but truth be told I did take a bite or two more than the measured portions that are listed so it is a tad bit higher than the 1732 on my excel sheet. I've started weighing everything again too which means that all of my chopped veggies and smart balance etc is getting itemized into my spreadsheet again, its sort of just a check system for myself to make sure that my visual scale skills are still sharp. I never stopped weighing portions of meat and I never stopped measuring my rice or pasta etc on my salter scale or in measuring cups but my diced veggies, whole fruits etc I have been eyeballing for a while now. before I weigh anything now I take a guess and I am happy to say that I am still pretty much right on so my eyeballing skill has held up.
I am working out a schedule to make sure that I can get to the gym every day because I must do it, I miss going regularly to the gym and my weight hasn't budged since I stopped going daily so it must resume. The problem that I run into when I go to the gym later in the day, meaning early evening is that I am all kinds of pumped up and awake after my workout that I end up staying up until after midnight because of that high so my sleep suffers. When sleep suffers everything suffers because I am tired and not at my best so its hard for me to commit to a late workout but I am thinking that I have to because besides the fact that I am not getting in the cardio that I would like to be I just plain old miss it.
Today I will be at the gym at some point, the plan is my 15-15-15 workout but I changed it to 20-20-20 so that its an hour of cardio instead of the 45 minutes. I have 4 eggplants out in the garden that are ready to be picked so perhaps a healthy version of eggplant parmesan will be born today. My day must begin so that's all I got for now, the one thing that I ask of you is that if you made it all the way to this point of my post is that you get up now and go grab a glass of H2O to start your day off right, I am already down 1/2 a gallon of water and 30 seconds after I hit publish I will have a glass of Green tea in my possession.
Keep on keepin on, its all that we can do..
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Don't tell me that you can't do it, if you do I will not believe the words weakly falling from your pie hole.
That sounds a lot like an excuse to me, perhaps you should reevaluate your stance before making the decision to not workout today.
I understand that its just a tiny amount of cereal grabbed from the box but you don't need it so put it back right this very moment.
I will start being strict again tomorrow, do in NOW not later.
Making the decision to get and stay healthy has to be all of the way, it has to be how we live each and every day of our lives, we need to eat real foods and exercise our bodies in order to be at the top of our limits every day. I can tell you that at 500 plus pounds nothing is easier, not a single thing in life is made more simple because of weighing more than a quarter ton unless we are talking about anything gravity related, or perhaps breaking the inner structure of a couch. Being chained to an uncomfortable life because of our weight is not a fun thing, I do not wish it on anybody and I feel for people that I see walking around or in a lot of times rolling around in motorized chairs breathing heavy while struggling to appear as if they are in control of things. I honestly at times have to stop myself from offering help to random people that I see struggling to breathe because of their weight, I know first hand how it feels as well as knowing that a hand reached out would feel like an insult because at my highest if someone offered to help I would have insisted that they were crazy and that I was just fine.
Making the decision to snatch our lives from an almost certain heart attack or hand grenading our knees isn't easy, its not something that is a snap change in the way we eat and exercise but when a person weighs 500 plus pounds its time to start making it a priority. I don't think that anyone can just flip a switch and be mister super weight loss eat right guy but over time and lots of research that can develop and a healthy life can be his. Nobody forces us to eat badly, there is no giant with a club holding our mouths open while he shoves greasy morsels of artery clogging food down our gullets, it just doesn't happen like that. We have to be our own police, when its food that is the addiction its hard because we need to eat, and we need to do it every day so how do you police that effectively all while not obsessing over it? You have to want it more than you want the handful of cereal or the bacon double bacon cheeseburger pizza dipped in chocolate sauce and melted cheese.
When I was 500 pounds I was the very same man that I am now but there was a difference, that difference is that I hid behind the difficulty of what was in front of me where as now I take responsibility for whatever I do, they are my decisions and mine alone. Nothing is going to change if we don't make it change, in some cases we must force a change because if we don't then it will always be our downfall and when you are (if you read my blog regularly you know I hate this term) Morbidly obese time is against you. I wish that someone would have told me that I had a case of being a little bitch and prescribed me a heavy dose of man the fuvk up a long time ago because that's what it comes down to for me, and its how I look at my health these days. I have to do what I need to in order to assure that I am around a very long time so that I can show my kids that there is a right way and a wrong way to approach their health so that they will never have to concern themselves with the struggles of being an extremely heavy individual in a society that just does not accept it not to mention all of the health risks involved with weighing as much as a silver back gorilla.
Make excuses or make your mind up to do something about the weight, it is your choice, your decision and your life. I can't tell you that its easy because it really has been one of the most difficult things that I have done in my life but I can tell you that I am happier right now than I have been in my entire adult life because of making that decision to live life on my terms.
I can and am doing it..
I will workout today...
I did walk past that cereal box without dipping into it....
I am on plan and full steam ahead NOW not tomorrow.....
Won't you join me?
Monday, August 09, 2010
This weekend afforded the Boss lady and myself the chance to get away on a little weekend retreat just the two of us so we did! I got an email from Wify listing an entire weekend full of stuff to do with a simple question "How does this sound?" I thought it sounded great so the room was booked and we were off. I always talk about not limiting myself during "special occasions" and this kind of fell into that but I did pretty good on the eating front and as far as exercise is concerned we walked for more than 5 hours on Saturday on Mt Sunapee at a craftsmen fair followed by about 2 1/2 hours on Sunday at a HUGE flea market that was on our route home.
Oh no! I ate the whole thing!
We started out on our trip and I had all day Friday where I ate how I should have, we decided to go to the supermarket for a snack for the ride as it was a few hours and some stuff to drink. I decided on a bag of Quaker Quakes rice snacks which is 70 calories per serving BUT I ended up eating the entire bag on the ride up! no worries I thought as I had a very light day so on we went. It was decided before we left that we would do a late dinner when we pulled into town and we found a little bar/restaurant which was surprisingly good where the service and food was concerned. We ordered nachos for an appetizer and I got an 8oz NY strip with a loaded baked potato and sauteed zucchini, I passed on the veggies, ate the whole steak and the potato came back to the hotel with us so again not so bad of a dinner where calories are concerned. Wify ordered a pasta dish with artichoke, spinach, grilled chicken and a light red sauce and she only ate half of it and that meal from Friday fed us for dinner again Saturday and one meal for two nights dinner would have never happened in the past.
A shot of the Healthy eating vendors sign.
Saturday morning we woke up early and started our day with breakfast at the restaurant in the hotel just to make things easy, I had an eggbeater omelet with veggies, whole wheat toast and some home fries. I asked for half of the cheese that they normally use as I didn't figure they used low fat stuff like I do at home, the home fries were baked and I opted for H2O as my drink, over all I was off to a good start. We headed up to the Craftsmen fair and I was pleasantly surprised at what I found there as I was a little skeptical that it was going to be intriguing enough to keep me interested in staying all day. There were glass blowers, blacksmiths, wood carvers, painters and silver smiths along with any other kind of craft type persons that you could think of there, we walked straight away to a fella that was carving logs into sculptures with a chainsaw and immediately bought a mask off of him for our wall of masks at home. After walking around for a few hours we decided that it was time for lunch so we walked on over to the food area to be faced with things like Philly cheese steaks, cheese burgers, pulled pork sandwiches and all other sorts of "fair" type food stuff but then noticed the "Health smart" booth! I ended up with a Turkey sandwich on whole wheat with lettuce on it with a bottle of H2O to wash it all down with so I was still on par with making good food choices to go with all of the walking that we were doing.
Half of my lunch.
and the other half! along with my chipmunk like cheek!
After lunch I was forced we decided to take a ride on the ski lift to take a 10 minute ride to the summit of Mt Sunapee to check out the view and walk around a bit up on top of the world, the brochure said there were trails up there so it sounded fun. The ride up was really fun with lots to look at and the view from the top was even better, it was almost story like as we got to the top and were greeted with what seemed like hundreds of shiny purple dragonflies gliding around the wild flowers and trees. We spent about an hour on the summit before heading back down and to say that I was relaxed at that point would not be close to how I was feeling, Just two and a half years ago a trip like this one would not have been possible just because of the walking that was involved never mind anything else.
My feets on the ski lift, its further down than this pic lets on!
Me and Wify on the summit, another hiker offered to take our photo for us.
This is off of the balcony on the lodge at the summit.
Wify snapped this as we were walking away from the ski lift after coming down.
When we came down off of the summit we decided that it was time to head back to the hotel after a quick trip to the supermarket for some green tea and supplies. I was craving Cheese for some reason, is there something in cheese that my body needed? or did I just want some?! I don't know but we picked up some low fat pepper jack and a box of wheat thins which we used as an appetizer to our main course al la left overs. Saturday night dinner was the loaded baked potato, Wifys pasta and the remainder of the nachos split between us, we did indulge in dessert at the Italian restaurant in the hotel in the form of some Gelato and a small piece of cheese cake which was also split between us after dinner.
Sunday is where my eating went down hill as I feel that I made decent choices throughout the whole weekend until that day, breakfast was at a diner and I got a cup of coffee which I did use splenda in so props to me there but that's where the props stop I am afraid. I ordered hash and eggs, which had 3 eggs over easy on top of a small pile of hash along with some whole wheat toast, the meal was delicious and I haven't had hash in ages but probably not the best choice in the grand scheme. We had decided that we were going to stop in Massachusetts for dinner at a random Italian restaurant that we found on restaurants dot com as we had a few coupons and we were going to kind of skip lunch grabbing a soft serve ice cream at some point after a flea market that we stopped at. Well we did get soft serve at a place called Poor boys drive in, this place was amazing! they had flavored soft serve ice cream in the way of like 30 different flavors! I ended up getting a large rum flavored and wify opted for the cheese cake and that rum soft serve tasted just like rum cake and though I thoroughly enjoyed the cone I am quite relieved that it is so far from me. Our "skip lunch" idea turned into "lets just grab a side and split it" which we did, we ordered something that they called tumbleweeds which was just very thinly sliced onions cooked like onion rings but it was a huge plate! and off we went.
At the place in MA I ordered the chicken parm which was served on top of pasta and again was not the best choice but I knew that when I ordered it, the menu was sort of lacking and nothing else really caught my attention. I knew that another blogger Ann whom I met when I went to the Dr. Oz show ( zeusmeatball.blogspot.com/2010/02/so
html ) lived in MA and she had given me her cell phone number at the time so I thought I would shoot her a text and see if she wanted to meet Wify and myself for dinner at said random restaurant. As it turned out she was only 30 minutes away from where we were eating and accepted so that was a cool surprise to end our weekend. Ann found out that I do in fact drink crazy amounts of tea as she watched eight or was it nine glasses of unsweetened tea come to the table one after another, we did joke about that. After dinner back into the car we went and homeward bound once again we drove as I tried to make the "time of arrival" on the GPS get lower and lower until finally we made it home.
Over all it was a great weekend spent with Wify, I made some good choices with my intake, some not so good choices but in the grand scheme it was good. Eight hours of walking/hiking squeezed into two days and some great memories added to the collection along with the three hundred some odd photos that we snapped while making those memories. This entire weekend would not have happened if I had not decided to change my life just two and a half short years ago and I know that I am happier because of that decision.
That was how this fella spent a weekend because of a two and a half year old decision, what are you able to do now because of healthier choices? and with that, the end has come to this edition of as the fat guy turns..
Thursday, August 05, 2010
Can you imagine how frustrating that is? can you imagine working as hard as I do and still looking like you eat cheeseburgers for breakfast lunch and dinner? There are times that I feel like a million bucks and then there are other times that I grab a glance of myself in the mirror and think "Holy hell! am I still THAT big??" It really is a double sided battle for me. I know that I am not even close to what I was at 500 plus pounds but I am not close enough to my goal yet that I can say "yep, couple few more pounds and I'm there" either and I think that a lot of the frustration comes from the skin that's literally still hanging around because of the big losses.
I currently wear a 2XL shirt, well most in that size fit now a days but the top of the shirt usually fits slightly loose while the bottom half is more snug but the skin likes it that way so it is what it is. I think about how big I look to myself at this point sometimes and I can get lost in that until I am feeling like a complete round boy, now this is rare but it still happens. I have to remember that just two and a half years ago I was wearing a 6XL shirt and thinking about a 7XL because the 6XL was starting to snug more and more. This next thing may sound odd but I still have a lot of the clothes that I wore back when I was 500 plus pounds but I keep them to remind me where I was because though I have come more than 200 pounds down a road that's leading me to being fit I still need reminders to keep me pushing. Yesterday we took the kids to the mall for a haircut and a wash, I was walking through the mall and saw that my gym is opening a location in the mall so I was reading the sign but there was a weird angled window next to me and I caught a glimpse. I looked about how I thought I did, sexy fat dude came to mind but when I turned I looked bigger "holy hell! round boy!" and I know that I need to just get over it but I am always looking for my reflection to judge myself, imagine that? judging myself!
The green shirt is one of my old 6XL's while the black Under Armour shirt is a 2XL and fits me now, putting them on top of one another really shows just how big of a difference there is, I promise that black one is not a kids shirt!.
We go through life with people judging or prejudging us and here I am having successfully lost more than 200 pounds and keeping it off for more than 2 years and I am doing to myself something that I loathed as a heavier person. I got over it pretty quickly but the thought entered my gray matter center stage if only for a second or two, it did enter. I walked into GNC and read a fitness magazine for a minute or two and didn't question me being in there or look around to make sure there wasn't more than one person in there like I did back when I was heavier and needed to use their scale. Two things need to happen for me, I need to just stop thinking about the bigger me and by that I mean the version of my current self that looks bigger whether in my minds eye or in reality sometimes, and I need to realize that I look extremely different than I did when I began my better health campaign.
That image above shows me a lot, it is proof positive that I am leaps and bounds ahead of where I started because when I thought to lay one shirt on top of the other I didn't think that it would look as different as it does. Maybe I should just accept the fact that I am much smaller now, perhaps if the new me was to lay on the old me the difference would be just as dramatic. Maybe I should stop caring about those odd angles where I look bigger than my minds eye shows me I am? I wish that it was that easy. Having memories of wearing that green shirt that is above and those memories being so close in the grand scheme it would be like forgetting something that happened yesterday, even though today is a completely different day, what happened yesterday is still there. Hopefully sooner than later I can get past that feeling of being a round boy because I do know that there is a huge difference but all at the same time I see a bigger me than people say is there now from time to time.
947 days after starting down this path to better health I am much lighter, stronger mentally and physically, I eat better than I ever have in my life and still I battle with seeing myself smaller. Perhaps this shall pass, perhaps it won't but how ever it goes the plan is to keep on keepin on until I reach all of my health goals. My feeling is that I am not the only one that has fought or is fighting this self image battle but I will take this fight over the other any day because this is much easier than weighing 500 plus pounds and struggling with EVERYTHING.
As the fat guy turns has come to a conclusion for the day, make great decisions when it comes to intake and drink much for all you have to gain is your health!
Wednesday, August 04, 2010
We make decisions every day of our lives which takes us down our own path ultimately deciding where we end up for the end game, These are the decisions that mold our very existence. At every Y in the road there is a choice to make and that is no different than when a person struggling with weight has to decide whether to skip the brownie or not, there is a choice and what we decide will dictate where the path takes us. I have literally had to take pause and think to myself "is this cookie really worth the end result?" sometimes I eat it but most times I choose to not take the empty calories and grab some baby carrots or a glass of H2O instead because I know that making better choices most of the time is how I will succeed with my health goals.
The choice to workout each day falls on each of our own shoulders, there are days that I do not no way ain't gonna happen have the time to get to the gym or out for a ride on my bike and a lot of those times I go without any exercise for that day. Instead of skipping a workout there is always something that we can do to get at least some exercise in, now it may not be a vigorous 30 minute cardio session followed by weight lifting and a nice calming stretching routine but something is better than nothing. Push ups and crunches are some of my favorites, I can do either of those exercises in the spare seconds between chores, or right before bed even, they don't take long at all and help us keep or add some muscle while we shed weight. These decisions are the key to success when it comes to our health, if we make the wrong decision too many times we can end up weighing in excess of 500 pounds and unable to do many remedial tasks that most people take for granted.
I suppose what I am getting at is what I have said from the beginning, well, the beginning of this blog anyhow, and that is every one of us holds in our hands the power to change our rotund physiques into a healthier version with our choices. At the end of the day it is each and every one of us that is responsible for ourselves so when 10:30 pm comes around and we are sitting on the couch before bed, every decision that was made where eating and or exercise is the subject falls squarely onto our own shoulders. Eating is an important thing for us as human beings, I mean we can't live without eating but I don't think that any one of us should live to eat, in the grand scheme there is not a food on the planet that tastes as good as being free to do whatever we want to on our own terms. That is a fact that I have learned first hand and I never want to be on the wrong side of that equation ever again.
I'm just another fat guy getting healthier but I can tell you first hand that making better decisions one day at a time has changed the way that I live completely and you can do it too, if you want it.
Thats all I got.
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