Monday, July 26, 2010
Lets take a step back in time to say somewhere around 1985 and see where some of these issues with being the fat kid came into the picture. I was in the boy scouts for more than a few years as a kid and we would hike, camp and do all kinds of stuff on our camping trips that was extremely fun even though we were kind of considered the misfit troop getting into trouble a lot of the time, good old troop 24. Sometimes we would participate in the Jamborees where all of the area troops would get together and show off our scout skills in the way of fire making, knot work and all kinds of other things that we were learning about back then but as I said we were kind of known as "the wild troop" for some of our antics . Each troop would set out on one big project and then do a sort of demo for the other troops showcasing our mad skillz yo, ok ok let me not get out of character because this is a reflection kind of thing going on here. The biggest Jamboree of the year we decided that we were going to shake that stigma and make the best suspended rope bridge that anyone ever did see because it was a big project and could include every one that was in our troop on some level of the construction between all of the knots and cutting of wood and rope not to mention if we pulled it off it would be pretty cool.
The Jamboree started and we all put everything that we had into this little rope bridge that could, I clearly remember working on it all day Saturday while we all took turns making knots and lashing the braces together. Dragging logs from the woods the whole of the troop was like a perfectly oiled machine all working together like the borg to get to a single point where this rope bridge was built and we were going to win that first place badge for our project if it killed us. I can remember being covered in sweat and wood chips, sore hands and feet from cutting and tying all day and by Saturday mid day we were almost complete. Off we went to get some food onto the table because there was a daily time limit on working on the projects so we were done for the day but went back to our lean to and literally discussed between the all of us how we were going to get up at first light and finish the bridge before the time limit was up so that we could enjoy some of the other things that were going on.
Sunday the first glimmer of light we wake up and off we went again working all morning, more than proud of what we were creating and confident that we would win the projects stage of the Jamboree. I can honestly say that it was one of the first times in my life that I can remember feeling a sense of pride about something that I did, we worked hard, I worked hard to make sure that our bridge was exactly how it needed to be in order to win the day. We all sat back covered in sweat, blood and little pieces of wood and rope just staring at the bridge, it was perfect and we made it that way, it was our bridge. Excitement set in and we were all going nuts because we wanted to of course test it out and have a little bit of fun with our new creation so into a line we filed and one at a time started crossing the bridge. Someone said "Hey don't let Tony try it out we don't want it to break" which was silly as I was still just a Husky lad at that point and no where near heavy enough to do any damage to the structure but alas I was indeed told not to cross the bridge. Standing on the side line I watched most of the others including a couple full grown men cross the bridge in victory while I felt like my heart was torn out because I literally put everything that I had into that silly rope bridge and now I was suspended from actually trying it out.
Everything that I felt because of the accomplishment was taken from me with a single sentence and a silly decision from a scoutmaster that probably didn't think about what he was doing by denying me the opportunity to experience what all of the others got to. I can honestly say that I wanted to cry and just go home, I lost interest in the entire Jamboree at that point and didn't care about whether we won or not. When it came time for the whole group of scouts to make the rounds and see what each troop did as a project I stayed in the lean to, you guessed it eating roasted marshmallows and chef boyardee straight from the can. I remember everyone coming back and declaring victory as we placed second for the projects but I didn't care. I worked as hard as anyone yet was not able to enjoy what we had done I just pretended that I didn't care either way about any of it but I did, I wanted to celebrate with the others but I was down and didn't want to let any of them know how hurt that I was so as far as anyone knew I just was not interested in any of the afterward. I got over it and life went on but looking back at it I can see now that it was definitely one of the stepping stones to an obese me, and just think, the project was meant to be a confidence reinforcement tool at its very root.
There are a lot of things that happen to a person that helps push them into the path of that moving train that is obesity and sometimes no one sees it happening at the time but it happens. I have plenty of stories like this one that I could write about or reflect back on where I remember feeling completely left out of situations and turning to food for comfort as a kid and even as an adult as a result. Now I don't blame this event for anything, its just one of the notches in my belt of growing up and becoming who I am today and we all have notches like this, fat thin, short or tall everyone has felt this way at some point in their lives, I like to look at it as I learned to have a little bit of compassion that day. Pile experiences like this one on top of one another and a person starts believing that its the only truth that is there for them, I can say that because I know first hand how it happens now that I can step back and examine some of the things that happened in my younger days.
To be continued..
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Alarm rings, dragging myself from bed is the last thing that I want to do today but I do. The morning progresses as normal besides forgetting to feed the tiny darling breakfast before school so a few small hand held food items come into the car with us for the short ride to school, she is dropped off and a goodbye kiss later I am off to the gym. Me and Christina ride into the gym together as I listen to her piano playing and nerve easing voice the ride goes by faster than usual, before I know it I am parked and gathering my things. Into the gym I walk, greeted with a forced smile and a hello, its not the regular girl at the counter I say "Hi" while B lining for "My" bike.
Unroll the headphones from my pocket, adjust the seat on the bike, place the cell phone/mp3 player into the holder in said bike and stretch my legs its time to get to business. Gia Farrel "Hit me up" in my ears I try to hit an average RPM of about 90 usually but the past two weeks I have been kicking it up a bit closer to 95 or so and now I want to hit an average of 100 so its on as soon as I start pedaling. Four minutes into my virtual ride she sits next to me, she blatantly stares over at the screen on my bike and then goes wild, apparently she thought we were racing. I can pedal at a high 90 RPM pace for a good while and when she looked over I was right there and did I mention that she went wild? I glanced over expecting to see an honest 125RPM on her display as she ferociously pedaled elbows thrashing and knees flailing but it was 91 which is pretty much where she stayed....for about 2 minutes. I finished my ride and I always stand there for a second before getting a towel to clean off the bike to see what the average was and today it was 95, not too shabby but I want to start averaging 100 so I quickly made that decision.
Onto the treadmill I went, 10% incline 2.8 MPH to start, a minute in we bump it to 3.5 MPH and pretty much stayed there for 20 minutes as my "Gym-2" play list kept me moving. Here is where I started analyzing some things including some of the other people in my immediate vicinity. I started thinking about how just two and a half years ago that I could only ride my stationary bike at home for 15 minutes before I wanted to weep soulfully into my hands which was very much less resistance than the bike I ride now at almost 100 RPM's is. Then my attention went to a girl that works at the gym who was cleaning some of the machines off, I never noticed just how amazing her legs are, she has what appears to be a 15 inch waist and very thick...er muscular legs and um.. while the top half of her could pass for a young boy, she rarely smiles but always seems to be paying attention to the music, now I wonder if she worked hard for those gams or if they are natural, yes I just used the word gams. I watched an older gentleman who walked in with a cane get on a recumbent bike and found myself smiling because he was doing what he was doing in lieu of the cane, I hope to make it to his age and still be on a bike some day.
At this point I started watching my heart rate and laps on the treadmill, Rob Base "It takes two" starts as I bumped the speed up to 3.7MPH just for kicks but as the two minute mark was approaching I felt a pang of pain in the front of my ankle so back to 3.5 I went. Upon getting onto the hamster wheel I noticed the same fella on the elliptical in front of me who was sweating pretty good and I have watched him all week, the man is a machine and watching the sweat stain on his back evolve like Rorschach's Mask is becoming a habit that I need to kick. I wish that I could figure out where Rorschach gets his push from because I need it right now and that's where my thoughts were this morning as I walked behind him. When I arrive he is on that elliptical, I ride the bike to completion and get on the treadmill and I leave before he does. I say that but the last two days I have been driven to that point and my daughters summer class schedule forces me to cut my workouts short for now, soon enough I shall return.
Covered in sweat undefeated the cool down cycle starts so I begin rolling up the headphones and packing it up which means stick my phone and headphones in my pocket and grab my water bottle. Walking out I noticed that Rorschach was standing triumphant next to the abused elliptical taking a victory sip off of his bottle, perhaps he is just a man, I nod to the old fella with the cane as I walk by and pick up a dropped spray bottle for the girl cleaning the machines finally getting to see a smile when she said thanks. The regular girl is at the front by the door now telling me to enjoy the rest of my day and out the door I go back to Christina who is waiting in the car, Covered in sweat and blissfully accepting that fact I drive home.
Welcome to my day..
Thursday, July 15, 2010
When one day we look in the mirror and see 500 pounds staring back at us more than a few thoughts go through our heads, When did this happen? I wonder how much I really weigh? If I hold my head at this angle with that light twisted like this I don't look THAT big. I myself look back at how it came about to me getting that big and even retracing the steps can't figure it out exactly, I know that I was a big ol' fella to begin with and then back in about 2000 blew out my back and became perfectly sedentary and from there I gained and gained. Before I knew it I was bigger than I had ever been and was looking for a way out of being that big so I looked at the surgery option about seven years later but upon researching some of the procedures I found out that it was just a way to force me into not eating because of a tiny stomach, that's not something I was cool with. I decided to change the way that I was doing things and here I am two and a half years later doing just that and have literally changed my life completely from where I was at 500 plus pounds.
I am sitting here typing this out and thinking back to how things were compared to how they are now. Back when I was much heavier I would wake up as late as possible so that I could do whatever I needed to do to start my day but before anything downing a huge cup of coffee with way too much creamer in it was a must and then there was that second cup. Now I wake up and hit the ground running, instead of the coffee its a big glass of home brewed green tea and then its getting the kids ready for their day and off to school. After that my day kind of develops on its own and can range from a trip to the gym, a bike ride, some gardening (I just found my first eggplant out there this morning) or lots of other things and the previous situation is more like a prison sentence than a life.
Making the decision to do something about it was one of the best ideas that I have ever had and I am here today writing this to keep myself on track and for you to read and hopefully see that it can be done, that decision not so long ago in a galaxy not so far far away got me to this point. Things would be completely different today if I hadn't done what I did to get my health back, in fact I may not have even made it to this point of my life if I hadn't changed when I did, no one will ever know that and I am glad about that fact if I am being honest. If you find yourself looking at a reflection that just does not look like the you that you know is there do yourself a favor and decide that today will be the day that you do something about it, today will be the day that you start living again. If you found this blog chances are that you are considering doing something about your weight issues or are doing something about them or maybe you just stumbled here accidentally when you searched "sexy fat dudes", of course I am kidding on that last one but hey! who knows? however you got here just take a look at some of my before and after pictures if you think that it can't be done without surgery, pills or some expensive per month diet guru's plan because I used none of that and am down more than 200 pounds because of it and if those pictures don't do it for ya check out my man Harvey McDullardsonfengenden read it here! zeusmeatball.blogspot.com/2009/10/i-
Now to some business, I have not done a weigh in and that's partially because of my absence in writing posts a week or two ago but partially because I have slipped slipped slipped back and have gone up in weight shame on me I know. I will still do a "weigh in" post of sorts tomorrow and until I get sub 300 pounds, the difference is that until I cross that threshold I'm not going to post what I weighed, instead of my weight I will post what I lost or gained that week and this week is a crazy number. When I hit 300 pounds on the nose or a sub 300 pound weight no matter what day it is I will post that actual weight and I am again thinking about doing a video blog perhaps for my weigh in days? or maybe just at that milestone? or making a recipe? I am not sure yet but I have been for a LONG time wanting to do one and I think that the time is coming sooner than later.
That's the end of this post and I need you to know that if you want to get healthy and drop a few or a lot of pounds that its all up to you, no one else eats for you and no one else's ass is going to grow because you ate that extra cannoli.
Thanks for reading along.
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