Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Here I sit typing this out because I need to get back into a groove, I have not really gained but I am not losing either and with the amount that I still need and want to lose that's not what I should be allowing to happen. I have been floating around 320 pounds for weeks now not going up but not going down and I am unsure if that means that I am maintaining a 320 pound status or if things can and will eventually start going south again for my health if I don't get back on that horse. Thinking about how when I was 500 plus pounds got me mad at myself last night, I was sitting on the couch with nothing special on my mind and there was a commercial where the woman said "I lost 12 pounds and my acid reflux is already lessening" to which I thought "wow I haven't had that feeling in years" and then my mind hopped into the time machine and started thinking about how things were.
At 534 pounds I struggled to do almost everything and compared to now I am living a different life from then on more levels than I think that I allow myself to realize on a daily. I had heart burn on a nightly basis and slept with a bottle of tums next to me munching all night, taking a shower was frustrating because of a small shower...um it was a full sized shower by the way, my back hurt me literally twenty four hours a day seven days a week, walking to the car was as far as I would/could go and I rationalized that I just needed to make it to the car and then to a store so distances past that were unnecessary and wondering if today would be the day that the grenade in my chest went off was more than stressful. Those things listed are not even scratching the surface of what I was dealing with physically and mentally on a daily basis at 500 plus pounds but alas! I am not here to depress you on this fine day as last night I basically told myself to suck it up and do what I have been doing for the past two and a half years and finish what I have started.
The life that I live today is not even in the same galaxy as what I was doing back then and I know that I am more active now a days just on any given day whether I exercised or not. I did not exercise yesterday at all but that doesn't mean that I was sedentary either, I tuned my bike up and gave it a once over cleaning and scrubbing it down for about an hour, I worked on my neighbors 1951 Concord, I took a 15 minute bike ride slow and easy just checking out my handy work and making sure the bike worked as it should and my day pretty much keeps that pace throughout and I really did not relax a single minute all day. I did not exercise though, I consider exercise to be cardio and or weight lifting in some measure or another and none of what I did was that, The summer is here and the kids make it extremely difficult to get to the gym so my exercise is suffering for it.
Getting a little off track from where I was going with this post here so where was I? Getting pissed at myself..that's right. Thinking about where I was and where I am I realized that mister 97% may have a part in this stall..yeah we will call it a stall because I haven't fallen off the wagon per se, I am just not in "losing" mode, its more of a maintenance feeling because though I did pop up slightly in weight its not going any higher and I am pretty much floating around in a 4 pound bubble right now. I ended up walking outside in my front yard and just sitting there thinking about how far I have come with the weight loss and health thing and I know that I am a changed person mentally even more so than physically from this process and even though I am not "doing what I need to" right now to drop more weight in these past few weeks I have held onto the habits that I created in the last couple years. Am I weighing my food? nah BUT I am not really over eating either, I think that my extra calories are coming from things like enjoying an ice cream with the kids after dinner or having a beer with wify here and there and when you tie that into the missing out on the gym I think its equating to more of a maintenance type lifestyle at the moment.
So My intake yesterday was exactly where I wanted it coming in at 1875 total calories but in light of needing to boost myself back down in weight I am going to drop it back down to 1700 calories per day for a while and will be trying to make time to get to the gym. Hectic is not even close enough to whats happening around here lately and I won't really get into it but how does the saying go? "when it rains it pours"? yeah that's the one so getting even an hour to myself is far and between. While I was sitting outside in the yard in the plastic lawn chair (which I would have collapsed 2 years ago) I was watching bats pluck insects out of the air and just thinking about how far I have come with my health and realized that I am already "there" because I am not limited in what I can do any more, I can enjoy some of the small things and still feel good about the decision to eat that ice cream cone with my daughter and not beat myself up over it and that IS the point of being healthy, so that those little things can be enjoyed.
The bottom line is that focusing on getting the last chub from my bones has to be a part of what I do in my daily because its what I want, its what I need and its what I owe myself. My night ended with my daughter coming out and sitting on my lap while we watched lightning bugs or Fire flies depending on who you ask because we debated the subject for a good 20 minutes last night and again it dawned on me that this is not something that would have been possible if I was still 500 plus. Getting aggravated with myself (probably more the stress hanging around as well) ended by completely being turned around on me and I have a feeling of being re-focused on the task at hand, who wouldda thunk that watching bats and chasing lightning bugs around the yard with a little girl would have that effect, doesn't matter I suppose I'm just glad to be back.
Friday, June 18, 2010
Though I have not been on game lately with my calories and exercise I have been staying on my bike and I am starting to realize that I enjoy riding my bike as much as I enjoy anything. Now I know this is not really a bike kind of blog but biking plays a HUGE role in why I am where I am with my health and weight loss today so veering into a project that I picked up isn't really that off the beaten path. A while back I picked up a bike on Craigslist for a great price, the title of the post was "Specialized Rockhopper comp FREE" and when I saw that there was no way I could let an old Rockhopper not be mine for that price. When I got to the owners house I then saw how much worse the bike looked in person than in the picture that was posted but she was mine at that point and off we went home with the dirty ol girl and into the shed it went. Yesterday I had an hour and a half to myself and decided to wash it up and check out where we stood on the real condition of the bike and after a good bath it actually looks pretty good.
The bike is a 1988 Specialized Rockhopper comp which is a fact that I found out with some research and it is adorned with all Shimano Deore components that are all in good working condition. I will need to replace the shifter cables and possibly the brake cables though the brake cables look like they were recently replaced so I may leave those alone, it will need tires, tubes and possibly a chain though I am going to try and rehab the chain that is on there now. I snapped a few pictures of the bike post scrubbing and was actually considering making a blog for the project to chronicle in detail how its coming along but I might just do it here instead, anyways here are a couple of the photos.
Full sized clickable images are on my Blogspot page here zeusmeatball.blogspot.com/2010/06/sh
This is the day that I brought it home, check out that rear cassette in this image and then the next one, I wish that I had taken more close ups before washing it.
A side shot post wash, the pictures do not do justice to the difference from before to after, I think when I get new tires on it that it will look awesome.
Front shot, You can see the difference in the wheels in this one, they look almost new close up after the scrubbing they got.
Here is a shot of the biopace crank which looks a lot better than it did, I am planning on doing a more in depth cleaning but even with just a wash there is a big difference.
Finally a look at the Cassette and you can see part of the rear derailleur and how clean it came out.
After washing it up I noticed that a lot of the chrome bits had some surface rust on them and I started researching how to remove said rust, I found lots of different methods posted by lots of different people but I found one that I had all of the stuff on hand so I tried it. It was said that using some crumpled up aluminum foil with some automotive polish/rubbing compound should take the rust off but leave the chrome alone as the foil is softer than the chrome, I was skeptical that this would work but to my amazement it had incredible results! The seat post had a section at the top where it was pretty rusty (more so than the images above show) and the clamp to hold the seat post was also rusty and now they both look great.
This clamp looks like new after polishing with the compound and aluminum foil and I am planning on doing some more of the small parts this afternoon.
This is the polished seat post and you can see the damage to the upper part where the rust was, it shows up in the photo much more than with the naked eye because it looks almost perfect in person, either way I am pleased with how it came out.
I did adjust the seat and filled the tires with air to see how everything functioned but the bike will need two tubes as they leaked out pretty fast but I did get to ride a short distance which was long enough to find out that it shifts and brakes as it should. I am trying to refurbish this bike as cheap as possible but am willing to drop a few bucks into making it function and look good, New tires and tubes will probably be next on the list. I may just swap the Kenda Klaws that are currently on my K2 onto this bike as I was planning on changing to a more road friendly tread on that bike anyways so tubes will really be the only thing that will be bought to complete that part of the project. Hopefully I can save the chain that is on there now, it moves freely except in one spot where it binds slightly but I am hoping that some elbow grease and oil can work that out for me, a new chain is only about $15 so its not too bad even if it does end up needing to be replaced.
The paint has a lot of small chips in it pretty much everywhere, I do like the paint scheme and there is something cool to me in keeping the original paint job on an older bike like this but I haven't decided whether I will repaint it or just touch up the chips. The decals are in ok shape though they could use some love and ultimately decal condition may determine the bikes future in the looks department. I was thinking of an olive drab paint job on the entire frame with a flat white star somewhere and maybe "no step" in a pseudo military theme leaving all of the chrome and aluminum parts alone besides polishing them up a bit while the black parts stay black but like I mentioned I am not sure just yet, opinions would be great.
With everything that's happening right now in the stress department taking on this little project that I had hanging in the basement is taking my mind off of things and well, I'll take it. I am back to counting the calories and am heading out shortly for a bike ride with the kids as school is over so getting to the gym will be a tad harder and the bike will be my go to for exercise for at least a while until I figure out a compromise with a sitter. I will keep updating the status of this bike in this blog and may still create a specific blog for that project but that's to be found out I mean if I am finding it hard to update here lately imagine if I had two to update.
Keep on keepin on and all that and I'll do the same, that's all I got for today.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
There are times that I sit down to write a post and other things fill my head and blogging has taken a back seat to everything else but I am still here and am still trying to get posts out there because I believe that they are HUGE in keeping me on track. I have always preached the just do it thang where weight loss is concerned and I still believe that but just do it really gets tough when the proverbial $hit hits the fan in other places of life. This is a weight loss/better health blog so I won't bore you with some of that stuff but trust me when I say that my hands are full.
I have not been counting calories the way that I should and I am up in weight from my low of 305 but nothing so far gone that I can't get it back down in a week or two of regular eating and exercise so I am not all that worried about it. The weight loss train is just making a short stop so that some other things can take the front seat and get sorted out which is not optimal but necessary right now so it is what it is. I am sporadically making it to the gym for 45 to 60 minutes of cardio and 2 to 3 times per week am riding my daughter to school in her bike trailer so I am not just a lump on a log its just not what it should be in the exercise department. My intake is where I am suffering the most, I am not drinking as much as I normally do and have had coffee a lot in the mornings because of the lack of sleep that I have been getting lately and I drink my green tea when I remember to make it.
Eating extra calories has become all too easy with the hectic days but then when ya say it out loud like that it sounds like an excuse but I assure you that I make no excuses, it is what it is and just a bump in the road until some things level off again. My days have been starting off pretty decent but then deteriorating at some point and I am eating less fruits and veggies and more stuff thats not so good for me, tie that to the fact that I am not drinking nearly as much as I normally do and well like I said, I am up in weight a bit.
Today I am going to start focusing again, not because I want to (though I do) but more so because I need to, all of the things that are happening in my life right now are high stress with a very low fun factor and just because I am no longer a 500 pound fella lumbering around is no reason to take priority off of losing the weight. When I weighed more than a quarter ton it was not a very hard decision to say to Wify that nothing was more important and shove everything onto the back burner because if something wasn't done when it was I honestly don't know if I would be here typing this out right now let alone anything else. Right now at just over 300 pounds I am as healthy as I have ever been in my entire life and in fact I believe this is the best shape physically that I have ever been in and its very easy for me to unlock focus and put it elsewhere because I am in no danger of losing it all because of my unhealthy weight.
I will try my best from here on out to get a post up daily with my menu and my exercise so that I can see what I am doing "on paper" because that has always helped me keep myself in line. I have lately been a bad blogger but its only because I am not a super human and can only juggle so much at any given moment of any random day and honestly this blog has been from the start a way for me to stay on track with losing weight so by not posting I am only letting myself down when I don't make the time to scratch something down on a daily.
So far today I am in for 330 calories and just under a half gallon of green tea, I will have salmon steaks with green beans and rice for dinner and am planning on a nice long bike ride this afternoon before the rain starts.
That's all I got for today and tomorrow I will try and get another post up, Thanks for reading and thank you for the support it is very much appreciated.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
I am not perfect but I am as perfect as you are..
Here's the thing about it, I'm comfortable, I am not limited and the term bigger fish to fry pops into the ever moving space inside if my gray matter. Once upon a time in the 70's a kid was born and he was pretty much a normal kid as far as anyone could tell and if you had asked any of the people around if that kid would grow up to weigh more than 500 pounds my guess is that not a one of them would think so but alas! he did. Let us fast forward to the year 2000 and the blown out back that started it all, er finished it all. Somewhere after that a few $hit storms ensued and attitudes were changing and before anyone knew what hit them there he was defeated and in pain mentally as well as emotionally but hiding it became a full time job. To this day I am unsure if anyone actually knows how depressed I had become because of the wall that I put up between my emotions and what was seen, like the Cock fighting arena under the unassuming Chinese take out place no one could see what was really there.
There was a point where a little girl literally became the strongest force in my life and it clicked that some doing had to be done or else it might be me that was done and I wasn't having that and so it began. Fuvk you, I don't care what you are doing because this is what I am doing and if you don't like it you can go straight to hell and take your hand bag with ya because its gotta be this way, That's how I felt about it where my eating and exercise was the subject. Going to my mother in laws house for dinner? "Honey where's my scale and do we have tea made?, does your mom know what I can and can't eat? otherwise I will bring something" Like I said, there was no veering off the path at all if it went in my mouth it was weighed and measured. Getting my weight down was a full time job, there was nothing more important than that program because if I failed I felt that I would die and that's as plain as I can say it.
Have you ever felt that if you did not change something that it would mean that you die? its not a warm and fuzzy feeling sitting in the biggest part of your heart and its not anything that I would wish on anyone, it sucks, it consumes you and drags you down further than you already are every single day. Now add the fact that you have the most incredible family and if failure occurs they are left behind with memories of a fat man that was too weak to do something about a fixable problem, not something that I aspired to see happen. There was a point along this ride where I stopped thinking about whether I would die or not and it happened somewhere between the day that I realized that I could walk up a steep hill without gasping for breath and realizing that I am towing a 45 pound kid behind me for miles up and down hills and contentment entered stage right.
Being content with where I am physically is not something that I thought would ever happen, especially while I am still above 300 pounds but I am happy right now. I am not completely happy though and that I suppose is the next chapter in this story because I need to finish what I started and get to that line that was made in the sand and cross it and go beyond and into uncharted territory and I will. I don't want to be content, I don't want to be 300 pounds yet healthy, I want to amaze myself and so it begins...
Monday, June 07, 2010
Pulling it all together this week I am getting back to business and the weight is coming off once again, Ten days ago I weighed 17 pounds more than I do right now as I type and I am getting close to that low weight again. I will weigh in this Friday "for the record book" and I am hoping that I can get back to that lowest weight of 305 by then though I think its going to be hard and that my friends sucks. I don't make any excuses mostly because I don't have to but more so because it is what it is and excuses is partially what got me to 500 plus pounds in the first place. Lately I have been thinking about mental barriers and the whole struggle with losing weight and why those things are there and get in the way so easily. Cover your eyes and stop reading right now if you are over weight and don't want the truth about why we eat too much, its an addiction and we fall back on it as soon as the $hit hits the fan in life or in many cases as soon as we can blame something on why we're doing it.
I hate that food has such a hold on me but it does there is no two ways about it, I am indeed ultimately stronger than the food because I am not going to stop until I reach my health goals but that's not to say that I won't slip now and again. I could say that its there to comfort this that and the other but the fact is that I just like the way it tastes plain and simply. I have never done drugs in my entire life and I mean nothing, nada, not a single thing and I don't have the desire to start any time soon, I grew up in a $hitty city in a not so good area and have seen it all and when I say that I have seen it all I mean it. From anonymous zombies strung out on the side of the road sitting on busted milk crates with fragile bodies cooking death in a bottle cap or aluminum can to idiot friends doing everything from weed to pills to coke to to to....and I have never EVER tried or wanted to try any of that trash yet drop a triple bacon bacon cheeseburger with fried onions and a side of fries in front of me and bamn! I'm in for two.
In the last two plus years I have completely changed the way that I see and treat food, I have lost more than what most people would call a significant amount of weight and have kept it off in that same time which has given me a new outlook on how things should be. Its funny because I wasn't always what I would call huge, yes I was the "fat kid" which was more like the chubby kid looking back at some old photos but once you get that label attached it sticks and at some point we embrace it then before you know it you are starting a blog because you weigh more than 500 pounds and have no idea what else to do. My weight gain was a compound issue because of a back injury that I got in about 2000, when you love Bacon pizza the way that I do and then you add a back injury that's as depressing as it is painful you get a recipe for a fat guy. Imagine not being able to walk without pain and on some days stand without pain and then add in some normal life stresses along with over eating and some video games and viola! before you even realize that it happened Houston, we have a problem here.
I am the same person that I was then, I am the same guy that loves the tiny little greasy Greek style pizza from the best little pizza house in the state and I am the same fella that blew his back out 10 years ago. My drive is different, my focus is different, my back does not smart as much as it use to though I still have pain now and again my relationship with food has completely changed and I actually crave exercise instead of that big D chili cheese burger (points for anyone whose had one or knows what it is without google). I am just a guy getting healthy and experiencing all of the bumps in the road that come with that and with all of my success thus far I still struggle at times because no matter how much I success I have had I am not perfect and am only human, at least to most people.
My daughter was talking to Wify last night and she was singing Owl Johnson "I love to singa" which is something that I randomly blurt out now and again while dancing across the floor and wify said "You're just like your dad" and the reply from my daughter was "Dats because I wanna be just like my Daddy" and I don't think I needed to hear anything else to realize that I am not doing this just for me.
Onward and upward we go...
Get An Email Alert Each Time BOTZZZ Posts