Wednesday, June 16, 2010
There are times that I sit down to write a post and other things fill my head and blogging has taken a back seat to everything else but I am still here and am still trying to get posts out there because I believe that they are HUGE in keeping me on track. I have always preached the just do it thang where weight loss is concerned and I still believe that but just do it really gets tough when the proverbial $hit hits the fan in other places of life. This is a weight loss/better health blog so I won't bore you with some of that stuff but trust me when I say that my hands are full.
I have not been counting calories the way that I should and I am up in weight from my low of 305 but nothing so far gone that I can't get it back down in a week or two of regular eating and exercise so I am not all that worried about it. The weight loss train is just making a short stop so that some other things can take the front seat and get sorted out which is not optimal but necessary right now so it is what it is. I am sporadically making it to the gym for 45 to 60 minutes of cardio and 2 to 3 times per week am riding my daughter to school in her bike trailer so I am not just a lump on a log its just not what it should be in the exercise department. My intake is where I am suffering the most, I am not drinking as much as I normally do and have had coffee a lot in the mornings because of the lack of sleep that I have been getting lately and I drink my green tea when I remember to make it.
Eating extra calories has become all too easy with the hectic days but then when ya say it out loud like that it sounds like an excuse but I assure you that I make no excuses, it is what it is and just a bump in the road until some things level off again. My days have been starting off pretty decent but then deteriorating at some point and I am eating less fruits and veggies and more stuff thats not so good for me, tie that to the fact that I am not drinking nearly as much as I normally do and well like I said, I am up in weight a bit.
Today I am going to start focusing again, not because I want to (though I do) but more so because I need to, all of the things that are happening in my life right now are high stress with a very low fun factor and just because I am no longer a 500 pound fella lumbering around is no reason to take priority off of losing the weight. When I weighed more than a quarter ton it was not a very hard decision to say to Wify that nothing was more important and shove everything onto the back burner because if something wasn't done when it was I honestly don't know if I would be here typing this out right now let alone anything else. Right now at just over 300 pounds I am as healthy as I have ever been in my entire life and in fact I believe this is the best shape physically that I have ever been in and its very easy for me to unlock focus and put it elsewhere because I am in no danger of losing it all because of my unhealthy weight.
I will try my best from here on out to get a post up daily with my menu and my exercise so that I can see what I am doing "on paper" because that has always helped me keep myself in line. I have lately been a bad blogger but its only because I am not a super human and can only juggle so much at any given moment of any random day and honestly this blog has been from the start a way for me to stay on track with losing weight so by not posting I am only letting myself down when I don't make the time to scratch something down on a daily.
So far today I am in for 330 calories and just under a half gallon of green tea, I will have salmon steaks with green beans and rice for dinner and am planning on a nice long bike ride this afternoon before the rain starts.
That's all I got for today and tomorrow I will try and get another post up, Thanks for reading and thank you for the support it is very much appreciated.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
I am not perfect but I am as perfect as you are..
Here's the thing about it, I'm comfortable, I am not limited and the term bigger fish to fry pops into the ever moving space inside if my gray matter. Once upon a time in the 70's a kid was born and he was pretty much a normal kid as far as anyone could tell and if you had asked any of the people around if that kid would grow up to weigh more than 500 pounds my guess is that not a one of them would think so but alas! he did. Let us fast forward to the year 2000 and the blown out back that started it all, er finished it all. Somewhere after that a few $hit storms ensued and attitudes were changing and before anyone knew what hit them there he was defeated and in pain mentally as well as emotionally but hiding it became a full time job. To this day I am unsure if anyone actually knows how depressed I had become because of the wall that I put up between my emotions and what was seen, like the Cock fighting arena under the unassuming Chinese take out place no one could see what was really there.
There was a point where a little girl literally became the strongest force in my life and it clicked that some doing had to be done or else it might be me that was done and I wasn't having that and so it began. Fuvk you, I don't care what you are doing because this is what I am doing and if you don't like it you can go straight to hell and take your hand bag with ya because its gotta be this way, That's how I felt about it where my eating and exercise was the subject. Going to my mother in laws house for dinner? "Honey where's my scale and do we have tea made?, does your mom know what I can and can't eat? otherwise I will bring something" Like I said, there was no veering off the path at all if it went in my mouth it was weighed and measured. Getting my weight down was a full time job, there was nothing more important than that program because if I failed I felt that I would die and that's as plain as I can say it.
Have you ever felt that if you did not change something that it would mean that you die? its not a warm and fuzzy feeling sitting in the biggest part of your heart and its not anything that I would wish on anyone, it sucks, it consumes you and drags you down further than you already are every single day. Now add the fact that you have the most incredible family and if failure occurs they are left behind with memories of a fat man that was too weak to do something about a fixable problem, not something that I aspired to see happen. There was a point along this ride where I stopped thinking about whether I would die or not and it happened somewhere between the day that I realized that I could walk up a steep hill without gasping for breath and realizing that I am towing a 45 pound kid behind me for miles up and down hills and contentment entered stage right.
Being content with where I am physically is not something that I thought would ever happen, especially while I am still above 300 pounds but I am happy right now. I am not completely happy though and that I suppose is the next chapter in this story because I need to finish what I started and get to that line that was made in the sand and cross it and go beyond and into uncharted territory and I will. I don't want to be content, I don't want to be 300 pounds yet healthy, I want to amaze myself and so it begins...
Monday, June 07, 2010
Pulling it all together this week I am getting back to business and the weight is coming off once again, Ten days ago I weighed 17 pounds more than I do right now as I type and I am getting close to that low weight again. I will weigh in this Friday "for the record book" and I am hoping that I can get back to that lowest weight of 305 by then though I think its going to be hard and that my friends sucks. I don't make any excuses mostly because I don't have to but more so because it is what it is and excuses is partially what got me to 500 plus pounds in the first place. Lately I have been thinking about mental barriers and the whole struggle with losing weight and why those things are there and get in the way so easily. Cover your eyes and stop reading right now if you are over weight and don't want the truth about why we eat too much, its an addiction and we fall back on it as soon as the $hit hits the fan in life or in many cases as soon as we can blame something on why we're doing it.
I hate that food has such a hold on me but it does there is no two ways about it, I am indeed ultimately stronger than the food because I am not going to stop until I reach my health goals but that's not to say that I won't slip now and again. I could say that its there to comfort this that and the other but the fact is that I just like the way it tastes plain and simply. I have never done drugs in my entire life and I mean nothing, nada, not a single thing and I don't have the desire to start any time soon, I grew up in a $hitty city in a not so good area and have seen it all and when I say that I have seen it all I mean it. From anonymous zombies strung out on the side of the road sitting on busted milk crates with fragile bodies cooking death in a bottle cap or aluminum can to idiot friends doing everything from weed to pills to coke to to to....and I have never EVER tried or wanted to try any of that trash yet drop a triple bacon bacon cheeseburger with fried onions and a side of fries in front of me and bamn! I'm in for two.
In the last two plus years I have completely changed the way that I see and treat food, I have lost more than what most people would call a significant amount of weight and have kept it off in that same time which has given me a new outlook on how things should be. Its funny because I wasn't always what I would call huge, yes I was the "fat kid" which was more like the chubby kid looking back at some old photos but once you get that label attached it sticks and at some point we embrace it then before you know it you are starting a blog because you weigh more than 500 pounds and have no idea what else to do. My weight gain was a compound issue because of a back injury that I got in about 2000, when you love Bacon pizza the way that I do and then you add a back injury that's as depressing as it is painful you get a recipe for a fat guy. Imagine not being able to walk without pain and on some days stand without pain and then add in some normal life stresses along with over eating and some video games and viola! before you even realize that it happened Houston, we have a problem here.
I am the same person that I was then, I am the same guy that loves the tiny little greasy Greek style pizza from the best little pizza house in the state and I am the same fella that blew his back out 10 years ago. My drive is different, my focus is different, my back does not smart as much as it use to though I still have pain now and again my relationship with food has completely changed and I actually crave exercise instead of that big D chili cheese burger (points for anyone whose had one or knows what it is without google). I am just a guy getting healthy and experiencing all of the bumps in the road that come with that and with all of my success thus far I still struggle at times because no matter how much I success I have had I am not perfect and am only human, at least to most people.
My daughter was talking to Wify last night and she was singing Owl Johnson "I love to singa" which is something that I randomly blurt out now and again while dancing across the floor and wify said "You're just like your dad" and the reply from my daughter was "Dats because I wanna be just like my Daddy" and I don't think I needed to hear anything else to realize that I am not doing this just for me.
Onward and upward we go...
Wednesday, June 02, 2010
I'm back BUT todays episode of as the fat guy turns will only be brought to you on my blogspot because of a few choice words, we wouldn't want to offend anyone and hurt der widdle eyes with big boy words ;)
Friday, May 21, 2010
First weigh in with the new scale is here and I can't say that I am unhappy with the results but it could have been a better week because I did everything right...besides a few nights of less than optimal rest. Getting right to it 305.2 was what the display said and it had that same number all three times that I stepped onto the scale so into the books it goes and a one pound loss for the week. I am now 229 pounds lighter than when I started this whole weight loss gig which translates into 42.88% of my total body weight in losses and every week that I do this I get closer to a crossing point where I will weigh less than what I have lost. When I set out on this whole process I chose 275 pounds as my "I think I will look good at that weight" weight, and the closer that I get the more I think I want to stop closer to 250 pounds but I am happy at 305 so that will be found out as I get closer because at some point I am going to focus on strength training with cardio as secondary, which just means that it will be more balanced because right now I focus on cardio much more than weight training.
This Scorpion scooter weighs in at 229 pounds and is what I have lost to date.
This Scott Mk1 silk 700S came in at 305 pounds and is what I currently weigh.
If I were to get down to 250 pounds I would feel like I should just keep going and get to 234 so that I could say that I lost 300 pounds, the fact that I can realistically lose 300 pounds and still weigh 234 pounds is fuvking amazing and there is no other way to say it. I was at a point in my life where I weighed more than a quarter ton, say that out loud and you begin to see how crazy that is and now I am a mere 30 pounds from hitting 275 in under two and a half years. Ultimately I have no clue where I will end up with my weight, I am six foot five feet tall and honestly feel that I would look too small at 234 pounds but I don't know where that image comes from as I was probably 11 or 12 the last time I was remotely close to that weight. Its just a matter of time before I get where I want to with my weight, I would say that I am already there with my health because the limits of what I can do these days far exceeds anything that I can remember.
A few days ago My wife and I were featured in a yahoo health article which was a copy of the Woman's day article that we were in but it spawned a lot of email to my inbox and I first want to say Thank you all for all of the kind words! I enjoy getting personal emails like that and I literally had a full inbox that day and am still getting responses. The same question was repeated in a lot of those emails that I got and that question was "Do you have any tips for a beginner that is just starting off with weight loss?" and I guess the only thing I can say is take it a day at a time and stick with it no matter how hard it feels because carrying extra weight around is much harder than skipping a cookie or a soda. I feel that if people could have just a glimpse of how life is post weight loss vs the struggles that take place when we weigh 50, 100, 200 or more pounds than we should that many more would just do it because the contrast in my life from then to now is indescribable.
When I began down this road essentially to life it looked like an impossible task to me staring down from the bad side of 534 pounds, I thought about how many pounds that was and all of the work that it would take to do it and on some days it felt like I may as well try to fly to the moon hanging off of the feet of a sparrow but I kept going. The alternative to the hard road is an even harder road of missing out on everything that life has to offer because of the leash that holds us to the couch or moving in short spurts because anything more than 10 minutes gets the hand grenade in our chest bumping and spurting its way towards boom! I can't really say what my "tip" for a beginner to the weight loss game would be because I feel that it will be different for every single person and their own personal struggle and what worked for me may not work for everyone. The thought of not being there for my daughter was a strong force in me getting my $hit together among other things but I think in a more general kind of way that we all know what to do, we all know how to do it and we all know that basically moving more while eating less is what must be done its the how to deal with that mental block that is really the hard part, get over the mental part and the physical just follows along.
Another successful week on the record books and another pound closer to my goal weight I am happy with the loss this week because a loss is a loss is a loss which is not something that I agreed with early on in my trip to the half. That will conclude this message from the emergency weight loss broadcast system, you may now go back to whatever it is that you were doing before clicking the link that brought you to my little nook on the internet.
That's all I got for today.
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