Tuesday, October 07, 2014
So I recently blogged about my metaphorical weight loss race and the subsequent maintenance obstacle course. how I found myself stuck behind a wall, to afraid to go over it, because I had come to the solid realization that it would never end and I was frankly afraid.
So I made it over the wall, free to continue with the everyday obsticals thrown at me. then I made a very conscious decision to go back and dismantle the wall brick by brick, so that it cannot stop me again. So that I will not stop me.
Thank you all for so much support.
Thursday, September 11, 2014
So I've hit a wall. Imaginary it may be but no less real.
You see five years ago I began running a race, I now think of as my weight loss marathon complete w obstacle course. I entered this race without first mapping the course, and more than once I've taken a wrong turn but have always made it back to the main path. In the early parts of the race i picked up a lot of 'fans' and had encouragement helping me easily meet the obstacles head on. It was fun, and I won't lie the constant attention and admiration was a big motivation spurring me farther than I thought I'd go.
Then an amazing thing happened and I made it to the last leg of my race, the 'Maintenance zone'. It was so nice I was able to relax some, or so I thought. The obstacles became easier and I could slow my pace and enjoy the scenery, but as I went along I noticed few fans on the sidelines and began seeing new faces passing judgement on my abilities. Then something happened. I hit a wall, wasn't a big one in fact I've climbed higher but for some reason this one stopped me and I chose to take the path around it.
The path around though had me slipping down a steep hill and when I gained my footing I found myself back in the weight loss leg of the race. I floundered a bit but regain my momentum and soon saw many fans return and gained some new ones, though not as many, and the hecklers began to disappeared. The race seemed harder this time even though I could still see my footsteps. I blew through the obstacles w ease only taking a few wrong turns and soon found myself in the maintenance zone again. As before I found my fans dwindled and saw the haters appear, only this time I realized that they had been there the whole time, their voices drowned out by by the cheers of others. I jogged along my course relaxing some and feeling the finish line must be near, but then it happened. I hit a wall. Ran smack into it really.
I saw it coming but just couldn't get my Mind and body to connect in time to hurdle it. So I've been standing here looking over this wall looking at the obstacles ahead, not one of them is new I've done them all before. I fact these are all much easier, but As I study them from the safety of my wall I realize their not.
In the Weight-loss portion of my race the obstacles where HARD, but they were farther apart and unknown. When I entered the maintenance leg of the race I thought things were easier, but now I realize that the obstacles though smaller and familiar are not easier because now they are constant with barely a break between, the fun is now gone. Now as stand and look over my wall I realize I'm scared. I don't want to take the path around and loose my footing again. I don't want to restart this race, I can't, but as I look ahead I realize I can't finish.
This is not a race, this is a maze, there is no end. I feel doomed right now like a hamster on a wheel. I'm going nowhere.
Has any one else feel this way, I'd really love to know if there is indeed another 'easier' leg to this race.
Sunday, August 24, 2014
Since my son has started school I've been forced to be up at 6am...no excuses. Sucks, (specially since my guy gets home close to 9pm most nights),but has been good for me, I drop him off at school and take a walk/hike before I have a chance to go home and be lazy!
I decided to keep schedule similiar on weekends to make it easier for kid and me during week. So while daddy sleeps, kid watches cartoon I take a walk. This morning daddy woke up too...and got out of bed....shocker!! He and our son conspired to go out for breakfast, I managed to resist urge knowing I would over eat and feel horrible so I gave kid 'daddy time', while I decided to walk into town and get me some things for my own breakfast.
We live 1.6m from a multiple use trail park and 4.8miles from town...via car. If I cut through our back yard and across the common property I can shave nearly a mile off! Any way I walked down to what is my fav park here.
The park itself is in a valley and has nice picnic area w bandstand and small spring running through it. (Sorry didn't take pics of it). The trails wrap in a u around it up in Forrest in sides of hills.
Usually I see lots of cyclists and runners, but this morning I didn't see anyone till my trip back, it was very peaceful.
There are several longer trails, but I chose a shorter narrower one that takes you along the rock walls.
Sometimes it's easy to forget how close you still are to civilization, but then out I pop onto the road leading out of park. After crossing a large bridge I'm ate the grocery and get my essentials. The view from bridge is simply gorgeous.
You probably can't see in pic, but there was a blue heron resting on tree in water.
On my way back I chose to walk back on the south side wich is more heavily wooded
With less rock ledges and steep hills but and a couple peaceful streams.
There are several wooden bridges throughout, this is one of my faves as it seems somehow more natural with the fungus and all.
Soon enough I was out of the park and trekking back up the main roads to home where I showered and made (and ate) my spinach,tomato omelet all before 9am!
Just over 6miles!
If only I could be so industrious when it comes to house work!
Sunday, June 22, 2014
So my son (5yr old) recently started in A martial arts program, the place also runs a gym/fitness studio that's attached. So I was conversing with a friend and made comment that I was surprised that they had not tried to get me to join thier gym or sell me on thier fitness classes. My friend responds 'guess they looked at you and figured, there was no point' I gave him a confused look..he responds ' well you don't exactly look like someone that works out' ...
What the H E double L, is that supposed to mean??
And yes he was dead serious.
So my reaction was not subtle or kind. He tried to back track..' You look fine, I just meant your not all muscular and fit looking' a few other things along same line were said but by this point I was seeing red.
That soo didn't help my self image. Still mad, confused and hurt.
I'm all for honesty but, this just felt mean.
seriously, how's a girl supposed to take that.
Thanks for listening.
Monday, May 05, 2014
Been a busy weekend, but Thursday was my first 5K.
Those who know me or read my previous blog know that I have spent years thinking of running a 5K. Thinking, not doing. I let fear of the unknown psych me out and I let the accomplishments of others make me think I needed to be better. Although that did get me to work harder toward a tangible goal thus making me better/fitter.
The race I entered was a woman only 5K, over fairly flat service roads. during the event there was also a family event being held, giving the guys and kiddos something to do. My son ended up with a lot of swag!
Their were ladies in all manner of dress from sweats to shortie shorts, big and small, young and old. Many were together, but some like me ran alone. And like at the gym, people were polite but more concerned with themselves then me!!
I was a bit surprised by the lack of stretching I saw, before and after. Though I did see a few women stretching in the bathroom! Me I said heck w it and stretched out right there at start. I was also one of the few that carried water w me.
(Heading toward starting line)
When race began of course we were all bunched up, but soon we were spread out and I was mid-pack. I set my speed-walk pace and I think kept it pretty solid throughout, though there were a few times I caught myself slipping into a stroll, (I have to work on that). I passed several women running, and must admit I smirked a bit to myself. You know what though?, I was passed by a woman pushing a stroller, that put me back in my place! LOL.
I walk 3-4miles most days, but I must say this was one of my more boring walks! Probably cause I didn't know route and therfore couldn't gauge distance, and because I didn't check clock, so had no sense of time.
When end was near I realized I was close to two joggers, and was pretty sure I could sprint ahead of them. Tempting, but I didn't want to risk angering my knee and I decided in that moment that I wanted to be able to say 'I WALKED the WHOLE thing.' Later when I realized they beat me by 20sec I kinda regretted that!!
When I crossed the finish line I was urged on and congratulated by the other racers and spectators, it was nice but I almost cried cause my family wasn't there to cheer me on, they were inside playing!!!
Of course I didn't place, but I am pleased w my time. I'm sure I will participate in another, I'm sure with a little actual pace training I can beat myself!
My time for 5K, 37:12 . Average 12min mile.
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