Thursday, August 01, 2013
2013 has most definitely NOT been my year. It started with the miscarriage from hell, then in late April, I broke my ankle (and I'm still having issues with it), and then ANOTHER miscarriage in June. These major stresses (plus the minor ones of day-to-day) have left me depressed, lethargic, and for many months, until recently, unable to exercise. I'm slowly working my way back, but I'm the heaviest I've been in years, and miserable. August 1st is my "new year" - it heralds the beginning of the school year (we go back on the 7th - eek!) and that always feels like more of a new start than January 1st to me, so today is my new start date. I'm actually changing some of my settings in Spark (like weight lost) to reflect this. I need to print a calendar to track my exercising days on the fridge (it helps me so much to see that!), and really refocus. For the next week or so, my biggest goals are simply to drink more water, exercise at least 30 minutes a day on either my elliptical or bike, and eat better. Limit snacking - that sort of thing. And not fall prey to the desire for chocolate or other sweets just because I'm an emotional mess right now.
Of course, I say all of this... and Saturday we're going to the lake with friends, where I will be eating and drinking all sorts of things that are NOT on a healthy eating plan. Oh well. Just means I have to be more focused the other days.
So.... once more, I start again. I hope this time I can actually stick to it and get back down to a manageable weight. I'm so tired of being this miserable.
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
This week is just not very fun. First, on Monday we had a massive wind / rain storm that kicked up all of the pollen and dust and other crap in Phoenix this time of year, and I'm just miserable and bleah. I didn't work out on Monday because I was so worn down, but have forced myself on the bike the last two nights. I know I need to get on the treadmill, but I just worry that I won't pay attention to what I'm doing like I need to and I'll end up falling or something. I prefer to hit the treadmill when I'm feeling strong, so the bike is safe right now. Plus, I am increasing speed, so that's good.
I've also had a rough time emotionally. My ex and his girlfriend and I were all friends on Facebook (they sent requests and I accepted, think (probably naively) that we could all be friendly for the sake of my daughter. It was ok for a long time, but then his girlfriend started getting nasty and posting statuses that were pretty obviously in response to things I posted or that she thought she knew about me, and were just mean and judgmental. I ignored them for a while, but the one she posted on Sunday, which was blatant lies, was just the straw that broke the camel's back. So I was upset and ticked off for most of Sunday and Monday, and finally just pushed that "unfriend" button and moved on. So far, nothing has been said. I have been working on an email to send to him, but haven't sent it yet. It just irks me because we both agreed to be friendly for our daughter's sake, then he not only seems to condone his girlfriend's behavior, but actually participated in the comments. I would NEVER do that to him (at least not in a public forum like that - when my kiddo isn't around I've done more than my fair share of complaining, sure, but it's at home where the only person who hears it isn't gonna post it online!), yet he thinks it's ok to do to me. And the things they said! Apparently I'm an alcoholic who is in such bad debt that I'm filing bankruptcy. Huh. News to me!
Anyway. I'm still dealing with the allergy crap and pulling out of the funk, and then today it seems like I might start yet another round of bleeding. Who knows - my body is so messed up right now, it's not even funny. I guess the next few days will tell. I don't even know when to expect that I might have a period, which stinks.
Ugh, I'm just in a mood today, I guess. Time for a shower and then early bed!
Saturday, April 06, 2013
The first week of April has been pretty good for me, health and fitness wise anyway. Work is always another story, haha.
I have worked out every day so far and will get in a workout today before the boy and I go out tonight to celebrate his most recent promotion and raise. AND, going out always includes dancing (along with cocktails, of course), so that will help burn a few more calories. :) I have added in strength training every day, which is HUGE for me since I hate it. So now I'm doing 30 minutes of cardio (either biking on my recumbent bike or a jog/walk combo on the treadmill - I'm slowing increasing my run times again) and 15 minutes of either leg work or arm work. I need to add core back into the mix, but that'll come. Right now I'm working on being consistent with what I am doing.
I also have tracked almost everything this week, and have stayed in calories almost all week. In fact, a couple of days I either barely made it to my minimum or didn't make it. I know that's not the best for me (I've been down this road many a time!), but it's not the norm, so I don't stress about it too much. Other days I make up for it, so it all washes out.
This week I've actually dropped about 6 pounds from Monday to today. That ALWAYS happens - as soon as I'm diligent about tracking and monitoring my eating, the pounds drop off. I'll even out in another week or two and won't lose anything for a while. But it's definitely a huge motivator for me.
The biggest plus is that I'm FINALLY feeling more like myself again. I've been taking my prenatal vitamins for a couple of weeks, and the combination of that plus regular exercise plus eating better has had a great effect on how I feel overall. I actually set a reminder in my phone calendar to make sure I take my vitamin every day, otherwise I'd forget.
So... yeah. Feeling pretty good today overall. I'm already ready for a nap, though!
Tuesday, April 02, 2013
Here we are in April already. I can't believe it's already April!!
March was... ok. No actual weight loss to speak of. I lost a few pounds, but since I wasn't tracking, I didn't keep them off, which is frustrating. I started tracking again last week, and was pretty good most of the week, except that I had an amazing 3-day weekend with my boy and pretty much blew that all to hell. But I have absolutely zero regrets! It was so worth it. :)
I'm so ready for the end of the year. If not for my good friend at work, I'm not sure I would have made it through this one. She and I have just really bonded this year. I'm going to be so bummed when she moves to a new grade level - I'm certain we won't have lunch together next year, and we have gotten pretty close. It's always nice to find someone who shares your interests and that you can talk to openly and without judgement about your out of school life. I'm just praying she doesn't get RIF'd - our budget is a nightmare for next year, and if we manage NOT to lose teachers, it will be a miracle.
Other than that... no real news to report. I worked out 26 days in March, which was pretty darn good I think. So far in April, I'm 2 for 2. :)
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
So, I'm down today. And yesterday. Not down as in on the scale, of course. Down emotionally. Three weeks ago, I took the HPT that finally (after TWO MONTHS of miscarriage-related hell) showed negative. The SAME DAY, I started bleeding super super light. That went on for a week, then got slightly heavier. Another week of that, then this week, much more like a normal period. Seriously?? Like I didn't JUST get done bleeding for 6 freaking weeks?
The doc's office doesn't seem to be worried about it. They only said that if, for my next cycle, it goes longer than 14 days or I have spotting like that again, to come in and see what's going on. They think my body is just trying to get back to normal. And yeah, that makes sense, except... seriously? I just can't get a break.
Even better, another coworker just announced that she's pregnant, and two of my FB friends are now pregnant. One with triplets (her third pregnancy) and one with her third child. Every single time it's like a new knife cutting into my heart. Seriously. I can't maintain ONE. One of them has already been hidden from my news feed - I can't take the next 8 months of updates about it. The other one doesn't post often, but I'll probably hide her, too. I'll check in periodically to make sure they're OK, but I just can't do it every single day. Can't handle the constant status updates about their morning sickness, doc's appointments, ultrasounds, etc.
This just sucks.
My weight is NOT going down, in spite of working out every day. I know this is in part due to my limited self control, which is related to my being depressed. My stamina sucks, my body is a mess - I'm just generally NOT happy.
UGH. Ready for some positive now!!
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