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CREATIVE PUNS FOR "EDUCATED MINDS"

Thursday, January 17, 2013

More from the email dept!


CREATIVE PUNS FOR "EDUCATED MINDS"


1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was
Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island,
but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra
class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder
and got a little behind in his work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope,
it'll still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road
and was cited for littering.

8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would
result in Linoleum Blownapart.

9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall.
The police are looking into it.

12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.
One hat said to the other,
'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.
Then it hit me.

15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said:
'Keep off the Grass.'

16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was,
a nurse said, 'No change yet.'

17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

21. A backward poet writes inverse.

22. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

24. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!


  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CELEST 1/18/2013 12:02PM

    emoticon

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NOTSOFLUFFYDAD 1/18/2013 10:55AM

    I am still rolling on the floor!! I love your blogs Asta! Oh by the way, I'm stealing this one too!!

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DR1939 1/18/2013 9:57AM

    emoticon

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KIMS_SHNOOKY 1/18/2013 9:17AM

    emoticon emoticon

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SUNNYWBL 1/18/2013 12:52AM

    Thank you, so funny emoticon emoticon that I'm stea..er borrowing them to send out in an email! emoticon

With many thanks to my Spark Friend 'BOOKWERME'! emoticon

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GREENGENES 1/17/2013 10:01PM

    Thanks. Those were fun.

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LYN-EDWY 1/17/2013 9:28PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ONLYTEMPORARY 1/17/2013 9:06PM

    emoticon

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SVELTEWARRIOR 1/17/2013 8:38PM

    funny

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Exercise before or after meals: study pertaining to Diabetes and blood sugar levels

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

I am not sure how I got to the page on this link, but the info is important to me...and perhaps to other diabetics. The article relates to exercise before or after eating and how it affects blood sugars. I am posting it for MY information, but thought others might also be interested in the study done. I can't find the page now, but the lady that posted the link is a Doctor. She has had good success with weigh tloss and fitness using T-Tapp after having a baby.

www.ur.umich.edu/0506/Nov21_05/06.sh
tml


The Dr. who posted the link to the above article is Dr. Lana Asprey who is co author, with her husband, Dave, of The New Baby Book. I found her via T-Tapp website: forum.t-tapp.com/showthread.php?7772
9-Did-You-See-This-Testimonial

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TATTER3 1/17/2013 10:08PM

    Smart reading!!!

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CADDYBROWN 1/17/2013 6:03AM

    Good information. Thanks!

Caddy

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ONLYTEMPORARY 1/17/2013 12:06AM

    emoticon

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BEVENH 1/16/2013 4:50PM

    Thanks I will take a look at the site.

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Virus Warning (humor)

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Another email...with a "health" warning of sorts. It came with cartoons and with the comments in a different color print. I have put the comments in quotes to set them apart on here.



Virus Warning - coming sooner or later!


I thought you would want to know about this e-mail virus. Even the most advanced programs from Norton or McAfee cannot take care of this one. It appears to affect some born prior to 1970
Symptoms:

1.. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice. "Done that!"

2. Causes you to send a blank e-mail ! "That too!"

3. Causes you to send e-mail to the wrong person.. "yep!"

4. Causes you to send it back to the person who sent it to you. "Aaha!"

5. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment. "Well darn!"

6. Causes you to hit "SEND" before you've finished. "Oh, no not again!"

7. Causes you to hit "DELETE" instead of "SEND.." "And I just hate that!"

8. Causes you to hit "SEND" when you should "DELETE." "Oh No!"

IT IS CALLED THE "C-NILE VIRUS."
"Hmmm.....Have I already sent this to You, or did you send it to me?"

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CADDYBROWN 1/17/2013 5:28AM

    emoticon

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ONLYTEMPORARY 1/17/2013 12:07AM

    emoticon been there done that!

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LYN-EDWY 1/16/2013 9:30PM

    So true, so true.

emoticon


emoticon

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BOOKWERME 1/16/2013 1:05PM

    Glad you all are enjoying this. emoticon

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WHOVIANGIRL23 1/16/2013 10:59AM

    Haha, I'm young and I still have that problem.

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DETERMINED_ME 1/16/2013 10:52AM

    emoticon

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NOTSOFLUFFYDAD 1/16/2013 10:41AM

    LOVE IT!!!! I can so identify with all of those!!

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XANGELSTEARZX 1/16/2013 10:34AM

    emoticon

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JACKIE542 1/16/2013 9:02AM

    emoticon

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CELEST 1/16/2013 8:55AM

    Ha ha ha as you said....coming sooner or later or even arrived some time back. emoticon

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MOMOSG 1/16/2013 8:53AM

    emoticon

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More silly health guidelines

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

I copied this from a FB post, but have received it via email several times. Enjoy!



I love this guy and his philosophy
Smart Doctor!

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: Oh no. Wine made from fruit. Brandy distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two body, your ratio two to one.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain...good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetable be bad?

Q : Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Oh no! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me.

Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!

Well... I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"

AND.....

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans...

5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TATTER3 1/16/2013 6:43AM

    LOVE this!!!

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LYN-EDWY 1/16/2013 1:20AM

    emoticon

Love it.

Thanks for sharing.

emoticon

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ONLYTEMPORARY 1/15/2013 11:24PM

    emoticon I love it.

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CADDYBROWN 1/15/2013 11:01PM

    I want that Dr's number. emoticon

Caddy

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MA_DIDDLES 1/15/2013 10:37PM

    Hey asta, I seen it too and giggled out loud.
Someone in the Park here, said the DR told him not to worry about dieting after 70 cuz he did as much damage to his body as he was going to do. I guess the Dr didn't think he could change things. Well, I don't believe that for a minute. I want to keep trying. MA

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NOTSOFLUFFYDAD 1/15/2013 10:27PM

    hehehehehe... very funny

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Another view on aging.

Monday, January 14, 2013

People do share the silliest things. This came via email:



Someone had to remind me, so I'm reminding You, too.

Don't laugh.... It is all true!

Perks of reaching 50 or being over 60 and heading towards 70!

1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

2. In a hostage situation, you are likely to be released first.

3. No one expects you to run - anywhere.

4. People call at 9 PM and ask, 'Did I wake you?'

5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

7. Things you buy now won't wear out.

8. You can eat supper at 4 PM.

9. You can live without sex but not your glasses.

10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

11.You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.

13. You sing along with elevator music.

14. Your eyes won't get much worse.

15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.

17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.

19. You can't remember who sent you this list. And you notice these are all in big print for your convenience.


ONE MORE THING:


Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill, and a laxative on the same night!.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHEILA1505 1/15/2013 1:28PM

    :))
I must admit I'm not so sure about Nos. 9 and 11 though!


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CELEST 1/15/2013 6:38AM

    emoticon If you find this amusing, you are OVER 50, 60 or 70.
Loved it myself.

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TATTER3 1/14/2013 8:34PM

    Love it

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STEADFASTNSEE 1/14/2013 4:54PM

  My neighbor and I LOVED these! HUGS

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ONLYTEMPORARY 1/14/2013 4:52PM

    Boy, I so relate and have them on my computer too emoticon

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NOTSOFLUFFYDAD 1/14/2013 4:38PM

    I am soooooo stealing this!!! Rolling on the floor laughing

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EWL978 1/14/2013 4:36PM

    . . . HEY!! I RECOGNIZE THOSE!!

Have you been reading my email lately??

Thanx for the reminder....keep on keeping on and good luck!!

emoticon

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