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Help me Sabotage my Self-Sabotage!!!

Monday, May 09, 2011

Man did I have a great week last week! I started Boot Camp, got in all of my cardio and videos (even with my excruciatingly slow country internet service). I tracked my food better than I've done in months. I lost 3 pounds!!! WOO HOO!!

So, how did I celebrate? By eating everything in sight today: graham crackers at breakfast, Hershey kisses for my mid-morning snack, hunk-o-cheese with my salad at lunch, then cookies, cookies, cookies all afternoon long...

I have a headache now from all the sugar. Bah! I also had to drag myself through my workouts this afternoon which means I went at half speed. Ugh!

So, why do I keep doing this? Some would argue that I really don't want to lose this weight and the self-sabotage is a way to maintain my current size. A couple of years ago, I would have balked at that logic, but now am not so sure. Can any of my SparkPeeps shed some light on this dilemma?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AKAFIT 8/3/2011 11:13AM

    I think we do want to change, but it is easiest to resort to the same old habits that landed us on SP in the first place. Don't beat yourself up though.

You will not be perfect, so what you do is get better. That means acknowledging that this is you struggle and celebrating when you don't do it as often, or you recover faster, or you catch yourself before you go into a full fledges binge. Whateve it takes to make this journey successful!

It is just like any other character issue you are fighting. Some days are better than others, but there are definitely victories to be acknowledged and celebrated (without food of course).

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JAISLING 7/2/2011 3:00PM

    I'm guilty of the same thing. But the important thing is to try to not beat yourself up over it. We all have our bad days, but they don't have to rule our's okay to mess up every once in awhile as long as you can bounce back from it. Doing bootcamp is a great way to lift your mood and burn off calories. Hang in there, you can do this!

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POOKASLUAGH 5/9/2011 9:38PM

    My thoughts on self-sabotage is that it normally happens when you are too constrained throughout the week. Any sort of diet that severely limits calories or forces you to never eat the things you like is bound to come across hurtles like this where you just snap and eat everything in sight, and it's easier to do that right after a major drop. It's easier to justify it. For me, there are three methods I use to combat this, and they work - I haven't had a self-sabotage day in months, literally. First, I decide it's okay to be a slow loser, averaging a pound a week. This sets my calorie range high enough that I can live with it comfortably and not feel guilty. If I try to lower my calories too much, I will have binge days. Second, I try to have one day each week where I eat a little extra. This doesn't mean going hogwild eating gallons of ice cream, but just eating a little extra for each meal. It keeps your metabolism guessing and gives you a day when you feel fuller. I often find that the day after these days, where I add maybe 300 or so calories to my day, I actually LOSE weight, because my metabolism picks up again. Third, I always, always give myself a daily treat. My husband keeps a stash of individually wrapped chocolates, truffles and things, hidden away in a secret location, and if I do well during the day and want a chocolate, he gives one to me. It's a little treat I look forward to at the end of every day, and it's no more than 65-70 calories. I never, ever feel deprived, because I can have something small like that every day. It's not always candy either - sometimes I have a half cup of gelato, or a cookie, or a some other treat. But I never deprive myself from all my goodies, or I'll have a binge day.

I set up this system at the beginning of the year, and the last time I compulsively broke down and had a binge day was at the end of January, only a few weeks since I'd started my system and was still working it out (my calories were still too low). It really does help.

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NOMUFFINTOP3 5/9/2011 9:02PM

I honestly don't have any answers for the self sabotage, other than keep your eye on your goals. I'm impressed with the
boot camp workout....I'm not brave enough for that. Hang in
there. I've noticed that healthy habits happen over time. emoticon

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being honest about why I am still overweight

Saturday, March 19, 2011

I just read a blog about being afraid to lose weight. The author was trying to assess why she had lingering doubts about whether she'll lose the weight and the "what now?" that comes with reaching the goal weight. So, while we're being honest, I can say (because I have been avoiding it for months now), that I am afraid to lose weight, too. I think that is why the scale is not at all moving for me. There is, for me, some comfort in being overweight. This sounds silly, but for the first time in my life, I can say what is on my mind and not shock anyone. I can be tough. It is like the weight is my armor, deflecting attacks from others and protecting me as I go out into the fray. I have not reconciled that I can be a strong, independent woman AND wear a size 6 or that being thin equals being a doormat (like I very much was back in the day).

Frustrating to me though, is that I really don't feel like myself when I spout off a dissenting opinion about something, or when I speak my mind at someone else's expense. I also physically feel terrible: my back and neck hurt, I always have a headache, and I can't sit on the floor without hurting my hips. I hate shopping and buying new clothes makes me want to cry. I had to buy a formal gown for a charity event that I was chairing earlier this month, and I had a panic attack in the dressing room because I just could not stand what I was seeing. You would think these would be enough motivation for diligently counting calories and obessively running up and down my street. I just don't understand why it isn't.

I am irritated with myself for not getting started. I am doubly irritated with myself for being more comfortable here than where I was. I guess I still need a swift kick in the rear to get me going, I just can't seem to identify where it is going to come from, because I sure seem to have a hard time generating it for myself...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PENNI68 3/31/2011 1:53PM

    You took the words right out of my mouth!! Wow!

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ARCHIMEDESII 3/31/2011 10:31AM

    I understand how you feel, I too have been where you are now. But you know what ? Things CAN get better !! You can improve your health ! Instead of worrying about how much you have to lose, let's take this in smaller steps. Make a simple goal and shoot for that goal. Once that goal is achieved, move onto the next goal. Don't try to do everything at once or you will end up frustrated.

One thing I knew when I decided I needed to make a change was that I ate too much junk. So, one of the first things I did was to cut back on all the treats I did. I didn't even worry about how many calories I was eating. I knew by eliminating the mid morning muffin and afternoon brownie that that would impact my weight. Over time, I made other changes. This wasn't an all or nothing effort for me. I really did take smaller bites. pardon the pun.

So, why not try a challenge ? How many push ups can you do ? If you can't do any, why not try the 100 Push up challenge. You don't have to do any push ups right now. the challenge will teach you how to do 100 !! How cool is that ??? How great do you think you'd feel if you could do 100 push ups ??? You can learn more about that here....<
And yes, women can do 100 push ups. I'm significantly older than you and I routinely do 100 military style push ups. Gotta tell you, it really does feel great whenever I do them.

Here's one thing I would recommend to you, don't be afraid to come out of your comfort zone. Yes, carrying the extra weight is a comfort because it's something we understand. Being healthy is scary because we don't know what that feels like, but you know what... it really does get easier. But, you've got to be brave. You've got to be ready to take a chance on yourself.

You'd be surprized what you can do if you set your mind to it !!

emoticon emoticon

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OHSOSVELTE 3/31/2011 10:19AM

    Yes ... heard those thoughts rambling around this head too. Been stumbling off track for almost 2 weeks too.

But ~
Force yourself to put such thoughts aside. Force yourself ... write down what you REALLY WANT in life ... And, most importantly, what you DON'T want anymore.

Force yourself to turn your thinking upside down!!

Sometimes the armor that comes with being fit and thin is, amazingly, so much more protective than the costume of weight (which I share with you). Being who you want to be ~not who anyone else wants you to be~ is the best defense against a harsh world! But it also is one that allows you to open the door to the beauty in the world, and let you participate in that beauty!

Comment edited on: 3/31/2011 10:21:31 AM

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Cut up the Card!

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Are you familiar with Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University? He strongly advocates cutting up credit cards as a way to manage debt. Well, this week I cut up a couple of different cards: my "Finish Everything in the Bag Culb" card, and my "Eat Until I Want to Vomit Club" card! YEAH! I haven't lost any weight, but my clothes are roomier and those that are the next size smaller are not impossible to get into as they had been. Also, I am acutely aware of when I am hungry, eating to satisfy it, and recognizing my appetite and affinity for some foods over others. For example, I poured out a glass of wine last night because it was too sweet. Formerly, I would have fininshed it and asked for more, taste be damned! So, while the scale isn't moving, my awareness is heightening. I am confident that this is an important step towards managing my weight. Thanks, SparkPeople for cultivating this insight!


Stress Journal

Wednesday, October 06, 2010

For some reason I am in a position of leadership in every organization that I am involved in, which means I have at least one additional meeting each month (3 in one case, 4 in another). It is stressing me out and wearing me down. At work, I have been trying hard not to miss anything, but have been anyway. So, today, I gave myself permission to have a short break and came home early, took a short nap, and have made it through the remainder of the day without taking anyone's head off or melting down into a puddle of frustrated tears. I still haven't gotten the hang of the de-stressing routine, but will make my best effort.


Is down a dress size!!

Friday, October 01, 2010

Almost. Does it count that the dress was jersey knit and that the sewn in bra wasn't quite in the right place? I didn't think so either. Yesterday I found myself trying on a formal for a charity ball that I am chairing in the spring and it is a size smaller than I have been running! I am really motivated to get down a couple more sizes, but need to watch days like yesterday (cupcakes followed by beer and fried food -- ugh! Did I tell you I was sick this morning?) Why did I overeat? Because it was there and because I have been feeling pressed for time and that is making me a little crazy. What would have been a better choice? Taking a deep breath and realizing that: 1. I am not responsible for everyone's problems, 2. I am only one person and can only do that much, and 3. If I take a deep breath and FULLY assess a situation before I start pounding down the chocolate, a more reasonable solution ALWAYS presents itself!

Have a super weekend. I am! I am breaking ground on a new Habitat house, planting new trees in my yard, and celebrating a wedding with dear friends!


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