BONNIEJEAN51   3,285
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@#$%% binged again after 3 months abstinance

Thursday, December 11, 2014

Since mid-August, I had been doing really, really well with avoiding binging. This week I really messed up. I know why and I know I need to get back on track, but I'm having trouble making myself really want to. My addict brain is telling me....just one more piece of cake, you can start over "tomorrow", just a little won't hurt, etc, etc. And the more I binge the more depressed it makes me and then it's even harder to get out of the cycle. It started with a birthday party I had for my Dad on Sunday. People flew here from all over for the event. After the party my sister-in-law asked me if I wanted to have some of my brother's ashes. It was such a surprise...totally unexpected and I didn't know what to say. She had brought some with her so I needed an answer right away. Said of course I did. Now I have them in the closet and I don't know if I really want them. It's a connection to the brother I loved so dearly, but it's so very sad and makes me want to cry. But instead of crying, of course, I started bingeing. It didn't help that the house was full of left over party food....cake, gift boxes of chocolates, cookies, ice cream. Spoke with my therapist about it today and she was very helpful. I need to let myself feel the feelings and work through it. Talked about the addict brain and the real brain . Well, made it through today.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GUBBINAL 12/18/2014 12:57AM

    Best wishes! I know the feeling. You must forgive yourself and understand more about the addict brain and the real brain. That dichotomy you expressed was very helpful to me; I know it has been torture for you but your blog has set me thinking in a very positive way and I thank you deeply.

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TO1NFINITY 12/11/2014 10:31PM

    I too have an addict brain. We lie to ourselves and hurt ourselves. But.... we keep on trucking. Friend me.?

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CRAMPERELLA 12/11/2014 9:13PM

    Forgive yourself. Slip ups are part of the process. We bingers have all been there. emoticon I will send you a link about how to recover from a binge.

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USMAWIFE 12/11/2014 9:01PM

    we all do it but getting back on track is important emoticon

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sadness and regaining weight

Sunday, June 29, 2014

2014 has been a rough year so far. My father, who has dementia and other health issues, came to live with us in 2013. Since Jan. 2014 he has been in hospital twice, got a pacemaker, been in nursing home for rehab and is back with us now. Currently recovering from pace maker procedure and doesn't remember he has a pacemaker.
Two days before Christmas my youngest brother found out his cancer treatment was not working. We went out of state to visit him in hospital in February. He died end of March and we went to memorial service and stayed 3 weeks to help settle things.
I have another brother who has never been available to help with Dad.
So I've lost the brother I was closest to and now I'm seeing my Dad deteriorating and know we will lose him too. It's just too sad. I wish my other brother would realize that I need his help with Dad, but he won't do anything because he just wants to live his own life, doing whatever makes him happy and letting me take care of all the sad stuff. I have no kids, so future looks like it's going to be just a series of loses as I get older with no more happiness left for me in life.
Yes, I am depressed and I am making an appointment to see someone.
I guess the main reason for this blog is to get some support and helpful suggestions to deal with binge eating. I worked so hard to lose 90 pounds and now I've regained 25 of it. I don't want to regain any more. I want to get back to where I was in weight loss. I felt so proud of that, but now I'm ashamed of letting myself regain.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WIFE49 6/29/2014 5:05PM

    Sorry to hear of your problems and the loss of your brother. It sounds like you know what you need to do to get the weight off. Just pick yourself up, brush yourself off and start again. emoticon

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DAISYBELLEKIA 6/29/2014 4:06PM

    You have great reasons to be depressed, I'm so sorry to hear about what's going on.

I do want to encourage you to not let your weight gain discourage's only a failure if you give up. You know what works, and you can do it again.

At the beginning of the year I lost 10lbs, and I ended up gaining it back. I'm working on losing that 10lbs again, and losing even more.

Please consider yourself hugged, and don't be hard on yourself. This is a journey that will have ups and downs, but you can do it!!!

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Bingeing on sugar-free syrup---emotional eating

Monday, April 22, 2013

At a restaurant yesterday I noticed a woman bingeing on sugar-free syrup. She was eating spoonful after spoonful of the sweet stuff until the bottle was empty. The woman was obese and I felt so sorry and sad for her. Was she trying to control her weight or maybe lose weight and the sugar-free syrup seemed safe ? That craving for bingeing on sweets had such a hold on her . Why do we binge on sweets? why not lettuce? why not green beans? something about the sweetness of foods temporarily fills an emptiness in some of us. I want to work on filling that emptiness with something healthy, something fun, something good for me that I really enjoy. I don't know what that is yet, but I am determined to keep trying to stay on a healthy path and lead a healthy life.


Dad moving in with us

Sunday, March 03, 2013

It's been a rough 3 months for my Dad. A lot of back and forth before finally making a decision, which I hope will stick. He doesn't like his current living situation and decided to sell his house and move in with us. House sold in 10 days. Auction scheduled for this month and has to be out of his house end of this month. So much to do in a short time. I'm eating way too much.....using food for emotional reasons. Need to really get this back under control.
Anyone have positive experiences to share about a parent moving in with them? Dad is generally very nice and kind, but he has dementia and that can get on my nerves after a while. We told him he could live with us as long as he was able to take care of himself (get out of bed, eat, shower, etc). I really want this to work. He does have the option of affording assisted living and/or a nursing home, but I don't want him to have to move into a home until it's totally necessary. How do I cope with this all without using food? Thanks!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JLLOVETT 3/4/2013 4:24PM

    If your father is able to walk, he may enjoy walking with you. Just a thought. He also needs exercise and fresh air!

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CAMAEL100 3/3/2013 1:18PM

    Haven't had the experience yet. It is ahead of me shortly though with my mother, though I don't think I will manage it!

I do know though that food will not help. As the earlier comment said, a walk will be far better for you mentally.

Best of luck and I hope it all works out the best for everyone involved.

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BECKYSRN 3/3/2013 1:12PM

    Make sure you take some time for yourself too, and not devote yourself 24/7 to him. You can look into respite care to be able to do that.

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MYBULLDOGS 3/3/2013 11:08AM

    by walking off the stress rather than eating it off.

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need motivation to finish this

Thursday, March 29, 2012

I've been stuck in a rut for months now. Almost at my goal, but making no progress. I want to get into the 140-145 range, but keep wavering between 148 and 154. I really think my goal is realistic, but my eating behaviors have not been consistantly good. I'll eat healthy and exercise for a week or so , but then some emotional thing will throw me off track and I'll binge for days. Worries about my Dad and Brother have got me overeating currently. I can not be any help to them if I am not taking care of myself. Need to get back on plan ASAP...meaning right now with the very next bite I take. My eating plan is healthy and I just need to do it. My steps to get back on track are:
1. journal what I'm eating every day, even if it's not so good
2. get back into the habit of spending a little time each day on Spark
3. get in some form of exercise and relaxation every day
4. think positive, be in the moment, I can handle whatever comes my way

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BEARGODDESS 3/29/2012 1:42PM

    "Keep your head in the right place and your feet will follow"
emoticon emoticon

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OOLALA53 3/29/2012 12:56PM

    Forgot to add; there is no real "finishing" this. You will have to live with good eating habits forever. My eating guru says there is no such thing as before and after; there is only before and during. I know you can find a way to eat so that it supports all your needs now and in the long term. emoticon

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OOLALA53 3/29/2012 12:43PM

    Stress does not make people eat. It makes them want to eat. Those are two different things. When a person accepts that, it becomes clear that she CAN eat well to protect her vitality no matter what, even if it is hard for awhile. It is not nearly as hard at the burden stress eating puts on her. Stress eating in the end doesn't give much more help than chewing a piece of gum would, which is not a bad alternative, though it isn't classy. I don't say this to be mean. I say it to bolster your resolve to eat good meals every day and to limit random eating that doesn't really help you eat your good meals, especially when you're under some kind of pressure. Reasonable meals should be the backbone of your program now and forever. Bingeing doesn't help anything but a momentary urge. You'll cope better with everything when you rest in the peace of orderly, good meals. But you can't find that out until you do it.

I binged for 40 years, but I've done relatively little of it over the last two years. I have lived through most of the same stressors during that time. I still have stress; I just rarely eat over it now. It's doable and it's worth going through some weeks and even months of white knuckling it. It becomes a habit and then eating becomes the real respite it is supposed to be. And knowing you had a good meal or that one is coming in a few hours is what you hang on to while you make the transition. emoticon

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