Sunday, June 02, 2013
This morning I was having a really tough time, missing my mother so much. I woke up thinking about her today. Some days it's just so hard to believe that she is no longer here. I can't just pick up the phone and call her anymore. There are just some days where it really hits me so hard! I decided to go for a walk because sometimes that helps. As I was walking early this morning I could really feel Mom's spirit with me though. This pretty little robin kept appearing during my walk. It would hop along in the grass a short distance away as I was walking, only to fly off and then reappear to hop along with me again. It was almost as if Mom was saying....I'm not here in my earthly body any longer but my spirit is still with you and you will see me and feel me if you look carefully with your heart.
After my walk, I was looking through my mom's Bible. It is such a treasure full of all these beautiful glimpses into my mom's heart! It is filled with personal notes from Mom, Bible verses that were special to her, prayer lists, cards, devotional tracts, etc. The first thing that caught my attention today was this little paper called "This Thing Is From Me..." by Laura A. Barter Snow.
This part really spoke to me personally....Are you passing through a night of sorrow? This thing is from Me. I am the "Man of Sorrows, and acquainted with grief." I have let earthly comforters fail you, that, by turning to Me, you may obtain everlasting consolation (II Thessalonians 2:16,17).
I'm so grateful that God picked the perfect mother for me. Mom was my rock and sometimes I feel so lost without her now. She was always the person I turned to when I needed comfort or encouragement and I was given such a gift to have this special lady in my life. But the message I received today was that I need to let God be my comforter. I need to turn my eyes to Him and trust and depend on Him instead of on Mom.
Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD, the LORD himself, is the Rock eternal. Isaiah 26:4
This Thing Is from Me by Laura A. Barter Snow
My child, I have a message for you today; let me whisper it in your ear, that it may gild with glory any storm clouds which may arise, and smooth the rough places upon which you may have to tread. It is short, only five words, but let them sink into your innermost soul; use them as a pillow upon which to rest your weary head: “This thing is from Me.”
Have you ever thought of it, that all that concerns you concerns Me too? “For whoever touches you touches the apple of Mine eye.” (Zechariah 2:8). And “You are very precious in My sight” (Isaiah 43:4).
I would have you learn when temptations assail you and the enemy comes in like a flood that “This things is from Me,” that your weakness needs My might, and your safety lies in letting Me fight for you.
Are you in difficult circumstances, surrounded by people who do not understand you? Who never consult your taste? Who put you in the background? “This things is from Me.” I am the God of circumstances. You did not come to this place by accident; it is the very place God meant fr you. Have you not asked to be made humble? See then, I have placed you in the very school where this lesson is taught. Your surroundings and companions are only working out My will.
Are you in money difficulties? Is it hard to make both ends meet? “This thing is from Me,” for I am your provider and would have you draw from and depend upon Me. “My God will meet all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:19). I would have you prove My promises.
Are you passing through a night of sorrow? This thing is from Me.” Am the the “Man of Sorrows and acquainted with grief.” I have let earthly comforters fail you. Turn to Me so that you may receive everlasting consolation.
Has some friend disappointed you? One to whom you opned your heart? “This thing is from Me.” I have allowed this disappointment to come that you may learn that I am your best friend. I want to be the One you confide in.
Has someone repeated things about you that are note true? “This thing is from Me.” Leave them to Me and draw closer to Me. “The salvation of the righteous comes from the Lord; He is their stronghold in time of trouble” (Psalm 37:39).
Have your plans been upset? “This thing is from Me.” You made your plans and then asked Me to bless them; but I would have you let Me plan for you. “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future’” (Jeremiah 29:11).
Have you longed to do some great work for Me and instead have been laid aside on a bed of pain and weakness? “This thing is ifrom Me.” I want to teach you some of My deepest lessons. “They also serve who only stand and wait.” Some of my greatest workers are those shut out from active service that they may learn to wield the weapon of all prayer.
Are you suddenly called upon to occupy a difficult and responsible position? “This thing is from Me.: Trust Me. “Those who wait on the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint” (Isaiah 40:31).
This day I place in your heands this pot of holy oil; make use of it freely, My child. Let every circumstance that would crush you, every word that pains you, every revelation of your own weakness be anointed with it. The sting will go as you learn to see Me in all things.
“ will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them” (Isaiah 42:16).
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
The closest picture I can find of my vision for B.G.'s garden
I had a beautiful walk today. I decided to just walk around my backyard and on the large terrace under my deck because I just did not feel like really being out in public today because I was feeling so emotional, yet I did want to get in my exercise. At first as I was walking I was really sad and missing Mom. I happened to be listening to some songs that we had played continuously on my iPad during the last few days of Mom's life (when she was in a comatose state and couldn't communicate with us). We wanted her to have some of her favorite music playing and we always had someone there with her at her bedside just holding her hand and talking to her. All those feelings during that last week came flooding back to me and I was overcome with this overwhelming longing just to sit and talk with Mom. At one point during the walk I was just sobbing.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=CtUBRt9HEVg Chris Tomlin- Shout To The Lord
www.youtube.com/watch?v=dmfJk7qRC8o Jadon Lavik- My Father's World
Jadon Lavik - I Surrender All
As the walk progressed, I became much more calm and started really enjoying the feeling of the warm sun shining and the gentle breeze blowing. Several different kinds of birds kept me company during my walk and were flitting from tree to tree and singing for me....I saw a robin, a pretty red cardinal, some doves, some jays, and these tiny little birds (maybe finches or wrens). The cardinal was really singing up a storm and seemed to follow me throughout my walk flying from tree to tree and at one point sitting on my next door neighbor's roof. It was almost as if my mom was there, letting me know that she was close by. I felt her gentle presence and was comforted. Before I knew it 80 minutes had passed by and I feel so much more at peace and my workout was done.
As I walked I was thinking about a great idea that my mother-in-law had. She suggested that I designate a corner in my back yard to make a garden for my mom and whenever I was really missing her I could go sit in her garden and feel close to her. She suggested that I take some of the flowers that people sent and plant them in the garden and each year on Mom's birthday and on Mother's Day to add a small plant in her memory. She suggested that I pick out a plant that reminded me of Mom, put in some engraved garden stones, statuaries, and a pretty garden bench or chair. What a great idea, Oma! I thought of all the flowers that Mom loved and tried to envision how I wanted to design the garden.
Mom loved blue, purple, lavender, and white flowers...blue hydrangeas, purple irises, lavender hyacinthes, and white roses, etc. She loved angels and hearts, so I could add an angel statuary and heart garden stones. I have a white wicker chair that I could put in the garden until I find the perfect bench or chair. She loved wind chimes so I would love to find a pretty iron stand that I could hang some wind chimes on. My daughter Courtney brought B.G. a pretty blue hydrangea on the last day that she came to visit Mom and that could be the first thing that I plant in the garden.
I love the idea of B,G.'s garden! In case you are wondering...B.G. is what Mom's grandchildren called her. It stands for Beautiful Grandmother and that was such a perfect name for her. She was truly beautiful both inside and out.
Mom when she was around 19 years old
A fairly recent picture of Mom when she was on a trip to Myrtle Beach with her girlfriends.
Saturday, May 11, 2013
A Song For Mothers - Guardian Angel by Leah West
A baby asked God, "They tell me you are sending me to earth tomorrow, but how am I going to live there being so small and helpless?"
"Your angel will be waiting for you and will take care of you."
The child further inquired, "But tell me, here in heaven I don't have to do anything but sing and smile to be happy."
God said, "Your angel will sing for you and will also smile for you. And you will feel your angel's love and be very happy."
Again the child asked, "And how am I going to be able to understand when people talk to me if I don't know the language?"
God said, "Your angel will tell you the most beautiful and sweet words you will ever hear, and with much patience and care, your angel will teach you how to speak."
"And what am I going to do when I want to talk to you?"
God said, "Your angel will place your hands together and will teach you how to pray."
"Who will protect me?"
God said, "Your angel will defend you even if it means risking it's life."
"But I will always be sad because I will not see you anymore."
God said, "Your angel will always talk to you about Me and will teach you the way to come back to Me, even though I will always be next to you."
At that moment there was much peace in Heaven, but voices from Earth could be heard and the child hurriedly asked, "God, if I am to leave now, please tell me my angel's name."
"You will simply call her, 'Mom.'"
Tuesday, May 07, 2013
There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8
This weekend was all about graduations...We had a fun weekend going to my nieces' graduations on Saturday and Sunday. Julie Kathryn graduated from the University of Montevallo. It was a bit bittersweet because this was where my mom attended college back in the 50's when it was called Alabama College....back then it was an all girls college. Oh how we wished that Mom could have been there to see her first grand daughter graduate from the college she attended! It was also special for me because Julie and I were both Phi Mus.
Sunday my other niece, Lauren, graduated with honors from Auburn University and that was special too since my dad, my sisters, and I had all attended Auburn. Lauren was a Chi Omega just like my sisters. Mom was such a huge Auburn fan and she would have loved being there to see Lauren graduate! We especially missed Mom this weekend. We were so proud of Julie Kathryn and Lauren and the fine young ladies that they have become...Mom would have been so proud!
THIS was the time to celebrate the younger generations accomplishments, and I thought of this Bible verse about there being a time for all things. Life does go on....
Even though we were not ready to say goodbye to Mom, I guess it was her time to go. She lived a great life and she lives on in our memories, in the faces of her grand children, and in the great legacy she left behind.
It's my time to mourn her passing right now, but someday the grief pains won't be so sharp. Even though I will always miss her, someday life will return to normal.
Even though I wonder how life could possibly go on...it does.
Turn, Turn, Turn by the Byrds
Turn Turn Turn ( to Everything There Is a Season) was adapted from the book of Ecclesiastes (3:1) by Pete Seeger in 1959. In 1965 The Byrds recording went to #1 on the Billboard 100.
Friday, May 03, 2013
The last few days have been really rough. I think this song says it all....
Is it Me
Or have I decieved myself
I thought I heard you call my name
Out in the pouring rain
I really thought
I thought I saw your face
But after a second look
I saw I made a clear mistake
Mother I miss you
At nights I just wish
You were here with me
So we can laugh and talk again
Mother I miss you
but I'll just kiss you
And send it on the wind
'Cause you know
I plan to see you again
So much I wanted to show you
So much I wanted to give
I thought our time would be much longer
Missin' my best friend
I miss you Mom
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