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Still a bit shook up and driven to drink!

Friday, October 24, 2014

As some of you may know, Ottawa, Canada, the city I live in, had a major event yesterday.

It is quite surreal to see Ottawa on CNN and NBC and all other American news networks. To make news worldwide is not something Canada is known for doing, unless of course it is for something like one of our stupid crack head mayors. emoticon

To be all over the Internet for a shooting taking place on our Parliament Hill is just bizarre. For Canadians, this is something that we see on TV and read about that happens to our friends south of the border. NOT us!

For me, what made it worse was knowing I typically work in the building right next door, yet I have been on sick leave since May so I wasn't there. My daughter's dad was and was in lockdown for hours...he wasn't allowed out until after 7pm.

My daughter suffers from severe anxieties so this was terrifying for her to see and hear about. Having her father be stuck right in the middle of it made it extra scary for her.

My son's father, who NEVER goes downtown happened to be sitting right nearby at a restaurant having breakfast with an old friend in town on business. He was in visual contact of everything. His wife, works downtown as was in lockdown as well, only not for as long. When I called to make sure he was ok, all I could hear were sirens and yelling. Very scary.

My son was at university, thankfully he doesn't go to the university downtown so I was confident he was safe.

My daughter and I listened to the radio from 10 in the morning until we went to bed, just hoping to hear that it was all over.

We saw videos that were taken and heard recordings as well, it was bone chilling to hear these shots ring off in a place that I commonly walk and visit with friends. The very grounds they were searching I have run many a time.

To think, I had just been in front of Parliament hill only a few hours before it all went down. CRAZY.

I suffer from PTSD and so this really freaked me out.

Today was easier, but it is still everywhere on the news and not all our questions were answered. Is there a second person they simply have yet to apprehend...nobody has confirmed or denied that yet, which raises suspicions as far as I am concerned.

My son who is pretty easy going is scheduled to go to a football game tomorrow evening. He is now fearful that this could be a place that something bad could happen at.

My daughter just sees this as a confirmation of why her anxieties are good.

I am stressed and saddened.

All this to say...I broke down, and had a Coke!! emoticon

But only one...and I will get back on my wagon and keep rolling tomorrow.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AJDOVER1 10/25/2014 7:20PM

    You're in my prayers! It's such a shock when tragedy hits so close to home.

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KRICKET57 10/24/2014 9:16AM

    Good that your family is all safe. We all needed to take the time and check in on our families. Life in Ottawa is forever change, but I hope we can move forward without letting these actions cage us in. Stay safe and enjoy this beautiful city.

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LEANJEAN6 10/24/2014 7:47AM

    LOL--- Was it a diet coke?----LOL-----That incident on Parliament hill was so awful!!!! ---Lynda

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RASPBERRY56 10/24/2014 7:23AM

    One of my greatest fears, dreads and hates involves being stuck or trapped in an area - whenever I hear the phrase "shelter in place", my teeth almost become set and my blood almost boils, I swear!


My best wishes, thoughts and prayers continue to go out to the fine people of Ottawa and Canada......

emoticon emoticon

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RIDLEYRIDER 10/24/2014 5:54AM

  Very shocking to those of us across the border. Prayers to the Canadian hero's family.

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STEPH-KNEE 10/24/2014 3:18AM

    emoticon I am so glad that you are all okay, but so sorry for what you are all going through, especially your daughter with her anxieties. I will keep you all in my thoughts! emoticon

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EILEEN828 10/24/2014 2:18AM

    emoticon So not cool, glad you missed it.

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CHERDOLL8 10/24/2014 2:03AM

    I too am Canadian and although I live in BC it is still a surreal feeling out here. Thinking of you ...keep positive for your kids and for you
Back on the wagon tomorrow
You can do it
You will do it!!!

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COKE!!! My Nemesis

Monday, October 20, 2014

Oh I love thee...

I have battled you for 14 years now, and somehow you come out winning every time!


Oh how I hate you...but I love you....please let go of the grip you have on me!

I was able to fend off the Coke temptations was it a hard one to resist...

We shall meet again you horribly lovely drink!!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EILEEN828 10/22/2014 3:27AM

    Remember, out of sight out of mind, really helps. Substitute water and herbal teas. Get thee gone Coke.

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AJDOVER1 10/21/2014 4:51PM

    emoticon emoticon

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PURPLE0906 10/20/2014 9:52AM

    Good Luck, try drinking more water with lemon.


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ROX525 10/20/2014 5:36AM

    LOL....Hope you have much success.

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Struggled a bit today, but made it through...

Sunday, October 19, 2014

Today I hosted an event at my house which was basically a meet and greet for a Facebook group I admin. I kept snacks to a homemade Guacamole (with Greek Yogourt) and Terra Chips as I knew there would be food brought in by others.

That really worried me because I didn't make time before hand to eat a proper meal, so I knew I would be hungry, and stressed because I was the host, and contrary to what people think of me...I am NOT and extrovert. I don't do well with groups of people I have never met before either.

But I really managed to not eat everything in sight...and the food I happened to like the most was this 'spinach brownie' although I have no clue why it is called that.

It was really more of a quiche cut into brownie like squares.

I munched mid day but never really did much more damage...I ate decent foods...all home made other than the terra chips I think I did well...

I didn't track, which is something I should be a bit more mindful of, but the main thin is, I made it out alive and not self-loathing!


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AJDOVER1 10/19/2014 11:40PM

    Sounds like you did great! I understand how stressful such situations can be (I'm not an extrovert either!).

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EILEEN828 10/19/2014 8:09PM

    I think you did great! Choosing fresh foods and keeping portion sizes in mind is more important than tracking. Keeping hydrated with water too. Good job! emoticon

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RASPBERRY56 10/19/2014 6:35AM


I'm also "NOT an extrovert", so I totally feel for you there...... heck, I consider myself an "introvert in active recovery" - have come to the conclusion that coasting by with an introverted personality style has caused me more grief and trouble than I need to deal with, and as such have determined that a certain change - a "makeover" as it were - is due to be made.........

I also don't track what I eat (frankly, there's not enough time in a day for that - I've used the Spark tracker and while I see where it can help, it's just too time- and computer resource-intensive for me to regularly use for long periods).......

"Spinach brownie", eh........sounds intriguing!


Keep up the great work!


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Blogging For Me.

Friday, October 17, 2014

Today I woke up quite late,...1:30 pm....that seems to be the norm these days while I struggle with depression and PTSD.

I am happy that I didn't just stay planted in bed today....I got up, cleaned A LOT....and decorated some for Halloween. We are nowhere being done decorating as I think we have more decorations for Halloween than we do Christmas...

I am having a community 'Give Thanks' drop in tomorrow for Facebook Group I admin so I was hoping to have the whole house ready for it...

Funny, people are coming expecting a Thanksgiving type theme and well....we have moved on so it will be a cross over theme.

I made a healthy version on banana loaf to give to all who drop by. I made 26 loaves in the last week.

I typically go to great lengths when I host these but am finding I just don't have it in me this time.

I love to give back to my community and this group has done so much for me over the past 6 months that I truly NEED to pay it forward to show my GRATITUDE.

So I was an active beaver today and happy to be...I think my next 'big move' will be to dust off the BodyMedia.

I lost my Fitbit in Austria which is really too bad...I walked a LOT. It was a glorious landscape to walk and be part of.


Who Is that Chick!?

Thursday, October 16, 2014

Wow, I am cruising around my Spark People page and the site trying to re-familiarize myself with everything. So many changes and it seems like just yesterday I was blogging daily and loving it.

I looked at my measurements and thought wow...I haven't updated those in 2 years, I had better get on I did....

Insert HUGE moment of silence here!!!!

I don't know whether to be happy that I took the step by taking the measurements in the first place or pissed off at myself for letting myself slide so poorly.

I will have to say I am a bit of both....more disappointed in myself, but happy that I have not fully given up and in to whatever it is that has a hold of me.

I am happy to blog again, I always feel great doing it and am wondering why I have neglected it in the first place.

Missing reading my friends blogs as well as writing my own.

I shall go and reflect now on who is that woman I see in all my SP photos...and how can I get her to come back out and play....she was so much more fun than this woman I am looking at in the mirror.

This was taken a few weeks ago while visiting Austria.
It was definitely a wake up call!!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

STEPH-KNEE 10/18/2014 6:19AM

    So happy to see you blogging and around! That is a huge step to take the measurements and kind of wrap your mind around where you are at. I totally understand. Before this attempt i lost 40 pounds 3 times only to gain it all back. This one just so happened to stick, but we all go through our ups and downs. And I do have to say, you are beautiful, period. That photo is no exception! I support you on wanting the "girl in your spark photos back" because you say she was happier, but never forget you are beautiful! emoticon

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AJDOVER1 10/17/2014 4:40PM

    I'm happy to see you blog again! emoticon

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JUSTYNA7 10/17/2014 11:47AM

    I think you look fabulous. Austria? In my dreams! Would love to see it someday.

Happy post thanks giving. Yup, SP has renovated in a major way. I still go to reach for something and it's not there, lol. My little mouse has had to do some extra teeny steps to find a few things... but a few of the changes make sense.

Woo hoo! It is not what we don't do... it is what we DO that counts. I agree about blogging. I think it is the window of my soul poking through and when I let it, blogging lets me declutter my thoughts and give my eating a tune up. Right now I have one painted purple nail to help me remember to stay on track. I have no idea what the purple means... just called me when fast food and the new pastry display at the renovated loblaws was also caling ... so I bought it and put it on my thumb in the car. You can do this Annie. You've got oodles of things you know work for you. It's all a big experiment. Some things I have tried don't work for me. I know I have trigger foods and can list them. I also know my food dragon is calmed when I walk and gets bored when I eat clean. So... those are my goals. Walk every day and try and eat clean as often as possible. Did you know that as of today there are 75 days until the new year? I think that is exciting! What change might I see in 75 days? So I'm doing a count down. See what happens. Try to eat clean and walk for as many days as I can in those 75 lovely days. Life is good. Glad to see you back! Justyna

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CHICAM 10/17/2014 9:46AM

    You are a very beautiful lady. You are the same women that are in those pictures. You have this in you. Continue your beautiful road. You can do this!!

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