Thursday, July 31, 2014
In the past there was a saying "when the going gets tough, the tough goes shopping." They didn't realize it at the time but they were suffering from OCD. They went shopping because thing were tough and hard to cope with. When you shop you should purchase things you need or a reward for yourself.
For the last couple of months I have been shopping with no control. I am on medication for OCD; however, it appears that it is no longer working. I realized what was happening to me last Sunday. It scared me beyond words to experience this debilitating disease again. My psychiatrist is out of town. This is not in my counselor's area of expertise.
Although I cleaned my closet out a few months ago, my closet is filled with clothes from wall to wall. The counselor thought I should try to return as many items as I could. Most of the items were over 30 days and I don't have the return receipt. I will not go and beg them to take the items back because the OCD made me do it---yuk, yuk, yuk
Let me tell you a little about how I have felt over these months. While I was sitting at the computer I felt great. My justification was that I deserved these things--I have been very good lately. I would be soaring. When I finished an order and would walk away from my computer, my mental condition would drop through the floor. I always returned to the computer because it made me feel good and I wanted to recapture the good feeling.
Until my psychiatrist returns, I am training my self to understand that I have rewarded myself more than enough and I will buy nothing else. Sometimes it works and sometime it doesn't. As I was writing this it dawned on me that this sounds like a junkie. I only use prescribed drugs (they can't be addictive), I don't drink, and I don't smoke cigarettes.