Sunday, June 16, 2013
WARNING... anger alert!
I am so pissed off today! I took a hard fall last week, right at the beginning of the week. I had a seriously emo week too, and even though I didn't record all my food, and I wasn't able to work out. I still did not go all out and pig-out on everything.
So then I step on the scale this morning, my regular weigh in day and the same 7 lbs I lose the week before, is back... it's like that week never even happened! Grrr! I am so pissed off cause I worked so darn hard!
Please forgive the mood I am in, I am just so pissed! I guess the question is am I pissed enough to do something about it?
Well, at first I wasn't anything more than a ball of emotion with lots of tears... then came the anger... I am tired of the thought that I will be spending the rest of my life never being able to let my guard down with my body. Every calorie I eat finds a nice comfortable place on my thighs or stomach... it's so unfair and I am so pissed off because it's so unfair.
LOL What is fair? WaaWaa... I know, I know!
Will I ever be able to live a normal life?
I guess the thing I have not truly committed to is that THIS is normal for me. It's going to be MY normal for the rest of my life. The questions are many? Have I really accepted that I will do this for life if I want to be thin, healthy, and happy? Have I accepted that there are things I will never be able to consume the rest of my life? Am I ready to make these decisions?
I think that is the reality I have to face.
Another reality is the why? Why am I doing this? It used to be for my relationship, my marriage, my child, myself. However, my relationships don't care anymore, if they ever did, my husband says he does, but he is nothing but a cheerleader. My son is still very important to me, but he does not want the same things he used to, he is almost a teen, and mom is just boring.
That leaves me... I spent a year being proud that ME was the reason I did all of this, then I let ME down... so now why bother?
Fake it till you make it...
Not sure I can anymore, at least when you fake it, you have found a reason, I think I am having a problem faking it cause I fell like I no longer have a reason.
WOW, I am really down today...
Forgive me for being so low.
I only know one thing right now:
I am not finished fighting...
I am not giving up...
I will find the reason I need...
I will keep reaching for my dreams...
Friday, June 14, 2013
I seriously had an emo week from hades this week!
It began with a fall on Monday. It hurt... BAD, I have been limping all week, my left ankle would not bend, and my right arm would not go above my head... grrr!
Why does this crap happen to me just when I get in the groove?
Thought about throwing in the towel...
well heck, I don't know why, but I thought about it...
Anyway, I saw this on my FB page today:
Talk about things that make you go hmmm...
Anyway, of course I don't give up so easy, I just REALLY had a SERIOUS emo thing going on this week... now that's it's passed, I will be back to the gym on Monday and working my buttocks off... literally!
Sunday, June 09, 2013
Yeap, today was weigh in day and I lost 7 lbs! *Doin' the Done Girl Dance*
I feel so much better now that I know what I am doing will work!
I did hear back from Chris' Staff, (Chris Powell), and the woman said that the best thing to do would be to take the time to get in the whole meal even if it means eating a bit longer than most people do. So, I have been doing that, I still can't get my calories above 1200 for the day, even on high days, but she said as long as I stay there I should be fine, to let them know if I hit a plateau so they can help me move past it.
I was glad to hear back, I thought it would take longer than this. Now I can feel comfortable in moving forward with the plan knowing that it's working and I am feeling so much better than I did with the high protein only.
So... I did great this week! I am proud of myself, I did not bend to temptation, I stayed with the plan all week. I worked out every day... except today.
Sunday is my weigh in, no workout, free day. LOL
I even behaved this morning when we went out to eat for breakfast. Even tho it was my free day I had 2 eggs om cooked without butter. 2 slices of tomato and one turkey sausage patty. I also had some carbs; a half of a pecan pancake with nothing on it. I actually enjoyed the breakfast and enjoyed that I would not take a hit on the scale tomorrow!
WOW I really am thinking different... that is what happens when you find your MOXIE again!
Well I only hit the gym the last couple days of the week, so I guess getting in the workouts I got in was pretty good. My week looked like this:
374 minutes = 2474 calories burned
New week and this week were rocking from the beginning! 5 - 6 days at the gym and pool activity throughout the day. I have been taking 30 minutes at a time and going out to the pool to do laps and some kettle-bell strength training in the water. Shooting for 2 hours per day this week of workouts!
Well, I am out, hope everyone has a great week!
Friday, June 07, 2013
Well here it is Friday and I have stuck with things for the entire week, yea me! I do not know what has come over me, but it is feeling great!
Yesterday I started back to the gym, and WOW I knew I had been gone... but at the same time, I must have had some mega vits or mega motivation, or mega something 'cause I doubled my time on the elliptical... granted my "time" was only 5 minutes but darn it, that 5 minutes killed me last time, and yesterday I managed to push it to 10 without passing out... Woot! Today I could only do 5 again, I tried but my legs were just jello, I have to give my muscles some time to readjust I guess.
Also increased my time on the strength training machines. Last time I could only go 10 reps at 40 lbs, this time I increased to 20 reps at 40 lbs. That was yesterday... today I did two sets of reps, the first 20 at 40 and the second 20, (some could only hit 15), at 50. So I am increasing daily!
So, the eating part is going well, I have stuck with it to a tee, and actually it's not been hard at all. Yesterday was a high carb day, and I followed his recipes and ate 1160 calories. Today was a low carb day, again I followed his recipes and only ate 980 calories.
I figure I better follow his, (Chris Powell), recipes for a bit till I get the hang of things. I am not happy with how low my calories were today. But I cannot get anymore into my tiny tummy. I try to eat what I can without getting sick,I am following his plan and just letting the calories fall where they may. I guess I will see how things go for now till I hear back from him, (his people I emailed, that is), on how I might get around that issue. It might turn out that he tells me to go ahead and just hang with the calories as long as I feel ok, and to be honest, I feel great!
I have not craved anything I should not have, which is good, and I have not found myself wanting to eat when I shouldn't either. I am so full most of the time just following what his plan is that I would not have room to eat junk or binge or anything anyway.
So... I am feeling good so far about this plan! We'll see what the scale says on Sunday!
A gallon of water a day... WOW, when I read that in his plan, I was shocked, but it actually has not been that hard. Of course working out helps, I drink every 5 when doing cardio and in between machines when doing strength, so I am getting plenty.
It's funny 'cause the joke with a friend of mine who is doing this with me is that we hope peeing burns calories, if so, I am good, 'cause that's all I seem to do nowadays LOL... Heck I was grocery shopping at the store tonight picking up things I need for the week, and in 45 minutes I had to use their bathroom twice LOL!
It's all good though!
So, any reservations? Nope not yet, doing great, feeling great... hanging in there totally! I hope you all are too!
Have a great weekend my friends!
Thursday, June 06, 2013
Hi Spark Friends!
It's a good thing... nah it's a great thing that someone said you don't fail till you stop getting up, 'cause I have fallin' so much my bum hurts. LOL But here I am again, getting back up and pushing forward.
I lost my motivation for a very long time. I don't know where it went, but I kept trying to begin again, and again, and again... until I realized, I am not beginning, I began 2 years ago, I just stalled and now I am going forward again. I suppose a stall is much better than a quit... well of course it IS much better, I never quit, it's always there, and one day I will achieve it!
So, something happen the other night. I love watching Chris Powell on Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition. He is just as awesome as Jillian and Bob, or Dolvett. Full of motivation, care and concern. Anyhow, I was watching Meredith the other night and wow was she quite an inspiration. The thing that got to me was her story... losing weight, putting it back on, losing it again, etc etc. She began at 316 and lost down to 155 in a year! I was like, if she can do that, I can do that, dog-gone it!
So I started looking into the process that Chris uses, 'cause they don't show it a whole lot on the show. I heard something about a list of foods... so I searched on the net of course, found his books... bought them on kindle, and began reading. I was completely taken back to 2 years ago when I lost 103 lbs before my surgery... I was trying to hard to stay on the high protein diet they put me on, but I just couldn't for very long due to the nausea and weakness.
So I would get irritated and at least once a week I would totally lose it and binge out. I couldn't understand why I was still losing at that time, I mean yea I was working out... A LOT... but the carbs I was eating on those binge days was A LOT too! So I just figured that on the days I was staying with it, I WAS losing so much that the day I "lost it" didn't matter, so I just kept on trying to do the best I could.
Funny now that I read Chris' plan on carb cycling, as it turns out, that was what I was doing... unintentionally! LOL So, as of today, I am TO HECK with all the robbing myself of carbs and feeling like crap all the time 'cause I am lethargic, I am done with that! I am following Chris' plan on carb cycling, I figured it worked before, it can again!
Only one catch... unfortunately due to surgery, my tummy is too small to eat the amounts his plan calls for. 1200 calories a day on the low carb day! 2400 on the high carb day... WOW. I can't even get in the 1200 unless I eat something I am not suppose to. I got close, so I am sticking with it to see how it goes. I did go to his site and email him about it, asking advice, but I figure it will take some time to get an answer.
So, I am sticking to his plan, and just eating what I can fit in without going off the plan... 2400 calories, I doubt that happens!
Oh... and a gallon of water! A DAY... OMG!
Yea... I have been in the bathroom more this week... LOL
Well I am heading out, luck to everyone, I know I am still pushing forward, hope you are too! Here is some motivation for ya:
Got that one down, thank god for the u-turn!
Good thing to know I have one good skill!
Have a good day friends!
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