Friday, April 29, 2011
Well, today is payday. Once again, there will be almost no money left. It will all be gone in about 48hours.
Dental bill, food, and putting some away(almost half) to prepare for my marathon trip in October. I would rather have the funds on my credit card right away so that if I find cheap flights I can get them. So, I am socking away a lot of money really fast.
I want to get motorcycle tires too. That will leave me with about $100. Hmm. Can I make that work for 2 weeks? Why not? I can use it for food and fuel. No splurging this payday I guess.
Same with next...
Boy I'm getting tired of being broke within 48hours of payday. But at least I will be broke right away, but I'll have a nice nest egg for my trip. I might even have enough saved up for my trip well before summer at this rate.
In the meantime, I might start to look for extra work. It can't hurt...
Oh yeah. I almost forgot. I got on the scale this morning. It was down to 222.5lbs. A new low! Yippee! The thing that surprises me, TOM is visiting within the next couple of days. I am surpised that my weight dropped right now. Usually it stays stagnant, or even goes up leading up to TOM. I'm going to work my butt off for the next three days or so. See if I can't make that scale take a significant drop when TOM is over!
Yes, I know. TMI warning. TOM is only with me for between 36 and 60 hours. So in about 3 days, this will all be behind me. You might think lucky, but let me tell you, a weeks worth of TOM issues crammed into basically 24hours, with a bit of a warm up leading in. SO not good.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Just got confirmation. Our group made it. We are running!
I signed up for the full marathon. Wow. Have I got my work cut out for me now.
closest emoticon to backflips I could find. No cart wheels either????
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Today is going to be an interesting day. I have anger issues I really need to work though. And I will. I know how important they are to navigate through why I'm angry, and to find the underlying issues.
But there is something that's got me just on pins and needles. The draw has been made for the Nike Marathon. I can't wait to hear. I might hear today. Can be as late as tomorrow.
Talk about pins and needles. I can't wait to see if I made the draw. Wish me luck!
Okay, I guess now's as good a time as any to find out what's under all this anger. I've had a day to just gel with it all. I have discovered, partially through self reflection and partially through the help and advice of my sparkfriends, that there is loneliness, depression, abandonment and yes some jealously.
The neighbours wife does want to have an affair with my room mate. I've known this in the back of my mind for a long time. Told my room mate about it long time ago. And he's reinforcing this behavior. Whenever we have problems, he runs to her. Talks to her. Constantly tells her everything we talk about. It's gotten to the point I don't want to talk to him about anything anymore. I'm sick of it becoming fodder for gossip around here. I have told my room mate this too. He just doesn't get it. So I'm done talking about these things to him.
I guess that's part of it. He said he'd be there for me with the break up with John. Said he'd be a friend I could rely on. Be e a support for me while I got over this whole mess.. He lied.
I don't take it well when people lie to me. I take it worse when they repeatedly break my confidences. When I tell him something I want kept private, and it comes around back to me through the neighbors wife, how can I trust him again???
My room mate has been exceptionally nice to me this week. I guess in his mind this is how to make up for what he did to me in Calgary, and over Easter. He's so mistaken, it's not even funny. I sent him an email over a week ago, explaining that things will never be the same again.
I am a person. Worthwhile. I deserve to be treated right. I am NOT going to be one of a collection for someone. I am unique. I expect to be treated as such. If I am in your life, I expect to be important to you (I'm talking relationship in your life...). If not, I'm gone. I'll find someone who will treat me as important. Not just as one of the harem.
It all comes down to he lied to me. He gained my trust, and trashed it repeatedly. He told me she was a good person who I should be friends with. Wrong again. She has the morals of a female dog in heat. I do not need or want to be associated with that.
No wonder I'm angry!
A couple weeks ago, she actually asked me about a trip to Calgary. I never told her anything about this. It's none of her business. And she's asking me about it. No wonder I snapped at her. Then when we got back, she asked me how I did? Is she really that stupid? Does she think if I competed I would tell her how I did?
She has the gall to wonder why she can't keep friends. No friggin wonder. No one wants to be around that. Unfortunately I have lost some potential good friends because they associate me with her. I'm not going to let this happen anymore. It's over. Period.
No wonder I'm angry. I am feeling so violated. And that a$$ has the gall to expect me to just get over it all and snap out of it???
How do I tell him it ain't gonna happen? That he violated my trust for the last time. That I no longer trust him at all. I have to find a way. He deserves to know. He should also know just how badly he hurt me over these past two weeks. That that is the reason I may never forgive him again. That he'll only be an arm-lengths friend. That I can't confide in him anymore. Or trust him.
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